Today on Dear Sybersue I discuss the topic: Advice For Women Who Are Dating Over 40+.
This seems to be a controversial subject for both sexes.
There are a lot of opinions out there about what is or isn’t happening for women over 40 especially when it comes to dating online and on certain social media sites. Sadly, this is causing a lot of negativity and self-esteem issues for many women. Everyone deserves to have love in their life, and there shouldn’t ever be any age discrimination or pessimistic comments put out anywhere regarding this subject.
Not all women are gold diggers and only want a guy’s wallet, and not all women have treated men badly, and because of that, they deserve to be single in their later years. There are bad apples in every bunch when it comes to both sexes, but regardless, I find it frustrating there are judgey comments made about either sex. Maybe we just have to choose people who are better suited for us. Maybe we have to pay closer attention to the early red flags, so we don’t end up in another bad dating scenario.
The first question I have for everyone is why shouldn’t women find love in their mature years?
Why are so many women feeling ignored on dating sites, as if they are invisible? I have always been an advocate for love, and I do not understand why age should ever be an issue. We are all single at various times in our lives, and some people are choosing to get married much later these days due to prioritizing their careers. There are also more couples going through a divorce in their later years as well. This opens up the dating market to many different demographics.
Unfortunately, many women feel that meeting a potential partner is a big problem today. They tell me that men prefer to date women much younger, and for that reason, many mature women are giving up even trying to date, due to how difficult it is to meet someone in their age group. Maybe the bigger scenario here is that online dating sites act like a candy store for some people, and they don’t take the process seriously.
I completely understand why many women over 40+ are moving away from using online dating platforms.
It’s just not working for the majority of ladies who have spent time there trying to meet their special person. They feel it’s not a reciprocated space and that even if the men are interested in them, it is usually just in a sexual nature. Most women over 40+ are looking for love and want all the bells and whistles that come with a committed partnership. They are not into serial dating or dating men who are only looking for a happy ending and a one-night stand.
Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash
OK, then what are women supposed to do? Change your attitude to change your life.
I have found in my coaching sessions that both sexes seem to be hurt from past breakup experiences, which might add a little fear or subconscious sabotage to how they view the dating arena today. Attitude is everything when you want to meet someone to share your life with. Having a negative outlook is the first thing you have to alter if you are feeling like you will never meet anyone, and will always be single. Change those generalized beliefs. Believe it or not, not every guy out there wants to be with a woman who is 20 years younger than them.
Your thoughts and words manifest things toward you, so change your thinking and the words that you use. Try saying, “I am excited to meet my special person, and I am ready to receive them into my life.” Be grateful for everything you have, and express this appreciation often. It may sound a little too spiritual for some of you, but you will quickly alter that thinking when you see how your world starts to change. When you are thankful for even the small things that you have, more wonderful things will find their way to you.
I understand only too well from my own personal experience, it can be difficult to get out of the house and stay optimistic when you are constantly getting nowhere in the dating world. It is important to believe that you are worthy of having love in your life. You are the only one in charge of making that happen, so you have to put in the effort to get off your couch. This will bring more opportunities for you to meet someone special that you have a connection to. It would be amazing if a potential partner would just knock on your front door, but you’d probably have better luck winning a lottery. 😉
There may not appear to be a lot of available men in an older age bracket, especially if you are dating online, so it can be disheartening. A lot of mature men don’t feel comfortable being on a dating site, so this is also why there is a shortage of available guys. This is even more of a reason to get out and be active in your neighborhood because many people still want to meet the old-fashioned way! Being able to look someone in the eye and get to see their personality is much more realistic than texting each other for weeks at a time and then never actually meeting them in person.
I always suggest to my clients to find some social groups in their city where they can attend celebrations, events, or gatherings with other people their own age. When you start looking into things, there is a lot more going on than you realize. Just because you have reached a more mature age, it doesn’t mean that you still can’t have fun and meet new people on a regular basis. There are organized walking/hiking groups in most cities, and pickleball has become a popular social sport for many people over 40+!
Here is one popular website that I personally have been a part of. Meetup.com (There are Over 60 Million Meetup Members, 4,855 Cities, and 193 Countries) If you can’t find a group that interests you, start your own! It could be something simple like a coffee/happy hour group that meets on a weekly basis. Get a few women/men together and come up with a group that you would all benefit from and where you can meet potential people to date. It could be a planned BBQ picnic at a local park for singles. At the very least, you will socialize with others and have some really enjoyable evenings to look forward to. Making new friends is fantastic too!
The trick to living your best life whether you are single or in a partnership is to be diverse and always stay open to trying new things.
If you have had a bad experience dating in the last while, dust yourself off and move on with a new outlook. Take a break from dating for a while so you can start out again with a fresh attitude when you are ready. You’re not going to fall in love with everyone you date, but it only takes one person to be your potential partner.
If you’re frustrated because you are not meeting anyone to date, it is time to change up your environment and your thought process. “What’s the point in dating, I never meet anyone, I give up. Men only want to date younger women.” It is so easy to say what isn’t happening for you, but the more you repeat, or even think, those words, the more you will believe them. Those thoughts will hold you hostage and keep you stuck in a place of despair and loneliness.
The more you remove yourself from negative environments and stop listening to hurtful comments, the closer you will come to believing in love and relationships again. You know in your heart that you deserve better, and so do the other 40+ women and men out there. You can have whatever you want when you put in the energy to get it. Don’t ever stop believing in your own personal happiness. Age is just a number, don’t let it define you. We are all amazing regardless of what birthday we are celebrating!
Thank you, Sybersue xo <3
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me @ https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and message me there to set up a video call or voice call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
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