Dear Sybersue,
I am a 28-year-old single guy who is above average looking and very fit! I have a great job that pays well and I live on my own in a trendy area of Vancouver, Canada. That all sounds good I know, but the reason I am writing is because I can’t seem to meet a woman who doesn’t have baggage or a sour outlook on men in general.
But that’s not all…
I hear my guy friends complaining all the time that women are either too independent or too high-maintenance! They are turning into angry guys about dating or relationships. It’s not much fun going out with them these days. They just sit there, harshly criticizing any woman who walks into the room! I admit, I am not always positive about things, but this is really starting to get to me! It doesn’t end here, though, as even my female friends are now constantly bitching about guys as well!
How did we get here?
I used to think it was just a Vancouver thing, but I often travel for work in the U.S., and it seems like the same problems exist in many of the big cities there as well. People are becoming so self-absorbed and it is scary how cold we are acting towards each other. I am not a shy guy and usually have no problem opening up to women. However, this attitude is making me back away from even wanting to be in a relationship. I blame online dating sites for this. These sites have made both men and women so lazy. People are now hesitant to meet someone in person.
What do you suggest?
Nathan
Hi Nathan,
Thanks for writing, and it is nice to hear from a man in my own city! I couldn’t agree more with you about what is going on with men and women today! This is one of the reasons I decided to do a video on the topic.
It really saddens me how angry some people have become when it comes to matters of the heart. Things are very different in the dating world. It really depends on how we individually cope with these changes. We must focus on not falling into a negative place. So far, we are not handling it well, and things have almost become competitive between men and women!
Women have fought for a very long time to be accepted in the workforce. They have also strived for acceptance in politics and many other areas. Women were shunned from acceptance for hundreds of years. It is a new world, but both sexes have not learned how to handle the equal power shift. Some women take it too far and come across as controlling. Some men are still from the old school. They think women should not be in a career status and should stay at home doing “wifely duties.”
With any big change, there is an adjustment period, but there is always some good that comes out of it. Men are fighting back in divorce court. They are obtaining their financial fairness and securing their rights as fathers. This includes gaining child custody and better visitation with their children. Women are finally getting paid the same amount for the same job as their male colleagues. They are also receiving child support from their ex. These are great changes. Now we just need to get both sexes talking and appreciating each other!
So what can you do to change this for yourself, Nathan?
1. Stand out and be different from everyone else. Be the fun guy that people want to be around.
2. Don’t let other people’s negativity make you negative.
3. Stop going out with the guys who are being nasty towards women. Find other non-judgmental people to socialize with.
4. Vancouver has many meet-up groups that are always short of men! I go to a few myself, and there are some amazing ladies in the room! It is less intimidating for women to meet a guy in a casual setting than in some obvious pickup venue.
5. Start talking to women everywhere you go; a smile and a hello go a lot further than you think. If they ignore you, that’s their problem. Don’t make it yours. Continue being friendly and personal. It will open up the communication lines. At the very least, it will put you in a better headspace.
6. When your buddies start talking crap about women, take the opposite approach. Turn the conversation around into a positive direction. Misery loves company. If you don’t partake in their rants, they will eventually stop doing it in front of you.
Don’t give up on love.
If love were always easy to find, it wouldn’t be as valuable. Meeting someone to have as a life-long partner is not a simple task, and nor should it be. It is a journey with lots of forks in the road, which is the pattern of life in general.
Understanding early which path to take will make life less stressful. Keep believing, stay optimistic, and remove yourself from people who bring you down. Changing your environment will bring you healthy rewards.
Let me know how things go Nathan!
Dear Sybersue xo
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