Dating Advice: Get off Your Bar Stool and Start Talking to Each Other


photo (33)
Relax and have fun on your date!

Dating Doesn’t Have to Suck!

I want to address something that I have noticed for years in the dating world. After spending a few evenings out with the girls this past few months, I still see very little interaction between single men & women. It is exasperating to watch this happen at most of the establishments we visited.

So what is the problem ladies & gentlemen?  Why is there a lack of conversation or acknowledgement towards each other?

Men tell me that many women are stuck up, materialist, or just plain unapproachable! The women complain that there are no available men or that all they are looking for is sex and aren’t looking for a relationship. How did we get to this negative place? Where is this judgmental attitude coming from?

I personally feel that much of this is due to the fear of commitment or lack of confidence and not believing in themselves or that they don’t think they deserve a loving relationship. By pushing away every opportunity, they don’t have to deal with the rejection that they fear will eventually happen anyway. It is a very defeatist attitude and a sad way to live life. We all need love in our lives but have to understand that we are worthy of it and welcome it into our world. Negativity destroys happiness in all forms.

What I have Noticed With Single Men & Women When They Are Out For The Evening:

  • Ladies go out in large groups, so men feel intimidated to approach.
  • Women like to sit in booths which makes it difficult for a man to go up and chat when 6 pairs of eyes are on him. It’s much easier when you are in a mingle situation and can have “one on one” contact.
  • Men sit with their backs to the room on a bar stool which signifies they are closed off.
  • Women & men are both quick to label each other with what they are wearing & who they hang with.
  • Women expect to have a drink bought for them if a man connects with them.
  • If there is a conversation, the questions often begin with: “what do you do for work?” or “why are you single?” These are not good opening lines which lack imagination. Be creative and funny over clinical and boring.
  • Men often wait until they are leaving to say hi or smile at a woman they are attracted to.
  • Eye contact & conversation finally comes after a big dose of liquid courage, which usually doesn’t go well.
  • Men use sarcasm to get a women’s attention. (reminds me of boys pulling a girls ponytail to get noticed in elementary school.)

How do we Correct this Behavior?

  1. Be aware of who you are hanging out with & how they are perceived by others. Are they rude or standoffish and ruining your chance to meet someone? Guilty by association happens more often than people realize.
  2. Regardless of whether you are male or female do not be afraid to make the first contact. A smile, a hello on your way to the washroom, or “cheers” with your glass says you are open to conversation. It gives people the “OK” that you are receptive to go to the next step.
  3. Be courteous to people around you including the servers as this will be observed by others in the room. (I always watched people’s behavior when I was single as it told me a lot about their character!)
  4. Dress appropriately & unpretentious but to your personality. If you are a spitfire, wear something bright & flirty and if you are conservative, dress that way. You want to attract someone fitting to who you are, so that you are compatible should there be a connection. (Opposites attract but they seldom stay together.)
  5. Make your seating location & body language open & receptive to others in the room.
  6. Don’t blow someone off because you can’t see yourself marrying them. They may have another purpose in your life. They could become a good friend or business associate. Networking comes in all forms of communication ~ Enjoy it for the moment.

The most important point I would like to stress is; how many people need to recharge their positive thinking when looking for a potential partner. Next time you go out on the town, change your thinking by using this thought process: “I am going to have fun tonight. I am not afraid to have love in my life & not all men/women are unavailable or unapproachable. There is someone for everyone & I am worthy of a wonderful relationship. Bring it on, I am ready!” Thoughts become reality so think about what is important to you and what you want to have in your life, not what you don’t want.

You may not meet someone right away but it takes time to alter the negative pattern of yesterday. Write out a list of changes you want to make towards finding a wonderful partnership & read them on a daily basis; especially before you go out. Make out another list on what you want in a partner. (It should include a variety of characteristics, not just material objects.)

When I decided I was ready to meet someone, I made a list of the man I wanted to share my life with & what was most important to me in a relationship. I read it every night before bed & also said out loud “I am ready to receive this wonderful man into my life” & within a few months he literally appeared in my life. We are very happily married today. <3

You really can have what you want in your life, you just have to believe you deserve it & practice good Karma to receive it. You must “give to receive” & be grateful for what you do have to find the ultimate happiness in your life.

Wishing you all lots of love ~ let me know how it works for you. I’d love to hear your stories!

Susan McCord @   

facebook page


One comment

Thank you for visiting Sybersue! Your comments and topic ideas are always appreciated!