Have you ever met the right person at the wrong time? This scenario has probably happened to most people at some point in their lives. How many times do we hear of couples reuniting at a high school reunion 20-30 years later? That lost love that got away because the timing wasn’t right.
Should we go back to a past love if offered the chance?
First of all you need to ask yourself if it really was bad timing or was is it just the wrong person? When love is “real” there aren’t a lot of questions and it doesn’t have to be difficult. It just feels right and the adjustments are not constantly dramatic, but reciprocated compromises. There are definitely relationship obstacles in our younger years when we are focusing on our career or University commitments and finding out who we are. Meeting someone at that stage in your life can be complicated and not always meant to be forever. (Although saying that, some college sweethearts have had successful long term relationships.)
What we experience in our youth will help set us on a path to make wise choices for the future or so we hope…
We all make decisions for what we think is the better road but as we have seen too often, this isn’t always the case & we spend years second guessing our choices. Timing is everything and sometimes we don’t pay attention to what is obvious and right in front of us. How many people have let the right person get away due to other priorities & then choose the wrong person later on out of desperation? Age can play an important factor in your choices, especially if you are a woman and your biological clock is ticking like a time bomb. Some women will settle and forfeit love to get pregnant at that stage.
Dating checklists can end up being relationship killers due to the picky or shallow demands some people prioritize. Ironically, these men and women who remain single until their late 30’s or 40’s often become bitter because they are still single! This just makes things worse which could end up annihilating any chance of establishing a partnership. People need to remind themselves that everyone has great qualities & everyone has flaws ~ No one is immune to this. Taking someone for granted or getting too cocky in a relationship can end up backfiring and leave you questioning yourself when they finally walk away looking for someone who appreciates them.
“Sometimes we don’t know they are the right person until they are gone from our lives.”
If you do feel like you are repeating a pattern due to your unreasonable checklists and repetitive behavioral issues, it could be your own self worth or commitment issues sabotaging any potential relationship. This is quite common and a regretful scenario for people when they realize they let the love of their life slip through their fingers.
How do you change this?
- Put yourself around friends that have a healthy relationship. Being in that environment could help alleviate the fear by seeing how wonderful a great relationship can be.
- Remove yourself from hanging around negative people who are always complaining about dating and relationships.
- See a counselor for underlying issues you may not be aware of from your past or childhood.
- Keep yourself busy. Having too much time on your hands will only make you think about being single more often.
- Be honest with yourself ~ do you know what you really want? Don’t say what you don’t want in your life. Verbalize what you do want.
Try not to be too picky or judgmental and don’t ever settle for someone. This isn’t fair to you or your partner. Companionship is a wonderful thing but don’t sell yourself short of also having a loving & sexually fulfilling relationship.
If you are questioning whether you let that great person get away, be careful not to confuse loneliness with pining over a lost love. We can spend a lot of time “walking down memory lane” over someone who we thought was the right person. Sometimes it really was the wrong person but we hold on to the few good things because ultimately no one wants to be alone. Many people fabricate what really wasn’t in their relationship because there is nothing else there to replace it. This is why some men and women breakup and makeup numerous times in their partnerships. They talk themselves into thinking there is more to the relationship than there really is.
If you did let your soul mate go and you know in your heart that it was the biggest mistake of your life, it is never too late to act upon these feelings. Knowing when it is purely a physical lust or true love will be the answer to your question and who knows, they could be feeling exactly the same way about you! Timing plays a huge part in everything we do in life and some of us understand it much earlier than others.
Your intuition is your true guide and will never lead you astray when you learn to listen and trust it. When two people are both ready at the same time, becomes the right time ~ regardless of how many years have passed.
~Love has no curfew~
Dear Sybersue – Book at Amazon
Susan McCord
