I have recently received emails from men and women with similar dating dilemmas.
The generalized concern is that they are frustrated by repetitive dating games & the constant mixed signals they receive. The claim being made is that both sexes seem to be interested in each other on the first few dates but then begin to act disinterested, start playing hard to get by being unavailable, or simply just walk away without a word.
There are also complaints about people saying they are too busy and can’t commit to making another date for a few weeks. They will then text 3 weeks later at the last minute wanting to meet/hook up. The consensus is that there seems to be a hot and cold attitude taking place. Both sexes, who corresponded with me, want clarity on why their dating life has become such a negative and repetitive problem.
After a few discussions with the men, the common scenario and why they are having a similar dating problem is that they are choosing high-maintenance women who have a sense of entitlement attitude. They are so attracted to their physical appearance that they can’t see anything else. The women I have spoken to have a similar attraction to men. They are choosing to date the same hot bad boys that never amount to a serious, committed partnership.
It seems to be that looks and sexual chemistry take #1 priority and many other wonderful attributes get overlooked.
Both sexes admitted that being sexually attracted to someone was a top priority when dating. They agreed that it was difficult not to repeat the same scenario, even though the short-lived romance always ended the same way. Sexual chemistry is important but shouldn’t be the sole reason you date someone. There needs to be more substance than just choosing the same repetitive scenario with each new person you meet.
At the end of the day, both men & women often want the same things in a potential partnership, but they don’t always realize that.
Everyone just wants to be loved and appreciated, but things become much more complicated than they should be. Many people aren’t being their authentic selves and play so many games rather than just being honest about what they are truly looking for. This attitude has to change before dating becomes a healthy place again.
Here are some of the priorities that you should adhere to when dating someone so that you can eventually meet your life partner. Firstly, above all else, change up who you would normally date that is continuing not to work out for you.
10 Tips to Change Dating Patterns and Remove Mixed Signals
1. Don’t Give Out Too Much Information on the First Few Dates!
You don’t need to put your heart, body & soul on the table with everyone you meet on the first few dates. Being too accommodating and overly eager to please, can be a big turn-off in the early stages! Safety should always come first, so don’t give out too much information before you even know someone. You can make a great first impression just by being your authentic self. Show the interesting and fun side of your personality.
2. Do Not Get Caught up in Playing Dating Games.
Don’t ever take a backseat to another person who is all over the map with what they want. If they are too busy to see you, playing hard to get, or still getting out of a past relationship, move on. These red flags usually show up pretty early, but some people choose to ignore them, which is another big reason they are quickly back out in the dating pool again.
3. Respect Each Other’s Time!
Being late, canceling last minute, or standing someone up on a date is rude, and should not be tolerated! You both have busy lives and should never think that your time is more important than anyone else’s. If you have decided that you do not want to go out on a date with someone, let them know early on so they can make other plans rather than sit waiting at an establishment for an embarrassing no-show. This self-centered behavior has always been a dealbreaker for me.
4. Be Mindful Not to Lead Someone on If You Are Not Interested in Them.
They are not in your life just for a rainy day. If you are not interested in someone, it’s ok to tell them that you don’t feel a connection. It might sting for a moment, but they will move on faster than if you lead them on, keeping them on hold. It is also great etiquette, if you do like them, to let them know that you had a wonderful time on your date and would enjoy seeing them again. Please don’t keep them guessing where they stand.
5. Be Careful Not to Jump into Bed with Them Too Quickly!
Putting yourself out there too early, sexually, can send out a different signal than you may want to project. Sex often changes the expectations in a new connection, especially for women. This could become a one-sided emotional attachment that leaves you feeling like a booty call. Please do not use sex as a manipulative tool. When you have a reciprocated emotional rapport with someone, intimacy is always better than when you are just in it for the “happy ending.“
6. It is Important to Be Aware of How Picky Your Dating Checklist Is.
Make a small checklist with a few boundaries included. Be realistic about what is important and really matters to you. If your demands are too high maintenance or too shallow, you are sabotaging your chance of having a wonderful connection. You may not realize how transparent you come across on a date. Remember that first impressions are lasting impressions!
7. Don’t Be Too Judgmental When Meeting Someone On The First Date.
I think we have all been guilty of this at one point, but it is happening way too often today. Give someone a chance before you make assumptions and judge them too quickly! Unless there is a total disconnect, or they are blatantly rude, go out on at least 2 dates before you make the decision not to see them again.
Many people are shy, nervous, or a little reserved when first meeting someone. Some people are also very new to dating after being in a long-term relationship. A little patience can go a long way to help you meet your special person.
8. Slow Down When It Comes To Showing Too Much Affection or PDA!
Being too clingy or overly affectionate is a sign of control or insecurity, so be careful how touchy/feely you are or what you allow on the initial few dates. Take your time getting to know them, and try not to bombard them with numerous texts, either. Being too aggressive in any form, early on, can be a turn-off for many people.
9. It’s Not One Person’s Job to Pay for Every Single Date.
Dating is expensive, and even more so today. This is one of the reasons I always suggest going on a coffee date first, to see if you even like each other before spending a lot of money. Both sexes should offer to pay or at least contribute every few dates. Times have changed, and women should no longer assume that the man always has to pay.
And guys…don’t complain about high-maintenance women if you keep choosing them. They aren’t hiding anything, so it is your choice to be there. There are plenty of great ladies out there who aren’t just into your wallet, so please don’t paint all women with the same brush. Both sexes should treat each other how they would want to be treated.
10. Sending Out Mixed Signals Does Not Make You Mysterious or Interesting!
Respectful communication is the key to starting any new relationship. Playing mysterious games, or being cryptic or evasive on a date, sends out convoluted messages. No one wants to be a part of these theatrics. If something is uncomfortable or bothering you during the date, it should be discussed & not left to fester. They may not be aware that what they are doing is bothersome to you.
Do not send out mixed signals because you think it keeps them interested in you and wanting more. Playing hard to get is a dishonest approach and a tiring guessing game for the person on the receiving end. You are risking losing them because both sexes are becoming intolerant of this old-school behavior. While it may have worked in the past, people are walking away much faster when dealing with this annoying tactic today.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to be true to your authentic self. There shouldn’t be a lot of questions, no mixed signals, or uncomfortable dates when you are on the right track with a potential partner. You don’t walk away from each encounter wondering if you will see them again. You want to leave the date knowing you will get together because the connection was effortless, and things just naturally flowed between you both!
It is very important to always respect yourself first when it comes to dating or being in a relationship.
How you act on the first few dates sets a precedent on how things will be expected each time you see one another. Never forget to nurture your self-worth and have healthy boundaries before anything else. If you try too hard, come across as needy, or are willing to pull out your wallet at every given chance; you are setting yourself up for a repetitive dating pattern that will keep giving you the same results.
Own your part in why things may not be working out the way you would like, and make the appropriate changes to better your dating life. If you are consistently exasperated with either meeting the wrong people or not dating at all, there may be something that you are doing subconsciously, to sabotage your happiness. This is the time to step back and take a sabbatical from dating anyone.
It is much easier to gain some clarity in your behavior when you remove yourself from the repetitious pattern you have been allowing.
It is never too late to alter what isn’t working and find the love you deserve. When you start to attract like-minded people who are also looking for a partnership, you will understand that all these tough life lessons you endured were worth the process of getting there. No one said finding reciprocated love was easy, but it is pretty special when you eventually end up in a beautiful committed connection.
Thank you, Sybersue xo <3
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me @ dearsybersue@gmail.com and message me there to set up a video or audio call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
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