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Why Does My Partner Give Me Backhanded Compliments?

Welcome to Dear Sybersue! In today’s video, I discuss; Why Does My Partner Give Me Backhanded Compliments?

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Actions speak louder than words for the most part, but sometimes words can be very damaging and leave a deep scar. If your partner is constantly being sarcastic with you or using words that make you feel sad or self-conscious, it is time to reevaluate what is actually going on within your relationship.

When someone disguises a compliment with a dig or subtle insult, it can be very hurtful to be on the receiving end of it. It can often make you feel undervalued and insecure within your partnership. Backhanded compliments are harmful to your self-esteem, especially when they are coming from someone you love.

Why would my partner choose to treat me this way?

This is a good question to ask yourself because it shows that you are conscious of the fact that they are treating you this way. More often than not, people who use backhanded compliments are not even aware that they are doing so. It usually stems from something going on in their own life that they are not content with.

  1. Insecurities about what isn’t happening in their life.
  2. Job or career problems.
  3. They may be dealing with health or personal self-esteem issues.
  4. Jealousy (You may be in a better place in your life than they are at the present time.)
  5. They may not be feeling attractive due to weight gain or another approaching birthday.
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Do not let this type of behavior continue.

Call them out on it when it happens. Try not to be angry as it will make them defensive. Be open about how it makes you feel when they compliment you in this manner and give them an example of how to deliver their message differently.

Their version: I can’t believe you got the promotion! Different delivery: That is wonderful news that you got the promotion! I am so proud of you!

Their version: You have a pretty face. Different delivery: You are so pretty.

Their version: That suit makes you look so much slimmer! Different version: You look amazing in that suit!

The big rule of thumb here is if you are going to pay someone a compliment, make sure you are sincere with how you tell them.

We all have some difficult issues to contend with in our lives, and we don’t always feel our best. This can cause us to lash out at our partners without even understanding that we are doing anything wrong. It can come out in a negative form of putting them down, so they don’t feel great either. Misery loves company in many cases, which isn’t a kind way to treat your partner.

Be honest and tell them how you are feeling and what is going on in your world at the present time. They love you and will be always open to listening to you if you are emotionally available to them. Shutting down is never a great way to be in a partnership and only adds more despondency to what is already going on. If you are feeling insecure or sad about something, reach out and share this with them. They deserve that respect from their partner.

It is so much easier to nurture the love in your relationship when you are honest with any changes you may be dealing with.

Your partner isn’t a mind reader, but they can sense when things are shifting and the connection between you both is compromised. Things need to be acknowledged if you want to sustain a healthy relationship. If you or your partner are noticing anything different in the way you are interacting with one another, it is always a good time to draw attention to these changes before it escalates. Many couples let things go on for far too long before they address the elephant in the room.

Communication is the #1 tool in any relationship. If you don’t keep that a priority, things will eventually start to take a nosedive and cause havoc between you. Trust is also very important, and you should always have faith that your partner will have your back with anything you are dealing with and vice versa.

Please watch the video to see what you can do to fix this scenario and help your partner be aware of what is going on between you as a couple.

Sybersue xo

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