Dating Advice for Men & Women – The 15 Most Common Dating Mistakes!

 
Remove dating mistakes to help you find a loving partner

Remove dating mistakes to help you find a loving partner
Susan McCord Photos

Finding love can be a very difficult situation due to men and women not understanding what they are doing wrong. Here are 15 things to think about next time you are out on a date or thinking about getting back out into the single’s market again. It’s never too late to learn new things about yourself or how to improve your love life!

Letting the Fear of Rejection Stop You from Having a Relationship:

This form of relationship sabotage is the biggest mistake both men and women make when they really like someone! There are many stories of people ending a relationship due to their own insecurities and fears that it will not work out. Unfortunately these people reject themselves first so they aren’t the one getting dumped. The sad part is it may have worked out wonderfully but the fear of actually having a “real” partnership is what scared them off.

You’ve simply kept them from rejecting you by rejecting yourself ~a pattern that needs to be addressed if you want to find a loving partnership.

You get someone’s phone number, and then DON’T call.

The error here is you wanted to call but factors such as being busy and/or being chicken interfered. Then suddenly you realize it’s been so long that if you call now, they may not remember who you are or be upset that you took your time. Never wait over a week to call the first time.

Being too cocky!

Confidence is one thing but being cocky is another. First impressions are very important and are the stepping stones to future dates. Acting too self assured comes across arrogant and is very unattractive for the most part. A date should consist of mutual discussion and no one should dominate at any time.

Putting people on a pedestal.

No one is better than anyone else. If you start out a relationship by putting someone in very high regard it usually isn’t a reciprocated experience. It ends up being a boring setting and very predictable for the person put on the pedestal because they can do no wrong!

Showing desperation!

Do not talk about how long it has been since you dated or had sex! Don’t ask a million questions about what they do when they are not with you. Texting them continually and being overly eager and available will become a big turn off early on. Clingy people are constantly looking for affirmation within the relationship. They need reassurance all the time which is an insecurity that usually ends up destroying any chance of a committed future with that person.

Needing a relationship and wanting a relationship are the key words here. Needy partners usually end up alone or in repetitive short term situations. (It’s important to have your own life but make space for someone to come in and share it with you.)

Not listening to your GUT when you meet someone!

This is probably the second most common mistake both sexes make when dating someone new. Your gut knows a lot more than your heart and your loins do. Safety should always come first above any lustful needs and your gut instincts will never let you down. You just have to listen to them and not ignore their nagging persistence. (Yes, this is the one time where nagging is OK.)

Your first 3 dates should consist of communication by talking. Get to know each other without sexual distractions.

Going to the Movies or watching TV is not a good choice on the first few dates. The mistake here is that you may end a potentially great relationship because you didn’t take the time to get to know each other. Asking questions or finding out each others interests is what dating is all about.

Introducing sex too early before you know each other can end up being a big mistake. There was no romance or excitement leading up to the first time because it happened too fast! This can lead to disappointment because it is purely a sexual release without those magical feelings that make it powerful. It can work out in some cases but generally it is better to wait a little while before you jump into bed with someone. You really don’t know if they are all that safe early on or if they have some characteristics that are not healthy.

Spending too much time together too soon! (Keep the mystery alive by taking time between each date to miss them.)

Jumping in to anything too fast is not a good idea. People need time to connect and see if there are commonalities and reciprocated interests for a long term partnership. Anything too fast usually ends just as fast. Appreciate the time you spend together but take baby steps not a full blown leap!

Try not to plan things too far in advance before you have both agreed you are exclusive with each other.

Just because you think you have found “the girl/guy of your dreams” doesn’t mean you should be presumptuous and think that you are both on the same page! Be aware of those people who are inviting you to a family reunion at the summer cottage after two dates, planning a vacation with you right away or discussing moving in together before you have even found out where they live!

Meeting all their friends on the 1st few dates

This can be a pattern with some people. They do this early on as they looking for approval from their friends and to see if you are a good fit in this group. It can feel very flattering in the beginning that they want to share you with the important people in their life, but if it happens too soon it is a red flag. You need to get to know them before anyone else enters the picture. They may want it too quickly because all their friends are in a committed relationship and they feel lonely or left out. None the less, it can feel a bit like a “trophy showing” too early.

Game playing

This strategy is used for a couple of reasons. The first is to protect one’s ego. When it comes to dating; everyone fears rejection on some level. Playing it cool and not getting too involved may make you feel safe, but you risk coming across as aloof or removed and may turn the other person off. Balancing your interest in them and maintaining your composure is the best way to handle it.

Another reason people play games is to get something they want that they wouldn’t likely get if they played it straight up. Unfortunately this usually backfires and most game players are back out in the singles market repeatedly! You will get further and end up happier if you allow yourself to be genuine. It’s OK to put your best foot forward cautiously but have the courage to be upfront and show who you really are.

Fantasizing about the future:

When you catch yourself trying on his last name before the third date or picturing her as the mother of your children, it’s time to remind yourself to slow down. In the first 3-6 months of a relationship, you are likely running on oxytocin, which is a chemical found in chocolate. It creates a euphoria that comes with “falling in love.” This can interfere with your ability to think clearly.

Obsessing over relationship details:

This one is common with those who worry about every little thing that is happening in the relationship. They worry about what the other person said and worry about what they meant by it, they worry about how they reacted, worry about the relationship not working out, worrying about what if it does work out and on and on. Relax and enjoy it as it unfolds without looking for things to obsess over. This is another form of sabotage.

Ignoring obvious red flags:

If someone doesn’t show up when you’re supposed to meet them, doesn’t call for 2 weeks, talks constantly about their ex, say they are not ready for a relationship, they don’t want children but you do… these are red flags. Many people overlook these warning signs because they are so eager to be in a relationship. Paying attention to these situations and removing yourself early from this partnership, will bring you closer to finding someone who is there for the right reasons.

Interrogating your date: The lab coat and clip board routine.

“How many children do you want and why are you single & never been married?” These are not great opening sentences on a date! You want to show interest by asking about their likes or dislikes but not press someone for information as if you were on a job interview. Make sure the conversation is always reciprocated and not clinical.

*One Last Bonus Number:

Not being honest about your needs and sacrificing too much to be in the relationship:

No one will respect you if you allow yourself to be a doormat! Valuing yourself enough to put your needs on the table as well as the other person’s is the key to establishing balance and harmony. A healthy relationship is one between two equals, both giving and receiving in a reciprocal fashion.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue Questions @ http://www.sybersue.com

Lifestyle Advice – Ban the Four Letter Word “Ugly”!

 
Everyone is beautiful

 Susan McCord Photos

This article may become a bit of a rant but I just can’t ignore talking about this anymore. What gives anyone the right to call someone “Ugly?” This four letter word is the worst one of the bunch and should be considered the curse word of all time!

People who use this word regularly in their comments to describe someone on social media should be banned from those sites!

No one is ugly and everyone has a God given beauty at birth. While I am not a religious person, I do believe that our existence here on earth comes from a higher source and is given to us for a reason. It is what we do with this precious gift during our lifetime that shows the true definition of our beauty. That goes for every single person born in this world. It is not about external beauty and never has been!

There is only one place where the word “Ugly” has even the slightest validity and that is when we talk about War and Egotistical Power.

Why are some people so mean to each other while others are kind-hearted and peaceful?

It is all about choice and it is up to us how we acknowledge and accept life’s hand-outs and how we move forward. When some people are hurting they lash out at others. They don’t want to be alone in their misery but unfortunately this repetitive anger just brings “more of the same” rebounding back towards them rather than learning the lesson they were supposed to.

There are some people who write to my advice column who have relationship problems, that are practicing this type of behavior. They don’t see it (or pretend not to) and really don’t want to hear me point out the obvious problems. Eventually though, they do start to understand their part in it and try to rectify the underlying issues.

Other people in life just want to vent and play the victim but are not willing to do anything to change this negative lifestyle. The people who want to figure it out, and change up their dating and relationship patterns; are the ones who go on to find a healthy love in their lives.

Using words like ugly to discuss another human being just makes the person using the word stand out and disqualifies anything else they may have to say. But saying that, it doesn’t mean the recipient doesn’t feel the sting of the comment. It is a word that is said on the playground in our childhood years that stays ingrained in our memory forever. It is the word that plays on our self esteem like a nagging ache and it is a word that hits below the belt like no other.

I truly believe everyone is beautiful and I always have. My son was taught at a very early age there was no place for the word “ugly” in our home. People with disabilities or disfigurements are just as beautiful as someone who is able bodied and considered attractive. Every one of us has something to offer to the world and to other people who cross our path. Don’t be judgmental of someone because they have more or less than you, or because you think it is funny to belittle someone who “you think” is unappealing. To the people out there calling someone ugly, do you know what the biggest issue is that really needs addressing? Go point your finger at a mirror and see what the reflection shows…that is the problem.

Ugly is not a good word and needs to be banned.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating Advice- Dear Sybersue: After 6 months My Boyfriend Says He’s Not so Sure About Us Anymore! I Don’t Believe Him

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord  & Advice Columnist (Dear Sybersue) Answers Sandi’s Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and everything was going great until now!  All of sudden he seems distant and is saying things like he’s not sure if he wants a commitment, he is also thinking of traveling to Australia with a buddy for 4 months and other things like that!

He is also saying that he feels a little overwhelmed at how fast we have moved in our relationship. He says he loves me but his actions have changed a lot!  He is less affectionate towards me especially in the bedroom.  I don’t really believe that his feelings have changed towards me and think it is just a matter of time until he figures it out.

What do you think?

Thanks, Sandi

http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow 

Please send your questions to  susanmccord9@gmail.com

Dating Advice ~ How Much do I have to Sacrifice to be in this Relationship?

Dear Sybersue Advice Columnist & Talk Show Host Susan McCord answers Todd’s question:

Dear Sybersue,

I met a girl 3 months ago who is very active and keeps inviting me on all these adventures & fitness routines! She is a real go-getter!  How much is too much?

I don’t want to have to sacrifice my own goals and hobbies but she is keeping me pretty busy! Is there a way to compromise so I don’t lose her?

I really like her!! She may be “the one” down the road but right now I am feeling a little overwhelmed but don’t want to scare her away either.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Guest Speaker “Susan McCord” Discusses Dating & Relationship Book Dear Sybersue (Skin Care Event)

Dating & Relationship Talk Show Host and Author Susan McCord, is a guest speaker at a Vancouver Skin Care Event. Susan was invited to discuss her dating book called Dear Sybersue. It’s not just about looking good on the outside, it is also about keeping the inside and mindset healthy as well. Many people sabotage their own happiness without even realizing it! Dear Sybersue teaches men and women how to remove negative thoughts & dating patterns and how to find and keep love in their life.  http://youtu.be/IUWnFJqNkWc?list=UUGsfZBMb3FRKhONx8Q2Tulg

http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

 

Dating Advice: Dating Patterns-Why Do I Keep Meeting the Same Type of Men?

Why do You Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

Social media and computer dating is becoming the norm with how people interact these days. Mingle meet up groups are trying to make a comeback but not without the help of using every platform available to advertise it out in cyberland.  People are lonelier than ever because of how some of these websites seem to attract superficial men and women who are just out to play games. There are some happy endings that eventually transpire, but why are there so many more stories of people that keep enticing a certain negative “type” into their existence ~ which continually puts them back into the dating pool?

If you have met a lot of these unfavorable types, you are doing something to attract them towards you. Regardless of whether you believe in the Law of Attraction there is something to it. Negativity attracts negativity.  Everyone is entitled to finding love, but if you are always repeating the same unfulfilling scenario, how is it beneficial in the long run?  There are many women who only meet “Bad Boys” because they are allowing them to keep coming into their life. For some reason they think it is exciting to be treated like crap. There are also men that only meet pretentious, materialistic hot women, because they are choosing “her looks” as the top priority.  The end result is both sexes are constantly complaining about each other!

Going for the same brand of person which keeps backfiring into a non-existent love life takes years for some people to figure out. “Changing the pattern will change who you meet.” As simple as that sounds it seems to be the biggest mistake men and women repeatedly make.

Why is that?

Many people react out of anger when something happens that is repetitive and unrewarding in their life. This is what continues the vicious cycle because they don’t understand that they are in denial of their own actions.  When a person becomes angry about the same thing over and over again wouldn’t it make sense to investigate why it is affecting them to that level? I see it all the time on the comment section under some YouTube videos.  So many people continually vent their frustrations about the same subject rather than learning how to deal with why it bothers them so much.

This is especially true regarding men and women in the dating market. If something isn’t working, isn’t it a good idea to fix it rather than bitching about it to anyone who will listen? No one wants to hear it except for a few others who are also angry about the same thing.  Misery loves company and saying that, I rest my case…negativity attracts more negativity.  Is it really easier to constantly complain about some things that cause drama in your life than to find a solution that betters your world?

We are all guilty of sounding like a broken record at some point in our lives but the people who quickly understand how dangerously repetitive a place that becomes, are the ones who move on to finding happiness. If your love-life sucks, be honest about the part you play in it.  I can’t stress enough that we are all in charge of how our lives evolve and that ultimately the choices we make are ours. Yes, we all land in the school of hard knocks while finding out who we are, but the sooner you learn and own the lesson, the faster you move on to a healthier foundation.

So stop repeating the same old story and quit talking about what you don’t want in your life. Talk about a future relationship like you would when thinking about what you would do it you won a lottery!  Think about all those wonderful things you would be able to do and how positive you would feel with less stress and more love in your life. Thinking happy thoughts and keeping hope alive helps put out positive vibrations that eventually boomerang back towards you. There is enough love out there for everyone and you deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You don’t ever have to settle for an unhealthy situation so quit allowing yourself to choose them. <3

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

How do I get My Girlfriend to Dress Better & be Less Complacent about her Appearance & Attitude?

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord discusses a question from her advice column Dear Sybersue.  Neil wants to know…”My girlfriend of 4 months dressed really nice in the beginning of our relationship and took time with her appearance in every way.  I also took care of myself and looked good for her and still do.  Now that we are in an exclusive partnership, she doesn’t seem to care anymore!  I am losing my attraction towards her because of her complacent attitude and not just in the clothes department!  She says she is happy but her actions have become lazy in many ways.

Was it all a facade in the beginning just so she could win me over to have a committed relationship with her?

What should I do? I am tired of seeing her walking around in baggy sweatpants!”

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers