DATING TIPS: Get Out of Your Comfort Level!

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Have you been dating for what seems like forever and you keep running into the same problems?

Is your ideal of Mr./Mrs. Right backfiring all the time? Are you now in a rush to find a partner because all of your friends are in relationships, your biological clock is ticking like a time bomb or your Mama is nagging at you to hurry up and give her grandchildren??

Do you regret some of the decisions from your past dating experiences? Why don’t you take a step back and look at the people you may have thought were wrong in the past. Maybe you were too picky and overlooked some future potential! In other words, Mr./Mrs. Wrong could have ended up being Mr./Mrs. Right!

It just might be time to start looking outside the box or pattern you have created for yourself.

Have men & women become so shallow that their potential mate has to fall into the category of a hot millionaire Ferrari driving male with six pack Abs or a perfect size 2 female model with a DD rack? Come on let’s get real! How long do you really think anyone can maintain these perfect looks for anyway? The window is probably 10-15 years!

A relationship should not be viewed as an aging car that is always ready for a new trade in model.

There is always a price to pay when you put looks and money as the top priority. (As Dr. Phil says, when you marry for money you earn every penny!)

Things to think about to help you realize you need to change up your dating pattern:

  1. Are you choosing someone who is married or in a relationship because they are unavailable? Could it be that you are actually commitment phobic or afraid of rejection and looking for a reason not to be in a long term relationship?
  2. Are you adamant about not dating someone who has been married or has children because you want to be the first & only? If you are over 35 you may need to change this thinking! Don’t turf everyone who has been married or has a child from a previous marriage. Some kids are really wonderful and can add a new dimension to your life that you never dreamed of. At least check it out before you blacklist every potential suitor that has children.
  3. Be careful of dating someone who is recently separated as you could end up being the guinea pig or stepping stone before they are in a healthier place emotionally.
  4. Beware of the new lover who comes in with all guns a blazing! “In fast/ out fast” is usually the case with these types. We are all suckers for romance but if it seems to be too good to be true, too fast? IT IS!
  5. Do you know what you are looking for or do you “think” you do? Do you only have one type? Will you only date people with specific astrology signs where your moons are aligned, or do they have to have a certain professional status? Will you only date one ethnic background or age group?
  6. Have you become a serial dater jumping from one relationship to the next like it’s a part time job?
  7. Are you always hanging out at the same old places, with the same single friends and stuck in a routine?

I called this post “getting out of the box” because so many men & women do not have a clue how repetitive and particular they are when it comes to their dating tactics.  Philip Goldberg has a book called: GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.  I love that title!  This book helps self-defeating habits that keep you from finding a relationship and other aspects of life that you are missing out on.

It could be your fear of being alone or fear of abandonment/rejection making you choose wrong partners! More often than not our childhood experiences play a huge role in our choices as an adult.

10 Transitional Steps to Help Get You Out of the Box:

  • You may not even realize that you have low self esteem or an insecurity that holds you back from finding a loving partnership. Try something different that makes you feel refreshingly alive and good about yourself. Little achievements are great mood boosters!
  • Get rid of cards, letters and memories of your past relationships out of your view so you can start fresh without being reminded of them. Constantly reminiscing about something that didn’t work out will not help you move forward.
  • Do something that is out of your comfort zone. Take a pole dancing or kick boxing class, join a hiking club, start a blog or write a book!
  • Try a different dating technique that you may have been opposed to before. Sign up for an online dating site or app or go on a blind date “set up” from a friend that you may have been avoiding. Speed dating can be interesting too!
  • Have a dinner party with single friends you haven’t seen for a while. Invite a 50/50 ratio of men to women and only upbeat people are allowed! No Debbie Downers or jaded heart-breakers!
  • Book a Singles Club Med Holiday and have a vacation fling! Choose someone you would never normally go for. It easier to “get out of the box” when you are not being judged in your own hometown.
  • Date someone completely out of your usual chemistry zone. Try being friends first, with no sex for a few months. Quite often sex too soon can be the demise of a potential relationship due to emotional expectations that may not be reciprocated.
  • Do not say anything negative about the opposite sex for 4 weeks! Go on I dare you!
  • Say hello to a complete stranger every single day and smile at everyone you come in contact with wherever your day takes you.
  • Put the same posted note in 5 places in your home that you frequent the most on a daily basis. In less than 5 lines, write down what you really want in a partner and ask for it out loud every time you see the note.

Start talking in a positive tone about relationships and people in general. The more optimistic your outlook is, the more attractive you will become to others. If your past dating and relationship experiences end up in the same scenario over and over again then it is time to change things up.

People tend to talk loudly about the things that aren’t working in their lives but seldom praise the good things that are happening for them. Count your blessings and honor them every day. Just by doing that simple step it will remind you of the wonderful things that you do have going for you.

Happiness is contagious and will bring more of the same towards you if practiced repetitively. No one will be able to resist your charms! <3

Susan McCord        The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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