Help! I Feel Invisible Dating at Age 45!
Welcome to Dear Sybersue, today I answer Erin’s question. Having been here myself in the past I am able to share my thoughts on this topic and give Erin a few things to think about.
Erin is frustrated and also very sad about what is going on in her life right now in her forties. Dating is difficult at any age but it seems to be even worse after 40! There doesn’t seem to be very many available men in Erin’s age bracket and it is making her lonely.
She feels so invisible and is thinking of giving up on love altogether.
When something isn’t working out the way you want it to, you need to change things up so that you can attract what you want towards yourself. Rather than constantly thinking about what isn’t happening for you, start thinking about how wonderful it will be when you do meet your potential partner. Your life is fantastic right now but it will be even sweeter when you have that special person to share things with. (The cherry on top, so to speak.)
Be that fun person other people want to be around! The less you rely on a partner to make you happy the more alluring you will come across to others. There is nothing sexier than a confident woman! It is a natural attractor!
Put yourself in different environments where you can meet people.
Whether you are putting yourself out there online or trying to connect with others in a public setting, please know that love is available at every age. I know this to be true because I got married for the second time at age 50 after being a single mom for 18 years!
Did I have to wait a long time to meet my guy? Yes, I sure did, but I did date during those 23 years and learned one Hell of a lot about myself in the process! I also accomplished many amazing things during that time frame that made me a much stronger and happier woman.
I didn’t focus on being in a relationship to make me feel whole. I really grew up and evolved to a much higher version of myself!
A relationship is a part of who you are but it is not the nucleus of your existence
A relationship does not define you but it can add a beautiful layer and extension to who you already are as a person.
Sometimes when we want something so badly we end up pushing it away without realizing we are doing so. We actually sabotage our own happiness by being pessimistic about what isn’t happening for us. We talk about it to our friends, we write about it in our journals and we silently cry about it when we are alone.
This just confirms our problem over and over again without coming to any new conclusions on how to change things. We become obsessed that we are destined to be alone.
Can you see how this repetitive thinking can be the catalyst as to why things are not working out in your love life?
Rather than be hurt or angry about all the reasons why something isn’t happening, take some ownership that you are a part of the problem and how new optimistic thinking could end up being the solution!
Before you think I am being too tough love here Erin, I am totally agreeing with you that dating after 40 can make you feel invisible. Getting older in general can make you feel that way. This is why it is important to be an even better version of your authentic self as each birthday approaches. You are never too old to try new things!
Don’t walk in your own shadow if you want to stand out more!
- What 3 things do you like about yourself? Focus on those.
- Name 5 things other people like about you.
- What has been your biggest accomplishment to this day? Pat yourself on the back!
- If you could do anything really amazing in this lifetime what would you want to do? What are you passionate about?
- What scares you the most? Why? Take baby steps to eventually alleviate this fear.
- Write down 10 small things that make you really happy.
- Assign yourself two goals that you will achieve within the next 6 months.
- Take 3 months off from dating anyone or even looking at a dating site. Prioritize other aspects of your life.
- Connect with old friends, make new friends, say hi to people you pass on the street, and spend less time alone with your thought patterns each day.
- Make a list of all the things you are grateful for and read them every morning before you start your day.
We all need to have a purpose in our life to feel valued and accepted.
It is our responsibility to feel valued and not allow ourselves to feel unimportant or unseen by others. Make people take notice by showing them who you are and what amazing qualities you have to offer.
Stay away from energy vampires, people who squash you, or people who bring drama into your life. You are in charge of who you let in, so attract people who bring joy, kindness, and love towards you. Teach people how to respect you by respecting yourself first.
We all want to leave this world having made a difference somehow, and we all have a purpose during our days here on this earth. Spend more time thinking in that context rather than putting energy into what isn’t working in your life right now.
If you are feeling invisible make yourself noticeable!
Not everyone you meet will gravitate toward you but you can definitely give it your best shot and teach them that age is just a number and you’re just getting started!
I created a YouTube show in my 50’s and I have definitely taken some heat from young people who have made plenty of “old lady” comments. For a short while, that used to make me feel sad and at times it even made me question myself with what I was doing.
Then one day I woke up, sat up tall, and decided I was going to post even more videos! I started uploading every Wednesday about 3 years ago and I am still maintaining my goal!
That’s right people, your comments backfired and now you are seeing even more of my old lady videos! The best part of this whole thing is I don’t feel invisible. I feel recharged and excited that my purpose here each week is helping others find love.
Find your true passion Erin! <3
Put your energy into achieving new things in your life and continue to do so on a daily basis. When you are happy and smiling, people will take notice and you will start to see a difference in the attitude of the men and women around you.
Instead of making an annual New Years’ resolution, set some goals on your birthday each year. Not only will it continually refresh your outlook on life, but it will also create positive energy and give you some exciting things to look forward to.
In other words, never a dull moment!
Always give your best “YOU,” and I promise you will start to feel less invisible each day. Happiness is contagious!
Sybersue xo <3
Personal Dating or Relationship Questions for Sybersue? Contact me via https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and message me there to set up a video call appt. within 24 hours.