Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today I discuss Neil’s question: Why Does My Girlfriend Keep Putting Herself down? It’s Driving me Crazy!
Neil is tired of his girlfriend continually pointing out her flaws and insecurities and it is really turning him off! He thinks she is beautiful and tells her often. He wants to be with someone who is confident and who he doesn’t have to reassure all the time.
Her insecurities are taking over any possible romance that he previously felt for her. They have been together for 1 year and things were very good in the beginning. It was a very loving relationship and there was an undeniable reciprocated respect for each other.
Unfortunately, things have deteriorated a lot between them in the last 6 months. Was she just pretending to be the woman he thought she was?
What could have happened?
We all tend to put out our best qualities when we first meet someone that we are interested in. It’s exciting in the beginning and you’re not seeing them every day so you want to offer the best version of yourself to keep them coming back for more.
When someone is constantly looking for affirmation it becomes a full-time job for the person who has to keep reinforcing their partner’s self-worth. It is not up to your boyfriend or girlfriend to make you feel good about yourself on a daily basis.
It is up to you to learn how to love and appreciate who you are.
If you are in a healthy relationship there is no reason for you to feel “less than” anyone else unless something has drastically changed in the dynamics of your partnership.
If you don’t feel safe or you feel squashed in any way by your partner, this needs to be addressed quickly.
If you are going through some emotional baggage left over from another relationship or some trauma or childhood issues that need resolving, please be open about this with your partner. You are committed to them so share your feelings whenever possible if something is troubling you.
They want to be there for you and don’t expect you to handle everything on your own. This goes both ways.
Whatever the scenario may be and if the partnership is to survive, there needs to be some counseling outside the home to get to the root of why this is happening on a continual basis. People usually feel insecure/flawed due to something difficult that has transpired in their life.
We all have moments of self-doubt but it is how we handle those doubts and move past them, that will help us to continue to be our best self throughout the years. You deserve great things, and your partner deserves to see you happy too. They are invested with their love for you.
Please leave your comments below! I will always take time to answer you back.
Sybersue xo <3
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