In today’s video and blog post, I am going to discuss this stressful situation when it comes to dating: How Do You Tell Someone You’re Dating That You’re Not a Good Fit?
I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and we were discussing the trial and tribulations of dating today. I was happy to hear how well she handled telling the men she was either meeting in person or chatting with online, if she didn’t feel a connection with them. If she felt a friend vibe over romantic chemistry, she would be gentle and honest about this with them. She also was very appreciative when they were openly communicative with her as well.
No one really wants to be friend-zoned if they are interested in having a committed relationship, but it is so much better when someone is upfront and sincere about their feelings early on. Game playing, and being led on, are big issues within the dating community. One of the reasons there is so much ghosting going on today is due to the difficulty many men and women have when it comes to telling someone they don’t feel any chemistry. This is even harder to do when the other person is obviously really interested in pursuing a relationship.
With online platforms being one of the main sources of dating interaction today, there can be many available people to connect with, especially when you first sign up on one of these sites. It can be difficult to juggle all the messages you initially receive, and it can be a big learning curve on what the proper etiquette should be when responding to them. It can be very overwhelming for sure.
This can cause confusion at first, but when you learn to read between their profile lines, you will have more clarity as time goes by. Dating is a process. You are not going to fall in love with everyone you meet, and that is the important message to hold on to here. It is a solid investment of your time, but well worth some of the frustrations when you do finally meet your special person down the road.
The first rule of thumb is to treat someone the way you want to be treated.
If you remain sincere and diplomatically honest with the people you choose to date, it will allow you both to communicate openly without a lot of unanswered questions. If you are not feeling a spark with someone, tell them early that you don’t feel as compatible, as much as you would like. Please don’t just abruptly stop texting, talking to them on the phone, or seeing them in person. Unfortunately, this has become a common practice among many people who are dating today. Leaving someone hanging and not knowing what’s going on, isn’t fair.
This type of behavior is cowardly and very hurtful to do to anyone. Think back to when something like this may have happened to you. How did it make you feel? It is important to walk away from dating scenarios with your head held high and to know that you showed respect to everyone who crossed your path. There is always a reason why they were briefly in your life, and sometimes you don’t see why that is until much later down the road. Life Lessons that you did not learn the first time, have a way of making you own your stuff later on. Some people call that karma. 😉
Everyone you date deserves absolute respect because they are giving you their time and energy when they could be somewhere else. Most people need to hear the actual words that you are not feeling a connection with them before they give up on trying to have a relationship with you. There are so many mixed signals within the dating realm today, so be clear.
Be soft in your approach, but don’t keep them holding on to something that will never transpire between you as a couple. You don’t have to be cruel to be kind, but you definitely have to be firm when you decide to end things with anyone you are dating.
It is so much kinder to be honest, than it is to ghost someone if you’re not interested in pursuing a connection with them.
When you take the time to gently tell someone that you don’t feel you are a good match as a romantic couple, you are being transparent, which helps them to move on as well. Of course, it will naturally sting a little bit when someone is honest in this manner because your ego will always take a bit of a hit. “Why don’t they want to keep dating, what happened?” Don’t be afraid to ask questions at the time, as this will help give you more clarity for when you date again in the near future.
It is extremely difficult to get over being rejected by someone when things fizzle out or just blatantly end without any explanation. This can be emotionally damaging, especially if it happens on a regular basis. When someone you are dating just shuts the door and walks out of your life, it leaves you with so much self-doubt. This can cause anxiety and depression for many men and women due to the lack of human etiquette shown. Please don’t ever do this to anyone.
Do not turn a blind eye and ignore the obvious early red flags when you are dating someone new!
When someone isn’t with you for the right reasons, there are always signs. You can save yourself a lot of heartache by paying close attention to these red flags:
- They come on really strong right away and love-bomb you with compliments and sexy talk.
- You feel very pressured to have sex with them early on.
- They earn your trust and then start pulling back, leaving you feeling insecure.
- The communication levels are all over the map. Your texts are not being answered quickly or even returned in some cases.
- Things are either hot or cold between you both. There is no consistency.
- You don’t know when you will be seeing them again, as everything is left unsaid. They may not text for 2 or 3 weeks.
- When they tell you they are not interested in having a relationship, believe them.
If you are really sincerely interested in each other, be open and communicate this.
Don’t be afraid to be open and tell each other that you really enjoy spending time together. If you are really honest with yourself, you know when someone is into you or not. It is just as important to tell someone you like them as it is to tell them you’re not feeling a connection. If you are feeling a reciprocated attraction, you will both be excited to see each other again.
Making plans for future dates soon after one ends is a great sign that things are moving along in the right direction. There won’t be any game-playing or anxiety buildup because you are both being mature and respectful in sharing your feelings.
If you are not getting the right vibe from someone even though you are hoping for more, don’t spend too much energy trying to change their mind. You should know if there is romantic chemistry within the first 1-2 dates. There is usually a natural flow that just works. It is almost as if you have known each other for months already.
In closing to today’s conversation, I will leave you with a few “comment suggestions” that may help you to be able to communicate with someone if you are just not feeling a strong connection. Be gentle but to the point. No one needs a play-by-play as to why you’re not feeling a spark for them or what you don’t like about them.
- I have enjoyed meeting you (or talking with you) but I don’t feel that we are on the same page when it comes to what we both want in our future.
- Thank you very much for our date tonight, but I think we are looking for different things and I don’t see us as a match going forward.
- I am happy to have met you, but I just don’t feel a romantic connection happening between us.
- I think our lifestyle differences are too opposing when it comes to being in a partnership.
- Thank you for spending time with me, but to be honest, I am starting to realize that I am really not ready to date right now. I don’t want to take time away from you being able to meet a potential partner.