How Do I Move on From My Partner Who Doesn’t Treat Me Well?
Hi there, welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today I answer Kerry’s question!
Dear Sybersue,
I have been in a toxic and abusive relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. I am very aware that I need to walk away from him as it is not a healthy scenario! He has never physically hit me but he has roughly pushed me away a few times. Thankfully I do not live with him but we often spend the night together.
Some days I am so strong and defend myself when he verbally abuses me and then other days I am a mess and do nothing but cry! He can be so cruel and he talks down to me regularly. I would be embarrassed to show you the berating texts that I regularly receive from him.
I continue to stay in a partnership with him knowing that it’s a no-win situation. Why am I doing this and how do I get myself out of this controlling partnership? When I am assertive with him I feel so much better about myself but he always ends up finding a way to deflate my self-worth once again!
Please help!
Thank you, Kerry
I will answer Kerry’s question in a general sense as I have had more than a few people write to me with similar relationship problems. In Kerry’s case, she stated that she has some strong days but she often has more days where her self-esteem is really unsettled.
Her boyfriend seems to sense when she is feeling less confident and continually plays on those weaker moments. Guys who are abusive generally seek out vulnerable and emotionally unstable women whose self -worth has been compromised somewhere in their life. They actually prey on women who are in this situation.
This is how catfishers work with online dating sites! They lure you in with their charm and make you feel so special and then once you are caught in their net, you are literally hooked into this hot and cold game that they play so well.
Once you start to pull back, out comes the “baby I’m so sorry, forgive me” moments. They give you just enough sweetness to keep you addicted and dependant on them. They take away your power by controlling yours when you have those self-doubt emotions.
Pay attention to what gives you these moments of strength and what triggers those weaker feelings
- Do you have a support group? Family, close friends, or a trusted counselor? It is very important that you are open to receiving help from others so that you stay strong and continue to work on your confidence issues.
- Write down what happened on the days that you felt that strength to stand up for yourself. What made you respect yourself enough to fight back? Try to have more of those days.
- We all have moments of weakness, are you aware of what your boyfriends are?
- Dig deep to find out where your self-esteem cobwebs are rooted. Does your boyfriend remind you of a controlling parent or a past relationship?
- Are you repeating an unhealthy pattern because it is familiar and you are used to being treated this way?
If you are regularly finding yourself in this type of destructive relationship pattern, you have to make some difficult changes. Dealing with someone who constantly berates you, does long term damage to your well being and can cause a deep depression.
Change up who you hang out with on a regular basis. If your friends and family are also verbally abusive towards you, this will just add more fuel to an already challenged confidence situation. You are in charge of who you attract towards you so altering who you let into your life, will help you to move on to a healthier environment.
Thankfully Kerry doesn’t live with her abusive partner so that makes it a little easier to start pulling away. Communicating less each day will give her the confidence to see things with more clarity. When you take a step back it’s much easier to focus on the problem than when you are living with it every day.
Once you start to understand that you deserve so much better in your life, it is important not to have any contact with your partner any longer. You will need to remove him off of all your social media sites and block him from your phone.
The less you see what he is up to on a daily basis, the easier it will be to move on from his abuse. If you don’t block his number you will always be looking for a text from him.
It gives you more control when he can’t reach you! There is no temptation to answer a text or call if he can’t reach you!
What can you suggest for Kerry so that she can maintain her strength and focus on having a better future without her current boyfriend? Please watch the video above and share your comments below.
Thank you!
Sybersue xo <3
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