Why is it so Hard to Trust My Girlfriend Due to Her Past? Thank you for visiting Dear Sybersue! Today I discuss Hayden’s question.
This topic is something both men and women deal with because we all have a past. We don’t always handle things in our life the way that we should and this can interfere with our relationships in a big way.
Everyone needs to work through their past baggage or drama that has been causing problems for a long time. Ignoring these things and entering into continuous partnerships that don’t work out, is not the answer. It increases insecurities which only escalates the underlying issues that haven’t been dealt with.
When we acknowledge life’s hard knocks and learn from them as quickly as possible we evolve to a much better place where we are meant to be. Repeating bad patterns not only keeps us stuck in an unhealthy situation, but it also tugs with our self-worth in detrimental ways.
We stop believing that we deserve a loving partnership and allow a defeatist attitude to control our thoughts and our choices.
Hayden, it is OK to question your trust with anyone who you share your life with.
That is your prerogative and your gut instincts may be on high alert warning you to pay close attention. It is crucial to respect your morals and hold on to what is important to you because that is who you are at the core.
Your values and self-respect are what make you unique and compromising on them can cause a lot of inner turmoil. Don’t settle in a situation that has your gut churning.
Make sure you have talked openly with your girlfriend and that she is being honest and communicative.
- Has she seen a therapist for what transpired in her past? If not, is she willing to do so now?
- Has she openly shared her past secrets with you or do you feel she is still hiding things?
- Did she cheat in her past relationships?
- Is this lack of trust usually a deal-breaker for you and you are trying really hard to work through it?
Could there be trust issues from your own past?
- Have you ever cheated on someone or been cheated on?
- Do you come from a difficult childhood?
- Have you dealt with any abandonment issues from a parent or past relationship?
Sadly, quite often things we don’t like about other people can be a reflection of things we don’t like about ourselves. Your own past can haunt you without you even realizing it and certain relationships can bring these demons out into the open. If this is the case with your girl, you might want to consider going to counseling to get to the root of what is bothering you.
You can only do so much Hayden, and if you have tried many of these things I have listed here and you are continually having doubts about being able to trust your partner, she may not be the one for you. You’re not there to fix her, that’s not a job you’re qualified for.
It is important to understand what attracted you to her. Is there something familiar that reminded you of someone, or another relationship you may have had? Familiar feelings aren’t always healthy and if there are trust issues that go along with them, it is usually a warning sign that your instincts have been here before.
Don’t. Ignore. Them.
We date different people throughout or lives but we shouldn’t have to compromise too much of ourselves to make a partnership work. It should be a natural connection without too many obstacles.
If you feel like you are giving your girlfriend a constant “benefit of the doubt,” and at the same time questioning her truth, then you might want to rethink about possibly having a future with her.
Trust should be at the very top of the relationship priority list and if it isn’t there in the very beginning, there is usually a pretty big reason why. You are smart to listen and to question this Hayden. Please watch the video above and keep me posted on how things work out!
Sybersue xo <3
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