Online Dating Can be Frustrating but it Isn’t the Only Dating Platform

Remain Positive & Love Can Happen

Remain Positive & Love Can Happen

Meeting a potential life partner seems to be a big dilemma these days especially in Vancouver.  So many things have changed in the dating world leaving men & women questioning what they are supposed to do!

There is always a new dating app or online website to join so how is anyone supposed to know what to do with so many options?  To top it all off dating may have become even more confusing with the recent release of the Movie 50 Shades of Grey. Seriously, now what?  Are there new rules and is “romantic love making vanilla sex” something women are not interested in at all anymore? Should men all be renovating their bedrooms with new apparatuses and painting it red?

I have had many men write my advice column asking me why women are sending out so many mixed signals?  They come across tough like they don’t need a man in their life, yet they say are looking for a committed relationship!  Women say the same thing about men, so how will finding a loving partner, ever work with this jaded outlook from both sexes?  Is everyone pretending to be someone they aren’t just to fit in to whatever is trending at the moment?  So where do you find a compatible partner and who do you trust?

Some people are frustrated with online dating sites due to the superficial responses or lack of responses they receive.  They complain about the fees of certain websites but also argue that the free dating sites bring in members from other planets.  I have also heard many men and women discussing how much time they spend online and how hard it is just to find someone that is somewhat normal & doesn’t have an eye in the middle of their forehead.

Personally I think the big problem is that many people also pick apart the smallest things wrong with someone which alienates just about everyone online.  This is becoming a very sad scenario and just like the Tinder App, each person is only one swipe away from being eliminated but could have been very nice & possibly a wonderful match.

What person is flawless? Are you?

Hey, I have an idea…let’s all be less judgmental and think positive! Read between the lines, literally!  Human etiquette should be the top priority when you are on any dating platform and respecting yourself first is the only way you will truly meet someone wonderful to be a part of your life.

Do not allow emails or texting to go on forever before you actually meet them in person.  Make sure your profile and photos are not attracting the wrong people. No boob, butt selfies (Kardashian wannabees) or Speedo photos should be displayed unless you are looking for sex on the first date! Remember the old cliché; “pictures are worth a thousand words!”  (If you really want to get noticed and be known for nothing but your body you are much better off making a sex tape ~ much faster exposure!)

Saying that; do you really know how you come across to others?

Body language is a big problem and can be a huge turnoff without you even being aware of your actions. I have met people who said they were shy but they looked pretty angry or just plain stuck up to me. You know what I am talking about. ;) Reputations are out in Cyberland more than ever now and a hard thing to shake once it is out there! It might be a good idea to be smart & think before you act or post anything.

Common sense goes a long way in the dating world, naivety does not.  I am a big advocate for online dating especially for people over 40.  I also think executive dating sites and “one on one” matchmaking are a good choice but they don’t come cheap.  Online dating isn’t the only platform out there, so if you find it frustrating right now take a break from it and try these other two options.

The Dinner Party is a great way to meet a potential date in Vancouver. Andrea Hill started this great dating idea on Valentine’s Day 2014 and already has success stories of couples meeting at her events that are now in a commitment relationship!  It is membership driven and has an extensive data base for the over 30 crowd!  Yes, it is open to men and women in their later years as well.  Finally!  People at every age are looking for love after all and everyone deserves love in their lives.

The dinner party concept is a good one as everyone attending is there for the same reciprocated purpose of meeting a suitable connection.  Each person has an interview with Andrea once becoming a DP member which enables her to put together like-minded people with similar profiles, goals and mutual attraction possibilities.  Andrea is there to host the evening ensuring conversation is flowing.  She checks in with all her guests within the next few days to see if anyone wants to exchange contact information with someone they may have had chemistry with.  There is no pressure at the dinner party because the rule is not to ask anyone out at the actual event.  It is all done through Andrea.

Check out the website to become a member and see further details on what Join The Dinner Party is all about.  It will get you off your couch, help you to meet new people with similar interests, eat some great food and actually talk to people “Face to Face!”  This has become a lost art and if we all don’t smarten up and start looking up from our computers and phones, there will be a new generation of human robots walking through the streets.

Speed dating can be another wonderful event to participate in where you actually talk to people in the flesh without texting each other for a month first!  There does seem to be an age restriction for women over 40 and men over 45 on one speed dating site at 25dates.com. Hmmm ~ curious as to why men are allowed to be 5 years older than women??

The Rendezvous Club offers separate speed dating evenings for ages 25-35, 30-45 & 40-55 for $50.  There are some of these events happening in March at the Lickerish venue downtown Vancouver.

What to Expect:

  • Arrive promptly dressed to impress!
  • Your Host will hand you a date card and name tag.
  • There will be a 20 minute mingle to have a drink & relax.
  • Women take their seats while men rotate around the table.
  • Each “date” encounter is 5 minutes.
  • There is an intermission where everyone enjoys appies & drinks.
  • At the end of the dating section everyone hands in their date card but can stay and mingle!
  • Within 48 hours you will receive an email with any matches on your date card.

In summary I would like to add that as difficult & lonely single life can be to many men and women in cities everywhere, don’t give up, get frustrated & become an negative person.  If something isn’t working try something else. You are in charge of how you are perceived, how much you allow in your life and how pessimistic or optimistic you are with everything that crosses your path.

Remove negative dating patterns and stop saying how hard it is to meet someone!  Put a spring in your step, a smile on your face and a sparkle in your eye.  I promise if you do that on a daily basis people will be drawn towards your infectious nature. It’s hard not to be attracted to happiness.

Happy Dating!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating & Relationships ~ Are Threesomes Still Popular?

Leave It Two Beavers is a Funny & Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord & Her Guest Co-host Andrea Wesley talk about threesomes in this segment.  Are they still happening and are both men & women into this type of sex in their relationships?  Is it a good thing or something that should be avoided in a committed partnership?

What would you do if your partner asked you to participate in a three way sex night…

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Dear Sybersue ~ Why do Guys Initially Act Interested but Never Call When They Say They Will?

Dear Sybersue Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Question from Candice:

Dear Sybersue:

Why do guys constantly waste my time when I am out for the night with the girls?  They spend all evening paying attention to me, never leaving my side, ask for my phone number and then never call!  My friends complain about the same thing too!

What gives? I’m tired of this!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

 

Dear Sybersue – Why am I so Afraid to Date & Be in a Relationship?

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (Dear Sybersue) answers a question on her advice column from a woman who is afraid to date.  She has anxiety over being in a committed relationship.  She wants to know why she keeps sabotaging things!

I am pretty sure we have all been here at some point in our lives due to insecurities we have had along the way of trying to find love. Many men and women do not realize that fear is the biggest culprit of relationships not working out.  Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy and create more hardship that need be.  Learning how to relax without huge expectations of ourselves and others, puts us on the road to finding a happy partnership and balance in our world.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Why is Dating & Having a Relationship so Damn Hard?

roses of love

Regardless of how much stress is going on around the world, the one topic that still comes up and is regularly discussed is; love, relationships and dating!  (Or “lack of all three” in many cases.)  Finding love is not easy these days with the demise of face to face contact.  People are far too busy to take the time to get out and meet others the old fashioned way.  I even find myself spending a lot of alone time on my computer and have to force myself out during the day so I don’t forget how to use my voice and mingle with real people.  It’s not all about work!

There are many of us that have numerous social media friends that we have never met in person but we talk to on a daily basis. Times have changed and we are more cyber connected than ever! Having a friendship and business connections with a profile photo with no actual physical contact is quite normal. It is quite strange when you think about it!  It’s not unlike the old “pen pal” relationships from our parent’s days, except they were actually written with a pen and paper and mailed out with a stamp! (Those are three words that are slowly becoming obsolete!)

Why are we letting go of the simple pleasures of life and not embracing human connection?

I just started writing for a local website in Kitsilano, Vancouver that is all about connecting the neighborhood together. If everyone did this in their cities it would bring back that lost intimate or friendly association of meeting someone in the flesh. Technology has made us lazy and it is far too easy to have an encounter with our smart phones, iPads, computers & gaming devices than to be rejected in the real world of people.  How sad it that!

Is Fear the big problem here? Why are men and women so unhappy and not “getting out” meeting each other? How can we change that?

Tips for Single Ladies:

The one complaint I hear all the time is there are no men to date! Oh they’re out there ladies! I went to a pub the other night in Vancouver and I was one of the only women there for a good part of the evening ~ with the exception of the two servers. I am also one of the few females on the unisex side of the gym I regularly work out at. I go to a few different coffee shops in the neighborhood where the male customers outnumber the females by 5-1! Often when I go to the driving range at golf courses in the city I am surrounded my men and only a few women. I can’t even count how many guys that were at home depot when I went to buy my husband a power drill for Christmas!  (Hey that’s what he wanted lol!)

There are some great men out there who only need the encouragement of a smile! It’s not a bad thing to be the first to acknowledge “them” ladies. Times have changed and many guys do not know what they are supposed to do anymore. A little nudge is OK girls and it should not be beneath you to reach out once in awhile. Keep your expectations to a minimum and just enjoy a conversation without initial judgment. You don’t have to date every guy you talk to but it shows that you are open and friendly which is a good reputation to have! There are a lot of nice guys out there but if you keep going for the “hot bad boys” or giving up dating due to negative experiences, you will repeat heartache and loneliness forever.

Tips for Single Men:

Where are all the single ladies?  Generally speaking, many women venture out to restaurants with female friends in the evening & walks, yoga/fitness and brunch on the weekends to get out of their homes.  They think that they look desperate if they go to a bar all the time.  They also go to the theater and shopping areas.  It can be difficult to approach them if they are in a group but even just smiling and saying good afternoon/evening can open the door to conversation.

Not all women are materialistic and are out for a man’s wallet.  It’s not difficult to separate the high maintenance girls from the nice girls just by watching their actions for a few minutes.  If you continue to go for “the perfect 10” all the time and get similar non-existent results, it is you that needs to change this pattern.  Why are you attracted to this type of woman anyway and how is it working for you?

Receptive women will be happy to receive a friendly smile from a man at any restaurant, sporting event or function she attends. Don’t let one bad encounter spoil you from meeting someone great. Many guys take that one bad experience and hold onto it, which maintains their constant unavailability with the ladies. Women are not all the same just as men are not all the same.

Both sexes are so quick to point fingers at each other.  Stop it!

Tips for both sexes:

If you do feel rejected once in awhile, don’t give up and let it dictate how you act for the rest of your dating life. It is their loss and will only move you into a better direction anyway. They did you a favor so that you don’t have to waste your time with the wrong person. Try not to sabotage your future happiness because you are afraid to get hurt or to get turned down. Don’t let it tarnish your attitude so that you become another jaded single person! Stand out from the others who do this and “own your part” in why dating might not be working for you at this time. It isn’t always the other persons fault.

Lose those “set rules” you have had in the past and try something new and out of your dating comfort zone. If something isn’t working, repeating it or becoming a hermit is not the answer. You want a partner to share your life with and everyone deserves love. Dating doesn’t have to be so damn hard if you change your thinking and reactions.

People are so defensive these days and quick to become bitter in the dating world. Look at each experience as a stepping stone and treat each date as an education ~ by learning something new each time! Harboring on what didn’t happen or the fact that there wasn’t any chemistry; is no one’s fault. Not taking it personally and staying optimistic, will eventually lead you to that special person.

Attitude is everything.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue: My 18 yr old Girlfriend is Pregnant & Wants Space!

pretty pregnant girl Eve Henry Photography

Eve Henry Photography Vancouver

 

Dear Sybersue,

My wonderful girlfriend and I have been together for an amazing 8 months and have known each other for 4 years.  I am 20, she is 18.  Our relationship was beyond unbreakable.  About 8 weeks ago we find out she is pregnant and we both were very excited at first.  This wasn’t planned but we have faith and we’re definitely ready for that responsibility.

Saying that, we were dealing with everything really well up till about a week ago.  She wants nothing to do with me now, she tells me she loves me but she needs space!  It was all so random, and we went from spending everyday together for hours, to not seeing one another at all because she need space.  I love her more than anything and I want to make her feel loved & let her know I am here, but she won’t see me or communicate with me. I am very worried. What should I do?

Thank you, Jesse

<3

Hi Jesse,
I am so sorry to hear this and I know how heartbreaking this must be for you. The fact that you are both so young makes this pregnancy even harder because of the pressure it puts on you as a couple to make hard life decisions so early in your lives. Emotions fly high when a woman is pregnant and she is probably freaking out about where her life is going right now.  8 months is really not a very long time to decide whether you want to be in a committed relationship.  Now you have the added pressure of a baby to deal with rather than just enjoying each other without having to make forced or hasty decisions.

You are a standup guy who is ready to be there for your girlfriend when many young men would have run the other way.  She may be getting feedback from her family that could have an impact on her choices right now.  I think it is wonderful that you are giving her space at the moment but also letting her know you are there for her. This is something that could help her in the long run because she will always know you didn’t bail on her.

Don’t pressure her as hard as it is for you, but every so often ask her is there is anything you can do for her and tell her you care and want to help her during her pregnancy.  Her life has altered so much and she is trying to figure out what her future holds now.  Everything has changed.  Be selective when you do contact her and don’t pressure her about anything right now. I am not sure what support system she has with her friends or her family but she will need lots of it when the baby arrives!

Hang in there and be patient about her need for alone time at the moment. Hopefully she will come around a little more in the next few months once the initial shock wears off.  Please let me know how you are doing and keep me up to date.  Thanks for taking the time to write.

<3 xo Sybersue

 

 

 

Not Your Average New Year’s Resolutions for 2015

photo (68)

Ahhh resolution time is here again…damn that went by fast! Last year my biggest goal was to finish my book by July 2014. Much to my own surprise I was able to have it published by June 1st, in an ebook format.  I had many requests for a paperback version from those people who still love the feel of a book in their hands among other things! I finished the paperback version of Dear Sybersue by mid August.  The whole process was quite the learning experience! Holy crap! Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks ?!

Still not feeling the passionate love for yoga but liking the results, I vowed to honor my second resolution to attend more classes in 2014. I did 110 classes total for the year! I’m starting to like it now…well sort of. ;) No just kidding, I don’t like it but it’s good for me in a Kale or wheat grass smoothy kind of way.

Why do we have these silly resolutions at the beginning of every year and shouldn’t we always try to be a better person regardless of what day it is on the calendar? Some people are very motivated in life while others need a good “butt kick” to open themselves up to opportunities, new beginnings or removing negative patterns in their lives. Blah Blah Blah…in other words, time to shape up people!

Setting goals give us all a purpose and “betters” us with a new vision. It also makes us less boring to be around because we have something more interesting to talk about than Netflix. (Wow ! Breaking Bad was quite the show but I loved Suits and House of Cards too! Even Downton Abby & Selfridges caught my attention!)  It doesn’t have to be a huge accomplishment and even little changes can enhance an optimistic outlook that may have been stifled. (or you just felt like being lazy and just wished everyone would just go sing Cumbiah around the fire and leave you in the comfort of your recliner!) Having a goal really does put a spring in your step though, and that can bounce you into some interesting situations ~Hello!

What are my Resolutions this Year?

• Cook at home more rather than go out to eat. Ya right lol! (Kitchen duties are not my thing but I make great reservations!)

• Clean the house more often…nah just kidding! (aren’t Cooking and Cleaning two cities in China anyway?)

• Post two videos a week (OK 1 for sure! Maybe 1 every 2 weeks…)

• Write a weekly blog on my Dear Sybersue Website and the New York Times. (OK I don’t write for the Times )

• Get paid for my blogs! (At least more than $1 per article! WTH is with writers and photographers expected to work for free? Piss off takers!)

• Be nicer to pigeons or buy a cat! (Never let a pigeon lay eggs on your balcony! They are called homing pigeons for a reason!)

• Remove the air horn from my car or put it in the trunk. (Used only for people who turn left at the last minute and pedestrians who ignore the “don’t walk” signs!)

• Try not to yell (as loudly) at people who leave their barking dogs tied up outside restaurants! Especially beside a patio seating area. Really people your dog is not that cute even in its pink frilly bonnet, baby buggy & designer shoes.
• I will throw away anything in my closet that resembles a cougar, leopard or camel (some of you may not get the last animal.)

• I will not drink before Yoga anymore…it makes me dizzy doing downward dog!

• I will drink less wine this year. (Not including red wine.)

• I am only going to hang out with fun people in 2015 ~Debbie and Danny Downers will have the wrath of my air horn!

• Tell my husband and son I love them less than 20 times a day. Keep them guessing…

• Actually ride one of my three bikes this year and not use them as a clothes line anymore.

• Get a boob job, thigh lift, butt implants, bunion removal, mustache & chin hair laser, tummy tuck and facelift. Any money I have left over I will buy shoes.

• Last but not least in any way…I want my own “paid” TV/Radio talk show!

I sincerely hope everyone has an amazing year ahead!  May the world slow down with the need for power and let egos diminish to lighten the heavy load of war. “Good will Toward Man and Peace on Earth” is the best resolution we could all make together this year forward.<3

Happy New Year Everyone!

PS: I promise not to make another Drunk Yoga New Years Video this year or anything that resembles a cooking show! No wonder Gordon Ramsay is such a grumpy prick, it’s a lot of prep to get it right in the kitchen! Namaste!

Susan McCord http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers