Dear Sybersue,
How Do I Stop Being Jealous of Women Who are Dating My Ex?
After living together for 4 years my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blew just over 3 months ago. He didn’t even really say why! We weren’t fighting and we usually get along pretty well. He moved out when I was at work and texted me that he wasn’t happy anymore.
Yes, a text!!
He has moved on so fast and it hurts me terribly that he can forget me that easily. He still has me on some of his social media sites and I am not sure if he forgot I am on them or he is making a point of showing off his wonderful new life in f*cking technicolor! He has turned into a selfie-king and some of the photos are actually kind of gross!
All of a sudden he has lost his beer belly and is Instagramming his newfound abs for the whole world to see. (It’s the first time I have ever seen them in all the years we were together! WTF?) The comments from women are so provocative that I am sure he is using his Instagram account as his dating profile!
In case you are wondering he is only 31 years old so it isn’t a midlife crisis! I can’t handle how jealous I have become about him dating other women and it is making me really crazy. I’m not sure how many he is dating right now but there seems to be a lot of them! My friends have seen him out with a few different girls in the last 2 weeks!
How do I move on and start to get my life back on track? I am so hurt that he doesn’t seem to have any respect for me at all. How does he not know how difficult this would be for me!
Did I even know who this guy ever really was? Was our relationship all a facade?
Thanks Sybersue, I will look forward to hearing your advice on this.
Melanie
Dear Melanie,
I don’t think that there would many women out there that wouldn’t be jealous if they were in your situation. Don’t be too hard on yourself for having these feelings as it is a natural progression after a long relationship ends. Especially since you didn’t have proper closure!
Nothing makes a person feel more insecure than being blindsided by someone they loved so deeply.
You have had 3 months to think about things and is there anything particular that may now stand out as to why he suddenly left your relationship? He may not ever give you proper closure but if you take the time to truly analyze what may have transpired between the two of you, this could help you to move on a lot faster.
Ask Yourself These Questions:
- Was he pulling back emotionally from you in the last year?
- Did you have less time together as a couple due to work or hobbies?
- Were you still sexually active? How often? Had the intimacy slowed down a lot?
- Did he tell you he loved you often?
- Was there something difficult going on in his job or his family life?
- Was he feeling insecure or inadequate about something that could be affecting his self-esteem?
- Did he have more guys nights out than usual?
- Was he more concerned about his overall appearance and being healthier than usual?
Unfortunately, many people “check out” of a relationship
before they actually leave. The partner doesn’t always see the changes occurring because they can be subtle.
The one thing I would strongly suggest is to remove yourself from your Ex’s social media accounts and block him so you can’t see anything he posts. Ask your friends not to tell you who he is seeing or what is happening in his life. Get rid of any photos or any reminders of him in your home and you may even want to move if there are just too many reminders or memories that are controlling your emotions.
The less time you think about him every day, the less time you will be letting him control your heart. “Out of sight out of mind” can really work! You are already past the hardest few months and it is now time to take your power back. Get out with friends as often as possible and do not go to venues where your ex may still hang out.
It is time to stop torturing yourself by going online to see what he is up to. The fact that he is posting so many photos could just be a phony show of how well he wants people to think he is doing. People who really have it going on do not have to brag about it!
Please watch the video I posted above to see what else I have to say to your question. Thanks for writing Melanie and keep me posted!
Sybersue <3
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