How Do I Get Closure From My Ex Who Ghosted Me 3 Years Later?
Unfortunately, closure is not always what we would like it to be, especially in your case when someone blatantly walks away without any explanation. The fact that he chose this cowardly route says a lot about his character.
He just cared about his own closure and didn’t give any thought to how you would feel after being invested for 3 years in a partnership with him. He definitely doesn’t deserve to have the power over your feelings, which I hope you will be able to take back soon.
It is important that you get closure from within yourself because I doubt very much your Ex will ever give you that.
You will probably have to try to figure out things on your own to be able to move past this breakup scenario. Take the time to sit down and ask yourself the tough questions about what really transpired between you and your Ex.
- Was there a communication problem between the two of you?
- Was he emotionally unavailable?
- Did your sex-life change?
- Had he altered his appearance in the past year?
- Were you spending less time together as a couple?
- Did you sleep separately occasionally?
- Were you arguing more or not talking much at all?
People usually check out long before they actually leave a relationship, so being aware of subtle changes should always be paid attention to in a partnership. Red flags often appear, but we don’t always acknowledge them. We just hope it’s just a little blip and then things will improve. Our instincts are a very powerful tool that we should always listen to because there are always a few warning signs when a relationship is changing.
If there was no marriage proposal or discussion about a future together within those 3 years, this is an indication that you probably weren’t on the same page in your partnership. Marriage isn’t for everyone, but you usually have those conversations in the first year so you both know what to expect moving forward.
It sounds like there was a big disconnect within your relationship, which you obviously weren’t aware of or didn’t really want to acknowledge. Sometimes it takes being apart from them before you can really see what was missing between you as a couple.
We don’t always see the writing on the wall when we are initially dealing with the rejection because our ego is talking louder than our common sense. We’re very hurt, and it’s not easy to see clearly during that time. 💔
Respect yourself by not contacting him looking for closure.
Of course, it is natural that you will try to reach out in the beginning, to get some answers, but if he chooses not to reply then you will have little choice but to figure things out on your own. Don’t upset yourself even more by repeatedly contacting him. It hurts like Hell when you get left by your partner in such a blatant manner, but you will soon start to understand that he really doesn’t deserve your attention or your energy.
It will take a few months to deal with the shock of his departure, but there are always some “important lessons” to be learned when dealing with a breakup. You won’t see it for a while, but I can pretty much guarantee you are going to be in a much better relationship down the road with a partner who loves you and appreciates you very much. You will be all the more wiser on what you need and value in a romantic love connection.
Someone who has integrity and who is kind would never ghost their partner of 3 years. Your Ex has some of his own stuff to deal with, which he may never come to terms with. If he can shut down emotionally and walk out of a relationship without any feeling, he’s got bigger issues than he is even aware of. You don’t treat people you have loved this way, EVER!
So how do you get closure from a breakup when your Ex ghosts you without a word?
It is always harder to get over a breakup when it is one-sided, and you are the one left wondering WTF happened. The repetitive conversations inside your head take over your thoughts, leaving you sad and heartbroken. You are left to pick up the shattered pieces alone and try to make sense of why you were together for 3 years? Was there anything real between you, or was it all a farce?
- Ask your friends and family members if they noticed anything about your relationship. Did they see any changes in the last while?
- How did they view your partner? Ask them to be really honest with you. Their opinion may help give you some clarity.
- Make a list of the pros and cons of your partnership. What was great, what was a problem and what was missing. (This will help you to be more aware of what to pay attention to in your next relationship.)
- Remove things in your home or on social media that make you think about your Ex. The less time you give energy to him, the faster you will be able to move on from him.
- If you feel really stuck and need to dissect what transpired in your breakup, it would be worth making a few appointments with a therapist. They may be able to help you on a deeper level that friends don’t always have the answers to.
- Get outside as much as possible and socialize whenever you can. Even if it’s just an hour each day, nature has a way of making everything a lot better. 😎
Your Ex made it very clear that he was finished in your relationship, so there is little chance that he will find his way back to try to reconcile. I can bet you money that you wouldn’t want him back anyway. When someone is this cold to you after you gave him 3 years of yourself, you are now seeing another side of who he truly turned out to be in the end.
Breakups are difficult and some are more hurtful than others, but there is always a reason that person was in your life. Maybe the lesson here was to help you be more clear about what it is that you truly want in a partnership. Your Ex obviously wasn’t a communicator, so moving forward, that should be a priority for you.
It could also be that you need to have more boundaries and healthy expectations, which will help you to stay more aware of what is transpiring in your relationships. Staying emotionally connected to your partner on a continual basis is super important, as it helps you to evolve together as a couple as the years progress.
Relationships are a full-time job, and the one huge mistake that many couples make is they forget their love needs to be nurtured and reciprocated all the time. We are all on this earth to learn as much as we can to better ourselves each day we are blessed to be here. We are not born with that knowledge, and it is a learning curve for all of us. The sooner we own our part in the life we choose to have, the quicker we will manifest our true desires toward us.
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Sybersue xo <3
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