How Do I Avoid Dating Commitment Phobic People?

How Do I Avoid Dating Commitment Phobic People?

Dear Sybersue discusses dating issues when it comes to constantly meeting men and women who are commitment phobic!

Dear Sybersue,

Hi Sybersue, I am writing out of pure frustration today to discuss the ever dreaded dating BS of the millennium! I know you have addressed many topics on your YouTube channel but I really want to know how to deal with men who ALL seem to be commitment phobic!

Why are guys even dating if they are not interested in a relationship? Why are they wasting my time? They know I am interested in a partnership and not just a one night stand so why don’t they just go find someone who is into being “their booty call” instead??

I am 23 years old and I have tried dating men of all ages to try to get around this situation. I thought maybe it was just my age group that was the problem, but nope, that’s not the case. It’s an epidemic!

My girlfriends complain about it too, but some of them have been lucky and have found great relationships. What am I missing in the early stages of dating these men and why am I attracting these types who aren’t looking for a committed partnership?

I don’t just give up after the 1st date and try not to be too judgmental too quickly,but the results are the same with all of them so far!

What can I do to meet someone who is sincerely into a commitment without having to go through all the same drama every time I meet a new guy?

Help!

Going Crazy Kristen

Hi Kristen,

This is a popular question that both men and women want answers to. There are plenty of ladies playing the field out there and driving the guys crazy as well. I hear from them all the time here on my advice column.

The trick is to be smart about your dating choices and not spend too much time with men who are not into having a relationship. There are big signs very early on but as you said “you don’t want to be too judgmental too quickly,” so you may be ignoring them.

There is a huge difference between being judgmental and ignoring those big red flags!

You have dated enough to know when a guy is into wanting a relationship or whether he is just there to put another notch on his bed post. Guys aren’t that good at hiding their sexual desires and if you are paying attention, you will see it early so that you can move on a lot faster!

The sooner you remove yourself from this type of men, the sooner you will stop attracting them towards you.

When a new relationship is going in the right direction you don’t have to ask the questions, “Is he interested in me?” “Where is this going?” or “Are we exclusive with each other?” If you have to ask, you need to move on from them.

You should both be in a place where you are on the same page with how you are feeling about each other. Yes, even in the early stages!

You asked why guys are dating if they aren’t into having a relationship and the answer is because there are always women who will give them what they want. (These women are also hoping they will end up in a partnership with them by doing so.)

How often have you thought that maybe you could be the woman who makes them settle down? I think there are many ladies out there that can relate to this statement! There can also be a very powerful chemistry that happens quickly and lures women into a false sense of partnership security.

Kristen, before you jump into bed with anyone you are dating, listen to what he says he wants in his life, watch his body language and keep the chemistry pheromones in check! Many women become very emotionally attached after they are intimate with someone and they get themselves stuck in a dead end scenario that they aren’t happy in.

Also, make sure that you are ready for a relationship. Subconsciously you may not be, and are choosing unavailable men without totally being aware that you are doing this. Make sure you have dealt with the demons of your past partnerships and that there isn’t any unresolved issues that are clouding your dating scenarios.

It’s never too late to do a little emotional housekeeping!

Please watch the video above to see how you can change things up with your dating life and deal with any initial red flags so that you can meet that special person who is also looking for partnership!

Keep me posted Kristen!

Sybersue
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Please leave your comments below on how you dealt with this type of situation in your life.

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Dating Advice: What He Says Vs. What He REALLY Means (Matthew Hussey)

Dating Advice: What He Says Vs. What He REALLY Means (Matthew Hussey)

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Dating Advice: Ladies it’s Time to Ask the Men Out!

So many men and women are upset with how lonely they feel due to the problems they are having with meeting a potential partner.

People are giving up on having a relationship because they have stopped believing that unconditional love exists.

Unrealistic checklists have replaced courtship because if you don’t fit everything on someones list you’re out of the running after the first text message. (You don’t even get to meet them in person!)

Things need to change in a big way with the dating drought in the millennium and maybe we need to go back to doing things the old fashioned way?

Unfortunately one of the biggest problems is men are fed up being rejected when they do ask a woman out in a social setting. So…maybe if things aren’t working, it’s time for the ladies to ask the men out!

Guys have always had the pressure of being the pursuer and are tired of having to be the one who makes the first move. Dating has become a big problem because of this.

Men are confused and women are frustrated that their dating life is becoming non-existent.

When a woman gives a man a little encouragement it goes a long way. When she smiles or says “hi” first, it gives him the OK that she is interested. Many guys aren’t sure if they are put in a “friend zone” or if there is potential for a romantic relationship.

Ladies: times have changed and if you want to meet someone to have a partnership with you need to make an effort.

We can’t demand equal rights and then contradict ourselves by not partaking in being more assertive when it comes to asking out someone on a date.

Waiting for someone to contact you and trying to meet that perfect man online or on a dating app is probably not going to get you the love you desire in your life. How is is working so far?

If you want something bad enough why sit back and wait?

Doesn’t it make more sense to take a chance and make a move to get his attention? You know what you like so don’t let a great chance pass you by when there is an attraction to someone. You may never see them again and regret not saying something.

Don’t make your life full of “what ifs!”

I can promise you men will be flattered you took a chance on them. So what if you find out they are in a relationship or not available for another reason. Try again with someone else!

Men have had to deal with this for hundreds of years and maybe it is time we make it a little easier on them and ourselves.

If you are sitting home night after night and feeling more alone than ever, it’s time to make a change. Go out and get what you want ladies because you are in charge of who you attract into your life.

Don’t wait for a guy to come and knock on your door…go knock on his door! ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com
http://www.facebook.com/dearsybersue
http://www.youtube.com/c/dearsybersue

Dating Advice: Are you a Yes Girl?

So are you?

Are you a Yes girl when you are dating someone new? Are you overly accommodating and super agreeable with everything? Do you jump at the chance to see them again and are available even at the last minute?

Compromising in any relationship is a good thing but never lose yourself in the process.

The man you are dating wants you to be yourself and is not looking for a doormat partnership. He wants to have discussions with a woman who is smart and has an opinion about things in life. He also wants her to have her own passions and hobbies that make her happy.

It doesn’t mean you are opposites when you have a few separate interests as long as you do things enjoyable together as well. If someone wants you to be there 24/7 and ends up controlling your every move, you want to run away as soon as possible. Many guys run away from women who are too needy and available as well. It becomes boring, routine and predictable!

Who wants that long term?

Keeping a little mystery alive in your partnership and holding onto your self-respect, will keep a man interested and coming back for more because he can breath freely without feeling suffocated.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show

Why Do All My Girlfriends Get Dates While I Am The Constant Wallflower?

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Dear Sybersue,

I am an attractive 29 year old woman who is getting really depressed with not having a  boyfriend despite the fact that I am active athletically and very social. My close girlfriends seem to have no problem meeting men and are always getting asked out on dates. It’s a little frustrating for me that they don’t talk about it or make men a huge priority in their lives; it just happens for them! I think about it on a daily basis and it can be all consuming sometimes!

Why can’t I just relax about it and let things happen naturally like they do?

My friends tell me I worry too much and make men “my everything!” I must admit I am becoming a bit obsessed with this whole being single thing. I am actually jealous of my friend’s ability to easily meet men and it is starting to change my rapport with them. When I am with them it is a continual reminder of my failures in the love department. It is causing me to retreat more and more to the comfort and safety of my condo so that I don’t have it “in my face” that I am constantly one of the only date-less girls in our group.

I have a great job and make decent money so that isn’t a problem. What am I doing wrong and why am I the only one who doesn’t seem to connect with anyone? Please be honest and don’t sugarcoat it as I need to figure this out soon!

I can’t wait to hear from you!

Desperate & Waiting

Dear DW,

There are many things you can do here to change up what isn’t working in your love-life. Let’s discuss what is not working first and then we can talk about how to alter this behavior to help better your dating situation.

  1. The first thing is that you actually call yourself desperate & waiting which is probably a pretty honest evaluation of how you feel about yourself and how you come across to the men you meet out in a social environment. You asked me to be honest so bear with me here while I give you the straight goods on your situation.
  2. You don’t make yourself the priority in your life; needing a man is your number 1 reason for what you think it means to be happy.
  3. You admit you are obsessed because you are not meeting anyone to date and this comes across as “needy” to men you come in contact with. Your friends have also warned you about this so it is visible to them as well. Guys can smell desperation and will run in the opposite direction!
  4. Body language is huge with first impressions and it can be a very easy read if you are not secure and confident with who you are.
  5. You are putting pressure on yourself because you will be turning 30 soon which is a hard time for many women who are single. That damn biological clock ticks pretty loudly causing even more pressure for you to meet someone.

The best way for you to alter this pattern, is to stop coming across like a sad puppy that no one loves. You are an attractive woman that has so much going for her and the only one stopping love from entering your life is “you.”

  • Don’t hibernate in your condo feeling lonely; put yourself in the heat of the fire and deal head on with what isn’t working for you.
  • Rather than be jealous of your girlfriends, educate yourself with watching how they interact with men. They are one of your best teaching tools! It works for them!
  • Men like fun women who don’t take themselves or life too seriously. Don’t look at every man as potential marriage material. Talk to them as a person first and be that confident, playful girl that men admire and want to be around.
  • Don’t be a doormat. Always put your self-respect first! Men like women who like themselves.
  • Being too available comes across as desperate which is a turn off to guys. Make yourself the priority and have other passions in your life rather than just your job. A busy woman has less time to dwell on obsessive or dramatic behavior.
  • A full life is a happy life which will attract even more happiness towards you.
  • Be interested and stay interesting as this will always give you something to talk about that will make others take notice and want to get to know you.
  • No more playing the victim. Stop dwelling on what isn’t working and start working on what will.

The good news is that you have attracted wonderful friends into your life who love you for many reasons, so believe in yourself and dust off those negative cobwebs so that you can also attract a wonderful man towards you down the road. It’s never too late to take a good look at yourself in the mirror but you have to like what you see in that mirror if you want to make these lasting behavioral changes.

It’s not ALL about having a guy in your life, so stop making him the biggest priority to make you feel whole. A man is attracted to a woman who has her life together and who has cleaned out the emotional baggage from her closet to allow him to come in and share her life. He is not her entire life and nor is she his entire life.

Wishing you love always~ please let me know how things go. ❤

Sybersue    

 

Dating Advice For Women ~ Men Want to Know why Some Women are so Aggressive After the 1st Date!

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord discusses a question she has received from quite a few guys recently. They want to know why some women are so aggressive after the 1st date. They don’t wait for the guys to call or text and start contacting the men on a regular basis before the second date is even made. Why are some women so impatient? The men find this very unattractive and tell Sybersue how much it “turns them off!”

What do you think? Please leave your comments below the video.

Susan McCord’s YouTube Channel  @ http://www.youtube.com /twobeavers
Facebook Page @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Dear Sybersue I met this guy on POF One Year Ago & Haven’t Met Yet

Dear Sybersue,

I just watched your video: Dating Advice for Men & Women: If They’re too Busy They are Just not That Into You!

I met this guy on the POF (Plenty of Fish) online dating site one year ago. We talk on the phone and “Cam text” daily. He is a graphic designer and always tooooo busy to meet! We still haven’t met. I had checked him out on Spokeo etc. He said he loves me although we haven’t met in person? Help!

I.M.
Hi I.M 🙂

I am glad you watched this video and the fact that you did shows me you already know the answer to this scenario. You have a cyber relationship! If this man is too busy to see you, he is too busy to date and shouldn’t be out there doing so. You didn’t tell me where you both live or other information, but in any situation a year is way over the top! He is either hiding something from you or is just having fun with you a few times a day. I am not saying his feelings aren’t “somewhat” legitimate, but you may want to ask yourself why this is enough for you?

It is very easy for someone to hide behind a computer screen and say all the right things, but you as the recipient have to know when to read behind the lines very early on. We know in our hearts if it’s real or not but sometimes we choose to let certain things slide because we are lonely or blinded by the initial charm.

We are all worthy of a loving reciprocated relationship, don’t ever settle. You should have a rule that you must meet your potential dates in the first few weeks of contact to see if there is a “real” connection. There are a lot of great actors out there that know how to “talk the talk!” Be smarter than them. Thanks for writing ❤

Sybersue xo

Follow up answer from I.M.

Dear Sybersue,

I just want to be treated as a lady, like we all deserve, my ex husband was mentally and verbal abusive….. So I guess just want to be held and feel safe. I’m a romantic at heart. I have been divorced for 30 years, and haven’t dated much. He has never been married at 51 and neither have his brothers. Weird right?
Thank you, hugs I.M.

Hi again,

I think he sees that you are vulnerable because of what you have been through in the past and that is why this works for him. Some men look for that type of woman because she is less high maintenance and won’t ask so many questions. You want to be “held” by this man but he is not giving you that and hasn’t in a year. I don’t believe in ultimatums but in this case, this guy needs to step up and meet you in person or move on. The fact that he has never married (or his brothers) could have something to do with how he was raised. He may have abandonment or commitment issues but that is not your issue to work on.

The question I have for you which you may not like…”Are you really afraid of the truth that he may not be invested in this relationship and you don’t want to pressure him for fear that he will stop contact with you? This is better than nothing in your mind?” When you settle for something other than what you really want, you shortchange yourself and your happiness takes a back seat.

When you remove yourself from negative patterns and hold onto your self respect you will meet someone who can love you the right way. The hardest step is the first one and then the others come easier. It’s time for you to go for what really matters to you and to stop allowing yourself to be a low priority. Love happens at any age so don’t let that stop you from believing in it. If this guy won’t see you in the next few weeks you will have your answer.

xo hugs back, Sybersue