Dating Advice ~ Help, I think I am falling in Love With my Best Friend who is a Heartbreaker!!

Dating Relationship Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women with Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord

Dear Sybersue,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trLJOZlZRWg  I think I am falling in love with my best friend! I recently broke up with my boyfriend & now my best friend is now texting me saying he has feelings for me! I really like him but he has a reputation as a heart breaker so it scares me! He is not living here right now but texts me often!

What should I do?

Sybersue @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue: My Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Sex with me Anymore After Having our Baby!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KPXx…

Dear Sybersue Advice Columnist for Men & Women

Dear Sybersue;

I just had a baby I feel crappy about myself and my husband doesn’t seem to want to have sex with me anymore. He says he is tired from working. He also mentions divorce in an argument when he’s mad & has said many times that my emotions are a big issue. This just adds more stress to what I already feel. How can I repair our marriage?

We do love each other & have had good times together but things have really changed with that too lately. I am a stay at home mom with no income of my own. I tell him I’m lonely and sad because he works a lot and we don’t spend as much time together anymore. The romance has slowed dramatically which is very hurtful as he used to be sweet and caring. How do we get past this stage of our lives & is there hope to rekindle our loving relationship?

Crushed Christine

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating & Relationship Advice ~Dear Sybersue: There are Way too Many Freaking High Maintenance Women!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By6_bBjfRPI
Dating & Relationship Advice ~

Dear Sybersue:

I’m from the Bay and there are WAY too many freaking high maintenance girls out here. I understand some women are defensive for good reasons but many do it just to play games and act hard to get. It’s a complete power trip for them, especially the ones who are physically beautiful, they know they can push & manipulate any poor sucker they want. Besides the beauty on the outside and avatar behavior, some are VERY rotten on the inside indeed. Once the porcelain breaks, you see what’s really underneath the mask metaphorically speaking. This is a person who is never satisfied with anything. Why is there so many women like this & how can we change this?

Thank you, Eddy

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Breaking the Silence ~ A True Story of Drugs, Crime & Redemption

 

I wanted to interview Jesse regarding his life of drug dealing crimes and what transpired in his youth to make him take this difficult path of destruction. How does a person feel good about themselves knowing they are a drug dealer and enabling people to keep their addictions alive?

Jesse gives a candid interview full of honesty & ownership of his 12 years in the drug business. Can people really change and is there something they do to give back to society to make up for their years of wrong doing?

Watch this video to see what Jesse intends to do for his redemption.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxZh3TUL_0g

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord & Her Guest Jesse Rice-Jones discuss Jesse’s life of Drugs, Crime & his Redemption. His book “Breaking the Silence” is an eye opening read that parents should be very conscious of while raising their children, especially single parents. Teens need to be kept aware of how to avoid drug temptations & the easy manipulation from drug dealers looking for naivete & vulnerability. Watch this full version to the end to get the real message being delivered.

Susan McCord @ http://www.interviewtalkshow.com
Jesse C. Rice-Jones @ http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/Charn

Dating Advice for High Maintenance Single Women

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Dear Sybersue;

I am in a very happy marriage with a man I love unconditionally! I love us together and want others to experience what I have too. I have a friend in Vancouver that is very depressed because she is still single at 40. She has never been married but turns her nose up at men she meets that have also never been married. (She thinks there is something wrong with them because of this! Hello, look in the mirror girlfriend!)

She also won’t date anyone over 40 or who have children. They also have to have a professional job with an income to match hers or better. She only goes to the best establishments & has a wardrobe that would make the Kardashians envious! She is beautiful which I think may be one of the problems with her expectations ~ she wants the trophy husband by her side to appear as the perfect couple.

When she does date, she makes comments on trivial things about men and won’t see them again because of the smallest reasons! I don’t understand how she became so stuck up but I know this is why she isn’t meeting someone. I have told her she is being negative and her “high Maintenance checklist” is ruining her chance of meeting a quality man. She just shrugs it off. She is becoming bitter and it is hard to be around her. I seem to be her only support and her family has never been there for her. What advice do you have for her?

Thank you, Concerned Shauna

Dear Shauna,

What a great friend you are for taking the time to write on her behalf. The message I get from what you wrote, is that she is “sabotaging” her own happiness by finding fault with each guy she meets. Many people do not feel they deserve to be in a loving relationship and judging by what you said about her family having never being there for her, this is probably the case. If you weren’t shown love as a child, it is hard to know what it is or how to bring it into your life. She sounds like she may be getting angry as the years go by because she hasn’t dealt with “this underlying issue.”

It is interesting how human nature works sometimes. The one thing we really want, we push away! It is all about self-esteem in the end. Sometimes beautiful women are very lonely due to the wrong attention they may have received in their life. There are some men who are shallow & just want the gorgeous girl on their arm without the relationship status. There are also the men who are afraid to approach beautiful women because they feel unworthy around them. Jealousy from family, friends and boyfriends can be a problem due to them feeling insecure in her presence. Some of these situations over the years may have jaded her or she just may have always had a “sense of entitlement” built into her personality due to her given beauty. Whatever the case, it’s not working for her!

Her tough exterior is really an insecurity that she is making an excuse for. The fact that she discusses being single all the time with you, shows that it is a concern for her and she really does want someone in her life. (This seems to be a constant topic with dating in Vancouver!) I would advise your friend to seek some counseling very soon or she will not only remain single, but also lose you and other friends who are tired of her pessimistic attitude.

She is not doing herself any favors holding onto this princess behavior and men in their 40’s have little time for it. Pretty soon she won’t have to worry about being too picky with her men because there won’t be any men to pick from. It’s never too late to make changes in your life and become a better person. The one thing we all have in common & need in our lives is; love. It is the universal language that we can all relate to and need to exist. Why would we choose to repel it?

Dear Sybersue @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue: I Have Broken up with my Boyfriend 5 Times ~ Why Can’t I Walk Away?

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Guardian Angels

Dear Sybersue:

I found you through your video Relationship Advice: What Does “Taking a Break” Really Mean?       http://youtu.be/dapjA_37C7g

I wish I had a Guardian Angel…My situation is getting too much for me to handle. I have big family problems, my studies are an ongoing issue and my relationship is in constant turmoil. I am 11 years younger than my boyfriend and we have been together for more than 32 months. He knows about my problems and we both love each other so much.

The trouble is, I am losing my patience and can’t tolerate his bad behavior, judgmental attitude, anger and jealousy all the time. He doesn’t respect all my decisions and wants me to change things about myself. I have pulled the trigger 5 times, end up crying like hell but then always end up patching things up with him.

Yesterday I thought I should break up with him for good but then I messaged him on Facebook and suggested taking a break instead. We might change in the meantime, right? This break is really horrible and I have no one to turn to and can’t make a firm decision! I guess I always want to balance everything w/o having to lose anything! I am so frustrated! Please help me, please…

M

Hi M,

I am very sorry to say but it sounds like your relationship may have run its course due to the fact that you have broken up 5 times and your bf wants YOU to change. You have to ask yourself what keeps you there if he is judgmental, angry & jealous all the time. It may be that you are afraid of being alone, which is one of the reasons so many people stay in broken relationships.

After almost 3 years together there shouldn’t be this much drama and need for “change” if a couple is truly connected. We all have family issues & other things to deal with in life, but a partner should be there to help you through some of the obstacles and vice versa.

As you know from watching this video I am not an advocate of “breaks” as I think it only heightens insecurities & jealousies. Maybe the reason you go back & forth in this partnership is because you do not have a support system. There are plenty of groups you can connect with online or Meetup groups in your city. We all go through breakups in our lives and there is always someone to talk to about it. It sounds like you need to get out of the repetitive cycle and connect with some new people. Put your focus on something else right now. Experimenting with diversity & new directions always brings personal growth. It may bring some clarity to what you really desire.

When love is “real” there isn’t a lot of drama. You love them for who they are ~ not who they aren’t.

xo Sybersue

Dear Sybersue; My Boyfriend of 10 Months is Showing Signs of Freezing me Out!

roses of love

Dear Sybersue;
My Boyfriend of 10 Months is Showing Signs of Freezing me Out!

I am a 30 yr old, well employed, very socially active and independent woman. My boyfriend of 10 months is showing signs of freezing me out. This concerns me since it is right before a one year marker in our relationship which many guys feel the pressure of these days.

I’ll include a bit about our pasts to help your response. 

Andrew is 10 years older than I am but our time spent together is never stressed by the age difference.  He took care of his sick mother since he was a child and also starting working at 15 to help pay the household bills.  He later became a police officer & but recently retired & now receives a pension. He is currently working at a construction job.

A short time ago he told me he doesn’t believe in marriage.  Please note that he was hurt badly by some evil woman that continually pestered him about marriage. They eventually got engaged and shortly after found out she was pregnant. He soon discovered she had been unfaithful and slept with someone else.  She ending up having an abortion without ever knowing whose child it was or giving Andrew any choice in the matter.  He was pretty crushed knowing it could have been his son/daughter.

Back to us…we spend almost every weekend together when we are not working. I’m fine doing nothing at all and just enjoying a meal at his place. (He cooks for me often.)  I’m happy joining him for outdoor trips and he enjoys going out dancing with me. He introduced me to his entire family after 4 months of us dating & I’ve also met his best friends. Everyone tells us they love us together!

Where I am feeling this “relationship freeze” the most is with our sex life.  Andrew has been very removed & is less interested sexually these past few months.  I started to think maybe he was interested in another woman! I have expressed my concerns to him & questioned his fidelity.  His response was he is not happy with his position in life and financially he doesn’t have his future secured.

He stated because he knows I love him and I deserve so much, he has not wanted sex! He says women get that “in love feeling” from sex, and he doesn’t want me to expect that from him!

We don’t go out on date nights anymore, but we still spend weekends together. He is still very sweet to me but the sex has been restricted to once a week or less now. I’m in no rush to get married but I do love him and I’d be really happy if we did tie the knot one day. Many of his friends have mentioned that they thought Andrew was hurt and bitter from his past relationship breakup but what if he really does have ice in his heart and there is irreparable damage?

Should I just stick it out? He told me if I want to leave he wishes me the best and that I am a wonderful woman.

Reading this over it does seem obvious that if I did break up with him he would not put up a fight to keep me in his life.  Do you think he is freezing me out slowly so I will be the one to leave? Do you think he is testing me to see how long I’d stick with him without a ring? Please help!!

Thank you, Kim

Dear Kim,

Your boyfriend has a few demons in his closet which probably stems from being a fatherless child that had to nurture his mother, rather than having his mother nurture him. I don’t know anything about his dad as you didn’t mention it, but Andrew may also be dealing with some abandonment issues. He was also cheated on and dumped by a girl that he was engaged to, and who shut him out of making any decisions regarding her pregnancy. This was just another heart break scenario in his long list of past emotions haunting him.

(Also, many policemen learn to shut down their feelings due to all the trauma they witness on the job. It can be very difficult for some of them to open up.)

You are absolutely right that he is removing himself of any major commitment with you. This is a common scenario with some men who have a fear of love and long term relationships. The problem is they start out really sincere showing they are into a partnership by introducing you to their family & friends, and then start pulling away after the 6 month mark because they freak themselves out!  I think for the most part they are initially into trying to make it work but then those rooted doubts come back once again to make them pull away. It can be a vicious circle until they realize what they are doing and get some professional help.

When a man tells a woman something that he is feeling, she needs to really listen to what he is saying rather than trying to read between the lines with her own version. He is losing interest in sex which is not a good situation if the relationship is healthy. Of course women put sex and love into the same scenario when they are in a relationship and the fact that he said he doesn’t want sex due to that reason should be a relationship deal breaker. That is a pretty loud statement & very hurtful. He also told you that he understands if you want to leave, as he knows you want more than he is able to give you. Has he told you he loves you?

I am not sure why money is an issue if he is getting a pension & working at a construction job too? Could this be an excuse? I think you really know the answer to your own question here Kim, and I know how hurtful it is to realize your relationship could be over soon. He really needs to talk to someone as he sounds a bit depressed and that he has given up on having love in his life.

My advice to you would be; if he is willing to seek professional help you give it a few more months, but if he refuses, then it is time for you to find happiness somewhere else. You deserve a “Loving” partnership, not a one sided “companion” without love and limited sex.  Don’t ever settle for someone, always respect yourself first!

If this is meant to be, he will realize it by not letting you go. Right now you are making it easy for him because you are the one making all the sacrifices.  Is that what you really want long term? I don’t think you do or you wouldn’t be writing me. You know what is important to you and you can have it by believing you deserve it.

Sending you hugs, Sybersue

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Dear Sybersue,

Thanks for your reply. Well he has said he loves me “once,” but he tells me he cares for me all the time. When this issue was first brought up he asked me “don’t I show you that I love you by my actions?” Sadly perhaps you’re correct, he may be making excuses. I wish I knew a way to convince him to talk to a professional. We communicate and share so much but I do believe he uses me as a therapist at times.

His father was a drunk, very abusive and in fact the main reason his mother is not well! This also was the reason Andrew became a provider at such a young age.

I feel because I love him I want to fix him. I want him to know that there are people out there like me that won’t abandon or hurt him. He acknowledges he has some problems. When he says he’s fine with me leaving due to these issues, it seems like a cop out to just give up again.

I’m not perfect; I’ve been hurt, abandoned, and yes broken hearted. I did in fact see a therapist for 2 yrs but I still have no clue how to sell a grown man to go in that direction.

Thank you again Sue! I can’t say I’m ready to jump out of this relationship but your insight has clarified my doubts of “what if.”

Sincerely, Kim

Dear Kim,

Thanks for writing back. Wow you both have been through a lot. This is probably the reason you found each other. “Like attracts like.” I think you nailed it when you said you want to “fix it” because this is what many women do! We are natural nurturers. The fact that you had some professional help for your own past is wonderful & because you know how helpful it was, makes you want to help fix him all the more!

Your BF has problems with loving people because there has been so much hurt in his life. Unfortunately it’s not unlike helping an alcoholic; they have to be ready to change. I wish I could give you more hope and better news but I think in this case the only way things will improve with you both, is if he gets some counseling.

Staying in this situation really gives you the short end of the stick. You sound like a very loving & caring woman who deserves more than this type of partnership. Ask yourself what you are getting out of it and be honest with yourself. Sometimes we hold on just because we think it is easier than starting over with someone else. He may be a test from the Universe to see if you have learned some things from your therapy.

You deserve someone who tells & shows you they love you every day. Once in 10 months is not enough. Why did he tell you he loved you if he doesn’t want you to have those reciprocated “in love” feelings? He is contradicting himself and sending you mixed messages. The first 2 years is supposed to be the best part of your relationship. Your 10 months together has been a teeter totter ride with you making all the compromises.

Wishing you clarity & love always.

 xo Sybersue