Thanks for visiting Dear Sybersue! Today I answer Christy’s question: Should I Remarry My Ex-Husband?
Dear Sybersue,
“My Ex and I divorced 6 years ago but in the past year we have been seeing each other often and we are really getting along! He told me that he’s still in love with me and would like to get married again! I do love him as he is the father of my 7-year-old son.
Our first marriage ended abruptly because he wasn’t happy with his job and he was drinking a lot!! My son and I weren’t a priority at the time. He isn’t drinking anymore but will the underlying issues still be there anyway? Is this a dumb idea to even think about revisiting having a relationship with him?”
Thanks, Sybersue
Christy
Dear Christy,
Forgiveness isn’t an easy thing especially as you were blindsided by your partner when he abruptly left your marriage. The big question is; how do you move on from the pain that you went through during your divorce and is there a chance you could trust him again?
He didn’t prioritize you and your son at the time but HAS he worked hard on himself to improve upon the mistakes he made during your marriage 6 years ago? Talking about it is one thing but actually doing the work is another.
I commend him for dealing with his alcohol addiction as that is not an easy thing to overcome. It is great that you have been getting to know each other again slowly over the past year and that you haven’t rushed back into a commitment with him.
But…you are questioning whether you should remarry your ex so that is something you really need to think about. What is bothering you? Are you in love with him Christy, or do you love him because he is the father of your son? Your son would not want you to remarry his dad just to make him happy, you have to be true to yourself first and also teach your son the value and importance of that as well.
It is very easy to get caught up in the excitement of reuniting as a family unit but if you are not 100% feeling an undeniable love for him, you need to pay close attention to those instincts. You have been working really hard on yourself for 6 years while also focusing on being a devoted single mom to your son so you want to ensure that you don’t go back to those same marital problems that you left behind.
Has he had counseling? Have you?
Do you feel that he has really changed and that he is sincerely ready to resume a partnership with you? I would suggest that you both go to couples counseling before you make any serious decisions. The fact that you and your ex are getting along great now doesn’t mean that you have to remarry to be good parents.
Your son is used to the way things have been for the majority of his young life so make sure you if you decide you do want to remarry your ex that you do it for the right reasons. There are many divorced couples that have a wonderful friendship with each other and who make things work really well co-parenting their children.
Please watch the video above to hear more of what I have to say about this conversation.
Thank you for writing Christy, Sybersue xo <3
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I agree with Sue. If remarriage is a question, you already know the answer. <3