Welcome to Dear Sybersue! How Do I Get Past My Partner Sleeping With Someone During Our 1-Year Break?
Men and women that agree to take a break in their relationship need to understand that there will often be other people romantically involved at some point. A year apart is a long time to expect your partner to be true to you when you’re not even seeing each other. There will be options to date and be intimate with others, so if you are opting into this type of agreement, you both need to be realistic about what may occur during your year apart.
Unfortunately, many breaks are one-sided, where one person is left waiting on hold for their partnership to resume. They don’t want the time apart, but they would rather take a chance on this rather than break up.
You should have mutual boundaries and some rules regarding how this break will take place.
- Did you agree to this break, or was it just their idea?
- What rules did you both have in place?
- Was it discussed and considered acceptable to sleep with another person during this break?
- Were you faithful to your partner during the entire year apart?
You are the only one who really knows if you can get past your partner sleeping with someone else, but the fact that you are asking this question shows that you are having a difficult time moving forward with what transpired. This is understandable for anyone who finds themselves in this position.
You may always wonder whether your partner is over this person or if they still have feelings for them. This can leave you with some trust issues moving forward with your relationship. It can be a little easier to get past this if you also were intimate with someone outside your partnership. It puts you both on an even playing field where you can each understand how it might affect the other person.
If my partner wanted to take a break, that would be a deal-breaker for me right there.
I personally don’t believe in taking a break in a relationship. I feel that if you can’t work things out together within your partnership, how will you figure things out when you’re off dating or sleeping with someone else? No one said maintaining and nurturing a relationship is easy, but taking time out and then living your life as a single person definitely isn’t going to improve things.
You are supposed to be figuring things out about yourself during this break, not adding more complicated scenarios into the mix. No relationship is perfect, but if there are so many things wrong with it that you or your partner feel the need to take a break, maybe it is time to end the agony and move on from each other.
Ask yourself why you agreed to take this break? What was happening or not happening between you as a couple?
Were there some issues that were really bothersome or big red flags that you just couldn’t ignore anymore? Were you or your partner afraid to end things and thought that taking a break would be a more gentle approach? Are you afraid of being alone and thought that agreeing to this 1-year plan was better than saying goodbye?
It is so important to be able to communicate with your partner and to be open to discussing anything with them. The fact that you both were able to be apart for this 1-year period should be a bit of a wake-up call for the two of you. It could mean that you’re not as close or compatible as you thought you were. Sometimes when we get to the place of needing a break in our relationship, it is because it’s not the right place where we really should be.
If this sexual encounter is consuming your thoughts on a daily basis, you may never be able to get past it.
It is so important to be really honest with yourself here. If your heart is really broken over this ordeal, it may never completely mend. Ask yourself what you learned during that year away from your partner. Do you have any more clarity on how to improve your relationship, or is it even more confusing now than it was before?
If you are able to pick up where you left off, and you are more communicative and loving with each other now, then there is a chance of things working out for you both as a couple. It might be worth investing a little more time to see how things move along in your partnership. You waited a year, and you found your way back together, so there may be a stronger bond and foundation than you both thought there was.
Give yourself a time frame on how long you want to give energy to your partnership and make your decision after that. If your thoughts continue to be consumed by this sexual liaison, then unfortunately it may not be a healthy place for you to be anymore. Sometimes there is just too much water running under the bridge for you to feel safe to continue on. Listen to your instincts because they will always guide you in the right direction.
*Please watch the video above and leave your comments below! I love hearing from you!
Sybersue xo <3
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