Welcome to Dear Sybersue! In today’s post and video, I discuss Adam’s question. Why Do I Have Such a Tough Time Holding Onto A Girlfriend?
We don’t always know how we come across in new relationships but if they keep ending quickly, it is time to figure out why there is a continual pattern of things not working out.
It is up to you who you attract and who you let into your heart, so ultimately it is “your choice” as to why something is or isn’t working out in your life. Step back and look at what has been going on for the last few years. Is there a lot of repetition? You seem to have no trouble meeting women but have difficulty getting to another level of maintaining a partnership long term.
Let’s try to get to the bottom of what could be happening here…
There could be some self-sabotaging going on that you’re not aware of (This happens with both men and women)
- Be careful what subconscious messages you may be relaying to women. You may be saying things that paint you as unavailable. “I’m not ready for a commitment, I’m just into dating right now.”
- Is there something fear-based keeping you emotionally detached? Maybe some past heartbreak that is preventing you from having a committed relationship?
- Do you talk a lot about your EX on a date? No one wants to hear this even if it is on a positive note. It shows that you are not over them.
- Are you attracted to the same type of women all the time? (Bad girls, emotionally inaccessible women, or high maintenance? They are only there for a good time, not a long time?)
- Are you really listening to what she is saying and do you validate her viewpoint? Are the conversations nervous, uncomfortable, or one-sided?
- Are you sending out mixed signals that may be confusing the women you are dating? “I’m not interested in a relationship” but then you want to see them all the time. Or the opposite where you say you are ready for a relationship but don’t see them often.)
- Do you come across as too sexually assertive?
- Are you too ready, willing, and able with the women you date? Are you overly nice and accommodating to their every need?
- Are you playing push/pull games because you think it keeps them interested longer and makes you look mysterious?
- How is your self-esteem when it comes to meeting women? Confidence is a turn-on and very alluring in an initial attraction.
First impressions make or break a second date!Dear Sybersue <3
Be clear about what you want in a partnership
Dating can be very stressful for both sexes but the first question I would ask you as my client is; “do you know what you are really looking for?” Sometimes people just want a relationship so badly that they overlook the importance of what they truly want in a partner.
It can also be confusing with how honest you should be and when you should communicate your thoughts and feelings. When do you let her know you really like her and that you would like to be in an exclusive partnership? Coming on too strong too soon can definitely be a big turn-off.
If you just let things flow at a natural pace without having too many expectations things will often just fall into a nice rhythm. So many men and women overthink things which causes an unnatural and forced feel early on.
Timing really is everything
Most people need to take things at a slower pace in the beginning. Many of my clients have commented that if they manage to get past the first two dates with someone, they start to get pretty excited. “This could be the one!” Things then progress to a really fast boil but unfortunately fizzle out just as quickly a few months after that.
It takes time to build a foundation but sometimes our initial excitement builds the house first which causes those early euphoric feelings to crumble. it wasn’t built on substance and was constructed on lust and what we desperately hoped would happen. We get way ahead of ourselves!
Slow down and revise your expectations and your checklist
While it is important to have some expectations, they shouldn’t be unreasonable or unrealistic. If you have an obvious high maintenance checklist, the women you are dating may feel that they will never measure up to your high standards. That can shut the door pretty fast!
The best way to meeting your person is to be authentic to who you truly are. No BS, no games, and no facade behavior. You are loveable just the way you are and there is someone out there that will appreciate you very much.
The first step to changing up what isn’t working in your life is to own there is a problem and ask for guidance, which you did. Thank you for writing Adam, and I wish you nothing but love and happiness in your future. Please keep me posted!
Sybersue xo <3
Private Consultation Dating or Relationship Questions for Sybersue? Please contact me via Fibler @ https://dearsybersue.fibler.app?lang=… and message me there to set up a video call, voice call, or and text appointment. Thank you!