Healing After A Painful Relationship

Healing After A Painful Relationship

affection, benches, black and-white


It can be difficult to get yourself back together after a difficult relationship ends. Sometimes even in abusive relationships we allow them to go on too long and in the process affect us negatively.

It’s not always easy to see the pain that someone has inflicted on you. It might be even harder to see because you are complicit in the blame. Still, ruminating on what went wrong and what might have been, is not the best way to handle it.

Dealing with your internal strife and taking the steps to change and heal your pain can be the best allocation of your time right now. It might even rival working hard at your career in the form of overtime and burying yourself in duties, as it takes time for the body and mind to recuperate to its original state.

Healing after a painful relationship is not easy, but it can be done and maybe sooner than you think. The following tips should give you easily applicable advice to help you out of this difficulty. 

Accept It

Accepting that you’ll feel pretty devastated for a number of weeks or months is the most mature thinking you can start out with. It allows you to truly face the scope of the pain you might have to deal with to heal properly.

If you’re feeling sad and try to bury those feelings, then you’ll only suppress them temporarily. You can be sure that they’ll come flooding back at a later date. Accepting your feelings allows you clarity. Sometimes, simply feeling the emotions allows you to process them, because they become a reality rather than something you keep hidden away.

Treat Yourself

Treating yourself is important. Remember, there is only one you.  Financial success, fame, competence and all other factors that you may have in your life, might mean little to you right now. They don’t have hold of your heart; but those are the things that make you you, so be sure to give yourself the time to indulge in them. 

Treat yourself to something you have always wanted to do. Blasting yourself out of  your comfort zone and into a place of adventure can help you feel less like a victim and more like someone able to take proactive authority over your life.

It might mean taking out guaranteed approval personal loans to fund a vacation for now, as you schedule the repayments for later. Make yourself the priority. You deserve to fall back in love with yourself, as you are the only person who can truly heal you.

Meet New People

There are seven billion people on this planet. That means that feeling hung up on one person is neglecting the majority of the human race. Who knows what stunning memories you could craft with someone across the world in five years from now?

The only way you’ll get to know is if you go out there and visit places you otherwise might not. Explore and try to connect with people from all walks of life. New friendships and (when you’re ready,) new relationships could be just around the corner!

Collaborative Post

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup!

Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup!

Image: Image: Stock representation of couple

Dealing with a breakup of a marriage or long term relationship will always be a very hurtful time but it doesn’t mean you are a failure or your life is over. There are thousands of people in the same situation but the good news is; there is someone special out there for you when you are ready to receive them. The most important thing to remember is we all deserve real love in our lives but we have to allow it into our lives! Life is definitely complicated and we are all here on this continual learning curve about who we are and what really makes us happy.

What makes so many of us choose the wrong person?

Sometimes this happens when we are young and naive; or we settle for someone we don’t really love. We may talk ourselves into a relationship due our ticking biological clocks and having children, the pressure from our family and friends or we just get caught up in the romantic or sexual nature of it all without making sure the relationship is a really good fit. A “forever” partnership is not an easy thing to maintain for the average couple as we are all evolving at different stages in our lives. Unless we grow in similar directions, this will be a big problem for many people.

5 tell tale indicators that your marriage/relationship is over:

  • You’ve lost that loving feeling ~ you no longer look forward to coming home and find reasons not to.
  • You feel constant anxiety in their presence ~ whether it be from fear/abusive situations, extreme boredom or loss of respect for them.
  • There is no sexual attraction at all & in some cases you may even feel repulsed by the thought of it.
  • You both have absolutely nothing in common ~ you have grown in completely different directions.
  • You’ve tried counselling and even they give you a business card for a divorce lawyer!

So now what do you do? What will everyone say and how do you deal with the aftermath?

People talk and love a good story so don’t give them one. It is sad but true how others get enjoyment out of someone else’s misery! Be careful not to allow those people to get too close to you at this vulnerable time. You are fragile enough without having to deal with all the gossip and judgmental comments from them as well. This is your life and no one should be talking about your business but you & your Ex; especially if there are children involved. It is easy to vent to anyone who will listen but it really is in your best interest to only divulge things to a trusted friend or family member. You don’t need the added drama.

Isn’t it easier just to stay in this relationship rather to have to fight to get out of it?

Nothing is easier when it is unhealthy. Everyone deserves to be happy and have a loving partnership. Many people stay in relationships due to the kids but don’t fool yourself into thinking this is always the best scenario. Children are sponges and pick up on a lot more than you may realize. If they see a loveless marriage for most of their lives it can cause problems in their own relationships down the road. Money is another big reason for many couples to stay together but you have to ask yourself if it is really worth it in the long run to be tied to someone for only that reason. You are holding on to one aspect and giving up so many other qualities of life. It’s not all about the big house or fancy car; reciprocated love and great sex is worth way more than any material item.

10 steps that can help you to get over a divorce or long term relationship breakup:  Click Here to Continue Reading More of this post!

Article by Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talkshow


Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Sent me an Email Saying He Wants to Take a Break in Our Relationship!

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Dear Sybersue,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. I am 26 and he is 34. Last month he told me (by an email) he wanted to take a break in our relationship. He said he needed a month so he could work on his future, where he wanted to settle & eventually find work as a financial planner. I have been supportive with his schooling and living separately for all this time we have been together so I must admit I was pretty shocked when he made this announcement out of the blue!

We are very compatible and have a decent sex life when we see each other a few times a week when he has time, and I drive out to see him. We live about 40 miles from each other which isn’t a huge deal in travel time but it does make it less spontaneous to meet up for coffee or lunch dates. It always has to be planned out which can take away from some of the natural benefits of living closer to each other.

I asked him why he wanted this break NOW after 3 years and he said he just wanted to be alone to decide without any interaction with me or have any other distractions. He is not exactly sure what he wants. He said he wouldn’t date anyone else and that’s not what this break is all about. I am not sure I believe him though as he has been checking out otherwomen lately when I am with him and tells me when girls hit on him.

This break really hurts me and now that 6 weeks have passed, it hurts even more. I told him I would give him the month but now that time frame has come and gone. I am sure that he is going to keep this break going until I question him about it again. There has been no contact other than the original email and my return email to him. I did try calling him once about it but he didn’t call me back.

Am I a fool to keep waiting for him? He has a lot more time now that he has finished school so I don’t understand why he needs a break to feel things out? Shouldn’t he know by now what he wants in his life?

Thanks and I will be waiting for your response.

Click this link below to read Dear Sybersue’s answer:


Dear Sybersue ~ Should I Leave my Long Term Relationship to go to School in Another City?

Dear Sybersue Talk Show host Susan McCord answers Maria’s question if she should leave her boyfriend of 3 years to go to to school in another city. She has broken up with him 5 times but keeps going back.

What should she do?

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Sybersue on Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow