Two years ago on March 21st 2014 my best friend lost her beautiful 27 year old daughter Natalie to Heaven. This is the most destroying news any parent could ever receive and the biggest fear we all have while raising our children!
Keeping them safe is the biggest priority of our lives and can be very difficult especially in the teen years when kids think they know everything about life. Didn’t we all?
Everyone who loses a child will always wonder if they could have done more, regardless of how much they loved their child and were there for them. We the parents are their protectors, their guides and we are supposed to go before them! Life can really be so unfair but why do some people have to carry such a devastating burden as this for the rest of their lives?!
That is the biggest question; “Why?” Followed by “what if I had done this” or “what if we didn’t do that?” There is so much guilt that happens in these very sad scenarios.
Sharon my dear friend, I can tell you from the bottom of my heart you are the most incredibly amazing mother who always put both your beautiful girls first everyday of your life!! They were your every thought, every waking moment!
I wish I could take away your pain and make everything OK for you, Alex, Jaime & Grandparents. You are an incredible family full of love and support for each other. I am so thankful you have that.
People who are grieving for their children need your love and not just during the early stages of this heartbreaking situation. This extends to the immediate family as well. It affects everyone who loved them! The family are still in shock during the funeral & memorial arrangements and slowly move along in a robotic trance just trying to make it through.
Being there for them at this time is definitely helpful to them but your job as a friend or family member doesn’t end there.
They need you after even more & removing yourself from seeing them because you don’t know what to say or because it makes you uncomfortable is selfish and uncaring. They need to be able to talk about it, know that you care and their child is not forgotten.
Do you think they want to be sad 24 hours a day and thinking non-stop about the loss of their loved one? They do not choose to be here and no one is ever prepared when they lose a child or a sibling. It’s not the way life is supposed to go.
They are not playing the victim, they are grieving!
Gentle conversations, holding them when they cry, understanding that their pain will never really subside and just listening to what they have to say is very important! They need you regardless of when they say they are doing alright ~ how could anyone be alright when a huge part of their heart has broken off into a million pieces and can never be replaced?
They know it can be hard to be around them when they are hurting so badly but telling them to “move on” or “it will get better in time” is not consoling to them and has quite the opposite effect. So much so, that they will try to deal with their pain on their own & keep it to themselves. This isn’t healthy.
No one should ever have to feel that alone!!
My message to you all is don’t ever think someone is fine when dealing with grief. They need love and continued support forever. They are happy when you share a memory of with them and acknowledge their loved one!
Don’t ask them how they are doing, you KNOW how they are doing. Ask them out for coffee or a afternoon walk and just be there for them without them having to reach out to you.
Sometimes they just need you to listen and not try to fix them. They are lost right now and will be for a long time. They need you to help guide them with your non-judgmental & unconditional love. <3
Written by Susan McCord
INZUNZA, Natalie Patricia-Anne
October 12, 1986 – March 21, 2014
Our beloved Natalie is now safe in the arms of Jesus. Lovingly remembered and greatly missed by her parents Sharon & Jaime, sister Alex, her loving and supportive partner Brian Owens, and his parents Sheila and Gary Owens, grandparents: Patricia & Ed, Charles & Andrea, her paternal family in Mexico, extended family in the U.K and the USA. Natalie is now reunited with her father, Jesus and great-grandmother “Nannie” in Heaven. We are so grateful to have had Natalie fill our lives with such love and tenderness for 27 years. Natalie was a sensitive and gentle soul. Natalie was currently completing her education and volunteering with PICS (society that provides programs for new immigrants). She was a passionate and enthusiastic English tutor. A funeral will be held at St. John The Apostle Parish, 5457 Trafalgar Street, Vancouver, on Monday, April 14 at 10:00 am. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to PICS to support this organization that meant so much to Natalie.
http://www.gofundme.com/7ys11c
Please also click on this link below written by Paula Stephens
What I Wish More People Understood About Losing A Child
Susan McCord @ Facebook Page
