Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today I am answering Amy’s question. Why Is My Boyfriend Jealous of My Confidence and My Success?
The short answer to this question is that you’re probably not on the same page with where you both are in your lives at the present time. He may be insecure about your accomplishments due to what isn’t transpiring in his own life. It’s not your job to help him be more confident, but it is helpful to be supportive and let him know you care.
A partnership means having a reciprocated respect for each other and wanting the best for your partner and their happiness. Their success should also be your success because they are happy outside your relationship as well as with who you are as a couple. No one should ever have to downplay their achievements.
It sounds like your boyfriend isn’t content with where he is in his life right now and that he needs to find a way to evolve to a higher place of self-worth.
- Is this a new behavior for him, or has he always been like this with you?
- Has something recently changed in his career or his health that may be affecting his mood?
- Has something recently changed with your career and your success has blossomed substantially?
As his partner, it is important to pay close attention to any changes within your relationship. We don’t always evolve at the same time in our relationships, and this can cause a ripple in the self-esteem department when one person is doing a little better than their partner. It is always considerate to be aware of how much you may be discussing your good fortune, while they may be feeling a little left out.
Be open and ask him if there is something happening that he is not sharing with you. Some men have a more difficult time communicating when they are dealing with something that is not going well in their lives. As a couple, we don’t always feel secure in our partnership as we go through the trials and tribulations of life.
The way you can help each other is to communicate what you are feeling before it escalates into a bigger problem. If you both own your insecurities, it isn’t a weakness, it shows a strength that you want to find a way to work on them, so it doesn’t cause damage to your relationship. If your partner doesn’t share what he’s feeling, he is shutting you out and not being your partner to the best of his ability.
The fact that your boyfriend is squashing your accomplishments is certainly not OK and has no place in a healthy relationship. You are in a lopsided scenario with your optimism and him being stuck in his negative thinking. If you both really want to make things work between you as a couple, he will probably need to talk to a therapist to figure out why he has jealousy when it comes to your success.
Staying in this environment without getting professional help will always be so much compromise on your part. You shouldn’t have to be with a partner who doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
Over time, his behavior will bring you down and may even keep you from reaching your goals and dreams.
When someone berates you on a regular basis, it can really take a toll on your self-esteem. You might even start to believe some of his comments. It might be helpful if you both went as a couple to talk to a therapist for the first few sessions. Then maybe he can continue on separately so that he can continue to work on ways to help him out of this insecure mindset.
For a relationship to work long-term, you both have to be on a similar page within most aspects of your partnership. Red flags are there to make you pay attention as a couple and find a compatible way to solve the roadblocks that happen in every relationship. We all go through them, but it is how maturely we handle them that will keep the love and respect alive in our partnerships.
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Sybersue xo <3
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well said. I should have got out of my marriage long time ago. He shot down every success I had and claim my success as his. Now, my guy is so proud of me because he is proud of his own success.
Good for you for knowing you deserved so much better. I am so happy you found an amazing guy that appreciates the person you are! Thank you for taking the time to comment. 🙂