What to Do When Your Long-Distance Partner Wants a Break

It Can Be Devastating When Your Long-Distance Partner Tells You She Wants a Break in Your Relationship! Now What?

Dear Sybersue,

I have been in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend for over two years. She lives about 5 hours away from me. We see each other once every two months or so. I am in my last year of college, and she has a full-time job. The distance is hard, but we always made things work out. I love her, but I sometimes question whether we should continue our relationship. I did share this with her.

When I asked her how she felt about us as a couple, she said she loved me and would do anything to stay with me. A few weeks went by. Then one day, my girlfriend texted me. She said she wanted to talk to me about something and called me a few hours later. It turned out that she wanted to “take a break” from our relationship. I was caught off guard and confused. I agreed to it because I wanted to make her happy.

The next few days, I frequently thought about what happened. I texted her back to try to talk to her more about things. She said she needed “space” and “time.” I haven’t texted her since, and it’s been over a month.

What do you suggest I do? I love this girl with everything I have. I dream about her and think about her every single day, non-stop. I have been trying hard to stay positive and do my own thing. However, I have always wanted to marry her from day one. She told me that she wanted that too.

I don’t understand how one day you can say I love you. Then the next day, you just stop talking to the person altogether. Have I given things enough time? What should my next move be?

Thank you, Johnny

Hi Johnny,

I am a little confused. In the first few lines, you said you questioned whether you should continue the relationship with your GF. Now she has pulled back and initiated a break, and you are saying you “would” marry her. Sometimes when we are hurting, our heart gets tricked into having mixed emotions. Our ego can also feel bruised.

The fact that she needs space when you only see each other every 2 months is definitely a sign that she may be moving on.

She could also be deeply confused about her future with you. This feeling arose after you questioned things with her. You put the doubt about a future with her into an open conversation. This can cause insecurities that might make her pull back due to your doubts. It could also be something she had been thinking about as well but never put into words. Being in a long-distance partnership is not the same as living together in an everyday commitment.

I commend you for not texting or calling her for a month. Respecting her wishes is not an easy thing to do! At this point, you really can only live your life and observe what happens in the meantime. Give yourself a time limit on how much space you allow between the two of you. Long-distance relationships are very difficult, but can work out if both people put in a reciprocal effort to keep it strong.

Let her know how you are feeling if you truly want to work on your relationship. Maybe she is looking for that reassurance from you? Do not decide just because she is calling the shots to agree to having this break in your relationship. Be honest about what you truly want.

Two years together may seem like a long commitment. However, seeing her every two months is really only 12 times in that 2 year time period. It can be very exciting when you only have limited visits. You may think this partnership is what you want because it is always in a honeymoon stage. Living together would be a whole new commitment for you both. Maybe she is questioning that right now. It is something you should also think about.

Thanks for writing & let me know what happens 🙂

Sybersue

Continued….

Hey Sybersue,

Thank you for the reply! I will try to clarify what I said in those first few lines.

I do love her, but the distance did cause me to wonder what the next step should be. I am in my last year of college, and she is now working full time. This has created a barrier between us because we are unable to see each other as often as we did when we first started dating. She was more flexible about getting together at the time.

I wasn’t sure what to do when she proposed this break. I did not want to break up, but we were both unhappy with the situation at hand. So I was honest with her and asked her what she thought we should do. She told me she did not want to leave me. She would do anything to stay with me. I was questioning things. Despite this, it was not because I didn’t want to be with her. I just didn’t know what to do to make things better for us.

Then all of a sudden she said she wanted to take a “break,” and it really caught me off guard!

I will say now that we haven’t talked for 6 weeks; it has caused me to really think everything over. Saying that, I can’t change anything that happened, but I am trying to figure out what the next step will be. I really do want her back, but of course, that has to be reciprocated if it is going to work out for us.

Do you think I should text her and see if she is ready to talk now? My intentions would be to clear things up, not to get back together right away. Or should I continue to wait and see if she contacts me? This is what’s holding me back right now.

I didn’t mention this earlier, but we actually did spend 6 months living right by each other last fall. We did an internship at Disney together. It helped us become very close. It showed me that she was the right woman for me to spend my life with. After we left there, things became harder when it came to visiting each other. (which I mentioned earlier.)

Thanks so much for writing back. I’ll fill you in on what happens if anything changes. 

Johnny

Hi Johnny,

Thank you for the clarification; that makes a lot more sense. You sound like such a great guy. You are totally respectful of your girlfriend’s wishes right now. However, there are two people involved in this scenario. You want, and deserve, some answers. I think 6 weeks is enough time to “call her” (not text). Ask her what her plans are. This way, you can move on, either with her or without her. It’s not fair to have you sit there waiting while she has her space. She needs to be honest with you now.

The reason I have never been fond of “taking a break” is that it is seldom reciprocated. One person is always left hanging. The other person controls what transpires later on. The truth can hurt, though. Be prepared that she might have decided on a different outcome than you are hoping for.

Tell her everything you have told me and put your heart into it. The fact that you got along so well during those 6 months is a great indication of how you are together as a committed couple. That was a really good test for you both. You can’t force someone to love you, but you can definitely go out fighting for what you believe in. At the very least, she will know how you truly feel about her. You can feel good that you did everything possible to keep the relationship alive.

Keep me posted!

Wishing you much love and happiness always 🙂

Sybersue xo <3