Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today’s video is titled Can I Learn to Love Someone Coming From a Loveless Childhood?
The fact that you came to this video and post today is a big step to getting to the root of how your childhood may be affecting the love in your life as an adult. The most important part of changing things that are repetitive issues in your life is understanding there is a problem.
Many men and women are dealing with this exact scenario and if you weren’t shown what love was as a child, it is so difficult to always choose the right path when it comes to love and relationships as an adult. Quite often, people will build up a protective wall and not allow themselves to enter into a partnership because they have trust and self-esteem issues.
Looking for love in all the wrong places
Searching for the wrong type of love can also happen when you come from an unloving childhood. If you are repeating dating and relationship patterns that don’t work out, you may be stuck in a behavioral habit of looking for love in all the wrong places. The main reason for this is you honestly don’t know what you are looking for!
When you weren’t shown love from your parents as a child, you can become very clingy and dependent on the wrong people that you attract toward you. This happens because you are so afraid they will walk away from you. This can make the road ahead in your adult life a long learning curve that keeps you feeling very lonely.
If you don’t have role models to teach you about what it means to be in a loving environment, it often contributes to becoming emotionally unavailable. You may not even be aware that you are emotionally shut down, and you continue to have trouble allowing and receiving love into your life. You subconsciously sabotage it from happening because you don’t feel worthy of having it.
Childhood pain is not easy to repair without some professional guidance.
Childhood sadness has a way of staying ingrained in your mindset until you find a way not to let it control your daily thoughts. It can also affect your health and well-being. Burying it within doesn’t make it go away, and the best way to exorcize those haunting memories is to seek help from a therapist who specializes in childhood neglect.
It’s not your fault you weren’t loved as a child.
One of the most difficult things, moving forward from a lonely childhood, is that we blame ourselves when we weren’t loved by the people we are supposed to feel safe with.
Dear Sybersue
Overcoming a loveless home life is very difficult to do on your own when your emotions are shut down. How is it possible to deal with the problem if you aren’t aware of how to open up and share your feelings? If you are fortunate enough to be able to feel something in an emotional sense, I strongly suggest that you write down your thoughts whenever you do.
It is much easier to fix an ongoing issue when you understand what brings on a certain emotion. This can really help your therapist to get to know you and understand any behavioral triggers that may be controlling your thought process. Damaging internal dialogue can be managed when you do the work to unravel the initial messages that are stuck. Pretending that something isn’t causing you pain, just prolongs the burden of it all and keeps your emotions held hostage.
Do not ignore the internal messages you are receiving!
Getting past any trauma that occurs in your life should always be acknowledged and dealt with. These painful things don’t just disappear. You may be tired of hearing those voices that keep reviewing the same disheartening messages, but they are being replayed because you are supposed to work through them.
- Surround yourself with men and women who are loving and caring. The more you remove yourself from people who make you feel stressed or anxious, the better you will feel overall. It is always wonderful confirmation to be around and see what a loving friendship or relationship consists of.
- Set some new healthy boundaries. It’s OK to say no. Do not allow yourself to stay in an environment that you don’t trust, or it makes you feel unbalanced.
- Don’t be hard on yourself. Understand that things won’t change overnight, as they have been embedded in your mind for a very long time. It is a process.
- Acknowledge your emotions, no matter how small you think they are. It may feel foreign and uncomfortable at first, but it is a step in the right direction. You are moving away from being closed off, or feeling numb. These emotions act as stepping stones that can heal some of your pain and also help you to comprehend why the pain is there in the first place.
- Take time each week to do nice things for yourself. You need to appreciate how special you are, so you can eventually let someone in who loves and appreciates you as well.
- Listen to your instincts! Do not allow yourself to feel unsafe in any of your surroundings or with anyone. Your gut knows danger, so please don’t ignore it.
The most important message I want to get across in this post today is that you absolutely deserve love, and you are worthy of having it in your life. It is not your fault that your parents weren’t loving and nurturing toward you. Something is missing in their own life, so they weren’t able to be better role models for you. That certainly doesn’t make it OK or that they get a pass, it means they may have issues and negative behavioral patterns from their own childhood they never dealt with.
I know this all too well on a personal level. Part of the big reason I have this blog site and my coaching business is due to the trials and tribulations of coming from a difficult childhood environment. It took me a long while to get myself in a healthy place and to understand the true meaning of love, but I am thankful every day that I took the time to figure things out.
This is why it is so crucial to deal with this issue within your adult life and to break the pattern from repeating with your own children and their children to follow. Sometimes you have to deal with the pain to remove the pain. Kelly Clarkson sings it well!!! “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” ❤️
*Please watch the video above to see what you can do to help remove this childhood trauma and learn how to bring the love you deserve into your life.
Sybersue xo
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me @ https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and message me there to set up a video call or voice call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
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