Can We Really Have It All Or At Least Most Of What We Want?

Want It At Forty FiveCan we have most of what we want? Why does life flow for some people but not for others? Is it really all about our attitude or self esteem? Is it luck?

Having it all is not the same for everyone. Some people want log cabins and solitude & others want a flourishing career and a winter home in Palm Springs.

Many people are very driven & make things happen to intensify their life and then there are others who make excuses as to why they are not changing their lives in a more enhancing way.

To them, it’s much easier “not” to persevere and have challenges, then to deal with the fears that come with continual change or risk taking.

It’s time to alter that behavioral thinking; you can have it all when you believe you can!

Things to Think About When Making Changes to Your Life:

  • Self sabotage inhibits your success because you don’t believe you can actually do it or that you deserve it. You stop yourself from allowing things to manifest. Visualize yourself in a better place.
  • Childhood demons or trauma can block your creativity and self worth but can also create a fight for survival as an adult.  (It is always a good idea to see a therapist to help you deal with any painful memories that still haunt you.)
  • A mundane and repetitive routine slows creative achievement; diversity is the key!
  • Don’t be envious, judgmental or jealous of others. Learn from them! Ask questions and watch what they do.
  • Want It All At Forty FiveDon’t give up or feel defeated with anything you are striving for. Oprah became successful because people everywhere can relate to her. She persevered through hardship & childhood abuse. She is a mentor to many because she never gave up on her dream despite numerous obstacles! It wasn’t an easy road for her.
  • Stop “living in a box” due to fears. We aren’t born outgoing & confident; we learn how to be. (Setting new goals on a regular basis will allow you to keep growing; which will also enhance your self-esteem.) We all have a choice on how to improve our lives. It’s up to us.
  • Stay light-hearted and fun to be around. Being rigid or controlling about things may get you what you want at the time, but could keep you from true happiness due to a “high maintenance” attitude.
  • Make a list of your desires and look at them regularly in order of importance. You may only have a few but they will change your life direction when you start to implement them.
  • Settling for anything in your life including a partner will be a disservice to all aspects of your life. It will have a domino effect. Go for what makes you truly happy.
  • Don’t wait for things to happen, make them happen! It’s perfectly OK to take baby steps to get there.
  • When things are right, they are not that difficult. Every new situation requires a little work but if there is too much drama or negativity you need to know when to move on!
  • Be careful how quickly you judge someone because everyone has a story and they are all worth hearing. Be compassionate & kind towards other people.
  • Do not let your disabilities define you; show the world your inner strength and teach others how to understand them. The less ignorance in the world, the more we will learn to love each other unconditionally.
  • Sometimes great opportunities are right in front of you but you don’t see them. Open your eyes with more clarity and allow these things to come towards you. You deserve them! We all do.

We have many more options today than our parents ever had and we need to appreciate that. We also live longer so why not make it memorable?

Want It All At Forty FiveA few scars on your knees or on your heart mean that you have “lived and loved” and were not afraid to take chances. Eventually you will get it right when you “own” the life lessons that were dealt to you. There was something you needed to know so you can move onto a healthier & happier place.

Don’t spend your life regretting what you did or didn’t do, move on and appreciate each experience. Take the positive from each situation with you to the next level & keep soaring to new heights.

I believe you can have it all if you do not become complacent or stuck. It’s never too late to change up what isn’t working.

Once we reach 30, birthdays seem to come at much more rapid pace. This scares us and can bring out more insecurities of what may not be happening in our lives.

Diversity will keep youth on your side due to always having a fresh outlook; which will enhance your life on a continual basis. People will want to be around you because you’re interesting! There is never a dull moment hanging out with you!

It’s Important to Connect with Others:

Talk to each other, look at each other, smile at each other and say hi to each other. Stop stereotyping the opposite sex and appreciate their strengths & weaknesses. Only treat others the way you want to be treated.

I believe that there are no coincidences and that people you come across in your lifetime have a message to give you or you have to give them.

The faster you decipher these messages the faster you will be able to define who you are and what special gifts you have to share with others on your path.

What makes you happy?

Do you know your true passion?

What hidden talent do you have that needs to come out for all of us to see?

We ALL have a purpose here in our lifetime and we are all unique, beautiful and wealthy in our own way.

At Forty Five You Are OK

Never be afraid to be all that you can be; because life is so much more rewarding when you finally discover that you really are pretty damn incredible!

Yes I am talking to you!

One person can make a difference, why can’t it be you?

This post is also shown here at this other amazing website! I will post there every Tuesday @ atfortyfivemag.com

Susan McCord @The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

 

 

Relationship: My Buddy Saw My Girlfriend on a Dating Site!

Relationship: My Buddy Saw My Girlfriend on a Dating Site!

Dear Sybersue answers Scott’s question about his girlfriend Sandra being seen on a dating site by one of his best friends! They have been living together for 2 years! He is in love with her and is very hurt about hearing this upsetting news today.

Scott thought everything was going great! WTF?

They do not have an open relationship and he is exclusively committed to Sandra. He hasn’t confronted her yet because he is trying to make sense of how this could happen.

Did he do something wrong? Is their sex life an issue? Were there some red flags that he ignored? She has shown no indication of being unhappy or discussed any problems with Scott.

Could the information be wrong?

What are your thoughts? How should he confront her? I think most of us would say he should he dump her sorry ass, but he at least needs to hear her side of the story beforehand.

Please leave your comments below & if this has happened to you or know someone this has happened to how did they handle the situation?

Susan McCord @ The Dearsybersue Talk Show
Dear Sybersue Facebook page
Blogs & Advice Column

 

 

Can’t Get Past a Breakup due to Guilt or Regrets?

Can’t Get Past a Breakup due to Guilt or Regrets?

In this video Dear Sybersue talks about how to get past a breakup due to an ongoing guilty conscience and having many regrets about what happened in the relationship!

Regardless of who initiated the end of the relationship it can still have lingering effect on both people dealing with the breakup. There are many factors that come into play and everyone deals with heartbreak differently.

Here are a few things that may make you feel guilty or why you may have regrets about the demise of your relationship:

  • Did you break up with your partner due to a silly argument and now you regret acting so hastily?
  • Was there cheating involved and this is the reason for your breakup?
  • You left you partner due to a medical situation you couldn’t deal with?
  • You were controlling and jealous all the time? You have trust issues?
  • You weren’t over an Ex relationship which inhibited you from giving 100% to your new relationship?
  • You have major commitment issues that you have never dealt with.
  • You became complacent & stopped nurturing your relationship?

How can someone move on if all they think about is what transpired with their Ex? What can they do? What should they do so that they can move on towards a healthier path?

Please leave your comments below! I would love to hear what you did in a situation like this.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

I Married a Mountain Man but I’m a City Girl!

I Married a Mountain Man but I’m a City Girl!

Dear Sybersue does something a little out of the box today and talks about her own relationship.

How do you make a partnership work when you both enjoy different activities? When one of you is more extroverted than the other? Opposites attract but seldom stay together; so… can you compromise as a couple?

To maintain happiness in any relationship both people in the partnership need to make a continual effort and make each other a priority. That doesn’t mean you are together 24/7 or that you put your passions on the back burner; it means that your communication with them is reciprocated and respected.

You find a healthy way to be there for each other & make time for your own needs as well.

When we give up too much of ourselves while in a committed relationship that is the beginning of a downward spiral for many couples. Resentment then starts to play a big part in your everyday existence. This is one of the main reasons some people are opposed to being in a long term commitment! They feel trapped but it doesn’t have to be that way.

You don’t have to become another breakup statistic if you are really paying attention & listening to your partner. Do you really want to live with someone exactly like you??? Wouldn’t that be boring?

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You obviously don’t want to be at complete opposite ends of the spectrum but having a few interests that differ from your partner is a good thing. It’s healthy and gives you a freedom that many people lose when they become a couple.

When you grow together & keep trying new things, the diversity will be the key to a long & happy union. Embrace the differences that you both bring to the relationship! Who knows, you may try something new and actually enjoy it!

Susan McCord @ facebook/dearsybersue
Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column
Dear Sybersue Talk Show

I Keep Running into My Ex Boyfriend! How Can I Avoid Him?

I Keep Running into My Ex Boyfriend! How Can I Avoid Him?

Dear Sybersue answers a viewers question about how to avoid running into her Ex boyfriend on a regular basis!

She is really trying to move on from him but seeing him so often makes it very difficult not think about him. There are always some good memories even in a bad relationship which can nag at our hearts even when we know it is not a healthy partnership.

Removing yourself from the environment that you and your Ex shared is a must if you want to get over them. You will have to make a lot of changes for the first 6 months, which may include your mutual friendships and hangout locations.

Breakups go through a grieving period that can consume every part of your being and it is much harder when you have continual reminders of your time together.

Now you need to to build a place for you to feel safe and pave the way to finding a new love down the road. The more time we spend hanging onto the wrong people in our lives, the longer it takes to find that amazing partner that we all deserve.

There are always lessons but that is a good thing.<3

What have you done to move on from your Ex and avoid contact with them? Please leave your comments below.

Susan McCord @ facebook/dearsybersue
The Dear Sybersue Relationship Talk Show

 

How Do I Stop Being Lonely after My Breakup without having to be in a Social Setting?

How Do I Stop Being Lonely after My Breakup without having to be in a Social Setting?

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Dear Sybersue,

I am a 38 year old attractive woman.  My husband left our 14 year marriage 9 months ago & I have tried so many things to move on but sometimes I just can’t get out of the house due to the deep sadness I feel.

I am overwhelmed with how lonely I am and very aware that I am sabotaging my happiness by being stuck in this place of isolation.  I just don’t want to be a Debbie Downer around people and I can’t fake my moods for long.

I find it easier just to be by myself and hope that this debilitating heart break goes away soon! I am so tired of crying and want to erase the vision of my husband out with all our friends and his new & much younger girlfriend!

Our relationship seemed pretty good for the most part and we had sex occasionally but I did notice we barely talked anymore & did minimal things together as a couple. One night he just looked at me across the dinner table and said “I am not happy here anymore, too much has changed.” That was it!  He packed a suitcase and left that night.

I think he must have been seeing this other woman before he left our marriage as I really don’t think he would have had the courage to leave and to be alone.  He hasn’t been single since he was 17 and is now 42 years old!

What do you suggest I do to get past the loneliness so I can also start to live a joyful life? What am I doing wrong and why are most our friends on his side? That hurts almost as much as the break up itself!!

Thanks for whatever advice you have for me Sybersue!

Lauren H.

Hi Lauren,

Thank you for your email! I had a similar question at my ladies meet up group the other evening. This is a question so many women have due to the abruptness of how their relationship ended. The “blindsiding” way it was handled is the main reason for this.

“How could he just leave with a one line statement like it’s been talked about 100 times? I had no clue!”

Many men & women do not have any idea that their partners are unhappy or planning to leave the marital home.  Sometimes it is a denial thing but more often it is due to the couple’s lack of communication & not paying attention to each other’s needs. They stop listening to each other!

Of course only you know the answer as to what went on behind closed doors and that may be something you need to delve into to gain some closure.

In the meantime you need to change your thoughts! You are consumed with what is going on in your husband’s life and it is taking over every moment of your day. This is unhealthy and keeps you in a long term form of grieving.

How to Stop Being Lonely without having to be in a Social Environment:

  1. Put away any photos or reminders of your EX in the house, on your computer or your phone.
  2. Stop talking to the friends who do not have your back or who just want to call you to gossip about your Ex.
  3. Take him off your Facebook/Social Media so you can’t see how much fun he “seems” to be having without you!
  4. Start your day by watching something funny on YouTube or your favorite social media site. Funny animal videos always help me when I am feeling down. Build up to at least an hour per day. (That’s one hour less that you think about him!)
  5. Find a regular exercise TV show that you can follow in your home. Yoga is great & is also a form of meditation where your mind is focused only on the positive. Make this a daily routine.  It will not only release your sad mindset, it will make you look good. We all know when you look good, you feel good too. ❤
  6. Write out a list of the things that “weren’t right” in your marriage. Now that you have had 9 months to look back & process your 14 years together, there must have been some red flags or things that were missing.  It’s not all about what your husband was feeling! Maybe you weren’t that happy either.
  7. Work on a project. Maybe it is a hobby that you let go of years ago or try something completely new! Learn how to write a blog, experiment with photography, cooking new recipes & sharing them on Instagram. Everything is at your fingertips on Google!
  8. Change up your home with new paint or a few pieces of furniture! Get rid of that damn bed you slept in together or at least throw out the sheets and get some new ones.
  9. Try out some new makeup & hair ideas by watching video tutorials so that when you are ready to venture back out socializing you will have a new vamped up look!
  10. Read some motivating blogs that help you deal with breakups and divorce.
  11. Take a peek at some online dating sites or local meet up groups you can join at a later date.

It takes two people to be in a relationship and usually two people to end it as well. Own your part in why things changed so much between you & your husband. Why did you stop talking & why did you feel it was OK not to stay on a communicative level.

Relationships take work & need to be nurtured. Sometimes we take them for granted & forget that.

It’s OK to take time for yourself before you feel like putting yourself out there when you are dealing with a divorce; in fact it is healthy because you are taking time to heal. You are allowed to feel your emotions and the pain of your marriage ending. It was real to you and isn’t something you take lightly.

It is always difficult when you feel like you were replaced so quickly by another woman but your husband will have his time when he reflects on your 14 years together. No one gets through a divorce without having to deal with some form of pain or regret.

Unfortunately friendships can change with a breakup and I understand your sadness when it comes to why you don’t want to be social right now. Who do you trust, who is really there for you and were these people ever your real friends?

The people who are there for you will not play both sides of the fence. They will support you and NOT pretend everything is OK. They will be genuinely concerned about you & want to help you through this heart break. They will not be out partying right away with the new girl like nothing has happened.

Things will change for you in the next few months if you follow some of those 11 tips above. The more you do for yourself, the less rejection you will feel. You’re amazing self is still in there somewhere and I will bet there is an even better version of you to come!

Wishing you love & happiness on your new path.

Sybersue @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

Relationship Advice: What Does “Taking a Break” Really Mean?

This topic is timeless and a never ending discussion with men & women in relationships.

Dear Sybersue: Dating Relationship Blog & Talk Show

Seriously, what does “We are taking a break in our relationship” really mean?

This video from 5 years ago is still a very popular topic today! I wanted to re-post due to all the ongoing comments about this video on my YouTube channel. I am not usually as opinionated on my show but this conversation always gets me going! 

So many people are into taking a break in their relationship today! How do they get away with their partners being OK with it?  Isn’t this the same as having your cake & eating it too?  The best of both worlds?

Isn’t this is just a cowards way of eventually ending a relationship because they don’t want to be alone right away & they can keep their options open? Both sexes initiate this scenario today, especially in the millennial crowd.

Wouldn’t it be better to stay single & date rather than…

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