I wanted to discuss this topic today because many people give out way too much information on the first few dates when they don’t know someone well.
Safety should always come first and handing out personal and private details about yourself too early, can leave you in a compromising position. You need to develop trust with someone, and that takes time. Unfortunately, there are some insincere men and women out there who have unhealthy agendas when it comes to dating today. Showing too much vulnerability can be a big mistake.
What are some of the conversations should you steer away from?
1. Talking about your past dating experiences or about a recent Ex.
Despite the obvious reasons why this isn’t a good first-date discussion, people still do it on a regular basis. It is perfectly acceptable to tell someone you are divorced, or your last relationship ended a year ago, but giving out major details about what transpired within any past situation is not a great opening discussion.
Most people are a little judgmental and go on a date with their eyes wide open, so this type of negative conversation gives a fishbowl look into your past life. There will be assumptions made and red flag warnings to the person sitting across from you on your date. Doom and gloom dates are a big turn-off and will kill the date vibes very quickly. It also shows that you are not ready to date because you are NOT over your Ex. You are still giving energy to your past relationship!
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2. Interview-style questioning
Having a checklist of questions ready to go on every date, is a very clinical approach. You should treat everyone individually, and any conversation you have together should bounce back and forth in a playful, reciprocated manner. Interviewing someone will automatically put them on the defensive and make them feel uneasy. It will change up the ambiance where they feel like they are being tested to give you the right answers! You are expecting too much information from them, way too soon.
Some people are also nervous or new to dating, and this interview format can happen due to being a little green when it comes to understanding the right protocol. If you cannot redirect your date to having a more positive and naturally flowing discussion, it will probably end any chance of you wanting to see them again for a second date. This line of intense questioning can feel quite invasive, so be cognizant of how rigid or controlling you may come across in the initial stages of dating someone new.
First impressions make or break a second date!
3. Telling your date about your flaws and insecurities!
Some men and women think it is a good idea to be honest and talk about some of the things they don’t like about themselves. This one is so common, and it continues to baffle me as to why you would want to share personal details about your worst qualities? We ALL have a few things we don’t like about ourselves, but starting out a date, sharing this with a stranger, certainly isn’t on the top priority of a dating etiquette list.
Taking on the thinking that if they still like you after you tell them all about your flaws, then that is a good thing, is the best way to sabotage you ever seeing them again. You should only ever put out positive conversations and always show your best side. Allowing this behavior to continue will take you back to the dating drawing board over and over again.
Think about it, would you want to hear all about their negative characteristics on the first few dates? If you talk about yourself in a pessimistic manner, they will eventually believe you and walk away from getting to know you. You are basically telling them all the reasons they shouldn’t be with you. You are rejecting yourself, which doesn’t show confidence. A potential partner needs to see your best attributes.
5. Steer away from Sex talk too early.
Some people are far too open about diving into sexual conversations on the first few dates. This is a red flag when it becomes the priority discussion before you even know someone. This is fine if you are only interested in “booty call hook-ups,” but if you are interested in meeting a partner for a committed relationship, it isn’t the best way to get to know if you are a great match.
Of course, sex is very important in any romantic union, but you have to be compatible outside the bedroom as well for a partnership to continue. Many people make the mistake of prioritizing sex, and then the relationship fizzles out quickly before it even as a chance to get started. Sexual chemistry can be very overpowering, but a little willpower goes a long way in the dating world. Being intimate is so much better when you are falling in love with someone, and are taking the time to become a potentially committed couple.
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Some women think that if they don’t sleep with a man during the first few dates, he will walk away from them. Unfortunately, this does happen, so they often feel obligated to have sex when they aren’t really ready and end up in repetitive dating patterns that don’t ever work out.
If someone is really interested in getting to know you to see if there is a connection, they will never pressure you in to having sex right away. They want a partner who respects themselves and isn’t easily coerced into doing something that is out of their personal comfort zone.
6. Don’t ever feel obligated to answer questions and give out personal information on a date!
Some people ask for way too much information to find out early if there are any red flags about a person they are dating. Freely giving out too much information and being overly honest with someone you don’t know is one of those red flags. Be selective with how much you share about yourself. You may not be aware that you are giving away too many secrets that are not anybodies business but yours.
Trust takes time to establish and showing vulnerability by divulging every detail about yourself, is very alluring to catfishers and insincere suitors. Use your instincts and intelligence every time you go out on any date. Don’t assume they are always there for the same reasons you are. Use common sense, and please listen closely to your gut instincts. Don’t give out too much information before you know anyone.
It takes at least a few months before you have an idea about someone’s true intentions, so don’t be in a rush to think you know who they are. Take things slow and let them show you who they are. When you pay close attention, you will clearly see their character. Never ignore those spidey- senses that are warning you to walk away. Your safety and self-respect are always the top priorities.
Thank you, Sybersue xo <3
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me @ https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and message me there to set up a video call or voice call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!