Dear Sybersue: I am Single and the Loneliness is Killing me!

Dear Sybersue,

I am a 27 year old average looking introverted single female. I don’t get asked out on dates anymore but I would love to meet someone to have a committed relationship with. I feel stuck in my own skin and I am not sure how to change things to make it better for me. My routine life is becoming unbearable and waking up each morning consists of repetitive things day in and day out and banging my head on the same brick wall!

I can’t seem to motivate myself to get out of the house when I come home from work and that’s the other thing; I can’t stand my job! I make decent money but I spend a lot of time in an isolated environment working on computer documents for the law firm I am employed at.

I have a few friends but they are also settling into this same scenario that I repeat around the 24 hour clock. It really sucks and I am mad at myself for not being a stronger person and making things better. This has been going on for 7 years now and I seem to be sinking further into the quicksand of my existence. My family is not supportive which makes me feel even more alone.

What should I do?

Carlina88

Dear Carlina,

I can hear the sadness in your writing and the first step to changing what isn’t working, is acknowledging it; so good for you! Your self esteem has taken a turn with something that may have happened 7 years ago and could be the cause of your life becoming routine and uneventful.

Many people retreat into a cocoon when something traumatic or sad happens at certain times in their life.  The fact that you said you don’t get asked out on dates anymore states that you once did but that has now stopped.

What happened 7 years ago? Was it a bad break up? A family matter? A health situation?

Figuring out what changed your thinking back then will help you better understand why you became this lonely person today. You call yourself average looking and introverted which is something you could alter with a little effort. Go to the Mac counter and make an appointment with one of the staff for a makeup application, get a new hair style and buy a few new wardrobe pieces that will enhance your look.  A mini makeover is a good thing and can be the start of a refreshed outlook. “When you look good you feel good!”

It sounds like money is not a big problem for you so I would suggest you hire a therapist or life coach for a short while to help you through some of the blocked feelings you may have. It is not an easy transition to make on your own without a support system and sometimes it is better to have someone neutral and non-judgmental than to rely on the people in your everyday life. It also sounds like you may be depressed, so having someone professional to help you through this, is a much wiser choice.

You mentioned that you have a problem getting out socially when you get home from work. The trick here is not to go home first. Make plans to attend a meet up group, take a course or go to a fitness class right after work a few days per week. This will help break up the monotony that is keeping you glued to this feeling of loneliness. You need to be around people after spending 8 hours a day bent over your computer!

The last thing on your new journey should be looking for a more rewarding atmosphere with a new job. Once you alter the other things in your life this will become easier for you to visualize because you will feel better about yourself and not be willing to compromise anymore in a dead end job. Get the other parts of your life in order first and then start working on a new career. There may be some night/online courses you can take in the meantime that will add to your credentials for when the time is right.

You are only 27 and it is never too late to make changes that will enhance your life. Get out of the house and show the world who you really are.

Keep me posted!

Sybersue <3

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show