Today on Dear Sybersue, I discuss the topic: Jumping In Fast to a New Relationship Can Overlook the Red Flags!
It is so easy to jump into a new relationship when you feel a powerful connection and chemistry with someone! I mean, how often does that really happen today? When someone says all the right things and wants to see you 24/7 it just feels so good, right?
The trouble with this is, anyone can be amazing for a short period of time, and they can actually really mean what they say in the beginning. The big problem with a really fast love attraction is that these relationships typically end just as fast. This happens a lot when the sex is super hot from the first few dates! It can lure you in under a false pretense.
There is way too much pressure when you put each other on this pheromone pedestal.
If you both really like each other, slow things down. Spending all your time together isn’t realistic. It is setting your relationship up to fizzle out because of the expectations you both have for things to be great all the time.
When someone loves-bombs you in the beginning, showering you with compliments, gifts, excessive date planning, and wanting to see you all the time, it can feel very exciting! They just might be the one you’ve been waiting for! You become addicted to this exciting phase of a new partnership and get lured into all the hoopla that isn’t usually real or long-lasting.
No one can keep this behavior up for long and when the intensity dissipates as the days or weeks go by, they lose interest because there isn’t the same caliber of sexual chemistry. Having a reciprocated emotional and intellectual connection is what keeps a relationship flourishing, and the way to have this is by getting out of the bedroom, sharing other intimate moments. You need to be able to really talk to each other.
Set a nice pace where you can court each other, and build a reciprocated trust. You need time to see who they really are.
- How do they treat other people?
- Are they emotionally open and available?
- Is your relationship-driven mainly by sex?
- How do they talk about their past relationships?
- Are they respectful of your boundaries and viewpoints?
- Do you have a lot in common with each other?
- Do you want the same things in a partnership? (kids, marriage, etc.)
When you both take time getting to know each other, your heart has time to adjust to the truth of what is really happening between you as a couple.
Dear Sybersue
Lust can be very blinding and lead you down the wrong path time and time again. Unfortunately, this is a common reason why many relationships don’t stand the test of time. People are looking for instant gratification rather than seeing if they really like each other first. Having a little patience is definitely worth it when you are getting to know someone.
What are some of the Red Flags that might get overlooked when you jump into a new relationship too fast?
- Be aware of high maintenance checklists and that you are not giving more than you are receiving.
- Sex is the #1 priority. (They are only interested in having a sexual connection with you.)
- They are the ones in control of when and where you see each other.
- There is very little communication, and they are closed off about their personal lives and feelings.
- You are not the only one they are dating.
- They are possessive and often jealous. They prefer to keep you all to themselves and away from your friends.
- Your friends and family don’t trust them.
- Your instincts are warning you that something is off with them.
- You are feeling insecure around them and questioning yourself more.
- They share negative things about their past relationships and may even seem angry about what transpired.
I cannot stress enough how important those first few dates are when you are getting to know someone. If you really listen to their answers and pay close attention to their actions and body language, it will help you weed out any insincerity and false promises. Be careful not to be too trusting or vulnerable because this is what some people are hoping for when they are not interested in having a healthy committed relationship.
Unfortunately, there are some scammers and catfishers out there in the dating market, but they are easy to spot when you are smart with what to pay attention to. Never give anyone money, no matter how much they have earned your trust. If you haven’t seen the Netflix documentary The Tinder Swindler I suggest you do so as an eye-opening precaution.
Taking things slowly at the beginning of meeting anyone new is the best way to get to know the real person you are dating. Don’t be afraid to be the one to implement the speed of how things are progressing. Playing the hard-to-get role isn’t what I am referring to here. Planning and compromising on one or two days each week that works for both of you shows that you want to see them, but it isn’t over the top aggressive.
Get out of the house and away from the bedroom. Find out what makes them tick and what makes them who they are. Are you on the same page in what you both truly want in a partnership? Ask the tough questions, but please don’t bombard with them a long checklist that makes them feel like they are being interviewed. Take your time getting to know them and be sure to have fun together.
Investing some quality energy in a potential partnership is never a waste of time when you are listening to your common sense and respecting yourself without naivety. If the relationship doesn’t work out in the end, that is OK. Every scenario you put yourself in should always bring you closer to meeting the person you are meant to share your life with. Every experience should be a good one and not cause you to be fearful, anxious, or unsafe at any time.
*Thanks for taking the time to read this post, and I always appreciate your comments! Please click on the video above to find out how you can change things up if you end up in this scenario. You want to be able to look forward to seeing each other and keeping a little mystery alive.
Sybersue xo <3
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me @ https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and message me there to set up a video call or voice call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
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