Should I Date Someone Who is Just Out of a Long Relationship? This is the popular topic discussed on Dear Sybersue today.
This situation occurs way too often and it is important to understand how to deal with it if it happens to you. It is so difficult to walk away from someone you are very attracted to you, but if they are fresh out of a partnership it is in your best interest to do so. They are not ready to be with anyone even if you are the best catch in the world!
When someone enters your life right after they just broke up from a long relationship, they are not emotionally available.
If they are honest and actually tell you that they are not ready for a relationship, believe them! Going into this scenario thinking you will be able to win them over and make them fall in love with you is a dangerous place to put yourself. They could even end up resenting you!
Hanging out with them occasionally is one thing, but becoming romantically involved too soon could leave you heartbroken. Jumping into bed with someone who is newly single is often a detrimental decision and can leave you feeling used.
They are not ready to give you the commitment you want and will often put out many mixed signals when they go through their breakup mood swings. It’s difficult to be in the middle of it all and you should protect yourself from just being their temporary sexual encounter.
Most men and women need at least 6 months to contemplate what transpired to end their partnership. Sleeping with someone when their heart is still mending will often make you the stepping stone, to help them through the tough part. That is not your job!
Even if their breakup was a reciprocated decision there will still be some heartbreak to move on from. No one just walks away unscathed from a long term relationship. The memories are raw and will be at the forefront of their mind. It’s just a progression of what naturally occurs when any partnership fizzles out.
Everyone needs a little time to let their heart heal! When anyone jumps from one relationship to the next without any space in between, it becomes a dangerous pattern with every new person; taking on even more baggage each time! When someone continually ignores these feelings and pretends everything is fine, this emotional denial will eventually erupt.
If you are the one caught up in the aftermath of all of their breakup drama, you could be the person who ends up being really hurt at the end of the day.
Please understand that we all need to acknowledge the heartbreak in our lives. This is a grieving period that is so important to our well being and moving on to a higher place of love. Burying it is not.
It doesn’t mean that there isn’t a chance for the two of you to eventually be together as a couple, but be very careful not to be too available in the first few months. You are not their relationship coach and they need to figure things out on their own. Any influence or help from you could put you into a friend-zone category with them.
There is nothing wrong with letting them know you are interested and you are giving them time to grieve the partnership with their Ex. Trust me, they will truly appreciate you all the more. You are understanding of the pain they are dealing with and you are not trying to push them during this vulnerable time.
Keep things light and playful, maybe even a little flirty. 🙂 If you are meant to be together you will be, but it will happen naturally if you both take your time. Jumping into anything too fast usually ends, just as fast.
Sybersue xo <3
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