Should I Stay Friends With a Girl Who Admitted She is in Love With Me?
Dear Sybersue,
My close female friend just recently dropped a bombshell. She revealed that she is in love with me and has felt this way for a while. I really had no idea. We have been friends for 4 years, but unfortunately, I do not feel the same way.
I really care about her, but now I don’t know what to do. Should I be honest and tell her I will only ever think of her as a friend? Is it OK to keep seeing her, or is it going to be really weird between us now?
Thank you, Craig
Dear Craig,
This is a very tough place to be, for sure! 4 years is a long time invested in your friendship with her. It will definitely take on a different feel now that she had relayed this big piece of news regarding her love for you.
Yes, you need to be honest with her if your feelings are not reciprocated towards her. Sugarcoating your answer is not the way to handle it, though. You should be truthful and kind. Tell her you are very sorry, but you just see your connection as a wonderful friendship.
Do not give her any hope that maybe down the road you will change your mind. You may have to stop seeing her for a while so that she can heal her heart. Many people think they can just resume the friendship as it was. Unfortunately, it seldom works out that way in the end.
I have so much respect for your friend for opening up and telling you how deeply she feels about you. If she hadn’t taken the chance, she would have spent the next few years hoping that you would eventually fall in love with her. This would keep her stuck and restrict her from finding love with someone else.
I did have a similar thing happen to me years ago. When I told him of my feelings, it significantly changed how we interacted. The dynamics of our friendship shifted in a big way. I couldn’t be around him as it felt just too emotionally strained on my part.
Fast-forward 10 years. We are both in committed relationships and have a communication level that works for us. We managed to reconnect, and we now have a healthy platonic friendship.
This scenario could also work for you down the road, Craig. Give her some time to adjust to this by pulling back from the friendship for a while. This doesn’t mean walking away. She is probably embarrassed and uncomfortable that confessing her love has drastically changed things between you.
Slow down the one-on-one meetups for a few months. Let her get used to the idea that while the atmosphere between you has changed, she is still in your thoughts. Text her every so often, wish her Happy Birthday, and acknowledge other special occasions. It is important to let her know she is valued and that she means something to you. That will never change.
Sybersue xo <3
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