Dear Sybersue Why Am I Still Feeling Stuck 3 Months After My Breakup?
Dear Sybersue,
Why am I still feeling stuck 3 months after my breakup? My boyfriend cheated on me and then he dumped me abruptly after. Why can’t I just move on? I know I should be over it by now because of how badly he treated me, but I still feel emotionally trapped in all of this.
Why do I still have any feelings for this heartbreaking womanizer? Why was I attracted to a guy like this? Did I miss something in the beginning? Thank you for any advice you have for me.
Janet
Dear Janet,
It is very common to feel this way after any break-up but when you add cheating into the mix, it adds more fuel to the emotional fire you are dealing with. Our ego always plays a part as well and leaves us questioning our self-worth and stirs up insecurities within us.
“Why wasn’t I enough for him? What did I do wrong to make him cheat? Was he more attracted to her than me?“
Janet, any guy who blatantly cheats on his girlfriend and then immediately breaks up with her has probably done this before and will most likely do it again. He doesn’t seem to have a moral conscience which is not a trait you want in your partner.
During the three month mark in the breakup aftermath, you will question so many things, but understand that this is not a permanent phase. It is “part one” of a few stages you will go through. Once you start to get a little pissed off about what transpired in your partnership, that is when you will start to come out on the other side.
I am not advising that you go crazy and lash out at him, but it is important to acknowledge those different feelings and embrace them as a healing tool. You will then finally begin to pull back from repetitively thinking about those “good moments” with your EX and look objectively at who he really is as a person.
You may now be afraid that you will attract this type of guy again so it is imperative to look back and analyze what brought you together with your Ex
- Were there some red flags at the beginning that you ignored?
- Was he a charmer and came in fast with his powerful charisma?
- Did your gut let you know something was off or that maybe he was a little too good to be true?
- Was he a flirt around other women?
- Did any of your friends or family warn you about any negative vibes they had noticed regarding your boyfriend?
It is easy to fall into the net of the romantic casanova so don’t be too hard on yourself with how it happened. There are some really good con-artists out there who even believe their own BS and could also convince their own mother of their sincerity.
Is there is a dating pattern that you may need to alter?
Are you drawn to bad boys or player types? Are you often a low priority in with all of your past boyfriend’s? With each relationship that ends in our life, there are always lessons to learn from. It is how quickly we understand their message that will bring us closer to the love that is right for us.
I have had many clients over the years come to me with hurtful love patterns that they continued to re-live within each new partnership. They just couldn’t comprehend why the same things kept happening to them. It was driving them crazy! (Well we all know Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result!”)
This is one of the reasons that we all need to take some time off after a breakup to reassess what transpired.
Janet, you need to let your heart and mind heal. When we take “a time-out” in our lives, we gain more clarity and begin to choose a much better pathway.
I always suggest using humor whenever possible to get through those tough months by watching something funny each day. Getting outside and staying as busy as possible also helps a lot. The less time you give to the memory of your Ex the faster you will be able to move on from him.
Don’t spend time wondering if he still thinking of you and regrets what he did. Who cares! You do not want him to contact you. I know it is still raw and hurtful right now but you will see very soon how he did you a great service by walking away.
He doesn’t deserve you and you don’t deserve a partner who doesn’t love and adore you unconditionally and respectfully. Trust me when I say that you are now on your way to a much better place after this 3 month reflective path you have endured.
Sybersue xo <3
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