Dear Sybersue: Why Do So Many Women Try To Look Like A Mattel Barbie Or A Reality Housewife?

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Dear Sybersue,

I am sorry to write you sounding like a scorned guy with stereotyping women into the Barbie or someone from the Housewives series but someone has to say something! “I get it” that there is a ton of pressure on women to look good and that there are numerous procedures to combat aging, but seriously this is getting out of hand!

It’s one thing to start worrying about wrinkles at 40 but some women I have dated in their early 20’s have been getting Botox treatments already! I don’t want a frozen faced girlfriend and I already have problems trying to figure out female emotions; but now I can’t even read their face to get any clue of what they are thinking!

Don’t even get me started about what women are doing with their over-enhanced lips! Why would a doctor even put his name on those disastrous clown mouths that he is creating? What many women don’t understand is they are all starting to look like clones of each other! With trending hair styles and clothing to go along with these cosmetic addictions, it is starting to remind me of a Barbie play date that my sister used to have with her school friends.

I am an attractive, financially successful 34 year old man that just wants to meet a natural woman who enjoys who she is, without having to spend her life savings on trying to be someone else. I know I sound like an asshole lumping women into this category but I am frustrated with how many ladies are falling into this competitive trap of looking perfect! Not all men like the Kim Kardashian types! Yeah it’s sad that I even know who she is, but that is because we all have to hear about her constantly!

I want to be in a committed relationship with someone who has a personality, likes to laugh, wants to go for long walks on the beach, (yes, I’m serious about that cliché line) and someone who is comfortable in her own skin.

Is that really a lot to ask?

Thanks Sybersue, Scott

Dear Scott,

Hi, and thanks for writing! This is such a great question and I know you are speaking for lots of other guys out there who are also frustrated about this scenario. My first question to you is; are you attracted only to these high maintenance women without realizing it? There are definitely women out there that are naturally pretty and don’t go crazy on cosmetic procedures, but sometimes our checklists have an unrealistic priority in “the looks department” so we subconsciously bypass these amazing ladies.

There are a lot of single men and women out there complaining about how difficult dating is and there can be some desperate measures taken to look good and stand out! Competition is fierce especially after 30! You are right that some women are taking things too far and it is becoming an obsession rather than just a light anti-aging remedy. It can be a full time job and cost a fortune to keep up with all these procedures. I still shake my head at how so many women seem to have the money to do this. (Saying that I am sure many of them have an over extended line of credit or maxed our credit cards; which is a very scary thing in many ways!)

Speaking of…

You mentioned that you are financially successful and attractive which means you are going to attract many women towards you, especially the one’s looking for a husband! You’re a catch and they know it. It is up to you who you allow into your circle and it might be time to change that up in a big way. Try out different venues that are more low key and less popular. Don’t hang out with the same high rolling crowd all the time; that will draw more HM women than bees to a bee hive!

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dear Sybersue : Single? Don’t be Sad on Valentine’s Day

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Grrrrr is Valentine’s Day here again already??? It sucks to be single!

Dear Sybersue ~ A Dating & Relationship Advice Talk Show

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Dear Sybersue,

Oh God, it’s that dreadful time of year again where I feel even lonelier than every other day of the year being single. February 14th and all the romantic hype is a reminder of how alone I really am!  It is a very depressing day for me. I am a 28 year old fairly attractive outgoing woman living in Toronto and in desperate need of some advice on how to get through the “wrath of cupid” every year on this day!

Single Samantha

Dear Samantha,

I have this conversation with women all the time. I am sure single guys probably feel the void as well but just don’t vocalize it.

The one thing I always did when I was single on Valentines’ Day was to go out & socialize! “Screw Cupid, he can shove the arrow right up his a#s,” I would say to myself! I usually…

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Dear Sybersue: How to Deal with Common Relationship Problems

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Dealing with relationship issues is an ongoing battle with many couples. Why is it so difficult to maintain the respectful, fun loving partnership that we all had in the early stages of “courtship?” Is that even a word anymore or am I dating myself again? ;)

Some people have become lazy and don’t prioritize their relationships due to how busy they are in every other area of their life.  Is this smart? We put so much effort into our jobs and our kids but we don’t nurture the person that we love? That’s just crazzzzzzzzy to me!

We all spend so much time trying to find the perfect mate to share our life, telling anyone who will listen that dating sucks and there are so few choices of suitable partners out there!  Then when we finally meet that special person and make the commitment that we have been waiting for, we become complacent and slowly let it fizzle into nothingness. What the???

As I have said in numerous blog posts and videos “Love is like a full time job!” This isn’t a bad thing! There will always be challenges, but like your career or your family, you don’t usually walk away from them because of a few obstacles that you have to deal with here and there.  Life is a bitch sometimes but that’s OK. It keeps us from getting bored and melting into our couch alone every night. Think about that…

Hope you like the video <3

PS: What do you do in your relationship to keep the love alive? Please leave a comment below. xo

Susan McCord – The Dear Sybersue Talk Show                                                          Come & check out my Facebook Page

 

Another Breakup: Nobody loves me!

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Part of the dating and relationship process of life is learning as much as you can from each step you take so as not to repeat the same BS crap over and over again. Yes, that nasty heart-break learning curve that seems endless for some people. “WTF? Why me, what am I doing wrong?” “Why am I so unlovable?”

OMG stop with the pity party, wipe off those crocodile tears and go yell at yourself in the bathroom mirror! “I AM AMAZING BUT I NEED TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES! I AM IN CHARGE OF ME & NO ONE ELSE HAS THAT POWER!”  On second thought, write it out on the mirror and then yell!! Do it over and over again until you really believe it, because until you do, you will continue to have these sad moments with your pets! (I’m not just talking about the crazzzzy cat ladies!)

Any breakup is hurtful but it happens for a purpose; to let you know there is something way healthier for you out there away from another heart-breaking dilemma. You might have to bang your head against that damn brick wall a few times before it clicks into the “ah ha moment,” but even taking baby steps in a new direction will get you there much faster!

So eat a carton of Haagen Daz, down a few pints at the pub, watch a few romantic tear jerker movies, cry at old photos of you as a couple, use your pets as a temporary replacement, and then give yourself a month and get the Hell into that bathroom and start screaming! It’s time for you to move onto a positive road to something real!

It’s not always about heart-break but more about a broken ego which can be dangerous if you let it rule your choices! Life experience is never a bad thing, but you can have many more great experiences once you learn how to remove yourself from the frustrating path of doing the same wrong thing over and over again.

As Dr. Phil says: “How’s that working for you?”

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Please Visit Dear Sybersue on Facebook <3

 

 

Mother Knows Best: What I know now at 50 that I didn’t know in my 20’s/30’s!

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Susan McCord  Gym Fitness

Mother Knows Best:  What I know now at 50 that I didn’t know in my 20’s/30’s!

Many people ask me why I published a book & why I chose to be a YouTube Talk Show Host and Blogger in my 50’s!  My answer is “why not?”

Why wouldn’t you want to listen to a woman who has been there done that and has so many friggen T-shirts she could open her own store?  Isn’t it easier to learn from someone else’s mistakes and that by doing so, it might be able to prevent drama filled scenarios from happening to you?

Hello!  I wish someone had helped pave the way for me in my 20’s!  Some of my life lessons give a whole new meaning to “banging your head against a brick wall” and I can tell you that I pretty much caved that sucker in!

I never understand why so many businesses get rid of their mature employees because they think that only young new blood in the room will bring a fresh outlook to the company???  That may work for gaming markets or teen clothing lines but why wouldn’t you also want people on your team that have “walked the walk of life?”

Age experience is invaluable and should never be underestimated in any place of business.  Successful companies get what I am talking about!! There should always be a mix of men and women of all ages to give a well rounded and balanced outlook to anything in life.

OK enough of that crap; let’s talk about how you can save yourself a lot of unnecessary drama or life lessons that really could be avoided.

Whoever made up the cliché “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” should be smacked upside the head because that isn’t exactly a heartwarming statement and doesn’t come without a whole pile of steaming BS to deal with! Listen to someone older and wiser to make changes in your life because it saves you one Hell of a lot of time and many embarrassing moments!

 What I did or didn’t do in my youth that I would do differently today:

  • Put money away to buy a house rather than buying shoes or spending money partying every weekend. $$$$
  • Not use baby oil and spend hours in the sun at the beach! (Stay away from tanning beds!!)
  • I would have started yoga in my teens (not at 48) to keep up the muscle tone and flexibility into my later years.  Have you seen their bodies in the yoga studios?! Damn! Susan Yoga
  • Listened more closely when I had doubts on my wedding day.
  • Learned about nutrition and stayed away from the high-carb diet of the 80’s and then having to deal with those 25 extra lbs for the next 10 years!
  • I would have had stronger boundaries and knew when to let go of something or someone that wasn’t healthy a lot faster!
  • I would have been happy with my AA breasts that I was regularly made fun of in my teens. I have the last laugh now that mine are still perky and above my belt line. That’s right bitches!
  • Understood my self-worth was more important than being with some guy who was only there for sex.
  • I would have had more expectations from the people who I was close to in my life so I wasn’t just the constant care giver and nurturer.  Relationships and friendships need to have a reciprocated respect towards each other. Even strong people need support!
  • Removed myself from people who squashed others accomplishments and only surround myself with positive like minded men and women.
  • I wish that I had someone to lean on and confide in through my teen years. A go-to person.
  • Trusted my instincts and listened to those spidey senses telling me NO because they were always right!
  • I would have understood that bullies are assh*les and nothing they had to say had any value; because they were more insecure than I ever was.

What choices did I make back then that have worked out well in my life today?

  1. I started weight training at 19 years old. This keeps the body parts uplifted for a lot longer and helps defy gravity! I actually have cleavage now and my butt hasn’t blended in with the back of my thighs! (yet) I kept up my Kegel exercises especially after childbirth! (I strongly recommend Googling this ladies!)
  2. I understood by age 17 how “Bad Boys” were a pain in the ass and not worth the one night stand of hot sex!  It was sure fun watching them try though!
  3. I worked 4 part time jobs starting at an early age which gave me the financial freedom to move out of an unhealthy environment at 17 and buy my first cheap car.  Saying that; I learned a lot about cars due to the lemons I owned over the years! Need an oil change? Tires changed? Battery jumpstart? I’m your girl!
  4. I started writing in a diary when I was 10 years old which I have now made into a career later in my life. Whatever passions or talents you have in your younger years is what your career should consist of.  Get paid to do what you love!
  5. I chose to be “a doer” and not allow some of the hardships I endured throughout my years to control my life direction in a negative way.  I learned how to pick myself up and keep going forward.  Playing the victim keeps a person stuck for a very long time.
  6. I knew how important it was to tell my son how proud I was and how much I loved him regularly and not repeating a pattern from my own childhood.
  7. Being the oldest girl of 5 kids I learned how to be a mother at an early age which gave me the tools to be a devoted and independent single mom for 18 years. Flight Attendant Shot
  8. I visualized the job I wanted as a flight attendant from the age of 13 and made it happen. I flew the friendly skies for 20 years. (Until they became not so friendly.)
  9. I constantly took courses in anything that interested me; which kept me continually growing in new directions. You will always hear me say that “diversity is the key to staying young!” You will always have something to talk about and you will never be boring to be around.
  10. I learned that humor will get you through anything and being a little crazy is a good thing. <3 FullSizeRender (18)

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Teachers come in all age groups and when you are open to receiving their knowledge, life will become easier and make so much more sense!  Don’t make excuses as to why things haven’t worked out or play the victim and prolong the bad choices you may have made.

Don’t turn your nose up at someone sitting beside you who may be a lot older than you; embrace the moment and ask them questions.  Get inside their brain and learn all that you can, because I can tell you from the bottom of my 50+ year old heart, there is one Hell of a lot of valuable knowledge and life experience in that mature head of theirs.

Go ahead and try it and you’ll see what mama’s talking about! <3

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Visit my Facebook Page @ http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

Dear Sybersue: Why do so Many Guys Expect me to Have Sex With Them on the First Date?

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Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (AKA Dear Sybersue) answers Kristine’s question:

Dear Sybersue,

Why do men think it is their right to have sex with a woman on the first date? They actually expect me to have sex with them without so much as a discussion on the subject!

I am not a provocative woman and I am not giving my body to just anyone. Do guys not understand that many women get very attached when they are sexual with someone? Plus, they don’t know me or where I have been and I certainly don’t know where they have been!

What the Hell is going on out there? Don’t guys want any substance in the woman they are dating or is it only about the sexual conquest?  Call me crazy Sybersue, but I kind of like getting to know my  date for at least a few hours (sarcasm) before jumping in the sack with him. My girlfriends feel the same way and we are getting tired of it all. Guys wonder why women seem rude and standoffish; well maybe this is one of the reasons why.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Thanks Kristine :)

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & Whatever else you are Celebrating Poem

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This is the festive time of year,

Where we all get together to celebrate good cheer,

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, turkey or beef,

Or whatever is your Religious belief.

 

We all need to chill and rejoice in our way,

No one should tell us how we should pray,

I choose my religion or my spiritual path,

I don’t need to hear anyone’s wrath.

 

Be grateful for life and all that you are,

Believe in miracles & Bethlehem’s Star,

Be kind to each other and give peace a chance,

Don’t get sucked into power’s political dance!

 

Wherever you are, or the color of your skin,

You’re my sister, my brother, my next of kin,

Don’t forget that we share this planet we’re on,

Please appreciate this gift before it’s gone.

 

By Susan McCord

<3 Happy Holidays to Everyone from our home to yours <3

 

Quora Question: What are some Examples of Great Questions to Start a Conversation with Someone?

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Dear Sybersue: http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

As an occasional interviewer I always try not to ask the basic questions that everyone expects or assumes you will ask them. People prefer talking about their accomplishments or what makes them happy, over mundane everyday questions.

In my line of work as a Dating/Relationship Talk Show Host and Dating Coach, some of the questions people ask each other really need to be less “in their face” if they want to stand out and eventually meet someone.

These questions below put people on the defensive and are not good opening conversation starters:

  1. Why are you single? (Really? Ask yourself the same question!)
  2. What do you do for work? (Boring first obvious question and screams how much money do you make?)
  3. How old are you really? (Accusing them of lying.)
  4. Why did you get divorced and why haven’t you remarried? (Because I’m an axe murderer! NOYFB!)
  5. Are you a sexual person? (oh yes, 5 times a day they reply sarcastically!)
  6. Come here often? (Seriously people still ask this!)

Regardless of where I am, I usually start conversations with a statement over a question which seems to make the person I am talking to less uncomfortable because they don’t have to answer something personal. If they want to answer with more than a smile or a nod they can, and if they choose not to converse with me that’s OK too. (“We could have had fun but never mind, your loss.”)  I just like to be friendly and talk with lots of different people and I am not shy to open the conversation up.

“Is that a pistol…” ;)

It also depends on what environment you are in as to what to talk about. Coffee shop lineups, the gym, a party, a restaurant bar or sporting event all offer a different dynamic but the one thing they all have in common is a social setting. It is the perfect opportunity to meet new people and use your personality to be a little creative.

Choose a conversation/question that compliments the setting you are in:

  • “This appetizer is incredible!” “The Chef is wonderful here.” (My son just happens to be a chef, that’s where I got that one from.)
  • “I have eaten here many times if you need help choosing something from the menu.”
  • “I am not sure I understand why the referee gave the player a penalty” ‘Why do they scratch their…? (OK maybe not.)
  • “How do you know the host of the party?”
  • “What coffee would you recommend here?”
  • At the gym: simply smile and say hi to people next to you. Maybe ask to share the machine with them if you are doing a similar workout. Take off your headphones so you appear more receptive. (always wear deodorant!)
  • Driving range: “I am a rookie in the golf world can you quickly tell me which club I should use to try to hit the 150 ft marker?” or compliment them on their style: “That was a fantastic drive!” “I wish I could swing my club like that!”  “Come here often?” (just kidding!)

These are pretty basic examples but if you are sincere with your questions or statements, you can’t go wrong. Don’t make it “a line,” make it thought-out conversation piece that has some substance. Be careful not to bother someone who is in “more of a quiet setting” but if they are out socializing, they are fair game to chat with. Go get em’!

Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

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Couple leaning against wall.

Things are going along great in your relationship and then you get blindsided by your partner saying things are over and using the cheesy line “it’s not you it’s me!” What the F? You have invested almost 2 years together and without any warning you get the dreaded meeting with your girlfriend/boyfriend. You feel it in your gut that something is wrong, something feels different and your heart starts to thump loudly in your chest like it is ready to explode! The phone call beforehand is the first clue and the tone of their voice clearly states something is off.

In today’s world of technology I guess we should be thankful when someone takes the time to break our heart in person rather than text us the news, but it’s never a good thing when it is not a reciprocated decision!

Seriously though; “it’s not you it’s me!” Really? That’s the big send off after 2 years? That’s all they’ve got?

Is this line supposed to make the person being dumped feel better because their partner is putting the blame on themselves?  Well maybe there is some truth to this because they are the ones missing out on having you in their life so wouldn’t that make sense that theyare the problem?  Or at least that would be nice to believe when you are hurting and wanting the pain to go away.

It’s their loss right? So why does it feel the opposite?

Our egos are very powerful and do not take rejection lightly!  There are emotions and feelings attached to it as well which makes it even harder to just move on without showing any resentment or hurt. (Some people are pretty good at faking it though and seem to move on so fast; but rest assured that no one goes unscathed during any kind of break up!)  Remember that, when you are sitting at home in tears looking at old photos of your past relationship moments! Their turn will come in one way or another, especially if they end up in a new relationship right away! Taking unhealthy emotions into a new partnership when you haven’t spent time healing, will only cause repetitive patterns to emerge.

Denial can be a long life lesson. It is better to grieve a lost love than to pretend it meant nothing to you.

You were in each other’s lives for a reason and something good came out it in one way or another; it just may take some time to see that while you are picking up the pieces of your broken heart.  If someone says it’s not you, believe them!  Regardless of the reason your partnership has ended, you cannot make someone love you and that is the saddest part when you still have a strong love for them. You are in shock and reeling from the wounds of their final words!

If you take time to think about it and you are really being honest with yourself; did you not see some things had changed within your relationship in the past few months?  There are usually a few signs that show up but most of us would rather ignore them or chalk it up to our partner being in a bad mood or that they had a hard day at the office. “They’ll get over it.”

It is always a good idea to pay close attention to your partner and anything that seems a little out of sorts with them. Body language is a big give away and listening to what they say or don’t say is also important. When things are not right in a relationship, there are hints in one way or another.  Being aware of subtle changes within your daily routine together will keep you conscious and mindful of your partner’s feelings and any emotional shifting that may occur.

Seriously Though; “It’s Not You It’s Me!” Really? @susanmccord #BreakUps #Relationships

CLICK TO TWEET 

 Please click on the blue link below to continue reading more:  10 Reasons they may say “it’s not you, it’s me!” 

http://www.theswexperts.com/relationship-breakup-excuse-its-not-you-its-me/

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Listen up Ladies! Don’t Cheat with Someone if you don’t Want to be Cheated on!

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Listen up Ladies! If you don’t want to be cheated on in your relationship then don’t be a cheater yourself. 

Relationship and dating dilemmas are a constant discussion on my advice column and in my coaching sessions, but one of the first things that women complain about is how many men cheat on their partners!  “It’s an epidemic;” according to scorned women everywhere.  This ongoing problem is causing all sorts of self esteem issues, jealous rages and “Fatal Attraction” bunny boiling reactions within the female population.

(Yes guys, we know women cheat on you too but today we are talking about how women need to deal with this scenario. I will also do an article for men regarding this topic as well. )

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Why are Men Cheating?

The best answer is because they can! If women were not available to cheat with someone who was already in a relationship, this wouldn’t be a rampant problem would it?  If women respected other women rather than making this particular guy a priority, it would be a lot harder for men to step out on their partnerships.

Of course not all people reveal the truth about their relationship status and it is possible to be lured into someone’s seductive charms unknowing of their committed situation.  This is why it is better to slow things down before you jump into their bed after only knowing them for one or two nights. There is a lot of pressure for women to sleep with a guy right away these days but you don’t know anything about him yet; he could have a lot of secrets!  There are many red flags in the beginning if you pay attention.  Don’t be that person who pretends you didn’t know he had a girlfriend or wife at home!

What are some of the reasons women cheat with unavailable men?

  • They are lonely.
  • Low self esteem and body image issues.
  • They seldom date or meet men and are easily available when a man shows interest.
  • Due to boredom or being unhappy in their own relationship.
  • They are too vulnerable, naive or inexperienced with men.
  • They don’t have a conscience with regards to their actions.
  • Some women like unavailable men just to have an uncomplicated sexual rendezvous. They are not interested in having a committed partnership.
  • Revenge ~ due to a past hurt of it happening to them.

Let’s be honest here ladies and admit that it is usually pretty obvious when a man is in a relationship.

Click here to read more…. 

SW Title Cheating Listen up Ladies!

http://www.theswexperts.com/ok-ladies-listen-up-dont-cheat-if-you/

Susan McCord ~  The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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