This scenario has happened to many people at some point in their lives.

How many times do we hear of couples reuniting at a high school reunion 20-30 years later?  That lost love that got away because the timing wasn’t right.

Should we go back to a past love if offered the chance?

First of all, you need to ask yourself if it really was bad timing. Or was it just the wrong person? When love is “real” there aren’t a lot of questions and it doesn’t have to be difficult. It just feels right and the adjustments are not constantly dramatic, but reciprocated compromises.

There are definitely relationship obstacles in our younger years. We focus on our career or University commitments and find out who we are. Meeting someone at that stage in your life can be complicated and not always meant to be forever. (Although saying that, some college sweethearts have had successful long term relationships.)

What we experience in our youth will help set us on a path. It is intended to guide us in making wise choices for the future. Or so we hope.

We all make decisions for what we think is the better road. However, as we have seen too often, this isn’t always the case. We spend years second guessing our choices. Timing is everything and sometimes we don’t pay attention to what is obvious and right in front of us. Many people let the right person get away because of other priorities.

Later on, they often choose to settle with the wrong person for various reasons. Age can be a significant factor. This can also happen with some women when they are ready to have children and their biological clock is ticking.

Dating checklists can end up being relationship killers due to the picky or shallow demands some people prioritize. Ironically, these men and women often become jaded because they are still single in their in their later years! This just makes things worse and sabotages any chance of establishing a partnership.

People need to remind themselves that everyone has great qualities. Everyone has flaws. No one is immune to this. Taking someone for granted can end up backfiring. Getting too cocky in a relationship can leave you questioning yourself. This happens when they finally walk away looking for someone who appreciates them.

“Sometimes we don’t know they are the right person until they are gone from our lives.”

If you do feel like you are repeating a pattern, it might be due to your unreasonable checklists. Repetitive behavioral issues could also be a factor. These are signs of your own self worth or commitment issues repelling any potential relationship. This situation is quite common. People often regret when they let the love of their life slip away. They realize this too late.

How do you change this?

• Put yourself around friends that have a healthy relationship. Being in that environment will help alleviate the fear by seeing how wonderful a great relationship can be.
• Remove yourself from hanging around negative people who are always complaining about dating and relationships.
• See a counselor for underlying issues you may not be aware of from your past or childhood.
• Keep yourself busy. Having too much time on your hands will only make you think about being single more often.
• Be honest with yourself. Do you know what you really want? Don’t say what you don’t want in your life. Verbalize what you do want.

Try not to be too picky or judgmental but don’t ever settle for someone. This isn’t fair to you or your partner. Companionship is a wonderful thing but don’t sell yourself short of also having a loving and sexually fulfilling relationship.

Be careful not to confuse loneliness with pining over a lost love. We can spend a lot of time “walking down memory lane” over someone who we thought was the right person. Sometimes it really was the wrong person but we hold on to the few good things. Ultimately, no one wants to be alone.

Many people fabricate what really wasn’t in their relationship because there is nothing else there to replace it. This is why some men and women breakup and makeup numerous times in their partnerships. They talk themselves into thinking there is more to the relationship than there really is.

If you let your soul mate go, it might have been the biggest mistake of your life. If you know this in your heart, act upon these feelings.  Knowing when it is purely a physical lust or true love will be the answer to your question. They could be feeling the exact same way about you. Timing plays a huge part in everything we do in life. Some of us understand this much earlier than others.

Your intuition is your true guide and will never lead you astray when you learn to listen and trust it.  When two people are both ready at the same time, it becomes the right time. This is true regardless of how many years have passed.

Love has no curfew.

Dear Sybersue – Book at Amazon

Susan McCord