I am Single and the Loneliness is Making Me Very Sad

Dear Sybersue,

I am a 27-year-old average looking introverted single female. I don’t get asked out on dates anymore. I would love to meet someone for a committed relationship, but I feel stuck in my own skin. I am unsure how to change things to make it better for me. My routine life is becoming unbearable. Each morning is filled with repetitive tasks. It feels like I’m banging my head on the same brick wall!

I can’t seem to motivate myself to get out of the house when I come home from work. That’s the other thing; I can’t stand my job! I make decent money. However, I spend a lot of time in an isolated environment. I work on computer documents for the law firm that employs me.

I have a few friends. They are also settling into this same repetitive scenario. It really sucks, and I am mad at myself for not being a stronger person and making things better. This has been happening for 7 years. I seem to be sinking further into the quicksand of my existence. My family is not supportive, which makes me feel even more alone.

What should I do?

Carlina88

Dear Carlina,

I can hear the sadness in your writing. The first step to changing what isn’t working is acknowledging it. So, good for you! You are halfway there to altering the course of your life.

Right now, your self-esteem has declined. From what you said, it sounds like these changes started 7 years ago. So what happened back then? This could be the cause of your life becoming routine and uneventful.

Many people retreat into a cocoon when something traumatic or sad happens at certain times in their lives. You mentioned that you don’t get asked out on dates anymore. This indicates that you once did, but it has now stopped.

What happened 7 years ago? Was it a bad breakup? A family matter? A health situation?

Figuring out what changed your thinking back then will help you better understand why you became this lonely person today. You call yourself average-looking and introverted, which is something you can alter with a little effort. If you start there first, it will improve your self-esteem a lot. “When you look good, you feel good!”

• Make an appointment for a makeup application at a Mac store. Learn how to bring out your best features with different makeup techniques. A little lipstick can brighten up your whole look!
• Get a new hairstyle.
• Buy a few new wardrobe pieces that will enhance your look. Ask the store clerk for help, or bring a friend who can offer suggestions.
• A mini makeover is a good thing and can be the start of a refreshed outlook. “

It sounds like money is not a big problem for you.

Therefore, I would suggest you hire a therapist or life coach for a short while. They can help you through some of the blocked feelings you may have. Making this transition on your own is not easy without a support system. Sometimes, it is better to have someone neutral and non-judgmental.

This can be more helpful than relying on the people in your everyday life. You may also be experiencing some depression. Having a professional to help you will be very beneficial and help you get to the bottom of what is transpiring emotionally as well.

You mentioned that you have a problem getting out socially when you get home from work. The trick here is not to go home first. Make plans to attend a meet-up group right after work. Take a course or go to a fitness class a few days per week. This will help break up the monotony that is keeping you glued to this feeling of loneliness. You need to be around people after spending 8 hours a day bent over your computer!

The next thing on your new journey should be looking for a more rewarding job with a better atmosphere. Once you alter the other things in your life, this will become easier for you to visualize. You will feel better about yourself and not be willing to compromise anymore in a dead-end job.

Get the other parts of your life in order first, and then start working on a new career. There may be some night/online courses you can take in the meantime that will add to your credentials. This will also give you more confidence for when the time is right to apply for a new job.

You are only 27, and it is never too late to make changes that will enhance your life. Get out of the house and show the world who you really are.

Keep me posted!

Sybersue <3

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show