Long Distance Romance ~ Is Your Relationship Geographically Challenged?

airplane travel

This topic is for all of you long-distance romancers out there!  

In the past, this type of dating was not practiced much due to travel issues and regimented lifestyles.  Since then, The Millennium has opened the technology doors and communication levels that have made long distance romance feasible.  So much so, that many couples have found each other in other cities or even different Countries and are making their situation work!  Business travel & Online Dating sites have probably been the main reasons for this.   Innovative travel sources have lessened the stress in long distance relationships & many businesses are taking advantage of this as well.  Companies everywhere are merging and expanding globally.

Why would we want to make our love lives so complicated?

I personally have had a few relationships overseas but I wasn’t looking for a long term commitment at that time.  Unfortunately this can be a big problem with some long distance relationships because often one person is more dedicated and attached than the other.  This can happen even if it originally starts out as a reciprocated “friends with benefits” scenario!”  Some people look for these long distance situations so they don’t have to commit and because it is SAFE!  (or at least they think it is!)

Is it not difficult enough just dating in your own city close to home?  Do some people look for these long distance situations so they have an excuse not to commit?  Are they living the best of both worlds with a double life so to speak?  “It is a small world after all,” and it is getting smaller by the minute.

We are so much more connected than ever before and watching the news is like being in someone’s backyard experiencing it as if we were there.   But I do use the word “connected” lightly in the relationship sense.  The smaller our world becomes many people are isolating themselves behind their technology devices which contradicts what it is really suppose to do.  Unfortunately this makes meeting that special someone even harder than before.  This is one of the reasons long distance relationships are happening more often now.  People are expanding their playground to have more options.

Sometimes fate just steps into your path regardless of where you are in the world and your meeting is no coincidence.  If you have ever read the Celestine Prophecy you will know what I am referring to. (Every path you are on, you are there by choice.)  In other words, falling in love with Jason or Cindy on a vacation to London or Hong Kong was not an accident.  You were put on that path for a purpose which you might want to analyze before shrugging it off.   It could be an amazing career opportunity or a future partner down the road.  Don’t blow it off as “what’s the point”; there is always a point with everyone you meet!  One person can make a huge difference in your life even if it was only in a short passing.

Let’s say you are really serious about this person.  How do you make it work?

How do you keep from feeling insecure every time you say goodbye?  How can you build a trust with them when half of your life is living in another city?  The top priority should be to ensure you are both “clear” on the relationship’s progression.   Are you dating, casually seeing each other, exclusive or engaged?  It is very hard to ask these questions so quickly, but doing so will save you any misunderstanding later on.

Also ask “yourself” these important questions:

  • “Am I open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become serious?”
  • “Am I interested in getting married or happy living in a common law situation?”
  • How do we deal with being a blended family if we have children from another marriage?
  • Do we want our own children together and what time frame are we looking at?
  • Whose family is going to get the short end of the stick ~ because someone has to make the sacrifice and physically change residence.
  • What if we live 3000 miles apart?  (We can’t just go see our family when we feel like it as we have travel barriers and will have to plan far ahead to see them.) Can I live with that? Can they?

Other things to think about:

  • Communicating daily is very important to keep you both feeling secure.  Talk about everything like you would over a glass of wine at home.  Even the little things.
  • Ask their advice on things to make them feel needed across the miles. Hearing their voice and their viewpoint is important.
  • Use Facetime or video phone calls as everyone needs the visual of the person they love!
  • Skype should be your best friend.  (Always take pride in your appearance ~ don’t be complacent as it is a date after all.)
  • Travel time to see each other should be reciprocated!
  • Have a future plan as to where you will live together so there are no surprises later.
  • Know when to say good-bye; do not leave the relationship hanging if you are losing interest. Don’t lead anyone on longer than necessary and tell them to their face in person not in a text or phone call.
  • Communication is the most needed tool to keep any partnership alive but it is imperative in a long distance relationship.

Don’t ignore the red flags or when your gut trying to tell you something!

Intuition is your guide ~ trust it!  Be respectful of the time that is put in to seeing each other.  Many long distance relationships actually work very well due to the effort that has to be implemented to sustain them.  You have to work harder to keep it fresh and alive.  There is always an excited anticipation for when the next visit is scheduled.

Make sure you are comfortable in both home scenarios with friends, location, family & careers.  You may end up in one of these places more permanently so there needs to be contentment regardless of where you end up living together.  Many couples ignore this in the first year thinking the other person will compromise and it ends up being the reason for the demise of the partnership.

Being on the same page through the transition of the relationship will keep it flourishing but when it changes for any reason, be honest with your partner.  Being the last to know that someone has moved on is devastating.  Ending a relationship is always difficult and heartbreak is painful.   Love doesn’t count the mileage; it hurts regardless of where you live.  Be respectful of each other always.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating Advice – Why do so Many Women Need to Know Everything on the First Date?

Dear Sybersue:

Why do so many women need to know everything about me on the first date?  What is with all the questions and the big checklist?  I feel like I am being interrogated!  It is so annoying and such a turn off. Why can’t people just take things slow? I’m not the only guy who feels this way as many of my male friends have discussed it with me.  It is becoming a common occurrence and I am getting fed up…grrrrr

I am sure there are men who do this to women as well but I am just speaking about my own experiences. Why don’t people just let things unfold without 200 questions. What the heck is wrong with everyone today?

Thanks, Bryan 

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue:  Dating a Friend’s Ex is NOT OK!

Getting Past the Heartbreak

Getting Past the Heartbreak

Dear Sybersue:

I feel that dating a friend’s ex-boyfriend is wrong. I don’t care what excuses anyone makes. When a friend engages in a relationship with a friend’s ex-boyfriend, it’s being selfish from both the friend and ex-boyfriend’s end. I feel that when a friend and ex-boyfriend do this to a friend, they are not only selfish for thinking about their needs first and neglecting the fact that they put their friend in more pain and hurt by their actions, but they are also selfish in that they put their friend in the horrible and difficult situation on deciding whether or not she can forgive them. Any person of decency, respect, and consideration would never put their friend in this difficult position. To have to deal with the messy outcome and images of them engaging in a relationship behind the friend’s back. Friends don’t treat their friends this way. I would have never done this to any of my friends. I have never done that to any of my friends. I have integrity, a moral compass, etc. I’d rather be alone for years than to hurt my friend by engaging in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend. When a friend does this to her friend – the ex-boyfriend is like shared goods. It’s like the special relationship I had with the ex-boyfriend is cheapened because he’s tossed around in relations with my friends and everybody is knowing what is going on. I don’t care how lonely you feel. I’ve been alone for a long time. Any friend who cares about their friend would have self control and not violate the friendship code by having a relationship with a friend’s ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. I have self control. I feel that these two close friends were very selfish and had no self control. They cared about themselves and didn’t care about the hurt and pain they have caused their friend. It just really gets to me that I’ve been grieving and mourning this entire year while they were having fun with each other behind my back while I was crying all this time this year. It’s so heartless, insensitive, selfish, disgusting, dishonorable, disrespectful, etc.

I’d rather be a Nun or Monk than to engage in a relationship with a friend’s ex-boyfriend. What they did, to me and many people’s eyes, was wrong. I hate that these close friends put me in the position where I have to be the one to forgive. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even go on the place where all three of us met. I feel that because of their actions and behavior, I have to be the one to give up that place for a long while even though I wasn’t the one who engaged in disrespectful, thoughtless, selfish, self satisfying behavior that they did behind my back. The ex-boyfriend was my close friend. That female friend was my close friend. What the heck am I supposed to do? What they did behind my back is more of a violation of trust than me venting online. My sister, friends, co-workers, etc. say that I’m a better person than these two friends, and that they see no wrong in me venting online because at least I’m being honest and real, and didn’t engage in bad or poor actions or behavior. My sister, co-workers, and friends hate that these close friends are trying to make me feel bad for venting online because those close friends were the ones who engaged in poor conduct, disrespectful behavior, hurtful actions. Don’t turn the tables around on me. They put me in this position of deep hurt & pain.

I have the right to vent. Don’t tell me how to feel. These are my honest feelings. I’m deeply hurt.I have the right to feel the way I feel. I’m deeply hurt by their actions. That’s why I feel like I have to give up the place where we all met for a long while, to give up going online for awhile because I’m in deep pain and hurt from what they did. These are my feelings, and the both of them shouldn’t tell me what to do or how to feel. They hurt me. They’re the ones who should feel bad, sorrowful, remorseful for what they did. Don’t try to shift or transfer any guilt on me. I didn’t do what they did. I shouldn’t have to feel bad because I wasn’t the one who did this to them. I hate that they did this. I hate that they put me in this position. I hate that they did this knowing that I’ve been in pain, crying, grieving all this year while they were having selfish fun at my pain and expense. I’m sorry. But I have the right to feel what I feel. All of my real life friends say that it’s going to take me a long time to heal from this. The both of these close friends have no right to tell me how I should react or feel in regards to what they did. They were in the wrong. Not me. The worst I have ever done is vent online or ask them directly why they did what they did. Anything I have ever done doesn’t even compare to what these two close friends did. It was very disrespectful to me. And I STILL feel this way. And I hate that I have to be the one to try to recover from all of this hurt, sadness, and pain these two close friends caused me. I hate that they put me in a position where the burden is on me to decide if I can forgive either of them. So my strong advice and recommendation is for friends to NEVER do this to their friends – have relations with a friend’s ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend UNLESS they ask their friends for permission BEFORE they engage in relations OUT OF RESPECT, class, thoughtfulness, consideration, AND decency for their friend and her feelings.

Thank you, Girl in Pain

 

Dear Girl in Pain:

I am sorry you are hurting and I can hear the deep pain in your words.  It is never a good thing to feel deceived especially by two people you loved & trusted.  Sadly this is a more common scenario than it should be and you are not alone is dealing with this situation ~ unfortunately many people have been in your shoes.  It is great that you are able to talk about it and not hold it all inside, but I have to be candid and say that you are giving them way too much power over your life!!

A year is a long time to be upset over their actions and you need to move away from anything that reminds you of them. You seem to know what they are doing & that they are happy together which means you must have some access to their social media, Facebook, hangouts or mutual friends. This is why it is even harder to get on with your life because it is constantly in your face.  The sooner you move away from these tormenting reminders, the faster you will heal and be able to move on to find a “better” love in your life. There is a lesson here somewhere but we don’t always see them right away when we are sad, angry or hurt.  By stepping away from certain people or things that keep this “relationship” in the forefront will help you to slowly get your heart back again.

Take a good look at what transpired and why you and your EX broke up.  You never said why? How long after did your Ex & your friend start a relationship together?  There was a reason you and your ex boyfriend broke up or you would still be together.  What was the main reason?  Maybe a part of you still has feelings for him and that is why this hurts you even more.  It can also be rejection overload and we all deal with that differently.  Rejection is not an easy thing to handle as the ego is crushed.

You don’t have to forgive anyone right now but you need to get yourself on a healthier path.  It’s time for a shake up in your life and some new diversions to take you in another direction.  “Hate” is a very strong word and this pain you are feeling is toxic and will make all parts of your life unbalanced.  You are worth so much more than that so don’t let their situation ruin your happiness.  Your friends want to see you happy so start showing them that side of you. It is difficult to be around friends who are hurting or angry as it plays a part in their life too.  Be the happy fun girl they all know and love and let those “year long demons” out of your thoughts.

Take back your power!!

Sybersue <3

Dating Advice for Men: Best Tips on How to Entice a Woman!

It’s #throwbackthursday #TBT and I still stand by this video discussion 3 years later.

Do single men really know how to entice a woman that they are interested in? Many men are confused about what to do these days with so many independent women out there! These simple tips will get you talking to the woman of your dreams. Being shy isn’t one of them ;)

Susan McCord http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Interview With Psychic Medium Rick Pedersen

Interview Talk Show host Susan McCord Interviews Psychic Medium Guest Rick Pedersen. She asks the questions we all want to know about how Psychics use their gift to benefit others lives. There is also a discussion on Paranormal Clearing in a “Ghost Busters” kind of way. Learn how this spiritual counseling could work for you to help clear the demons from your mind or home.

Have you ever been to a “Psychic Reading” or dealt with spirits somewhere? Over the years I have been to a few Psychics and one of them has become a dear friend of mine.  I find it all very fascinating and therapeutic as well.  I can honestly say that some of the details I have received have been helpful in my growth & overcoming certain obstacles from my past.

Some people are not open minded when it comes to seeing a psychic for religion reasons, fear of what they may find out about themselves or just the fact that they think it is all a big facade & bunch of crap.  I agree there are some bad ones out there who do not have any credentials but if you do your research and find one that is authentic, it can be a rewarding experience.  There are various types of psychics who specialize in different areas just as a doctor has the option of choosing their preferred field of medicine.  (Here is one website that you can visit to see a list of respected & popular Psychics.)

The important thing to remember with anyone who gives outside advice (including me ;)) is you have to do what is right for you in the long run. Options are put in our life to make choices that can help guide us to a better place. We all become “stuck” at some point in our lives and being open to change and listening to other points of view can be very enlightening.

Please leave your comments below with any experiences you have had with a Psychic Reading. Wishing everyone love & light in their lives always <3

Susan McCord @ http://www.interviewtalkshow.com
Rick Pedersen @ http://www.PsychicReadingsByRichard.com

Dear Sybersue ~ I Have no Tolerance for Relationship Red Flags! NEXT!

Relationship Red Flags are warning signs that your date or partner puts out that should make your intuitive antenna stand to attention!

This topic may seem like a never ending discussion but there is a reason for that!  Many people continue to ignore those “spidey senses” or better known as their gut intuition.   People are more willing to settle now due to the difficulty in meeting someone today and will overlook many of the obvious red flag obstacles.  We are all stuck behind our careers, computers & smart phones which makes it harder to have face to face connections but that doesn’t mean we should become ignorant about things!

The 10 Most Obvious Red Flags Not To Be Overlooked In The Early Stages Of A Relationship:

• Possessiveness
• They say they are going to call & don’t.
• They are always late  (A clear indication that their time is more important than yours.)
• Lying (about their age, job, their single status, or their past.)
• They use a lot of sarcasm!
• They have no friends or talk negatively about the few they do have.
• They have a large checklist!
• They do not divulge anything about themselves on a personal level.
• Promotes them self & asks little about you.
• Extremely defensive & invalidates your opinions or views.

Red Flags in a Relationship

Red Flags in a Relationship

Here Are Some Of The Most Common Red Flags:

1) Someone who make excuses why they are too busy to get together when the real reason is ~ they just aren’t that into you but want to keep their options open.  Please watch this video about “Taking a break in a relationship”

2) They pick a fight with you so they can go to Vegas or other weekend ventures with their friends.

3) They often call you for late night booty calls.

4) They call you last minute for a date on a Friday/Saturday night! (How far down the dating list were you?)

5) Still living at home with mama after 25 & they are not in University.

6) They are constantly jealous. This is often because of what they are doing or thinking behind your back.

7) They regularly use humor at your expense. This is a huge sign of insecurity and you should run as fast as you can. No one should use you as their means of so called humor.

8) Ladies: If your date shows up with a station wagon and child seats, make sure he really is single!

9) Constantly talking about an EX.

10) Easily angered all the time, abusive to restaurant staff or has road rage on a regular basis.

11) Men: Gold diggers are pretty obvious, so make sure she is worth every penny of your reputation! You may think you look good with her on your arm but the whole world knows why she is there. (If that is OK with you, milk it for every cent it is going to cost you!)

12) People who say they are separated but you can’t call them at work or home & you never get to go to their place. (They communicate through texting & when you do get a phone call they sound like they are in the shower ~ bathrooms are a cheaters favorite location!)

13) If they tell you their relationship is over but they can’t leave their situation right now.  If they can’t put them self out there 100%, they shouldn’t be dating and you shouldn’t date them hoping things will improve.

14) Anyone who neglects their children “for you” shows their true colors very early.  Children should always come first or at least close to an equal priority. Deadbeat parents are not acceptable.

15) Ladies, unless you like cross dressers, coming across any female underwear in their bachelor home is the biggest red flag you will ever have in front of your face.

16) They have a dog or pet that takes priority in their bed over you. (They even have their own pillow!)

17) “In” fast usually means “Out” fast ~ watch how quickly they promise you the world.

18) They are secretive about things, especially their past.

Recognizing & acknowledging the smaller red flags during the early stages of a relationship & discussing them, can help make the relationship better understood. Not all red flags mean the demise of a relationship but your morals & boundaries should not be compromised.

Some red flags should never be ignored or overlooked and should be addressed without naivety or ignorance. Violence, uncontrolled anger and rage, drinking and drug abuse, persistent gambling, or infidelities during the early stages of a relationship are signs that the relationship should be terminated.

Too many of us waste time trying to believe in someone because we don’t want to be alone. Why do we do that to ourselves?  Believe in yourself first & know that you are worthy of a loving partnership.  Learn from each relationship or situation to better yourself & your choices in the future.  Repetitive patterns and allowing these red flag scenarios will keep you in abusive & drama filled situations.  When you come to terms with your insecurities that are allowing these type of relationships to happen, you will start to make wiser connections that are healthy. Acknowledging your short comings & behavioral patterns will be the savior in not allowing these people to keep entering your life.  You will start to see a clearer picture of the type of relationship you desire and really deserve.

Your self-worth is the key to your happiness.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com.twobeavers

How To Dating Advice – Why am I so Jaded & Angry About Relationships?

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Today Sybersue (Susan McCord) answers Carrie’s question about why she is is constantly angry & Jaded about finding love! Here is her question:

Dear Sybersue:

What the Hell is wrong with me? Why am I so jaded & angry?! I keep repeating the same deflating patterns with people in my life! How did I get to this place? I really do want a loving relationship and I am tired of being alone! Please Help!

Thank you, Carrie

Watch the video to hear Sybersue’s answer!

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow