Today on Dear Sybersue I answer Michelle’s question.”Why Do I Compare My Ex-Boyfriend to Everyone I Date?
“I want to know why I compare my ex to everyone I date. I’ve been single for over a year now but no one matches up to my ex. What can I do about this situation and how can I move on?”
Thank you, Michelle
We don’t all get over a breakup in the same way and sometimes it can take a lot longer to get over your Ex than you would like. Dating too soon can be part of the problem as you may still be grieving over your relationship and you’re just not ready to be out there again.
Being in denial about why your partnership ended can also keep you stuck.
Quite often women remember all the good things in a relationship and hold onto those memories rather than looking at the reasons why things didn’t work out. Many men tend to do the opposite which helps them move on a little faster after a breakup.
This doesn’t mean you have to take on a negative approach when dealing with your past relationship but you do need to be realistic as to what really transpired between you both in your partnership. There is a big reason why it ended and you need to be mindful of continuing to hold onto something that wasn’t meant to be.
Being a positive woman is always a good thing Michelle, but you have to be responsible and smart about letting go of someone who wasn’t in your life with his whole heart. You are giving him too much power over your happiness and being able to have a relationship with someone else.
Your ego can also get involved and keep you reminiscing about your broken relationship. Hey, I get it, no one wants to get dumped even if we know things really aren’t that great! It’s just not a nice feeling and really crushes our self-esteem!
It’s a good thing that no one you date compares to your Ex!
The last thing you want to do moving forward is to date the clones of your ex-boyfriend. You are meant to meet someone better suited for you and not repeat a pattern of partnerships that keep ending the same way. It is perfectly OK to want to have some of those compatible traits that worked with your ex, but you also need to be very aware of what you didn’t have as a couple.
Take some time to think about this and write down everything you can remember that caused problems in your ex-partnership. Put this list where you can easily see it on a regular basis so it will keep reminding you why you are meant to be in a better place with a man who truly loves you.
Change things up when you are ready to date again.
After you have had some time to reflect and you’re not continually thinking about your ex, slowly get back out there again. Trying dating men that are not your usual type. When you venture out for an evening in your city, go to a different venue that you wouldn’t normally go to and try new activities as well. (If you are using a dating app, swipe by any guy that really reminds you of your ex.)
If you are always hanging out in the same area and doing the same things, you will stay stuck in a repetitive pattern. Spice things up a bit and embrace the new opportunities that will come your way. Be open to meeting all types of people and get to know who they really are by taking things at a slower pace and being your authentic self.
There needs to be a reciprocated balance and mutual respect for each other when it is the right fit.
When you meet “your special person” things generally go pretty smoothly right from the start. No one should be in the driver’s seat, you are both on equal footing. Even if you have an argument about something, you should be able to rectify the situation and quickly move on from it as a couple.
When you are in a healthy relationship you easily communicate and both speak your truth which keeps you close and connected. There isn’t any convoluted drama trying to figure each other out, because you are open and honest with each other.
It is always good to take some time after a breakup to clear your thoughts and allow yourself some emotional release. This will help you to heal and allow you to move on, without taking your past heartbreak with you into a new partnership.
Please keep me posted on how you are doing.
Sybersue xo <3
*Please watch the video above and hear what else Sybersue has to say!
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