online dating advice

I am Single but all my Friends are in Relationships! (I have no one to go out with.)
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I am Single but all my Friends are in Relationships! (I have no one to go out with.)

Dear Sybersue,

I am so happy to have found you on YouTube and your videos answer many of my questions about dating & relationships! Although, I haven’t seen one that can help me with my question.  That is the reason I am here on your advice column/blog asking for advice. (I hope you will film one regarding this issue for other people as well.)

Here is my question:

I am a 38 year old woman who wants to meet someone special to have a committed partnership with but I have no single friends to go out with.

All of my friends are in relationships and I am tired of being the 3rd wheel! It makes me feel like I am a burden to them and that they feel obligated to let me tag along. (Or they feel sorry for me which is even worse!) I appreciate their support but I think it is wearing thin on them. I try not to complain but sometimes I just can’t help it.

How do I get up the courage to go out alone? How can I meet new people?

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Relationships: My Girlfriend is Losing Interest! What Should I do?
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Relationships: My Girlfriend is Losing Interest! What Should I do?

Dear Sybersue:

My girlfriend of 2 months is starting to pull away from me with no reason that I can think of. She just started not returning my texts and saying she was busy all the time. We started out so well and everything just clicked between us!

She is 38 ( I am 35) and has dated a lot over the years but has never really had a long term boyfriend. I did see a few things early on that made me question her commitment to me but I didn’t pressure her with questions and just kept things going in a non-aggressive way so that she had some space.

Unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be working and I feel her moving further and further away from me.

I have fallen pretty hard for her! What should I do?

Cory B.

Hi Cory B,

Thanks for your question and I can tell you that you are not alone with this inquiry! I have had 5 similar emails in the last few months from both men & women.

It is a confusing time in the land of dating & relationships and there are more mixed signals than ever before! Part of the reason for this is the lack of real communication skills many people have from spending so much time online, rather that in a face to face scenario.

When we finally meet someone that excites us we go “all in” like a Texas holdem poker game betting on something we don’t know the outcome of but looks really good at the time!

Taking a chance on love is a good thing but we have to be smart and listen to our instincts before we invest our heart fully into this person we don’t know yet.

You said there were a few red flags that you noticed early on but you chose to sweep them aside. You also said she hasn’t had any real committed partnerships. Do you know why this is?  Have you actually asked her why she is pulling back?

When love is real there aren’t a lot of questions or any game playing. That is because there is a reciprocated respect for each other.

It is not your place to try to fix her or spend years trying to figure out why may be commitment phobic. All you can do is be honest with how you feel and if she is not into a relationship she needs to tell you.

The 3-6 month mark in a relationship is usually when things either start to improve or dissolve between a couple. If you are questioning everything between the two of you after 2 months together, you may already have your answer with which direction you are headed towards.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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Are you Addicted to Online Dating?

Many people only date through online resources. This is mainly due to age, time and busy careers. (You don’t even have to dress for the occasion unless you’re socializing with them through a Web cam.) It is almost too easy and this is what causes the addiction. It can be very exciting for some people who have always had a minimal personal life. All of a sudden they are getting 5 to 10 e-mails a day from prospective dates! Hello! What’s not to like??

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

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Online Dating Can be Frustrating but it Isn’t the Only Dating Platform

Remain Positive & Love Can Happen

Remain Positive & Love Can Happen

Meeting a potential life partner seems to be a big dilemma these days especially in Vancouver.  So many things have changed in the dating world leaving men & women questioning what they are supposed to do!

There is always a new dating app or online website to join so how is anyone supposed to know what to do with so many options?  To top it all off dating may have become even more confusing with the recent release of the Movie 50 Shades of Grey. Seriously, now what?  Are there new rules and is “romantic love making vanilla sex” something women are not interested in at all anymore? Should men all be renovating their bedrooms with new apparatuses and painting it red?

I have had many men write my advice column asking me why women are sending out so many mixed signals?  They come across tough like they don’t need a man in their life, yet they say are looking for a committed relationship!  Women say the same thing about men, so how will finding a loving partner, ever work with this jaded outlook from both sexes?  Is everyone pretending to be someone they aren’t just to fit in to whatever is trending at the moment?  So where do you find a compatible partner and who do you trust?

Some people are frustrated with online dating sites due to the superficial responses or lack of responses they receive.  They complain about the fees of certain websites but also argue that the free dating sites bring in members from other planets.  I have also heard many men and women discussing how much time they spend online and how hard it is just to find someone that is somewhat normal & doesn’t have an eye in the middle of their forehead.

Personally I think the big problem is that many people also pick apart the smallest things wrong with someone which alienates just about everyone online.  This is becoming a very sad scenario and just like the Tinder App, each person is only one swipe away from being eliminated but could have been very nice & possibly a wonderful match.

What person is flawless? Are you?

Hey, I have an idea…let’s all be less judgmental and think positive! Read between the lines, literally!  Human etiquette should be the top priority when you are on any dating platform and respecting yourself first is the only way you will truly meet someone wonderful to be a part of your life.

Do not allow emails or texting to go on forever before you actually meet them in person.  Make sure your profile and photos are not attracting the wrong people. No boob, butt selfies (Kardashian wannabees) or Speedo photos should be displayed unless you are looking for sex on the first date! Remember the old cliché; “pictures are worth a thousand words!”  (If you really want to get noticed and be known for nothing but your body you are much better off making a sex tape ~ much faster exposure!)

Saying that; do you really know how you come across to others?

Body language is a big problem and can be a huge turnoff without you even being aware of your actions. I have met people who said they were shy but they looked pretty angry or just plain stuck up to me. You know what I am talking about. 😉 Reputations are out in Cyberland more than ever now and a hard thing to shake once it is out there! It might be a good idea to be smart & think before you act or post anything.

Common sense goes a long way in the dating world, naivety does not.  I am a big advocate for online dating especially for people over 40.  I also think executive dating sites and “one on one” matchmaking are a good choice but they don’t come cheap.  Online dating isn’t the only platform out there, so if you find it frustrating right now take a break from it and try these other two options.

The Dinner Party is a great way to meet a potential date in Vancouver. Andrea Hill started this great dating idea on Valentine’s Day 2014 and already has success stories of couples meeting at her events that are now in a commitment relationship!  It is membership driven and has an extensive data base for the over 30 crowd!  Yes, it is open to men and women in their later years as well.  Finally!  People at every age are looking for love after all and everyone deserves love in their lives.

The dinner party concept is a good one as everyone attending is there for the same reciprocated purpose of meeting a suitable connection.  Each person has an interview with Andrea once becoming a DP member which enables her to put together like-minded people with similar profiles, goals and mutual attraction possibilities.  Andrea is there to host the evening ensuring conversation is flowing.  She checks in with all her guests within the next few days to see if anyone wants to exchange contact information with someone they may have had chemistry with.  There is no pressure at the dinner party because the rule is not to ask anyone out at the actual event.  It is all done through Andrea.

Check out the website to become a member and see further details on what Join The Dinner Party is all about.  It will get you off your couch, help you to meet new people with similar interests, eat some great food and actually talk to people “Face to Face!”  This has become a lost art and if we all don’t smarten up and start looking up from our computers and phones, there will be a new generation of human robots walking through the streets.

Speed dating can be another wonderful event to participate in where you actually talk to people in the flesh without texting each other for a month first!  There does seem to be an age restriction for women over 40 and men over 45 on one speed dating site at 25dates.com. Hmmm ~ curious as to why men are allowed to be 5 years older than women??

The Rendezvous Club offers separate speed dating evenings for ages 25-35, 30-45 & 40-55 for $50.  There are some of these events happening in March at the Lickerish venue downtown Vancouver.

What to Expect:

  • Arrive promptly dressed to impress!
  • Your Host will hand you a date card and name tag.
  • There will be a 20 minute mingle to have a drink & relax.
  • Women take their seats while men rotate around the table.
  • Each “date” encounter is 5 minutes.
  • There is an intermission where everyone enjoys appies & drinks.
  • At the end of the dating section everyone hands in their date card but can stay and mingle!
  • Within 48 hours you will receive an email with any matches on your date card.

In summary I would like to add that as difficult & lonely single life can be to many men and women in cities everywhere, don’t give up, get frustrated & become an negative person.  If something isn’t working try something else. You are in charge of how you are perceived, how much you allow in your life and how pessimistic or optimistic you are with everything that crosses your path.

Remove negative dating patterns and stop saying how hard it is to meet someone!  Put a spring in your step, a smile on your face and a sparkle in your eye.  I promise if you do that on a daily basis people will be drawn towards your infectious nature. It’s hard not to be attracted to happiness.

Happy Dating!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers