(TED Talks) A Beautiful Message from Shane Koyczan on Bullying & Childhood Messages

Mar22

AN INSPIRING VIDEO I WANT EVERYONE TO SEE ~

So much of what path we choose in our adult life is derived from our childhood & teen years.  This is the “building block era” of who we become. Void of love, support, and encouragement stunts our growth.  It’s not until we allow our hidden strength to overrule our broken heart that we will leave this place of sadness.  Sometimes there is no family and sometimes friendships are false…so where does one put their trust?

Finding a mentor or inspirational figure can be life altering and offer a safe place to go ~ even if you don’t know them personally.

While technology can be a scary transition for many people today, it does present many rewards for lonely people who feel withdrawn & isolated.  There are videos like this one & numerous others that offer the support many people do not have in their lives.  There are Online Groups that open their arms to every type of scenario where guidance  may be needed.  I met a young musician the other day who was “anti” social media and felt that it promoted narcissistic behavior with most people.  I disagreed as I chose to  see “that glass” half full.

With each generation changes occur that are fearful to many because of the unknown. People have difficulty learning something new that puts them out of their comfort box. I decided early on to embrace this technology “gift”  to connect with others so that I can offer & receive guidance in my life. One is never too old to learn or to offer Mentorship to someone in their life path.

We all have something to give and we all have a purpose on this apprenticeship journey we continue to explore.

This inspirational video “inspired me” to want to share it with others. I have never met this courageous man who filled that lecture hall with such a valuable message, but I can relate to him as I think many of us can at some point in our lives. If we all spend 5 minutes each day giving someone unconditional support whether it is a stranger, answering a comment on your blog, helping a neighbor or family member, we will be making a difference.  At the end of the day isn’t that what we are all really here for anyway? What good is success without love or money without someone to share it with.

Thanks for your amazing message Shane Koyczan & thank you for sharing your heartfelt journey with all of us. <3

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue ~ Are Women Becoming More Sexually Experienced Than Men Today?

Jun18

sexy women on bookshelf

Hi Sybersue,

I really liked your video about the double standards about the sexes. I do think things have changed though about casual sex. Me personally, I am just your average guy, with not so much charm. I have never been a player and I know for a fact that my past girlfriends had a lot more sexual experience than me and it never bothered me. I actually find it kind of hot. Do you think it’s becoming more normal today for a woman to have more sexual experience than the guy she ends up in a relationship with?

Thanks, Zack

Hi Zack,

Thanks for your message. I think that women today are definitely more experienced sexually than ever before. Part of the reason is that women have evolved on many levels over the last 50 years. It wasn’t that long ago that they were not allowed to vote & in many places in the world women are very much second class citizens.

There are so many online resources to help guide people who need knowledge in certain areas so women can refer to these websites/platforms anonymously & get all the information they need. In the past they were probably too embarrassed or not permitted to ask some of the questions they were curious about. It’s all available at the tips of our fingers today!

Women are the more emotional of the sexes as well so it is not surprising you have met women who are “literally” sexually in touch with themselves. Good for you to appreciate it & not be intimidated by them. That shows a wonderful maturity & acceptance on your part!

Statistically speaking, I am not sure whether many women have “more” sexual experience then men or not, but I do know that they are experimenting more now & sometimes with each other too.  The world has changed & we can always learn new things. Teachers come in all forms, which in my books is one of life’s great gifts that we should all welcome into our world. Being open minded & accepting of change will keep you on an innovative path. Enjoy!

Thanks for taking the time to write.

Sybersue <3

Dear Sybersue ~ How Do You Feel About Online Dating Vrs The Traditional Way?

Jun13

online dating girl

Dear Sybersue,

How do you feel about online dating vs. the traditional way?  Do you think social media sites have changed the way people date and is it a helpful thing or hurtful?

MMG YouTube

Dear MMG,

That is a much more complicated a question than you know & it is not a one sentence answer that’s for sure. While I am an advocate for online dating, I am saddened by the demise of old fashioned hookups & by meeting each other out in a public environment or event. Technology has made us lazy & we don’t even have to leave our homes to “flirt” with someone anymore. The trouble is we don’t know who these potential dates really are until we meet them in person & literally watch their actions & behaviors.

People can waste a lot of time online with someone who has no intention of having a relationship ~ they’re just enjoying playing the game & seeing how many admirers they can get on their profile. (Of course I am generalizing as there are many people on dating sites for the right reasons as well.)

As much as social media has connected us world wide it has also slowed communications in the old fashioned natural way.  People are forgetting how to talk to each other. How often does your phone ring these days & don’t even talk about a residential phone! The only people calling your home are telemarketers or your grandparents!  Even I am guilty about not wanting to talk on the phone and prefer to text much of the time! It’s not about being lazy in my case but more about time management. This is not a good thing as we become much more reclusive talking to our computers & smart phones instead of real people connections.

If you use online sites in the right way to meet up with people or groups & are serious about finding a long term partner, it can be an amazing tool. I think it is especially wonderful for singles over 40 who have less venues to go to and have left the bar scene behind. There are many seniors who have been able to date again after losing a partner or a divorce which was difficult in the past. Where were they supposed to meet~ there are only so many seniors events. Online keyboard dating heart

In answer to your question MMG, it is always best to meet someone in a “face to face” environment and the most preferable method. Social media had made it possible to connect the easy way but it doesn’t show you the whole dimension of someone. “The eyes are the window to your soul” and tell a lot about a person which you can’t see from a computer dating profile. Don’t forget how to talk to people you come in contact with on a daily basis & keep the art of personal communication alive. We have the best of both worlds right now and need to use them both wisely!

Thanks for your Question <3

Sybersue

Dear Sybersue ~ Why Do I Always Meet Manipulative Girls Who Treat Me Like Sh#T?

May26

 

sexy mean girlDear Sybersue,

I always seem to find lying and manipulative girls who treat me like shit even though I’m a great guy. Why? I gave the same girl 3 different chances to stop treating me lik crap, yet she was soon back to her old ways. I don’t understand girls.

Thanks for your feedback

MN

 

Susan McCord

Dear MN,

I would be curious to see what these girls look like. You may be prioritizing the physical attraction & ignoring the red flags of their true character on the first few dates. When we are sexually drawn to someone we tend to let a lot of things slide in the beginning & overlook obvious warning signs.  Giving someone 3 chances “to be a good person” is too many.  They should be wonderful right from the start & treat you well or you need to walk away.

You are sending off some signal for these types of women to notice you & you may want to analyze that to some degree.  I’m not sure how old you are but we do tend to deal with this scenario more in our twenties than any other time in our life. This is the experimental stage of life &  there can be lots of emotional scaring while we are learning about ourselves and what we truly want in our lives.  Choosing these type of women can also be from an unloving childhood situation or bad role models.  (Or in many cases, no role models.)

Find someone you can really trust & confide in and maybe they can help you see a pattern you have created that they can help you with.  It is difficult to see these traits in ourselves but the sooner we know why we are repeatedly attracting the wrong people towards us, is the day we can find real love and a happy relationship.

Believing you are worth more will eventually stop these girls from coming towards you.

Thanks for writing MN, Sybersue

 

Dating & Relationship Advice for Men & Women ~ Dating in Vancouver Needs to Change!

May22

Canadian talk show host Susan McCord & Co-host Andrea Wesley  discuss what many singles in Vancouver talk about: The terrible dating scenario! Why is it so bad & how do we change this reputation? Why do the men condemn the women & the women condemn the men in Vancouver with so much negativity?

It seems to me that if everyone looked at the glass as half  full  rather than half empty then maybe the dating situation would change. Whether you believe in the “Law of Attraction” or not, wouldn’t singles be better off trying to change their pessimistic thinking?  It is not uncommon to hear men & women constantly complaining that they never meet anyone in Vancouver, only to complain when they finally do get a date.  It’s almost like everyone has taken on ” I can do much better” approach and no one is good enough for anyone ~ making the atmosphere “out on the town” in Vancouver quite snobby!

The expectations have changed drastically & both men & women have their  unrealistic checklists that potential dates need to live up to.  There are many wonderful people living in this amazing city and I don’t believe for a moment there isn’t hope to improve this reputation Vancouver has acquired.  We not only have to draw attention to it, we need to “own” that there is an obvious problem in this town. Does it have to take an Olympic Event to get people talking to each other? What a happy & proud place Vancouver was in the 2010 Winter Olympics!

We need to not only start singing “Oh Canada” at Canuck games & other events, we need to be proud of where we live & who lives amongst us. It’s not all about dating, it is about connecting in general!  If everyone said hello to 5 different people everyday, I can pretty well guarantee a change in attitude would occur in Vancouver. Who cares what car you drive, how much money you have or don’t have, how young or old you are.  Talk to people you come in contact with during your day~whether you have met them once  or not!

The next time you go out with friends for the evening try not to judge anyone around you. You would be surprised how much of the discussion is about other people in the room. (What they are wearing, how much cosmetic surgery they have had, who slept with who, & other general gossip.)  Make your own judgment after you talk with someone & don’t let others encourage your thinking. Everyone has wonderful traits & something to offer, you don’t have to be a perfect 10 to meet someone amazing. Vancouver is a beautiful city that needs to be more open to conversation & saying hello. It’s never too late to change, let’s make it happen!

SusanMcCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Andrea Wesley @ http://www.twitter.com/heartandrearose

Dear Sybersue ~ I am Doing a Survey From School on Teens Regarding Drugs,Bullying…

May13

 

Hi, I’m doing a survey for school and would really appreciate your opinion if you feel comfortable answering my question: What do you think is the biggest issue which needs to be addressed in today’s society regarding teens: drug and alcohol abuse, bullying, eating disorders, self harm, or depression? Thanks so much for your help!(:

brigitrose

teenage girls gossiping,

Wow that is a loaded question but I will try my best to answer it for you.

In my opinion one of the biggest reasons this seems to be happening with teens today is due to all the social media at our fingertips. There has always been depression & self esteem issues over the past decades but it wasn’t acknowledged or as public back then. People have access so many more media platforms now and nothing is sacred anymore. While there has always been mean people or bullying in the schoolyard, it is now only “one click’ away from adding fuel to an already lit fire.

It is hard to believe but the Internet is only 30 years old. Your generation knows nothing else but how to connect via computers, smart phones etc. and while it can be a great resource system for people searching for answers, it can also “be the reason” for self esteem issues to be at an all time high.

Drug use has always been a problem and was a huge issue at my high school, but today it is so much easier to get access to all types of drugs. There seems to be dealers on every corner!

The peer pressure to fit in now is bigger than ever as there are so many new temptations & enticements available for teens today. Many young people do not feel like they are a part of a group if they do not indulge in some of this action, regardless of how dangerous much of it can be. One wrong move may lead to a hospital visit, overdose, a discriminating photo on Facebook or a video on YouTube. It is a tough world now because of this and some of these exploitations can cause havoc for many years to come. (Especially in careers down the road if there are any police records.)  Being a teen is supposed to be a wonderful fun time but there are those few people that just have to screw with someone’s life!

Teens need to surround themselves with friends & mentors continuously that help keep them grounded & believing in themselves. Not everyone has a supportive family & this can also add to problems due to the lack of love at home. Again, this is why it is important to find a person who can be there unconditionally without judgment. It is not weak to need someone you can trust & lean on, it is imperative that this solution be available due to the loneliness so many teens feel. Support systems are crucial to everyone but in adolescent years it is the building block to having a healthy self esteem.

Friends have to be more aware of what is transpiring in each others lives. Do not turn a blind eye to a friend in trouble or support a bully so you can fit in. Kids need to bond together to combat against these aggressive leaders ~ If no one followed them, bullying would die down. High school can really suck but having awareness that it is only a short time in the realm of life can be a little comforting. Almost everyone has a few stories of tough times at school & regardless of how old they are now, the memories are still there.

Don’t let these thoughts consume you but learn from them instead. Find that special person you can trust, talk openly with and have continual support from to help you through these tough years. Never give your power to someone else who is abusive or demeaning.  Hold your head up high and surround yourself with positive people. There are meet up groups online and outside your school that offer numerous opportunities to everyone. Always remember you are not the only one going through tough times & the support is there. You just have to open up to receiving it and not isolate yourself from dealing with it. There is no shame in asking for help whenever you are hurting & dealing with any addictions, self esteem or body image issues.

Make a difference to someone elses world by learning how to cope with these issues & then pay it forward to someone else in need. By doing this, maybe we can start eliminating so many of these issues that plaque the teen community today. Be careful who you let into your world and always listen to those “spidey senses” tingling~ which is your common sense talking.  Your gut will never ever lead you astray ~ always trust it.

Susan McCord@ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

How to Deal With Negative People in Your Career & Relationships

May12

 

Angry Man Happy Woman

When dealing with an angry customer or client in many job environments, most of us instantly get our backs up. Having a finger pointed in your face, automatically brings out a defensive response. It makes people feel disrespected and belittled. Letting clients or customers rant and have their say, is what most people really want. They need validity that their point is being heard & by reacting as negatively as they are, will just add fuel to the fire. Feeling their pain for a moment will alleviate further anger and hearing them out is usually a calming behavior modifier. It works well in relationships too!Behavior patterns are quite interesting in all realms of life. A child emulates their parents or siblings. Spouses who have been married for a long time start to act and sound alike. Animals respond to negative & positive feedback whether it due to an affectionate tummy rub or a scolding. (Most people yawn when someone near them yawns & the same thing happens when someone smiles at them.) It is contagious or a mirrored behavior.

Life is so much easier if you react to negativity with opposition. It throws a curve ball that the other person isn’t expecting and defuses the escalation of an angry reaction if handled properly. If you sound patronizing it will heighten their aggression even more & be mindful of your body language when meeting new people ~ especially out on that first date or job interview!

Always remember first impressions “make or break” a second date.

Behavior can also be used as a manipulative tool which happens in many abusive relationships. If you know someone’s personality and what buttons to push for your benefit, you are using their behavioral actions. This is how con artists pounce on their prey by easily reading these behavioral vulnerabilities. Cult leaders have learned the way to manipulate through behavioral brainwashing. Their followers look at it as mentoring! The schoolyard bully always has a group of disciples as they are too young to know the right way to use their own judgment. They want to be accepted no matter what and are looking for direction in any form. These kids lack self esteem and need guidance to remove them from future negativity.

When entering into a stressful group situation whether it is a family scenario or work related issue “ the leader or person in charge,” needs to be calm and rational to get a similar responsive reaction out of the other people in the room. Pats on the back & words of encouragement are positive rewards & great tools for keeping productivity on a drama free path in many situations. Using intimidation tactics in business or personal scenarios will never improve the environment but praise always will.

Learning how to read people quickly will help you put in less time with negative friendships or relationships. In the dating world today many men & women say they don’t know what either sex wants anymore. Everyone is confused. By learning to read their partner or dates body language & behavior patterns they will start to understand who they really are.

Try not to talk or think in a negative tone and believe your positive actions will rectify a situation. Use your skills to massage the best out of people. It is contagious when sincerity is put forth. People hunger for positive re-enforcement; they don’t want to be pessimistic.

Life is a continual learning process but the more we open up and try to make a difference in our own lives & others, we are continually rewarded with love & amazing friendships. One person can make a difference in someone’s life, why can’t it be you?

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

How to Appreciate the Differences Men & Women Bring to the Relationship

Apr30

 

young couple having a quarrel

 

If you want to date more, appreciate the differences men & women bring to the relationship!

What is the first thing that attracts you to someone you don’t know?

Regardless of whether you are “Gay or Straight,” it is a physical & chemical appeal that gets your attention. Pheromones play an important role in stirring someone’s interest which is somewhat comparable to dogs sniffing each other in the park. (Don’t we wish it were that easy?)

Why are humans so bashful in connecting with others that they are attracted to ~ especially in Vancouver? Is the fear of rejection so powerful that it erases all confidence? People use liquid courage in the bars or at events to finally interact with this magnetic power that has captivated their concentration. “Alcohol is just a layer of backbone that dares us to have faith in oneself.” Men & women are so quick to judge others & themselves that dating has become less frequent due to unreasonable assumptions about each other.

People need to appreciate each gender for what they bring into the relationship & need a reminder of that.

What Women Appreciate in a Man:

  • The biological differences! (Physically and sexually speaking.)
  • Confident strength!
  • Women appreciate men who take care of themselves and their bodies. A naturally muscular athletic guy will make even the most prudish women take notice.
  • Many women today still love a gentleman despite Women’s lib & equality. (Unfortunately this has confused many men with their role today.)
  • When a man honors & respects their opinion.
  • His masculinity & protective qualities ~ makes her feel safe.
  • His friendship loyalty with his mates.
  • His ability to accept his flaws with peacock authority.

What Men Appreciate in a Woman:

  • Sexual & personal confidence.
  • She takes pride in her appearance. (Without taking 3 hours to get there.)
  • Self sufficient but not head strong independent.
  • Enjoys feeling wanted with his masculine abilities.
  • A woman who loves & initiates sex.
  • Her natural scent.
  • A woman’s maternal & nurturing instincts.
  • Her curves & femininity.
  • A woman who has a great body image ~ regardless of size or shape.

Tips for the Ladies to Show Men You Appreciate Them:

  1. Women should appreciate their partner’s sexual appetite because they wouldn’t feel very sexy if their man did not have a yearning for them! Taking the time to enjoy and appreciate this in their man will keep the relationship healthy and alive. Ignoring them sexually is not a good idea if you want to keep them close. (Careers & kids can take a second seat once in awhile!)
  2. Men are visual creatures so make them “see” how much of an effort you make for them. Don’t become the Walmart housewife dressed in sweat pants & oversized T-shirts. Show your feminine side ladies or you will be complaining that he’s glancing at other women all the time. It’s not difficult to take 10 minutes out of your day to remind him why he is attracted to you.
  3. Take time to do something with him that really makes him happy even if it is not your favorite thing to do. Believe it or not guys do like to do some things with their wives! Attend the annual boat show, trek up a mountain trail or at the very least go to a “dick flick” with him. Do anything that makes him feel you are making an effort to do something he enjoys doing. (Especially, if you expect him to accompany you to The Nutcracker Ballet every year.)
  4. Ambitious men are an aphrodisiac to most women. That said, try not to nag at him continually when he has to do the odd work assignment over the weekend or asks you to attend a business dinner with him. There is a small price to pay for his success & the luxuries in your home.

Tips for the Men to Show Women You Appreciate Them:

  1. Many women in Vancouver today are also busy with careers and other passions and appreciate it when their guy is proud of her accomplishments without judgment or jealousies. Both sexes are much more independent than ever before which is great for conversation and teaching each other current & up to date scenarios in an ever changing world. Attaining new achievements keeps the mind youthful & alert which spills over into keeping the relationship fresh!
  2. Women also appreciate that men don’t always have to be “the man.” Women like to be needed as well. They like to feel important and that once in awhile they can save the day too. Men don’t have to fix everything, but wearing a tool belt and cut-offs will probably get him in the bedroom more often! Whether women admit it or not, they have always found construction workers very sexy! There is something to say for a man flexing his muscles using a power drill!
  3. Ladies also like it when men trust their judgment and give them credit once in awhile.
  4. They also appreciate when a man stands up for them when someone berates or ridicules them. For the most part women appreciate men’s direct “shoot from the hip” answers as long as diplomacy is implemented.

At the end of the day men are pretty simple creatures and women can be the more complex sex due to their emotions being the ruler in many cases. Appreciating both sexes for what they bring to each other’s life will be the key to happiness so many people feel is lacking today. Things have changed every Century & recently every decade between men & women, so when are we going to honor these transitions and stop fighting them?

Why do people want to change each other to be like them? Isn’t life more interesting when there are differences to embrace & learn from? Trying to understand each other is not the answer ~ accepting each other is!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers