How To Dating Advice – Why am I so Jaded & Angry About Relationships?

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Today Sybersue (Susan McCord) answers Carrie’s question about why she is is constantly angry & Jaded about finding love! Here is her question:

Dear Sybersue:

What the Hell is wrong with me? Why am I so jaded & angry?! I keep repeating the same deflating patterns with people in my life! How did I get to this place? I really do want a loving relationship and I am tired of being alone! Please Help!

Thank you, Carrie

Watch the video to hear Sybersue’s answer!

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Dating & Relationship Advice – Have You Met The Right Person at the Wrong Time?

Dear Sybersue Book at Amazon

Dear Sybersue Book at Amazon

Have you ever met the right person at the wrong time? This scenario has probably happened to most people at some point in their lives. How many times do we hear of couples reuniting at a high school reunion 20-30 years later?  That lost love that got away because the timing wasn’t right.

Should we go back to a past love if offered the chance?

First of all you need to ask yourself if it really was bad timing or was is it just the wrong person? When love is “real” there aren’t a lot of questions and it doesn’t have to be difficult. It just feels right and the adjustments are not constantly dramatic, but reciprocated compromises. There are definitely relationship obstacles in our younger years when we are focusing on our career or University commitments and finding out who we are. Meeting someone at that stage in your life can be complicated and not always meant to be forever. (Although saying that, some college sweethearts have had successful long term relationships.)

What we experience in our youth will help set us on a path to make wise choices for the future or so we hope…

We all make decisions for what we think is the better road but as we have seen too often, this isn’t always the case & we spend years second guessing our choices. Timing is everything and sometimes we don’t pay attention to what is obvious and right in front of us. How many people have let the right person get away due to other priorities & then choose the wrong person later on out of desperation? Age can play an important factor in your choices, especially if you are a woman and your biological clock is ticking like a time bomb. Some women will settle and forfeit love to get pregnant at that stage.

Dating checklists can end up being relationship killers due to the picky or shallow demands some people prioritize. Ironically, these men and women who remain single until their late 30’s or 40’s often become bitter because they are still single! This just makes things worse which could end up annihilating any chance of establishing a partnership. People need to remind themselves that everyone has great qualities & everyone has flaws ~ No one is immune to this. Taking someone for granted or getting too cocky in a relationship can end up backfiring and leave you questioning yourself when they finally walk away looking for someone who appreciates them.

“Sometimes we don’t know they are the right person until they are gone from our lives.”

If you do feel like you are repeating a pattern due to your unreasonable checklists and repetitive behavioral issues, it could be your own self worth or commitment issues sabotaging any potential relationship. This is quite common and a regretful scenario for people when they realize they let the love of their life slip through their fingers.

How do you change this?

  • Put yourself around friends that have a healthy relationship. Being in that environment could help alleviate the fear by seeing how wonderful a great relationship can be.
  • Remove yourself from hanging around negative people who are always complaining about dating and relationships.
  • See a counselor for underlying issues you may not be aware of from your past or childhood.
  • Keep yourself busy. Having too much time on your hands will only make you think about being single more often.
  • Be honest with yourself ~ do you know what you really want? Don’t say what you don’t want in your life. Verbalize what you do want.

Try not to be too picky or judgmental and don’t ever settle for someone. This isn’t fair to you or your partner. Companionship is a wonderful thing but don’t sell yourself short of also having a loving & sexually fulfilling relationship.

If you are questioning whether you let that great person get away, be careful not to confuse loneliness with pining over a lost love. We can spend a lot of time “walking down memory lane” over someone who we thought was the right person. Sometimes it really was the wrong person but we hold on to the few good things because ultimately no one wants to be alone. Many people fabricate what really wasn’t in their relationship because there is nothing else there to replace it. This is why some men and women breakup and makeup numerous times in their partnerships. They talk themselves into thinking there is more to the relationship than there really is.

If you did let your soul mate go and you know in your heart that it was the biggest mistake of your life, it is never too late to act upon these feelings.  Knowing when it is purely a physical lust or true love will be the answer to your question and who knows, they could be feeling exactly the same way about you! Timing plays a huge part in everything we do in life and some of us understand it much earlier than others.

Your intuition is your true guide and will never lead you astray when you learn to listen and trust it.  When two people are both ready at the same time, becomes the right time ~ regardless of how many years have passed.

~Love has no curfew~

Dear Sybersue – Book at Amazon

Susan McCord

Dear Sybersue ~ Is it Considered Cheating to Kiss a Girl Without Telling My Boyfriend?

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (Dear Sybersue) answers Kylie’s question from her advice column:

Dear Sybersue,
I am in a 2 year relationship with a great guy and do love him but I am very attracted sexually & emotionally to this girl at my gym!
She feels the same way and I am dying to kiss her and see what transpires! Guys seem to like girl or girl scenarios these days so I am not sure if it would be considered cheating….or would it??

What do you think?

Thanks Sybersue, Kylie

Dear Sybersue – Why do I Obsess Over Every Little Detail When I am in a New Relationship?

Dear Sybersue,

Why am I so obsessive over the smallest things when I start out in a new relationship?  I constantly think “what if it doesn’t work out” or “what is the point in even trying to be with this guy as it won’t work anyway” and so on!  I find a reason for everything to be a problem and I am talking about little things too!

How did I get like this and why do I even bother dating anyone with this attitude I have acquired?  Am I looking for disappointment because that seems to be my weird comfort zone?

Help me Sybersue!

Thank you, Jamie  <3

Dear Jamie,

This is a very common scenario, much more than you may realize.  Many people do not believe they deserve to be in a relationship because they don’t think they are worthy of having unconditional love in their lives.  This can stem from many different situations they have endured in the past but it is usually derived from low self esteem coming from a pattern of failed relationships or childhood issues.

You are correct in saying it has become “your weird comfort zone” because this repetitive behavior is now the norm for you.  You have become stuck.  The good news is that you have recognized the pattern and want to try to fix it!  Half the battle is to own your part in why your relationships are constantly causing you to sabotage your happiness.

In cases like this it is a good idea to analyse when this first started happening for you.  Is this all you have ever known or is it a new obsessive habit?  Once you know what triggered this judgemental demeanor you are on your way to discovering a better you.  Most relationship issues like this are due to fear ~ fear of the unknown and “what ifs.”

Constantly living your life obsessing and worrying will never bring anything of substance into your world.  Being grateful for what is happening at every given moment will allow more amazing things to come your way because you are appreciating life as it unfolds.  You are looking at it in a positive way and are accepting of these new experiences, no matter how insignificant they may seem at the time.  Sometimes the smallest things in life end up being the biggest life changers.

Thanks for writing Jamie and for bringing this conversation to light for numerous other men & women dealing with the same issue.  If we all look deep inside ourselves we can usually find the answers we are searching for.  By bottling up our emotions and repeating old patterns we are not bettering who we are meant to be.  Growth is constant and never stops changing who we truly are.  Being aware that we can continually evolve right into our final years on earth is a gift we all have been given ~ don’t waste it on what ifs...

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Dating Advice ~ Don’t be a Doormat in Your Relationship!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord & her co- host Andrea Wesley do a short rant on how not to be a doormat in your relationship!  It may sound harsh but some people need to have it said out loud so they can wake up and have some clarity as to where they truly stand in their partnership.

This type of arrangement can occur gradually where you don’t see it happening within your partnership and then one day you wake up and ask yourself how it got to this one sided scenario!  Living solely for your partner, making it all about them and keeping them happy and neglecting your own happiness, is not a real relationship.  There is no respect given to the person who is allowing themselves to be walked all over.  It may seem like a bonus to the one in control in the early stages of the relationship, but eventually they will become bored which will be the demise of the couple down the road.

Compromising partnerships where you learn little things from each other add a new dimension to who you already are as a person.  Diversity is a wonderful thing to add to our growth as we keep learning how much there is to know about ourselves. Don’t ever allow yourself to be squashed by someone who keeps you from being all that you can be.

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

EVERYONE Should Read This Post About Losing a Child!

RIP Beautiful Natalie ~ You will Forever be in our Hearts.

RIP Beautiful Natalie ~ You will Forever be in our Hearts.

One year ago on March 21st my best friend lost her daughter Natalie to the angels.  This is the most devastating news any parent could ever receive and the biggest fear we all have while raising our children.  Keeping them safe is the biggest priority of our lives and can be very difficult especially in the teen years when kids think they know everything about life.

Everyone who loses a child will always wonder if they could have done more, regardless of how much they loved their child and were there for them. We the parents are their protectors and we are supposed to go before them!  Life can really be a difficult path with so many hardships and sometimes it really isn’t fair.  This article below written by Paula Stephens is something EVERYONE should read and understand.

People who are grieving for their children need support and not just during the early stage of this heartbreaking situation.  They are still in shock during the funeral & memorial arrangements and move along in a robotic trance just trying to make it through.  Your job as a friend or family member doesn’t end there.  They need you after even more, & removing yourself from seeing them because you don’t know what to say or because it makes you uncomfortable is selfish and uncaring.  They need to be able to talk about it and know that you care and their child is not forgotten.

Gentle conversations, letting them cry, understanding that their pain will never really subside and just listening to what they have to say is very important! They need you regardless of when they say they are doing alright ~ how could anyone be alright when a big piece of  their heart has broken off that can never be replaced?  They know it can be hard to be around them when they are hurting so badly so they will try to deal with their pain on their own.

My message to you all is  don’t ever think they just want to deal with this alone.  They need love and continued support forever and need to always have their loved one remembered.  Don’t ask how they are doing, you KNOW how they are doing.  Ask them out for coffee or a afternoon walk and just be there for them without them having to reach out to you. They are lost right now and need you to help guide them with your unconditional love.  <3

Please click on this link below written by Paula Stephens

What I Wish More People Understood About Losing A Child

Susan McCord @ youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating Advice ~ Pacing Yourself in a New Relationship

photo (59)

Dating in Vancouver BC

 

After being invited to be a part of a dating discussion panel in Vancouver recently, I decided that this topic really needs to be addressed.  I have used the dating term “in fast-out fast” in many of my talk show videos and blogs to refer to a popular occurrence in many doomed relationships.

Meeting someone who we are really attracted to and have a huge chemistry with is such a wonderful feeling and literally grabs us by the “short & curlies” enticing our full attention and craving more! While this wow-factor connection is generally a good thing, it is how we handle it in the early stages that will either make or break a future commitment with them. Both sexes are guilty of this behavior and trust me when I say it is not a healthy place to put yourself in any scenario!  I am talking about all aspects of life, not just the love department.

Pacing yourself in new situations allows you to step back & observe with a realistic approach. Temptations can be very addicting when put in your path and like anything in your life, knowing when not to over indulge is the key to a desirable balance & moderation.  It’s like taking that first bite of a chocolate bar that tastes so good, you end up devouring the whole thing in 5 minutes. Why not savor the taste and slowly enjoy it?  Put it away and take another bite tomorrow.  You also respect yourself more because you had willpower and some control over your choices.

When you finally meet that incredible person who fits so many priorities on your dating checklist, it is so hard not to jump in on all fours due to all the drama you faced in the past year on your bad date journey from Hell. This is a good reason to slow down and enjoy this new found excitement! Pace yourself and keep a little mystery in the air so they want to see more of you.  Think of it as a 7 course dinner and they get to taste a little bit each time they see you.  Buffets may be great once in awhile but with everything laid out right in front of you there is no build up as to what is coming next. Comprendez?

Many women get caught up in the fast action of a man who comes in like gangbusters saying all the right things because he really is “sincerely interested”…in the beginning.  I may be generalizing here but I have had so many women write my advice column with this big question! “Why did he say all those things and plan so much with me only to run away?” because he freaked himself out!  He didn’t allow the relationship to progress naturally and got greedy with the euphoric feeling of this perfect woman in front of him!  He put her on an unrealistic pedestal that had no other place to go but down…

Beware of anyone who comes into a new relationship who starts planning your daily itinerary because they are sooooo into you!  Don’t allow someone to take over your life because it feels good to be wanted by someone who is so crazy about you.  They don’t know you!  Just because some people fall in love in 6 weeks on reality shows like The Bachelor doesn’t mean this is normal and that it will happen to you.  Life is complicated and it is not easy to have balance & harmony without making a compromising effort. The key word is compromise!

So the next time someone comes galloping into your world with a fast paced excitement, take the lead and slow it down.  Don’t be so available and do not alter your plans to be with them.  If this amazing partnership is meant to be they need to be a great part of your life but not your entire life.  Do not live for someone else or let them direct your emotions.

Be smart & take baby steps.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers