Dear Sybersue’s weekly video upload is a discussion on people who are being too judgmental, especially when out on a date!
Both men and women are quick to complain about how hard it is to date in the millennium but continue to make harsh judgment calls very early on when meeting someone new.
We all have special traits, every last one of us!
Are we trying to sabotage our own happiness because we don’t actually believe that we are worthy of having a great partnership? Is this where our high maintenance judgment comes from; out of fear?
“If I blow them off first, they won’t have a chance to reject me?”
As Doctor Phil says: How is that working for you????
Is is because we are fed up with what’s not working for us right away and that we have become jaded and lazy? Are our expectations out of control?
Why don’t we put the same respect and energy into our relationships that we do for our careers? As I have said many in many past articles; meeting a life partner is like a full time job! It takes work and perseverance.
But isn’t it worth it?
I talked to so many men and women on my advice column this past year that just don’t have the patience to date. They give themselves a 2 month window when they go online (or use dating apps) and then when they don’t meet someone right away, they give up!
“There’s no one out there, I can’t be bothered wasting my time on this.”
If it’s too easy, too quickly, it usually fizzles just as fast anyway! How long does it take to go to University and get a degree? Many of us seem to have the patience for that! Love and careers are both important in everyone’s life but we often tend to forget that, which makes our priorities out of wack!
They both need your attention!
Who are we becoming and where do we get off looking at someone on Tinder for 20 secs and swipe left because “yech they are sooooooo not our type!” When did we get so shallow?
If something isn’t working for you it is time to really look at why it isn’t. You are the one in charge of your life decisions so it is YOU that has the authority to make changes that will enhance your love-life.
How Do I Do That?
- Start saying positive things about people every day.
- The minute you hear pessimism in your voice; stop and alter the direction of your thinking. It won’t be easy at first because you will have to deprogram your mindset to a different frequency.
- You want people to give you a chance and you don’t want them to judge you harshly when they first meet you right? Remember this, the next time you engage in a conversation with someone and see how quickly things become optimistic in your life.
- Good energy attracts like minded energy! It is so much better being around happy people which is contagious. It can only get better from there.
- Remove yourself from judgmental people. “Misery loves company!” The more you put yourself into negative situations the more you will keep attracting them into your life.
- Take time out every day to be grateful for something in your world. Say it out loud as you are getting ready for work or going out for the evening. The more gracious you are about your life, the less time you will have to dwell on what doesn’t make you happy.
- Hire a Dating/Relationship Coach for a few sessions. They can help you with your self-esteem and what you may not be seeing within yourself. Usually when we are too critical about others it is really because we are also critical of ourselves.
What do you think? Have you been in this judgmental place and how did you handle it? Please leave your comments below this post, I would love to hear what you have to say! ❤
Questions for Sybersue? Download the free app and text her 24/7 at http://www.instantgo.com/dearsybersue
Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue
My co-host Steve and I did this video over 4 years ago but since it is “throw back Thursday” I wanted to share this with you. Do I still feel the same way today and would I answer with the same comments?
I think men and women are pretty complicated in 2016 and how we portray ourselves out in the dating world; but when it comes right down to it we all want the same thing – to be loved and respected. It sounds so simple doesn’t it? Unfortunately it is not an easy accomplishment for many people.
We’ve changed with how we interact and seem to be a lot more judgy than we were in the past. Both men and women will have to change things up in a big way if they want to have a reciprocated loving partnership down the road.
Courtship now consists of one date and if we don’t like what we see right away, we are off to a new conquest swipe on Tinder or some other dating site. Self esteem issues are affecting more people than ever due to daily online or first date rejections.
There is something to say for the old school way of dating! Boy meets girl in person, flirts a little, asks her out, kisses her at the front door after their first date, he calls her the next day and sets up the second date!
Now there are so many rules and expectations that people don’t know what to do anymore!
Due to unrealistic checklists for both men and women, many potential relationships are sabotaged before they are even given a chance! As I have written in other posts, both sexes are starting to get defensive, jaded and angry because they can’t find the love they are looking for. Why is that? Because they are too picky and judgemental!
We all have flaws and we all have great attributes. Your checklist needs to be revised & should only consist of a few important things:
- Loving & affectionate
- Chemistry (emotional and sexual)
There will always be a few non-negotiable things that are really important to you but they should not consist of shallow demands. Let’s all lighten up a little and learn to “like”each other again.
We are all great & we all have something to offer. Don’t look for ways to extinguish your happiness; look for positive ways to ignite it! ❤
Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show Please Subscribe to my Channel! xo ❤