7 Types of Dating Sabotage To Be Aware Of
Today’s discussion is a good one for people who are getting very frustrated with not being able to meet someone to have a committed relationship with and want to figure out why. What is going on and why is it so difficult to find a compatible partnership?
Quite often we sabotage our own happiness without even realizing we are doing it. Why do we do that? Shouldn’t our personal happiness be the most important priority in our life?
Your confidence and self-worth have everything to do with your life choices. If you are holding on to pain or trauma from your childhood or a past relationship, it can hold your emotions hostage for a long time to come.
The first step is to acknowledge there is a problem and something isn’t working.
What are some of the things you might be doing to sabotage having a potential partnership?
- Being Judgemental and Too Picky
This is something I hear all too often in my dating and relationship coaching sessions; “I’m just too picky,” “I seldom meet anyone I’m attracted to,” “He doesn’t make enough money,” “I prefer blondes, she’s not my type!” I could go on for a very long time with the excuses people make as to why they are not meeting someone they could potentially have a relationship with.
Things get killed off before there is even a chance for romance to blossom. Everyone has something wonderful to offer but pre-assessed judgments often come in quickly, which sabotages ever really getting to know someone.
Many checklists have become so damn detailed that there isn’t anyone out there who could ever possibly tick off all of the boxes! We then have a repetitive one date per tinder swipe (if we even get to the 1st date stage) because no one has ALL the right qualities.
Unfortunately, the bigger problem here is; you are the one blocking your happiness because somewhere along your own life path you lost the belief that you deserve to have a loving partnership.
Self-sabotage is a big issue with many single men and women today.
2. Expecting instant Gratification
This is a situation where a person expects things to move quickly in every aspect. Sex needs to happen right away, the exclusive talk has to be discussed early on and in many cases, marriage and children expectations are also on the table!
Those of you who read my posts regularly know how I feel about relationships that start out unnaturally fast!
They. End. Just. As. Fast!
- Slow things down and get to know someone at a nice pace.
- Stop with the early expectations.
- Treat each other well, don’t leave someone hanging or guessing as to whether you enjoyed their company or not. Be open and communicate.
- Follow up after a date, make plans for another date within the next week, and just let things flow.
- Courtship is important for a partnership to grow and gain a reciprocated trust with each other. <3
Stop thinking that every person you date you’re going to marry! The most important thing is to have fun and always respect each other’s time and feelings.
3. Telling Your Date all Your Negative Qualities
I know, really? Does this happen a lot? Unfortunately yes.
We ALL have insecurities, even those people who come across really confident and secure. Every one of us has STUFF, but it is so important as to how we deal with it. Some people talk openly about their negative qualities but most people understand it’s not a good conversation to draw attention to it.
Think about it. Would you want to spend an evening listening to your date tell you all the things they don’t like about themselves and what hasn’t worked out in their life?
When you are first meeting someone you both should want to come across as confident and as positive as possible. No one wants to have a date with someone who is negative from the get-go! Do you really want to appear as Mr/Mrs Debbie or Doug downer?
Is that the first impression you want them to take away from your time together?
Telling someone on a date all the things you don’t like about your body, how terrible your Ex was to you, how hard it is being a single parent, or how many years it has been since you’ve had sex, does not scream second date material! It says; “see you later, thanks for letting me know! I dodged a bullet!”
Talk about what makes you happy and what you enjoy doing for fun!!
If you went for a job interview are you going to tell your potential employer all your bad qualities, or are you going to show them your amazing skills and tell them why you are the best candidate for the job? This is how you should always be in your life. Stay positive and fun to be around.
4. Giving Out Too Much Information About Yourself
Here is another scenario that happens (on a date) mostly out of nervousness and not being confident or comfortable with what you should talk about. We’ve all had those days where we go home shaking our heads about something we said that we maybe shouldn’t have. Ugggggh!
Use caution when you are meeting someone new. You don’t know them at all so you need to be more protective about what personal information you share early on.
Make sure the conversation is reciprocated and try not to talk too much about yourself without giving them equal time to converse with you. If you are a little on the shy side and really not sure what to talk about, ask them questions.
You should always build up mutual trust before you share intimate details about your life. A little caution is important!
Always listen to your gut instincts whenever you’re in doubt about something or someone. Please don’t ignore those pulsating spidey senses. This is your internal guide that will always keep you safe.
5. Not Caring or Paying Attention to Your Appearance
There are some people that just don’t care about how they look and think they should be accepted unconditionally just as they come. This is who I am, take it or leave it.
While it is wonderful that they take on a natural low maintenance look, (I say somewhat sarcastically) it is always appreciated when someone puts a little effort into their appearance when they are out on a date. First impressions are long-lasting!
You want to be attractive to the person you eventually fall in love with and vice versa. Being apathetic about your appearance is a big part of your everyday personality and tells a story very quickly.
6. Dating The Same Types That Aren’t Working Out (Repeating a pattern)
We don’t always see that we have a type that we are constantly drawn towards. We keep going back for more of the same expecting a different result.
Bad boys/bad girls seem to keep finding their way to your heart even though each time you say you’re done with not being treated well, but you are still only attracted to hot bodies and trophy dates.
Have you ever considered that you may possibly have a fear of commitment and you are purposely choosing people who aren’t going to work out? This is one of the biggest forms of relationship sabotage!
Many people do not even realize that they are holding onto anger from a past breakup and use that experience to keep them from moving on and learning the life lesson they were meant to learn. They would rather blame the world for their problems than understand that they are the ones in charge of who they attract and allow into their lives.
“Hey, I get it” just as much as anyone that it is difficult not to feel victimized when someone breaks your heart into a million pieces. I’ve been there a few times which is why I know all about relationship sabotage! The faster we chalk a breakup as a valuable lesson learned, is when we move on to a healthier romantic path.” <3
7. Internal Dialogue That Causes Doubt
This is the biggest relationship saboteur of all. Listening to those internal demons that haunt your thoughts every time you date or even think about dating. “Who would want me? I’m too old, I’m too boring, What do I have to offer? I’m not very attractive. It’s been so long so I dated, I will never meet anyone so what’s the point? I’m destined to be alone.”
When you keep replaying this type of thinking on a daily basis, not only will you start to believe it but you are also confirming your thoughts to the Universe. This will attract exactly what you are thinking toward you.
Whether you believe in the “law of attraction” or not, it makes sense that what you put outward comes back to you. When you laugh or smile does it not encourage people to mirror your happiness?
It’s not easy to change “this old dialogue” but you can take baby steps to alter your mindset into thinking on a more positive note. EVERYONE has something to offer, so clear out the debris blocking love from entering your life.
This needs to be addressed before you can love yourself and also be able to really give yourself to another. That tape recording inside your head has been controlling your thoughts for way too long and it’s time to talk to someone professionally about it.
It’s never too late to do some homework and change up unfulfilling dating patterns that aren’t working. No one is perfect but we are all loveable. It is worth taking the time to understand how important that is to your health and well being.
Please watch this video above to help you to change up what isn’t working in your love life.
Sybersue xo <3
Personal Dating or Relationship Questions for Sybersue? Contact me via https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and text me to set up a video call appt. within 24 hours.