Don’t Let the Scars of a Breakup or Divorce Keep you from Allowing Love Back into your Life!

Don’t Let the Scars of a Breakup or Divorce Keep you from Allowing Love Back into your Life!

Today Dear Sybersue talks about Love ❤ the second time around. Don’t let past fears or anger prevent you from finding that special person who you can have a committed and loving partnership with.

You deserve to be happy so don’t sabotage that because you can’t get over someone who hurt you. Your Ex has moved on! Take back your power & move on into a positive path.

There was a reason you broke up and you will understand why when you let go of feeling rejected.

Humans are interesting and complicated as Hell sometimes. We spend so much time in a push/pull scenario!  We’re not sure that we really want something & often take it for granted, but when it is taken away from us we change our minds and then all of a sudden we decide we do want it.

That is not our heart talking or our intelligence. It is our ego!

We hold onto to so much past shit in our lives rather than look forward to the new beginnings that we are being offered. When things don’t work out there is always a reason. It is something we needed to learn or change about ourselves to better our happiness.

Once you grasp this concept your life will become a lot smoother because you are not repeating patterns that aren’t working for you. You are accepting them and moving upward into a healthier direction.

Life is all about lessons and understanding why we attract things towards us.

We are in charge of our choices and we have the power to bring amazing opportunities into our world. Let go of anger, accept the lesson you were suppose to learn and move up the ladder to acceptance of who you are.

You are amazing and always have been. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Facebook/dearsybersue

 

 

Make Love not War!  (Stop Fighting and be Thankful for the Gift of Life.)

Make Love not War! (Stop Fighting and be Thankful for the Gift of Life.)

Make Love not War!

Make Love not War!

This is not usually the topic I would write for my blog as I prefer it to be lighthearted and upbeat but some things just need to be addressed.

Much of the world today reacts to their neighbors actions. There is so much war due to the defensive reactions each Country or Nation plays. Rather than respecting each others cultures, it causes continual turmoil.  Some Countries or Religions are more demanding than others and expect to be adhered to on every level, while others are just trying to live in a peaceful and loving existence. Why is there so much destruction; emotionally and physically?  Why does it take a natural disaster to bring people together? We should be practicing this on a regular basis & learn how to love & respect each other unconditionally, not allowing a few power hungry leaders to corrupt our beautiful planet!

It is wonderful to see some people trying to change this “struggle for power” & that spiritually is playing a much larger role than ever before. “The Law of Attraction” is a regular practice for many people because they want to believe in themselves which in turn will keep them open & positive to believe in others as well. We can only hope this boomerang effect eventually helps our world to accept and love each other without all this fighting!

Behavior breeds behavior. 

Life is so much easier if you react to negativity with a positive opposition. It throws a curve ball that the other person isn’t expecting. It defuses the escalation of an angry reaction if handled properly. If you sound patronizing and dismissive, it will heighten their aggression even more. Be careful by being aware of your own body language and initial reaction in the beginning.

In everyday life and dealing with an angry customer or client in many job environments, most of us instantly get our backs up. It automatically brings a defensive response and makes people feel disrespected. Letting them have their say, is what most people really want. They need validity that their point is being heard. It doesn’t mean they are right but by reacting as negative as they are, just adds fuel to the fire.  Feeling their pain for a moment will alleviate further anger, and hearing them out is usually a calming behavior modifier which could lead to a compromised solution.

Everyone deals with something difficult in their lifetime & everyone has a story. We don’t know what that is & being compassionate for a few minutes can change them in ways we may not be aware of. One person can make a difference in another person’s life by one simple remark or compliment. Think back to a comment that has stayed with you since childhood, did it not touch your life for more than a brief moment?

Behavior patterns are quite interesting in all realms of life. A child emulates their parents or siblings. Spouses who have been married for a long time start to act and sound alike. Animals respond to negative & positive feedback whether it due to an affectionate tummy rub or a scolding. (Most people yawn when someone near them yawns & the same thing happens when someone smiles at them.) It is contagious or a mirrored behavior. This can be a negative or positive scenario depending on how each individual deals with it.

Behavior can also be used as a manipulative tool. If you know someone’s personality and what buttons to push for your benefit, you are “using” their behavioral actions. This is how con artists pounce on their prey, by reading their behavioral patterns. Cult leaders and Extremists have learned the way to manipulate people through behavioral brainwashing. Their followers look at it as mentoring which couldn’t be further from the truth. Being aware & working on your self esteem will keep you from being lured into these situations.

When entering into a stressful group situation (whether it is a family scenario, work or political related issue) there needs to be a leader who is calm and rational to bring the same behavior out of the other people in the room. But not all leaders are problem solvers and can be aggravators instead.  Think about a playground in your neighborhood or your childhood. The bully always has a group of disciples. They are too young to know the right way to use their own judgment. They want to be accepted no matter what, and are looking for direction in any form. These children lack self esteem and need love & guidance to remove them from future negativity. Thank goodness that so many people are now addressing bullying and it is becoming acknowledged worldwide with many celebrities & education establishments discussing the topic. Something is being done about it & people are caring more about each other.

There is always hope ❤

Learning how to read people quickly will help you put in less time with negative friendships or relationships. You don’t have to subject yourself to it on a regular basis; just try not to react in the same negative matter when you are in their presence. Being around people who are always down about life can eventually take its toll on your friendship or relationship. By learning to read body language and behaviors, you will understand who the people in your life really are.

Try not to think or talk negative and believe your positive actions will help to rectify a situation. Use your skills to massage the best out of people. We ALL hunger for positive re-enforcement; and truly don’t want to be negative. If everyone of us makes an effort to bring kindness back into our world, maybe one day love will overshadow war and these controlling leaders in need of power will become obsolete. I know…wishful thinking… but I am always hopeful that we will finally understand how precious our time is here on earth. We need to stop wasting it with anger and resentment and care a little more about the generations to come. It’s not all about us!

One person can make a difference, why can’t it be you?

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Believe! Using The Law Of Attraction to Find Love & Better Your Relationships

I am sure by now you have heard this term a few times and may even be getting fed up with how much exposure it is receiving and what does it mean anyway?

In simpler terms: law of attraction means: like attracts like.

Behavior breeds behavior, so when you appear optimistic you will attract others of the same towards you or if you are pessimistic you will keep bringing negative people into your circle. The Law of Attraction helps you learn how to receive & believe you can change your life to attract what you want.  It doesn’t just have to be a dream!

For example: If you are really unhappy in your current job  it may be time to seriously consider leaving it. Your quality of life is more important than staying somewhere that you have outgrown and you are only there because it is easy and safe. Pursuing your life passion should become your focus so that you don’t waste anymore time doing something that is making you very unhappy.  Think about it; If you are constantly putting yourself in a negative environment, how can you possibly be sending out good thoughts?  You just get more of the same repetitive negativity coming back on a daily basis. Putting yourself in a happy place demolishes the demons that keep harboring your regular thoughts.  Just try to be miserable when you are happy!

Don’t look at it as a dream; actually visualize your new path. It is easier to achieve something when you can see it clearly.

Most people are fearful of change especially in their later years. Fear is the biggest obstacle in the average person’s achievements.  Inviting change keeps a person young and removes complacency.

Many individuals do not know how to be alone. They are not comfortable in their own skin. They go from one relationship to the next without any time between the two. In fact many people already have a new relationship lined up before they end the first one. How can you possibly find a new partner when you are still emotionally connected with someone else? Of course it is scary with the thought of being alone again but it is still better to take your time after a breakup than to pull someone into your broken heart.

Pursuing your passion is always the right path. Listen to your intuition, it is never wrong.

If you keep attracting the wrong people into your life, it is happening because of the images you are seeing in your mind. Ask yourself honestly what type of relationship you truly want. Are you looking for love or friendship? How well do you communicate? What does your body language say to others? What do you think of yourself?

By changing your thoughts you can change your life.

Contrary to what many people think attraction may mean, it is not necessarily always a good thing.  Being “attracted or having something or someone attracted to you” can be also be a negative if not used correctly. It is what your thoughts project that comes back into your life.  The energy or vibration that you put out is exactly what the Universe gives back. If you keep meeting abusive people, you are sending out something that is allowing this pattern to happen.  Do not ignore these signs as it may be time to talk to a therapist about this reoccurring scenario. On the other side of the coin, learning how to use this “attraction technique” to bring loving people into your life is what this discussion is all about! The more you practice it, more of the same great things will appear on your path.

Don’t believe me? Look back at your relationships over the years; is there a pattern?  When you say negative comments like:”I never meet anyone”, or “everyone is taken”, “who would want me”, that is what you are projecting! Try saying;  I am going to meet a wonderful partner and believe I deserve a great relationshipThat is what you will achieve if you say it with conviction. Letting those negative thoughts creep in continually will slow the process down immensely.

Send out powerful thoughts on what you really want to receive. Try it for a month and be aware of the positive changes that occur in your life.  (I met my husband using this method!)  There are many articles on this subject and some have been over publicized, but there are some great messages that should not be ignored.

Make a list of what you want and what you are grateful for in your life. Read it back on a regular basis and say it out loud.

People that believe they can have it all are successful because they believed. For all of you non believers, it might be time to open yourself up to trying a new approach to life.  It can’t hurt and who knows, you may actually become a better person and enjoy your own company which will project onto others.  New doors will open and life will only get better.

Susan McCord  http://www.sybersue.com  &   http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Dating & Relationship Advice for Men & Women ~ Dating in Vancouver Needs to Change!

Canadian talk show host Susan McCord & Co-host Andrea Wesley  discuss what many singles in Vancouver talk about: The terrible dating scenario! Why is it so bad & how do we change this reputation? Why do the men condemn the women & the women condemn the men in Vancouver with so much negativity?

It seems to me that if everyone looked at the glass as half  full  rather than half empty then maybe the dating situation would change. Whether you believe in the “Law of Attraction” or not, wouldn’t singles be better off trying to change their pessimistic thinking?  It is not uncommon to hear men & women constantly complaining that they never meet anyone in Vancouver, only to complain when they finally do get a date.  It’s almost like everyone has taken on ” I can do much better” approach and no one is good enough for anyone ~ making the atmosphere “out on the town” in Vancouver quite snobby!

The expectations have changed drastically & both men & women have their  unrealistic checklists that potential dates need to live up to.  There are many wonderful people living in this amazing city and I don’t believe for a moment there isn’t hope to improve this reputation Vancouver has acquired.  We not only have to draw attention to it, we need to “own” that there is an obvious problem in this town. Does it have to take an Olympic Event to get people talking to each other? What a happy & proud place Vancouver was in the 2010 Winter Olympics!

We need to not only start singing “Oh Canada” at Canuck games & other events, we need to be proud of where we live & who lives amongst us. It’s not all about dating, it is about connecting in general!  If everyone said hello to 5 different people everyday, I can pretty well guarantee a change in attitude would occur in Vancouver. Who cares what car you drive, how much money you have or don’t have, how young or old you are.  Talk to people you come in contact with during your day~whether you have met them once  or not!

The next time you go out with friends for the evening try not to judge anyone around you. You would be surprised how much of the discussion is about other people in the room. (What they are wearing, how much cosmetic surgery they have had, who slept with who, & other general gossip.)  Make your own judgment after you talk with someone & don’t let others encourage your thinking. Everyone has wonderful traits & something to offer, you don’t have to be a perfect 10 to meet someone amazing. Vancouver is a beautiful city that needs to be more open to conversation & saying hello. It’s never too late to change, let’s make it happen!

SusanMcCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Andrea Wesley @ http://www.twitter.com/heartandrearose

“It is What it Is” – Law of Allowing By Christy Whitman

It is What it Is!!

The one thing I love most about Social Media is all the great people I meet and also learn from! I found this video from a person who Retweeted one of my YouTube videos.   When I went to thank them for supporting me @  https://twitter.com/Xhe_Is_Xanadu I saw they had also Retweeted some of  Christy Whitman’s  videos.  This is how amazing technology can be in today’s world.

Many people are afraid of  social media power ~ but the tools at our fingertips (literally) are incredible! 

In Christy’s video she states that if we embrace “The Law Of Allowing.” our lives will less constricting.  When certain people or circumstances aggravate us, instead of trying to change the scenario we need to accept it for what it is. It doesn’t mean we have to hang around in a negative environment but we need to be less negative ourselves!  We’ve all been there;  judging others or ourselves, wanting our partners or family to be someone they are not and thinking we should be more successful or should be in a better relationship. Christy states that whenever we use the word “Should” we are not allowing our energy to be what we truly want it to be. “We are wanting something to be different than what it is!”

You don’t have to approve of someone’s opinion or actions but accepting that it is “their reality” without having to constantly prove them wrong is the better way to handle it. Ever noticed how some people always have to be right? Everyone has a view & opinion about certain things but it doesn’t have to be a debate all the time to see who comes out on top.

Family functions are notorious for this and are the cause for much of the dysfunction that occurs. If you are finding that every time you are in an environment that seems to have continual drama you need to reassess why you are putting yourself there or what is attracting you there. You are in control of “you” and how you react to life’s interactions ~ it’s never too late to learn this!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

(TED Talks) A Beautiful Message from Shane Koyczan on Bullying & Childhood Messages

AN INSPIRING VIDEO I WANT EVERYONE TO SEE ~

So much of what path we choose in our adult life is derived from our childhood & teen years.  This is the “building block era” of who we become. Void of love, support, and encouragement stunts our growth.  It’s not until we allow our hidden strength to overrule our broken heart that we will leave this place of sadness.  Sometimes there is no family and sometimes friendships are false…so where does one put their trust?

Finding a mentor or inspirational figure can be life altering and offer a safe place to go ~ even if you don’t know them personally.

While technology can be a scary transition for many people today, it does present many rewards for lonely people who feel withdrawn & isolated.  There are videos like this one & numerous others that offer the support many people do not have in their lives.  There are Online Groups that open their arms to every type of scenario where guidance  may be needed.  I met a young musician the other day who was “anti” social media and felt that it promoted narcissistic behavior with most people.  I disagreed as I chose to  see “that glass” half full.

With each generation changes occur that are fearful to many because of the unknown. People have difficulty learning something new that puts them out of their comfort box. I decided early on to embrace this technology “gift”  to connect with others so that I can offer & receive guidance in my life. One is never too old to learn or to offer Mentorship to someone in their life path.

We all have something to give and we all have a purpose on this apprenticeship journey we continue to explore.

This inspirational video “inspired me” to want to share it with others. I have never met this courageous man who filled that lecture hall with such a valuable message, but I can relate to him as I think many of us can at some point in our lives. If we all spend 5 minutes each day giving someone unconditional support whether it is a stranger, answering a comment on your blog, helping a neighbor or family member, we will be making a difference.  At the end of the day isn’t that what we are all really here for anyway? What good is success without love or money without someone to share it with.

Thanks for your amazing message Shane Koyczan & thank you for sharing your heartfelt journey with all of us. ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Relationship Advice : Marriage The Second Time Around

My Surprise Wedding August 4 2007 with My Son Walking Me Down The Aisle

With this Blog Post today I wanted to share something on a personal note. I usually write in a general context regarding the questions from my viewers & talk show subscribers & leave “my life” out of the equation.  One of the reasons I started my talk show was due to the long “learning curve” I took to “get it right” in the single’s market. I also slowly realized what signals I was sending out as well.  I always joked that my dates were so varied it was like a Benetton Commercial with all the colors of the world uniting!  But I still often found the initial chemistry lacking or intensely dramatic, so it seldom worked out.  As I matured & changed my priorities, I was surprised at how wonderful & stress free life could be in a drama free relationship! Who knew???

My blogs are written to try to help others with life’s trials & tribulations (or share others stories) not to talk about my personal happenings on a regular basis…but saying that, I wanted to share this with you all because of how grateful I am to have been given this amazing “gift of love” in the second part of my life.

August 4th is my Birthday & my 5th Year Wedding Anniversary which I will be celebrating in style as I do every year.  I use the word celebrate in the highest regard because I am so fortunate to have met such an incredible man that brings so much joy into my life ~ everyday with him is worth celebrating. I am so blessed to have met him & thank my “Angels” every day for bringing him to me.  I still remember the faces of 130 guests & family when my birthday changed into a wedding 2 hours after everyone arrived. What an incredible memory ~ I can still hear the screams.

Who is this man & what is so special about him?

  • He embraces me and everything I do without judgment
  • He loves my son & accepted him from day one
  • He loves my strength & encourages me to be even more of who I am
  • He puts me first even when it comes to his career
  • He stands up for me
  • He listens
  • He is a “NICE” guy (Why do so many women want the Christian Grey “50 Shades of Grey” Bad boy??)
  • He is not afraid to express his feelings or communicate about everything
  • He is a strong man without being macho or egotistical
  • He is confident & comfortable in his own skin

The lesson I learned when I met my husband was a big one.  I always felt there had to be instant sexual chemistry when I dated someone. I never believed I could fall in love with someone who I initially only categorized in the “friendship mode” but I learned how wrong I could be in that respect. I never spent much time trying to change a guy ~ if the heart or loin pangs weren’t there right away I didn’t waste time trying to find them. He was a mountain man & I was a city girl how could we ever connect? Ice camping & hanging off a rock suspended by ropes & other Fear Factor scenarios, just wasn’t my idea of a fun relationship back then!

As a friend of my brother’s for many years, I had heard much about Bruce (my husband) but never met him until one day when he knocked on my front door. He was looking for my brother, who was staying with me temporarily. I used to joke with my girlfriends about getting out & meeting guys because they weren’t going to come & knock on your front door! (Unless you wanted the Fed Ex guy!)

Upon our initial meeting, we became friends.  Bruce was dealing with his own divorce from his first marriage and was very green in the single’s arena. He never showed it & always seemed confident & well composed! He was a very curious man & never afraid to ask questions & offer topic suggestions for my Podcast Radio Show at the time.  (I think he wanted to know the answers himself.)

I helped him shop for clothing (to help attract the ladies) while he asked me questions that could help him try to understand the complicated single female he had not been exposed to for so long as a married man. We also shared stories of “dates gone bad,” mostly on my side lol.  This continued  for about 4 months. It was an unconditional friendship that blossomed into something more than I ever would have fathomed. I was still stuck in my “chemistry 1st” law of attraction phase & didn’t see the writing on the wall. He literally had to etch it into my attention by throwing me over his shoulder at my birthday party 6 years ago & carrying me down the stairs at the restaurant. (Talk about caveman style ~ I have always said to women that men still want to bring home the buffalo regardless of how times have changed, that definitely proved my point!)

I literally “woke up” that night & have never looked back!  I am so happy to have met a man that was patient and thought I was worth the wait (& challenge) of having a future with me.  He took his time & played the best game of poker I have ever seen.  He told me he knew exactly what he was doing.  He surprised me at 35,000 ft and proposed to me in the Business Class Galley with the crew all around me.  The ground staff & crew had to help sneak him on the airplane on my return trip home from Honolulu. Can you believe he flew there & back in one day to ask me to marry him? I finally said yes as the shock wore off when he popped out of nowhere on one of my last trips as a flight attendant. I still can’t believe he got by my detective antennas without me seeing him until after takeoff.

Today everything is wonderful & keeps getting better & better ~ if there is such a thing.  Bruce still rock climbs occasionally but has changed his ice camping to using airline passes for travel. (“Marry me, fly for free” lol.)  We do many things together & are quite a bit more alike than I originally thought. We learned how to compromise which has made our relationship grow more each year.  There is never a dull moment because we are always trying & learning new things.

The lesson to be learned for both sexes is not to be too judgmental when dating someone. Look beyond your checklist and see who the “real” person is before you. We all have good qualities every one of us, so take your time to see the good in people before your turf them off your iphone contact list.

If you have a great romantic story I would love to hear from you. There are some great connections made out there & we need to keep the positive alive to help people understand & believe they can have a loving relationship regardless of each passing birthday.

You are never too old to find love.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers