In today’s advice post and video I answer Sherry’s question: How to Co-Parent Effectively in a Shared Home With Your Ex
Dear Sybersue
My Ex and I are living together for the sake of the kids. How do we make this work? We don’t have the money to live separately right now as I am not working. Our kids are still little and my Ex and I decided before we had children that I would stay home with them.
How can I live with him and not go crazy at the same time? We having been cohabitating this way for a year now!
How do I have a fulfilling life while I am still with him?
I am so ready to move on from our marriage. However, this living together scenario is cramping any chance I have of doing that! The kids don’t know much about the situation. We do not get along at all and just go through the day trying not to argue with each other. Seeing him every day just makes me resent him even more.
How do I deal with this and keep myself in a positive space?
Sherry
Dear Sherry,
This “type of living arrangement” is way more common than you might think. Rent and housing increases are creeping into our financial resources. This situation is causing a big problem for many people today!
Singles are now forced to take on a roommate or a home-stay student just so they can eat and clothe themselves. Throw a few kids into the mix, and it is borderline poverty for many single parents.
Your main priority is to return to the work field. This way, you will not be reliant on your Ex.
Try working part-time while you figure out daycare and adjust to being in a job again. I am not sure what skills you have. Maybe you could start a home business of some sort. This way, you will still be with the kids most of the time.
Talk to some other single moms who are in the same boat. Maybe you can collaborate on some business ideas. You could also take turns with babysitting to cut down on daycare costs. It would also do you well to get out and be around some adults once in a while. This way, you are not only dealing with your ex and the children. You need some outside stimulation to keep your hope and motivation alive.
At present, your entire life consists of the kids and trying to deal with the continual presence of your ex. The kids will pick up on your growing resentment towards your ex-husband, which isn’t healthy for them. You can only fake things for so long! Getting out and seeing friends or adding fitness to your day will help lighten this issue.
Have a mature talk with your Ex and figure out a plan that works for both of you.
- One of you has to move out. Work together to find a solution that can help make that happen. You will be sharing custody of your children for many years, so make this a priority.
- In the meantime, take turns having nights out away from each other and the children.
- Do not fight in front of the kids or talk negatively about each other either. They love both of you, even if you have called it quits on loving each other as a couple.
- Give yourself a “timeline,” so it forces you to keep focused on improving your new life. Have a communal calendar so you are both aware of each other’s schedules and the children’s activity timeline.
- Lose the resentment you feel and start over with a fresh attitude. You both chose to separate, so be happy with that decision. Visualize the rainbow, and the benefits to follow.
Don’t give up on your personal happiness and keep taking small steps to change your scenario. It won’t happen overnight, but having weekly goals will definitely bring you closer to moving on to a better place.
Wishing you well, and please keep me posted on what you decide to do.
Dear Sybersue xo
I love to hear from you! Has this happened to you, and how did you deal with this scenario? Please watch the video below and leave your comments below!
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