The Day Your World Fell Apart. The Devastating Grief of Losing a Child

My best friend recently lost her beautiful 27-year-old daughter, Natalie, to Heaven.  This is the most devastating news any parent ever receives. It is the biggest fear we all have while raising our children!

Keeping our children safe is the biggest priority of our lives. It can be very difficult, especially in the teen years. During this time, kids think they know everything about life. Didn’t we all?

Everyone who loses a child will always wonder what they could have done to prevent this from happening.

We, the parents, are their protectors, and their guides. We are supposed to go before our children! Life can really be so unfair. Why do some people have to carry this devastating burden for the rest of their lives? That is the biggest question: “Why?” Followed by “what if I had done this” or “what if we didn’t do that?” There is so much guilt that transpires in these very sad scenarios.

Sharon my dear friend, I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that you are the most incredibly amazing mother. You always put both your beautiful girls first every day of your life!! They were your every thought, every waking moment! I wish I could take away your pain and make everything OK for you, Alex, Jaime & Grandparents. You are an incredible family full of love and support for each other. I am so thankful you have that.

People who are grieving for their children need your unconditional love.

This is so important, and not just during the early stages of this heartbreaking situation. This support extends to the immediate family as well. It affects everyone who loved them! The family are still in shock during the funeral and memorial arrangements. They slowly move along in a robotic trance, just trying to make it through.

Being there for them at this time is definitely helpful and appreciated. However, your job as a friend or family member doesn’t end there. They need you after even more. Avoiding them because you don’t know what to say is uncaring, even if it makes you uncomfortable. They need to be able to talk about it, know that you care, and that their child is not forgotten.

Do you think they want to be sad all the time? Do you think they want to think non-stop about the loss of their loved one? They did not choose to be here. No one is ever prepared when they lose a child or a sibling. It’s not the way life is supposed to go.

They are not playing the victim; they are grieving!

Gentle conversations are crucial. Hold them when they cry. Understand that their pain will never really subside. Just listen to what they have to say. They need you, even when they say they are doing alright. How could anyone be alright when a huge part of their heart has broken off into a million pieces? Their child can never be replaced.

They know it can be hard to be around them when they are hurting so much. Telling them to “it’s time to move on” or “it will get better in time” is not consoling. It has quite the opposite effect. So much so, that they will try to deal with their pain on their own and keep it to themselves. This isn’t healthy.

No one should ever have to feel that alone!

My message to you all is, don’t ever think someone is fine when dealing with grief. They need love and continued support forever. They are happy when you share a memory with them and acknowledge their loved one!

Don’t ask them how they are doing, you KNOW how they are doing.  Invite them for coffee. Suggest an afternoon walk. Be there for them without waiting for them to reach out to you.

Sometimes they just need you to listen and not try to fix them. They are lost right now and will be for a long time. They need you to help guide them with your non-judgmental & unconditional love.  <3

Written by Susan McCord

INZUNZA, Natalie Patricia-Anne
October 12, 1986 – March 21, 2014
Our beloved Natalie is now safe in the arms of Jesus. Lovingly remembered and greatly missed by her parents Sharon & Jaime, sister Alex, her loving and supportive partner Brian Owens, and his parents Sheila and Gary Owens, grandparents: Patricia & Ed, Charles & Andrea, her paternal family in Mexico, extended family in the U.K and the USA. Natalie is now reunited with her father, Jesus and great-grandmother “Nannie” in Heaven. We are so grateful to have had Natalie fill our lives with such love and tenderness for 27 years. Natalie was a sensitive and gentle soul. Natalie was currently completing her education and volunteering with PICS (society that provides programs for new immigrants). She was a passionate and enthusiastic English tutor. A funeral will be held at St. John The Apostle Parish, 5457 Trafalgar Street, Vancouver, on Monday, April 14 at 10:00 am. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to PICS to support this organization that meant so much to Natalie.
http://www.gofundme.com/7ys11c

Please also click on this link below, written by Paula Stephens

What I Wish More People Understood About Losing A Child