Dear SyberSue,
This letter will raise any number of red flags with you and your readers so I would understand if you decide not to publish it. It proves that some stereotypes are not true and that some taboos can be broken.
I used to be a school teacher in London. I did it for almost two decades in some of the toughest areas of the city. It was challenging and fulfilling work but I was barely able to make ends meet. Every month I struggled to pay the mortgage, the bills and put food on the table. I married another teacher at the age of 36 and had two wonderful children but we eventually and tragically fell out of love with each other. Circumstances being what they are, we still live together as a family but my husband and I have gone our separate ways emotionally. It was during my second pregnancy that my husband stopped touching me.
Five years ago three things happened to me. I picked up that ‘masterpiece’ by E L James and read it in one sitting by the light of a torch in our garden. Then I met a man who was the first to touch me with passion in years. Although it was a short-lived relationship, he transformed me and made me believe in myself. I lost a stone and a half and started paying attention to my appearance. Then I made a decision that life was too short to live in misery so I hung out a sign on the internet and transformed myself into a mature escort. I did this with both my husband’s and my mother’s knowledge. It was something my husband actually encouraged because he knew I would bring more money into the household. I knew I would be a success because I enjoy sex in all its permutations and men can sense that.
Escorting is not as glamorous as one would think and it is certainly not as horrible as some imagine. In reality, I am just an upscale prostitute, albeit a few years older than most of the women in the business. I work out of a flat in London. Over the years my clientele has grown to the point where I see four or five regulars a day and maybe one curious newcomer.
I make about £700 a day, which is more than I made as a teacher in a week. The sex doesn’t fit the stereotype that many people imagine. It can be average and it can be mind blowing. I don’t do this work just to make money; I honestly enjoy giving physical pleasure and receiving pleasure in return.
The one stereotype about being an escort that does ring true is that virtually all my clients are married and cheating on their wives. That was true for my first two years as an escort up until one day three years ago when something truly magical happened: an American man named Jeff walked in the door and gave me the honour of being the first woman to touch him erotically since his wife passed away a number of years previously. He came to see me because he wanted a physical relationship with no emotional ties. That’s not how it worked out at all.
I don’t know how to adequately describe Jeff. He is six years younger than me, five times brighter and literally the sort of man that make women gasp when he walks in a room. He is not tremendously wealthy but he is very well off and his success comes from his creativity and his wonderfully complex mind. I didn’t fall in love with Jeff first, but he fell for me the moment we were first together. It didn’t take long for me to follow suit.
The truth is that we didn’t have full blown sex until a week after we met. The first time he saw me we just talked for three hours straight, touching each other. It was our third appointment when he gave himself to me fully. Jeff is the sort of man that takes pleasure in giving pleasure and our physical relationship is right off the scale. Although this may sound like mystical rubbish, right at the start, Jeff felt it was if he was destined to be with me. I knew from the beginning that I was the one chosen to heal his heart.
Jeff is not conflicted about what I do for a living. In fact he finds it tremendously erotic and, to this day, he generously pays for his time with me, always in an envelope with a nice card. He also showers me with gifts, takes me shopping and we holiday together. I spend two or three nights a week at his flat and have met his children and his friends, all of whom, up to recently, were completely unaware of how I make my living. We have been seeing each other for three years and he has remained faithful to me. As hypocritical as it sounds, it would break my heart if he slept with another woman.
When we are out together with his friends, both male and female, I have always been aware of the barely concealed envy the women in the room have about me. Here I am a few years older than Jeff, of dubious origins and I’ve snatched away their prize. There has always been a lot of curiosity about me. The fact that I am still married but obviously in love with another man who dotes on me has brought out the green monster of jealousy in many of the women, particularly those who were friends with his late wife.
What Jeff and I knew would inevitably happen, has now come to pass. In the last few days I have been getting phone calls through the number I work through from women I vaguely know through Jeff. They have become increasingly nasty and vitriolic. They claim that my relationship with Jeff has stopped him remarrying and finding happiness and they have called me all sorts of derogatory names.
The fact that I am now ‘outed’ doesn’t bother Jeff in the least. I admire that in him so much and it makes me love him more. The truth is I know that Jeff would propose to me at the drop of a hat if I hinted to him that I wanted us to be married. He would love to know that we will be together for the rest of our lives.
As unusual as our relationship is, it works. I don’t want to disrupt my children’s lives. They are happy with the arrangement between my husband and me. They have never met Jeff but they have heard about him. I know his children and their nanny although they have no idea what I do for a living, but they are aware I am married. I do tuck them in at night when I am over and do in many ways feel that they are now my children too.
The question I have for you is should I divorce my husband, prompt a proposal from Jeff and marry him? It would have to be a sort of hybrid marriage for a few years, at least until my children were mature enough to deal with the situation. If I were to do this I would split my time between Jeff and my home and carry on with my work. I know Jeff would love this to happen and it wouldn’t break my husband’s heart, as long as he knew that I was paying for the mortgage and the children.
It is my 46th birthday coming up and if I told Jeff to get me an engagement ring it would make him the happiest man in the world. Furthermore, I would love to flash it at those bitches who think I am not good enough to have their golden boy.
Heidi
Hi Heidi,
I appreciate that you were detailed in your email to me about what has transpired in your life and how you got to where you are now. Things have changed a lot for you in the last few years!
You have been with Jeff for 3 years spending 2-3 nights a week with him and holidaying with him as well. How does that time away work with your own family? You are living a double live and they are not really in the loop about what is going on, nor are you there at home with them 100%. I am not judging you but just stating the circumstances and asking the questions most people would ask without sugar-coating it.
Your question about whether you should divorce your husband and marry Jeff is not something I can answer for you but I can make you think about a few things that could help you with your decision.
Some things to think about or ask yourself: (Bear with me on some of the tough questions that I have to ask.)
1) It sounds like your own marriage is only surviving due to the finances you bring to the table. Forgive me for this but your husband is basically “pimping you out” and is completely alright with you sleeping with other men & having a relationship with Jeff, as long as you bring home the money. We can all agree that your marriage is definitely not a love partnership. Is your husband seeing someone else as well, since you don’t have sex together?
2) How will you continue to do your escort business if you decide to marry Jeff? Why would you want to? Have you discussed this completely? He may feel differently once you are committed in a marriage to him.
3) Why get married if you have to live apart? Why not just keep things the way they are?
4) Are you prepared to maybe lose custody of your children should your husband get angry? It does sound like he would be OK with you leaving if you continued to pay the bills, but if you decide to stop doing that, things could change in a big way. Why do you think your children are OK with this arrangement you & your husband have? The situation takes their mom away from them on a regular basis and many children would have some abandonment issues regarding this.
5) Marrying Jeff will cause a huge problem with his friends and maybe his children, since you are still planning on being an escort. Are you OK with how this may affect Jeff? I am not sure the women are as jealous or envious as you say they are but maybe more concerned that you are married and seeing their good friend while living the life of an escort. They could just sincerely be looking out for his & the children’s welfare.
If you are being really honest with yourself, on paper you know you aren’t the textbook new wife that his friends and family might be happy to embrace into their world. I know you love each other but they only see what they perceive as the scandalous side of your lifestyle and not how you truly are as a couple. Regardless of how they may feel about you they have no right to call your work with these nasty & harassing comments. That is childish and immature on their part!
6) None of the children know that you are an escort but they will down the road, especially due to the fact that almost everyone else knows now. Are they going to be able to handle that and how will that change your relationship with them?
I am ALL about being with the person you love and not spending time in dead end scenarios. Your marriage is more of a business friendship but you seem to love Jeff unconditionally. You are emotionally and physically connected and are both committed to this 3 year partnership. You will definitely have some obstacles that will cause problems should you decide to get married so you have “a lot” to discuss and work out; but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.
You need to find a way to make Jeff’s friends accept you so that Jeff can still have a relationship with them, that is if he still wants to. (That may mean leaving your escort job which would also be easier on the children too.) Be the better person and don’t let these women get to you anymore. Maybe have a talk with them and tell them you are very sincere with the love you have with Jeff, and as a woman you understand their protective concerns. Don’t react when they make comments or when they try to rile you up. Be indifferent to them but be polite. They may come around if you don’t give them anything to talk about, or at the very least they will stop harassing you.
You met Jeff for a reason one way or another. Whether he is your soulmate or here to help you get out of a loveless marriage, there is something for you to understand about yourself by having him in your life.
Lastly; when deciding what you want for your future, always remember that children see and feel a lot more than we give them credit for; even at a very young age. They pick up on so much more than we adults will ever realize. This can shape them into who they become as they get older by witnessing their parents behaviors, morals and values.
Parents are the teachers as to how their children view the world. They need to come first over anything else that crosses your path but that doesn’t mean you have to stay in an unhappy and love-less environment for 20 years until they leave home. Love them first but be true to yourself at the same time.
Sybersue 🙂
