Did I Make The Wrong Decision Breaking Up With My Boyfriend?

Thank you for visiting Sybersue! Here is Today’s Question:

My boyfriend promised me to never repeat the hurtful things he’s done in the past and to be 100% better in our relationship. I just can’t seem to move past what he has done or truly forgive him. My heart is broken from how I have been treated and my trust just isn’t there anymore. Why am I conflicted if I made the right decision?

Answer:

Most breakups involve inner conflict when we decide to end a deep love that we shared so openly with someone. Our romantic memory comes back haunting us with all those great times we had together. The big problem is that many of us hold on to the first few months of our budding relationship where we are both on our best behavior.

What we really need to do is pay attention to how we are evolving each day as a couple.

Are we on the same page with what makes us happy?
Do we respect each other and put each other first?
Do you speak kindly to your partner?
Are you still romantic and intimate as a couple?
Are you bored and have very little in common anymore?
Are you regularly lying to your partner?
Have you checked out of your relationship due to how you have been treated?

In answer to your question, you didn’t say you still loved him or missed him at all, so no, you didn’t make the wrong decision. If you can’t move past the hurt and you are unable to trust him, your instincts are probably on high alert and telling you to move on.

Try not to overthink things and be proud that you respected yourself enough to walk away from someone who wasn’t there for you in the best possible way. You mentioned the words: “repeat the things” which means there is more than one situation you are supposed to forgive him for.

That’s why you don’t trust him. What has he learned or done to make things better in your partnership??

I don’t know what your boyfriend did to break the trust between you but it sounds like it was something pretty big if your heart can’t forgive him. It is important not to second guess yourself when you make a decision to end things with someone who repeats hurtful things that causes your trust to become irreparable.

If he is not learning from his mistakes and continues to cause you heartache and pain, it is time to move on. Respecting yourself and having boundaries is always the right choice.

Don’t force yourself to be with him if you’re not feeling it. Your instincts know best and you are smart not to ignore them. If, and that is a BIG if, he contacts you after receiving some professional counseling and he is making an effort to change his ways, then you can think about revisiting having a relationship with him at that time.

As it stands right now he is not proving himself to you and keeps repeating his bad behavior. This is taking a toll on you every day and making you question the trust between you that shouldn’t have to question. You have given enough time for your boyfriend to show his love towards you, but he continues to do hurtful things within your partnership.

You can only let so many things go before you start feeling a little crazy for doing so. You made the right choice and it is time to put your energy into yourself right now.

Take some healing space from dating or getting into another relationship and just enjoy some peace and tranquility. You have had enough drama dealing with an unhealthy partnership and it is all about you now.

Sybersue xo <3

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