Should I Stay Friends With a Girl who Admitted She is in Love With Me?
Dear Sybersue,
My close female friend just recently dropped the bombshell that she is in love with me and has been for a while. I really had no idea. We have been friends for 4 years but unfortunately, I do not feel the same way.
I really care about her but now I don’t know what to do? Should I be honest and tell her I will only ever think of her as a friend? Is it OK to keep seeing her or is it going to be really weird between us now?
Thank you, Craig
Dear Craig,
This is a very tough place to be for sure! 4 years is a long time invested in your friendship with her but it will definitely take on a different feel now that she had relayed this big piece of news regarding her love for you.
Yes, you need to be honest with her if your feelings are not reciprocated towards her. Sugarcoating your answer is not the way to handle it though. You should be truthful and kind and tell her you are very sorry but you just see your connection as really great friends.
Do not give her any hope that maybe down the road you will change your mind. You may have to stop seeing her for a bit so that she can move on and heal her heart. Many people think they can just resume the friendship the way things were, but it seldom works out that way in the end.
I have so much respect for your friend for opening up and telling you how deeply she feels about you. If she hadn’t taken the chance to do so she could have spent the next few years hoping that things would change and you would eventually fall in love with her. This would keep her stuck and restrict her from finding love with someone else.
I did have a similar thing happen to me years ago and it changed the dynamics of how we interacted with each other in a huge way. I couldn’t be around him as it felt just too emotionally strained on my part. Fast forward 10 years and we are both in committed relationships and we are now able to keep a communication level that works for us.
This may also work for you too Craig. Give her some time to adjust to this new scenario by pulling back from the friendship for a while. This doesn’t mean completely ignoring her so that she is embarrassed and uncomfortable that confessing her love for you has turned you off so badly!
Text her every so often, wish her Happy Birthday, and acknowledge other Hallmark events, but do not see her one on one for a few months. Let her get used to the idea that while the atmosphere may have changed within your close friendship, she is still in your thoughts and not swept to the side as if she never meant anything to you.
Sybersue xo <3
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