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How Can I Stop Being so Dependent on My Partner in my Relationships?

Dear Sybersue YouTube

Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today I answer the question: How Do I Stop Being So Dependent on My Partner in My Relationships?

This question was sent to me by a female subscriber on my YouTube channel, but it is something that happens with both sexes. Being overly accommodating and continually leaning on your partner in your relationship can become very repetitive and boring for both of you.

Giving all of yourself to someone and shortchanging your own needs isn’t being true to yourself.

You should always maintain who you are as an individual first before you share your life with anyone. We all need to take the time to discover ourselves and keep evolving to be the best version that we can be. This is an ongoing learning curve and doesn’t stop just because we are in a partnership.

Don’t shut down your personal desires for someone else, because that puts way too much pressure on your relationship. Your partner doesn’t really want all that responsibility either. You both need to contribute to keeping your relationship strong and exciting. It’s not one person’s job to be in charge of everything in the partnership while the other person just hangs back being dependent.

Am I really dependent on my partner? If you can relate to these questions below, then the answer is yes.

  1. Why do I keep getting myself into relationships where I lose myself in the process?
  2. Why do I end up being there for everything that concerns my partner’s needs, while I am OK putting myself on the back burner?
  3. This isn’t the first time I have relied heavily on my partner, and the relationship always ends. Why am I repeating this unhealthy pattern that never works out?
  4. Why can’t I seem to respect myself and be confident enough to ensure my own needs are met once in a while?
  5. What compels me to be OK in a one-sided relationship where I don’t contribute as much as my partner does?

A partner should be an extension of whom you already are. They are a big part of your life, but they are not your entire life.

A great relationship is one where you are both there for each other, but you still have your own dreams, goals, and separate interests. Of course, you should always have each other’s back and support one another, but never give up who you are as a person for someone else.

Would you want your partner attached to your hip at every given moment because they were so dependent on you? We all have to put the shoe on the other foot in our partnerships. After a while, this clingy behavior would get very old, and you would start to feel smothered. It is wonderful to have their respect and know that they love you, but there should always be some breathing room and space in your relationship.

You need to prioritize your own life as well. Your partner will be much more attracted to you when you are enjoying yourself and adding some diversity to your partnership as a couple. You have a lot more to talk about when you have some outside interests to share with each other.

How do I change the dependency pattern I have allowed in my life for so long?

There may be something from your past that needs to be addressed. There could be an abandonment issue that you dealt with in your youth that makes you want to please your partner, so they don’t leave. Being a child of divorce can also cause many trust problems in our adult relationships. Don’t be afraid to dig deep to find the answer. We can get pretty good at burying things if we don’t know how to deal with them.

We don’t always realize that some of our childhood dialogue gets etched in our mindset and causes us to stay stuck in a place of fear or a repetitive pattern of self-esteem issues.

It’s not easy to fix something that has been causing problems in your life for many years, but the first part of getting there is owning that there is something that you really need to change. You deserve to be happy.

OK, so how do I do that, how can I become more independent?
  1. Start making plans to get out and socialize a few times a week with friends for coffee, lunch, or a walk. It is also really great practice to spend some alone time outdoors as well. It teaches you how to be more comfortable when you are by yourself and not rely on someone else to motivate you.
  2. Take a course that interests you. (Think outside the box and try something new.)
  3. Mark dates on the calendar so that it forces you to commit to something outside your house that doesn’t involve your partner. Start small and stick to the task or scheduled appointment and make it happen.
  4. Join a gym or yoga studio. A regular fitness regime helps clear the cobwebs, gives you more confidence and improves your mental state of mind.
  5. Start a daily journal and be really honest with your emotional level as you write. This can be really cathartic and help you grow as a person.
  6. Do one thing different every day that might scare you a little. (It could be something like sitting in a coffee shop by yourself or starting a conversation with a stranger at the grocery store, etc.)
  7. Start making new friends or rekindle some older friendships you may not have been nurturing in the last while.
  8. Pick up an old hobby or start a new one.
  9. Find a purpose in your life. It could be something like volunteering at a charitable event, starting a small project that you are passionate about, or maybe setting up a blog on a topic that is dear to your heart.

You will notice an improvement in your home life after a short period of time because it will “center you.” It will put a new spring in your step because you are doing something worthwhile for yourself! You are showing some independence, and you are not relying on anyone else to make it happen.


Your partner will really enjoy seeing this side of you, and it will slowly start to change the dynamics of who you are as a couple. This is such a good thing because you are now in a reciprocated relationship where you both have interesting things to share and talk about! It will strengthen the bond between you, and rekindle your love in a healthy way.

*Please watch the video above and leave your comments below! I love hearing from you!

Sybersue xo <3

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