What do you talk about on those first few dates? Is it OK to ask them about their last relationship and why they broke up with their EX? What if that is ALL they talk about?
This isn’t such a dumb question because many men and women are not aware of how often their Ex comes up in the conversation on a date. This isn’t a therapy session and your energy should be spent on getting to know this new person sitting in front of you, not rehashing things about your Ex.
Don’t give power to your last relationship by continuing to talk about it.
Your past relationship is over and you should now be moving forward to a better environment and hopefully a new partnership. Of course, it is only natural that a few questions may arise about your Ex and it is totally acceptable to answer with a couple of lines about when and why it ended.
Try not to take this time as an opening to vent about them, and I strongly advise that you don’t spend more than a few minutes discussing why you are no longer together with your Ex. Giving out too much information can be a turn-off on the first few dates.
You don’t even know if you are a compatible match yet, so put your time into seeing if there is a connection first, rather than talking about what didn’t work in your other relationships. If you are still emotionally attached to your Ex, you are not ready to date!
OK, What Should I Be Paying Attention to on a date?
- How much do they talk about their EX? Does it dominate the conversation?
- Are they angry about their past relationship?
- Are they still sad about the breakup?
- Are they truly over their EX and talk about being ready for a partnership?
- Do you feel like you may be the rebound person?
- Is the conversation forced or does it feel easy and natural? Is it reciprocated?
- How long has it been since their breakup?
- Do they not want to talk about anything in their past and seem emotionally closed off?
- Do they still see their Ex regularly as a friend?
- Are they talking about their ex but jumping in really fast with you at the same time?
What is the proper etiquette when trying to get to know someone on a date?
First things first, be fun, have fun and keep the serious conversation out of the equation. Show your personality and who you are as your authentic self. Talk to them as if you are talking to a good friend.
There is no need to impress them by pointing out all your amazing attributes, just be natural. If you are not used to dating and you are nervous, ask them questions about themselves until you can relax and start to feel a little more comfortable.
Leave the long checklist at home and let them talk freely without feeling pressured. Some people come across like they are interviewing their date with numerous questions. It can actually feel like they are ticking off the boxes right in front of you! This isn’t a job interview.
This is the time to pay attention to ANY red flags! Are they are ready for a relationship and are they really over their Ex? Are they positive and happy or do they seem a little closed off with their body language and communication skills?
Listen to your intuition! You know in your gut whether someone is being authentic or not.
There are always warning signs but many of us choose to let them slide because we try to give people the benefit of the doubt, we may have huge sexual chemistry with them, or because we just desperately want to be in a relationship!
There is a big difference between being too judgmental and being naive about someone!
Really listen to what someone says when you are getting to know them on those first few dates.
If they say they’re not ready to be in a relationship, believe them! If they talk constantly about their EX they are probably not over them or available to start anything new with you, or anyone else.
It is important not to date someone who is just out of a partnership because they have not yet dealt with the emotional baggage and will bring it along with them into your new relationship. That is the last thing you want to be dealing with when you are looking for a committed partner.
You’re not just there to make them feel better about themself. You certainly don’t want to start things off in a one-sided scenario. Try to steer the conversation away from any Ex talk at all. Make a verbal pact with your date that you both will not mention anything about your past relationships on the first few dates. Get to know them slowly and don’t expect instant gratification!
Everyone needs time to reflect on what transpired in their breakups but so many men and women jump back in very quickly to new relationships without taking the time to grieve the ending of their Ex. That is not healthy for them or for you, and I can promise that you will never have their full attention if you allow this to happen.
Always respect yourself and have some boundaries.
Instinctively you know when things are going in the right direction on a date so you shouldn’t have to second guess the situation. If things are meant to be between the two of you, it will have a natural flow without having to sacrifice yourself in any capacity.
When someone has learned from the mistakes of their past relationships and they are ready to share their life with you, there will be many positive signs. They won’t leave you wondering where you stand with them.
They will follow through on everything, they will communicate very well with you by sharing their thoughts, and they will never leave you hanging wondering when you will see them again. You will feel their love and you will be their #1 priority. Please watch the video above for more information on this topic.
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Sybersue xo <3
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The above line was an eye-opener. Excellent post, Sue.
Thank you, Tessa! Nice to hear from you!
Thank you 🙂
“Don’t give power to your last relationship by continuing to talk about it.”—Amen to that. Because if it were so great, you would probably still be in it.
Exactly! Thank you for taking the time to read the post and comment. 🙂