Sex Discussion: Are You a Rock Star in the Bedroom?

Do you think you are a good lover?

This is a question we should all ask ourselves and maybe our partner as well. If you don’t want to hear the answer, chances are, you may not be.

Becoming a good lover starts from wanting to be.

Have you ever noticed how some people just ooze sensuality by the way they walk, talk, dress, their mannerisms & body language? By showing this sexual confidence, there is a very good chance they are in tune to the sensuous side of themselves!

That is not to say that quiet introverted types are boring in bed, it may just take more work to find out in the initial stages upon meeting them.

Many people are attracted to the trailer of a movie before seeing it and assume it will be an amazing film!  We all know that is not always the case!

It is really important to learn how to talk to your partner about sex before you get between the sheets. We all have different needs & preferences which may or may not be of interest to the other person. Many things can be learned about one another when the questions are relayed gently & diplomatically without the pressure of nudity.

If someone is into S&M, fantasy role playing, threesomes or fetishes, it is sex etiquette 101 to tell your partner beforehand. Blindsiding them with your Zorro cape & whip or latex suit in the bedroom may not be the best idea.

How does a person comfortably bring up “Sex” in a conversation when they are getting to know someone?

Here are 10 Things to Help You Communicate on a Sexual Level with Your Partner:

1. Some people will not agree with me on this but do not discuss sex on the first date! Get to know if you even like who they are first.
2. Kiss them first before any sexual discussions begins ~ you have to like “how” they kiss to want to move to the next level.
3. Ask them what is important to them romantically.
4. Tell them where some of your erogenous zones are before you actually have sex together. (Other than the obvious areas of course!)
5. Send them an email or text with a sexy message.
6. Tease them with tasteful flirtatious comments when you are not in a private intimate setting. Make them want you.
7. Ask them what is most important to them in a sexual relationship.
8. Tell them what you desire most in the bedroom ~ what makes you feel special.
9. Watch their body language when discussing sex ~ is it tense or relaxed? How can you make this a comfortable place for them to want to be?
10. Start slowly with the questions & know when to back off. Being too aggressive is not a turn on and can have quite the opposite affect!

Why do some people seem to have an easier time with sexual discussions?

Self confidence is a big attraction for both sexes so the more attention & dating experience you receive, will help build your self esteem to even higher levels.

Insecurity is the main reason for many relationships not getting to the next phase because nervousness will keep you from being relaxed “to ask or answer the questions.” This takes time to develop so don’t be hard on yourself if discussing sex isn’t in your comfort zone right away. There are many dating coaches that can help you with this.

Have you ever noticed how “happy people” seem to have a little swagger in their presence? That is because they are usually having regular sex.

Disgruntled people are often void of sexual release & could even be feeling very lonely. It can become a repetitive cycle because the negativity worsens with each passing month of a sexless existence. (It would be great if we could just walk up & sniff out our lover like the animal kingdom, but the human population is much more complicated than that. ;))

Here is an honest question to ask yourself;  Do you like sex?

If you are not really interested in sex and just do it once in awhile to make your partner happy, you will definitely need to alter “your thinking.” So many men and women make this mistake & wonder why their partner doesn’t want to come home to them or eventually takes on a lover! Find out what has turned you off liking sex and try to fix the problem.

Ignoring it is not going improve your relationship or your everyday moral. Sex is a feel good part of life and when it is removed, you lose a part of yourself with it. How many times have you heard people say: “She/he needs to get laid?” ~ It’s because they usually do!

Questions to ask “yourself” about your bedroom antics:

• Are you an initiator?
• How secure are you with your body?
• Do you show your partner you are enjoying sex?
• Can your partner tell when you have an orgasm?
• Are you adventurous or repetitive?
• Do you vary the location or prefer sex only in the bedroom?
• Do you make eye contact when making love?
• Do you think “head nods” towards the bedroom are foreplay?
• Are you a communicator in bed? Light moans can be enticing and let your partner know you are enjoying it.
• How loud are you in bed? Do they cover your mouth or put a pillow over your head?
• Are you too quick to climax, too slow or have trouble achieving an orgasm?
• Do you enjoy oral sex or are you uncomfortable about it and don’t like to participate?
• How routine are you in the bedroom & are you open to change?

Answering these questions truthfully can help you understand if you are a good lover or that you may need to spice things up in the bedroom. Practicing them regularly will not only improve your sex life it will make your partner want to run home to you. It will put a spring in your step and will also put one in theirs! <3

An active sex life is the key to a long & healthy relationship. Ask an older couple who has been married for many years what their secret is & you can bet that their sex life has always been an active one. Romance is also the remedy to staying young. It may not keep you winkle free but it will always keep a smile on your face with each approaching year.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com
The Dear Sybersue Talk Show