Relationship Breakup Excuse It’s not you it’s Me!

Things are going great in your relationship, and then you get blindsided by your partner saying things are over.

To make it even worse, they used the cheesy line, “It’s not you it’s me!” What the F? You have invested two years together, and without any warning, they need to see you now! You feel it in your gut that something is wrong. Something feels different. The phone call beforehand is the first clue, and the tone of their voice clearly states something is off. Your heart starts to thump loudly in your chest like it is ready to explode!

In today’s world of technology, I guess we should be thankful when someone takes the time to break our heart in person. It’s better than receiving the news through a text. However, it’s never a good thing when it is not a reciprocated decision!

Seriously though, it’s not you, it’s me!” Really? That’s the big send-off after giving them 2 years?

Is this line intended to comfort the person being dumped? Does it do so by suggesting their partner is taking the blame?  Well, maybe there is some truth to this. They are the ones missing out on having you in their life. Wouldn’t that make sense that they are the problem? Or at least that would be nice to believe when you are hurting and wanting the pain to go away.

If it’s their loss, why does it hurt so bad then?

Our egos are very powerful, our hearts are fragile, and we do not take rejection lightly!  There are emotions and feelings attached to it as well. This makes it even harder to just move on without showing any resentment or hurt. (Some people seem to move on so fast, but rest assured that no one goes unscathed during any kind of breakup!)

Remember that, when you are sitting at home in tears looking at old photos of your past relationship moments! Their turn will come in one way or another, especially if they end up in a new relationship right away! Taking unhealthy emotions into a new partnership when you haven’t spent time healing will only cause repetitive patterns to emerge.

Denial can be a long life lesson. It is better to grieve a lost love than to pretend it meant nothing to you.

You were in each other’s lives for a reason. Something good came out of it in one way or another. It just may take some time to see that while you are picking up the pieces of your broken heart. If someone says it’s not you, believe them!  Regardless of the reason your partnership has ended, you can’t make someone love you. That is the saddest part when you still have a strong love for them. You are in shock and reeling from the wounds of their final words!

Take time to think about it. Be honest with yourself.

Did you not see that some things had changed within your relationship in the past few months? There are usually a few signs that show up. Most of us would rather ignore them. We often think our partner is just in a bad mood. Or they might have had a hard day at the office. “They’ll get over it.“

It is always a good idea to pay close attention to any changes with your partner or in your relationship. Body language is a big giveaway, and listening to what they say or don’t say is also important. When things are not right in a relationship, there are hints in one way or another. Being aware of subtle changes within your daily routine together will help you stay conscious of your partner’s feelings. It will also keep you mindful of any emotional shifts that occur.

10 reasons why they say it’s not you, it’s me.

1. They don’t have the same future goals as you.
2. He/she feels like their partner is holding them back from something they want to achieve.
3. They are not ready to take the next step into marriage but know that you want that.
4. You are opposites. After two years, it’s taking a toll on your partnership. You are doing separate things or having to do things that neither person is really interested in.
5. Different sexual appetites!
6. There isn’t any intellectual stimulation, and you have little to talk about.
7. The relationship has become stale and complacent!
8. They say “it’s not you it’s me” to lighten the pain for their partner. They take the blame because they know it is not a reciprocated breakup!
9. They don’t feel the same love connection anymore.
10. They don’t want to hurt you with the real reasons the relationship has come to an end.

For you to move on healthily, ask them the “real reasons” behind the demise of your partnership. You need closure. You should not have a bunch of unanswered questions about what really transpired for them to leave your relationship.

This will help you in the future. It will show what was missing between you both. It also identifies what needs to be worked on within yourself. This way, there won’t be a repetitive pattern down the road.

Hearing things about ourselves can be difficult. We often become emotionally defensive. However, in the long run, it is really for our own betterment. This way, we can find a loving long-term partner to be happy with.

No relationship is a waste of time. The lessons are always there when we open our eyes to see them. Being in denial will just keep you stuck. We must learn how we were a part of the equation. It is important to discover what we can do to improve ourselves in a future relationship.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show