Have you been dating for what seems like forever, and you keep running into the same problems?
Is your ideal of Mr./Mrs. Right backfiring all the time? Are you now in a rush to find a partner? Is it because all of your friends are in relationships? Is your biological clock ticking like a time bomb? Or is your Mama nagging at you to hurry up and give her grandchildren??
Do you regret some of the decisions from your past dating experiences? Take a step back. Look at the people you thought were wrong in the past. Maybe you were too picky and overlooked some future potential. In other words, Mr./Mrs. Wrong could have ended up being Mr./Mrs. Right!
It just might be time to start looking outside the box or pattern you have created for yourself.
Have men and women become so shallow? Does their potential mate have to be a hot millionaire Ferrari-driving male with six-pack abs? Or a perfect size 2 female model with a DD rack? Come on, let’s get real! How long do you really think anyone can maintain these perfect looks for anyway? The window is probably 10-15 years!
A relationship should not be viewed as an aging car that is always ready for a new trade-in model.
There is always a price to pay when you put looks and money as the top priority. (As Dr. Phil says, when you marry for money, you earn every penny!)
Things to think about to help you realize you need to change up your dating pattern:
- Are you choosing someone who is married or in a relationship because they are unavailable? Are you actually commitment-phobic? Do you fear rejection and look for a reason not to be in a long-term relationship?
- Do you refuse to date someone who has been married? Is it because you want to be the first and only? If you are over 35, you will need to change this thinking! Don’t turf everyone who has been married or has a child from a previous marriage. Some kids are really wonderful and can add a new dimension to your life. At least check it out before you blacklist every potential suitor that has children or a marriage history.
- Be cautious when dating someone recently separated. You could end up being the guinea pig. They might see you as a stepping stone before reaching a healthier emotional state.
- Beware of the new lover who comes in with all guns blazing! “In fast/ out fast” is usually the case with these types. We all love romance. However, if it seems too good to be true or too fast, it is!
- Do you know what you are looking for, or do you “think” you do? Do you only have one type? Will you only date people with specific astrology signs where your moons are aligned? Alternatively, do they have to have a certain professional status? Will you only date one ethnic background or age group?
- Have you become a serial dater, jumping from one relationship to the next like it’s a part-time job?
- Are you always hanging out at the same old places, with the same single friends, and stuck in a routine?
Many men and women do not have a clue how repetitive and particular they are when it comes to their dating tactics. Philip Goldberg has a book called: GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY. I love that title! This book helps self-defeating habits that keep you from finding a relationship and other aspects of life that you are missing out on.
It could be your fear of being alone or fear of abandonment/rejection, making you choose wrong partners! More often than not, our childhood experiences play a huge role in our choices as adults.
10 Transitional Steps to Help Get You Out of the Box:
- You might not realize that you have low self-esteem. An insecurity could be holding you back from finding a loving partnership. Try something different that makes you feel refreshingly alive and good about yourself. Little achievements are great mood boosters!
- Remove cards, letters, and memories of your past relationships from your view. This will help you start fresh without being reminded of them. Constantly reminiscing about something that didn’t work out will not help you move forward.
- Do something that is out of your comfort zone. Take up pole dancing or a kickboxing class, join a hiking club, start a blog or write a book!
- Try a different dating technique that you have been opposed to before. Sign up for an online dating site or app. Alternatively, say yes to a blind date “set up” by a friend you have been avoiding. Speed dating can be interesting too!
- Have a dinner party with single friends you haven’t seen for a while. Invite a 50/50 ratio of men to women, and only upbeat people are allowed! No Debbie Downers or jaded heart-breakers!
- Book a Singles Club Med Holiday and have a vacation fling! Choose someone you would never normally go for. It is easier to “get out of the box” when you are not being judged in your own hometown.
- Date someone completely out of your usual chemistry zone. Try being friends first, with no sex for a few months. Sex too soon can often end a potential relationship. This happens because emotional expectations may not be reciprocated.
- Do not say anything negative about the opposite sex for 4 weeks! Go on, I dare you!
- Say hello to a stranger every single day. Smile at everyone you come in contact with, wherever your day takes you.
- Put the same posted note in 5 places in your home that you frequent the most on a daily basis. In less than 5 lines, write what you really want in a partner. Ask for it out loud every time you see the note.
Start talking in a positive tone about relationships and people in general. The more optimistic your outlook is, the more attractive you will become to others. If your past dating and relationship experiences end up in the same scenario repeatedly, then it is time to change things up.
People tend to talk loudly about the things that aren’t working in their lives. They seldom praise the good things that are happening to them. Count your blessings and honour them every day. Just by doing that simple step, it will remind you of the wonderful things that you do have going for you.
Happiness is contagious and will bring more of the same towards you if practiced repetitively. No one will be able to resist your charms!
Susan McCord The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
