Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

 

o-COUPLE-BREAKING-UP-facebook

Couple leaning against wall.

Things are going along great in your relationship and then you get blindsided by your partner saying things are over and using the cheesy line “it’s not you it’s me!” What the F? You have invested almost 2 years together and without any warning you get the dreaded meeting with your girlfriend/boyfriend. You feel it in your gut that something is wrong, something feels different and your heart starts to thump loudly in your chest like it is ready to explode! The phone call beforehand is the first clue and the tone of their voice clearly states something is off.

In today’s world of technology I guess we should be thankful when someone takes the time to break our heart in person rather than text us the news, but it’s never a good thing when it is not a reciprocated decision!

Seriously though; “it’s not you it’s me!” Really? That’s the big send off after 2 years? That’s all they’ve got?

Is this line supposed to make the person being dumped feel better because their partner is putting the blame on themselves?  Well maybe there is some truth to this because they are the ones missing out on having you in their life so wouldn’t that make sense that theyare the problem?  Or at least that would be nice to believe when you are hurting and wanting the pain to go away.

It’s their loss right? So why does it feel the opposite?

Our egos are very powerful and do not take rejection lightly!  There are emotions and feelings attached to it as well which makes it even harder to just move on without showing any resentment or hurt. (Some people are pretty good at faking it though and seem to move on so fast; but rest assured that no one goes unscathed during any kind of break up!)  Remember that, when you are sitting at home in tears looking at old photos of your past relationship moments! Their turn will come in one way or another, especially if they end up in a new relationship right away! Taking unhealthy emotions into a new partnership when you haven’t spent time healing, will only cause repetitive patterns to emerge.

Denial can be a long life lesson. It is better to grieve a lost love than to pretend it meant nothing to you.

You were in each other’s lives for a reason and something good came out it in one way or another; it just may take some time to see that while you are picking up the pieces of your broken heart.  If someone says it’s not you, believe them!  Regardless of the reason your partnership has ended, you cannot make someone love you and that is the saddest part when you still have a strong love for them. You are in shock and reeling from the wounds of their final words!

If you take time to think about it and you are really being honest with yourself; did you not see some things had changed within your relationship in the past few months?  There are usually a few signs that show up but most of us would rather ignore them or chalk it up to our partner being in a bad mood or that they had a hard day at the office. “They’ll get over it.”

It is always a good idea to pay close attention to your partner and anything that seems a little out of sorts with them. Body language is a big give away and listening to what they say or don’t say is also important. When things are not right in a relationship, there are hints in one way or another.  Being aware of subtle changes within your daily routine together will keep you conscious and mindful of your partner’s feelings and any emotional shifting that may occur.

Seriously Though; “It’s Not You It’s Me!” Really? @susanmccord #BreakUps #Relationships

CLICK TO TWEET 

 Please click on the blue link below to continue reading more:  10 Reasons they may say “it’s not you, it’s me!” 

http://www.theswexperts.com/relationship-breakup-excuse-its-not-you-its-me/

RELATIONSHIP-BREAK-UP-EXCUSE SW Experts Banner

 

 

(Throw Back Thursday) Audition for HGTV Show: Live Here Buy This!

(Throw Back Thursday) Audition for HGTV Show: Live Here Buy This!

I had this video sitting in the archives of my editing files and thought I would post it for #throwbackthursdays! Yes, OMG we auditioned for the HGTV Show “Live Here Buy This” 3-4 years ago and ended up shortlisted for one of the TV spots. In the end we did were not one of the chosen couples but we sure had fun making the video. #TBT Never a dull moment!

What is the show about?

What if you up and sold everything? Where could you afford to live and how? Live Here, Buy This tantalizes homeowners with enviable properties around the world that match the cost of their current home.

In each episode, a couple sees what they can afford in three enticing locations that fit their lifestyle to a “t.” Did you know that for $260,000 you could own a farmhouse in Granada, Spain? Or buy a rustic stone apartment with a spa bathroom in Umbria, Italy? Or if you have a soft spot for Southern hospitality you could own a 3 bedroom cottage with a huge backyard in South Carolina?

Live Here Buy This makes your life-long fantasy a tangible reality. We’ll show you what your life could look like in paradise!

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!!

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!!

Why do I Always go for the Bad Boys?

Why do I Always go for the Bad Boys?

Dear Sybersue:

I have been dating my boyfriend Andrew exclusively for 1 year now and I really do love him. He is ready to take the next step and move in together but I am questioning whether we are a good match for a long term commitment. He is the ultimate nice guy and is everything a girl would want! He really is a perfect boyfriend. I never have to question things or try to figure him out because he is always so even keeled and non confrontational. Our sex life is good; a little on the vanilla side but I am very attracted to him physically!

The problem is:

I am used to bad boys and really miss the excitement of it all! I am 31 years old and should be ready for a real relationship by now, but there is something that keeps pulling me back from wanting a normal conventional existence with one guy. I miss the intensity of bad boy sex and spontaneous get-togethers from my past a year ago. I know I should be thankful that I have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally without all the B.S. of a guy who is only there for a “good time not a long time,” but I admit I am a little bored with Andrew.

What do you suggest I do?

Thanks Sybersue, April84

Dear April,

Have you ever thought about what it would be like for you not to have Andrew in your life? Are you possibly taking him for granted because he is always available and there for you? Maybe you are used to the up and down drama from your past “bad boy relationships” and miss that intensity of the constant mystery. Are you really OK with your past booty call lifestyle and can you see that continuing on for the rest of your life? If your sex-life is too vanilla with Andrew then you need to discuss ways to spice it up. Tell him what you like and take the initiative to change it. Most guys are pretty open to new things in the bedroom!

Click here to read the rest of Dear Sybersue’s answer

dear-sybersue-my-bf-is-a-nice-guy-but-i-like-bad-boys SWSusan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

The Do’s and Don’ts of Daily Human Etiquette~“Be Kind to One Another!”

The Do’s and Don’ts of Daily Human Etiquette~“Be Kind to One Another!”

"What The World Needs Now is Love"

“What The World Needs Now is Love”

The Do’s and Don’ts of Daily Human Etiquette ~ “Be Kind to One Another!”

Talk Show Host Ellen DeGeneres has a tag line she repeats at the end of every show; “Be Kind to one Another.” It is a simple yet important statement from this popular celebrity because we ALL need to think about our actions toward others who we come in contact with on a daily basis. Ellen has the incredible power to reach millions of people and to share important messages for them to think about. She also shows an incredible compassion for many people and organizations who are less fortunate and often helps them out on her show.  Is Ellen making a difference in her quest for kindness in the world and can one person really make an impact on people’s attitude?

Absolutely they can!

Ellen uses comedy and compassion in much of her show content which allows people to be comforted and relaxed for that one hour a day. Can you imagine how much better the world would be if we all thought and acted just a little bit more like her?

The simple human behaviors are dwindling away and we are becoming a much more self absorbed society with less regard for others around us. This has to change and we can start to do this by changing the little things we have all forgotten about. The computer age has made us retreat from “face to face” connections and we all need to remember how to interact to each other with kindness.

I want to end this post on a positive note so I will start with The Etiquette Don’ts first:

  1. Be aware of who is around you and respect their space! This should be a given but it is amazing how many people do not look behind them when they attend an event or any outing at all.  They stand in front of someone who was there before them or barge into lineups. Wait your turn!
  2. Driving your car: Do not turn left at the last minute; do not drive in the fast lane at a slow pace; don’t pick your nose while driving ~ sorry I had to say this; don’t tail gate other drivers due to road rage and do not pull past the stop sign so your car is hanging out in oncoming traffic! Let people merge in once in awhile, don’t speed up so they can’t get in.
  3. Dog Owners: Do not tie your dog up outside ANY establishment and let them bark. There is no need for a dog to bark continuously if they are trained properly. That said, get them trained. Pick up your dog’s poop! If your dog is unpredictable put a muzzle on them in public as a protection for other dogs they come in contact with. Do not leave them shut in condos or houses barking all day. Get a dog walker or bark collar. Your neighbours shouldn’t have to listen to it. Your dog is in distress so do something about it as a good owner should.
  4. Help someone who is trying to get through a door with their hands full. Who ever gets to the door first; hold it for the person behind you! I cannot tell you how many young kids today don’t even look behind them.
  5. Manners need to be addressed: Reply to any invite you receive! Don’t be late for anything without proper notice to who you are meeting; Do not bail on people at the last minute leaving them hanging; it’s not all about you. Never go to someone’s house for dinner or party empty handed. Follow up every invite with a thank you email or phone call. Don’t say you will attend something and then not show up ~ this includes a wedding! It is shocking how many people do this!
  6. Pedestrians: Cars are bigger than you! They have the right away. Follow the walk signs and do not start walking when it says not to. This blocks traffic and causes jams because the cars can’t get through.
  7. Don’t take up space for 2 or more people when in a confined area like a sauna, yoga studio, movie theater or a crowded coffee shop. Sitting at a table for 6 when you are alone is selfish. Invite others to sit with you if that is the only spot left.
  8. Don’t be one of those neighbors! Be friendly and careful about noise levels of stereos, kids or pets on balconies/backyards too early in the morning or loudly talking late night in the hallways of condos or hotels. If you’re planning a party let them know ahead of time and maybe invite them to attend it.
  9. Don’t expect your colleagues to work harder than you for the same salary. Calling in sick or being late on a regular basis puts more stress on everyone at the office.
  10. Don’t take your friends, family or loved ones for granted! Nurture these special relationships on a daily basis.

The Do’s of Daily Human Etiquette:

  1. Smile and say hi to people you pass on the street, that you sit near at a restaurant or at any event you attend.
  2. Be happy for people who achieve their goals or milestones and acknowledge them. Being around others who are ambitious and positive is contagious!
  3. Do or say something nice to someone everyday! It not only makes them feel good it makes you feel good to see them smile and appreciate your gesture.
  4. Help people feel comfortable when they are new to a situation.
  5. Be aware of people with special needs. Smile, make eye contact with them and help them if you can see they need assistance.
  6. Don’t be afraid to speak up and protect someone who is being treated badly by another person. The same thing applies if you feel you are being disrespected. We can all be teachers in the simplest ways. Use a diplomatic approach and make them think about what they did.
  7. Spare some time to be of service to a charity or group environment that needs help. Paying it forward is a wonderful thing. Get others involved by making them aware of how rewarding it is.
  8. Always remember where you came from regardless of how successful you are. Treat people well and never forget that life throws curveballs to everyone. We all need a mentor or someone who believes in us and gives us a chance.
  9. Literally respect your elders! They are not invisible and should never be treated as so. Older generations paved the way for our freedom so always be thankful for their sacrifices. Take the time to talk to seniors whenever possible. Some of them do not have family and many of their friends have passed on. They can be very lonely.
  10. Everyone has insecurities so rather than be jealous of someone who you think who has everything, be aware that they also have “stuff’ that isn’t perfect. Assumptions are dangerous and keep a person in a narrow minded place. Being positive and taking yourself out of negative scenarios will keep you focused on the good things life has to offer.

“Treat each other how you want to be treated” is an old and very wise cliché that needs to be practised on a regular basis. We are forgetting how to be supportive to others and spending too much time worrying about our own survival. The world is changing and the need for power in certain Countries is very overwhelming. We all need to fight back even in the smallest ways, to keep humanity in a respectable place. If everyone puts in a little effort every day we can change the attitude of people around the world but we need everyone to do their part. Don’t ignore it; be proactive and make a difference.

As the song says: What the World Needs Now is Love

1965 popular song with lyrics by Hal David and music composed by Burt Bacharach

“What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. What the world needs now is love, sweet love…No not just for some but for everyone!”

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Relationship Advice: Why do People Jump in so Fast to a New Relationship and Run Away Just as Fast?

Dear Sybersue is a Funny & Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord Discusses: Why do People Jump in Fast to a New Relationship and then Jump out of it Just as Fast!

This type of dating scenario is happening a lot these days and many men and women are getting very hurt & frustrated about it. How are you supposed to trust someone when everything is going so well between the two of you and then all of a sudden it just ends after 3-6 months? They just move on and you are left scratching your head and wondering what the Hell you did wrong?? The sad part is that they don’t even give a valid reason for their abrupt departure so it makes it very difficult to close the door on the relationship. People need closure! It is very demoralizing and damaging to one’s self esteem when a partnership ends so harshly.

When you first enter into a potential relationship be very careful to pull back on the reins no matter how perfect a fit it is in the early stages!  When things are so damn good we all have the tendency to jump in on all fours but don’t realize we are setting ourselves up for that “freak out” moment that will come soon enough! We all give the best part of ourselves when we are with a new partner but unfortunately that doesn’t hold up forever. Everyone has mood swings and quirky moments but when everything has been perfect up until this happens, it makes some people run in the opposite direction! “See I knew it was too good to be true!”

Both men and women are guilty of this and only want to be in a relationship that is exceptional and completely drama free. It is now becoming a big problem. We all need to slow down and not expect perfection, not be a coward and run away & we need to take our time exploring a new love interest. If we put each other on a pedestal too soon, the only place for them to go is down. Take your time and enjoy them at a nice pace and leave the unrealistic expectations out of the equation.

Has this happened to you? Please leave your comments below. 🙂

Susan McCord http://www.sybersue.com
http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Top 5 Free Dates Every Nice Guy Should Know  ( A Post by NiceGuyDating)

Top 5 Free Dates Every Nice Guy Should Know ( A Post by NiceGuyDating)

Top 5 Free Dates Every Nice Guy Should Know

top 5 free dates every nice guy should know

Recently, I received a question on Twitter:

“Where can you go on a date without paying?”

Blows my mind.  At this stage, I’m not even going to be nice about hiding my astonishment.  If I try really really really hard, I can put myself in my old shoes and think about where this idea that dates are about money comes from.

I can think about my own out-dated psychology about having a scarcity mindset and wanting to impress women.  Thinking that dates are about money, and that dates require impressing a woman, by means of taking her somewhere expensive.

I haven’t taken a woman on an expensive date who didn’t deserve it in over 3 years.

Most of my first dates are absolutely free, and if they cost anything it’s the price of tea or coffee at a local coffee shop.  Sometimes if the girl can’t meet until later in the evening, then we’ll grab drinks, but I’m still not spending any more than necessary.

Second dates can go up in price a bit depending on what we’re doing, but still not extravagant, which just makes sense.  We’re seeing each other a second time, so of course the investment goes up, but it doesn’t have to be a monetary investment.

Top 5 Free Dates Every Nice Guy Should Know

The point is not to show her that I’m amazing, the point is to find out if we both feel amazing together.

Dates are about connection.

The question isn’t, “where can you go on a date without paying?”, the question is, “how can I build a connection with this person?”

Now, the options open up, and the flood gates let loose.

There are three criterion for your date:

  1. Free
  2. Takes up at least an hour
  3. Builds connection

If it falls into those three categories, then you’re good to go.

Here are the top 5 best free dates every nice guy should know, just to get you started:

Going for a walk

Hands down, this is my first date.

I will meet her at a coffee shop and then immediately suggest we go for a walk.  If she declines, I decline the whole date.  If she accepts, then we go on our way.

Studies have shown that, blah blah blah.  You don’t care about studies, and neither do I.

Friends walk together, interrogations and job interviews happen across tables.

You don’t need a study to understand the truth of your own life.

Going for a walk ANYWHERE is free, takes up at least an hour, and builds a connection.

Read the rest of the article on SWExperts by clicking here.

nice guy datingKevin Alexander and I both write for theswexperts.com and are fellow Canadians. I live in Vancouver while Kevin resides in Edmonton Alberta. We both love what we do with our dating and relationship advice talk shows and are very passionate about it! Check out Kevin’s Podcasts on his website at Niceguydating!

I married a nice guy (the second time around) and I love it! Why do women want all the drama of a bad boy?  Kevin’s website tagline says “Where Nice Guys Finish First” and I happen to agree with him. They do! ❤

Check out My Dear Sybersue Youtube Talk Show to view over 300 videos!

Acceptance of Your Mate: The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins & Dear Sybersue

Acceptance of Your Mate: The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins & Dear Sybersue

The Love Channel Radio Show

The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins

Click Here to listen to the Full Radio Show 

Topic: “Acceptance of your Mate”

1) Pamela’s Question: What is causing the divorce rate to be so high and are we giving up too soon due to unrealistic expectations?

Susan’s Answer:

The divorce rate is high because people do not have to stay where they are not happy anymore. Divorce was severely shunned on back in the day. Women were expected to stay home and very few ladies had a career; therefore they were reliant on their husband’s finances regardless of how the relationship was progressing. They had no place to go if they were unhappy so many women made the best of their situation. Things have changed and women have more choices today which has changed the wifely duties of the past.

In answer to part 2 of your question; yes, I think there is truth to the fact that some people are giving up on their relationships too soon. They think the grass is greener on the other side when things aren’t perfect at home and the unrealistic checklists that many men and women have today are the big problem with this scenario. They want it all and their expectations are way over the top. They just take the same thing into their next relationship because they don’t understand they are the one that needs to change their behavior.

On the other side of the coin, I think there are just as many people who do everything they can to try to keep their marriages together.  There are also many more men willing to go to counselling now than in the past where it was predominantly women seeking outside help. Men were always told to keep their emotions “in check” but today things are different and the old school mentality is changing. Contrary to what many women think, they are a great number of guys who believe in marriage/commitment and want a loving partner to come home to every night.

2) Pamela’s Question: Why do so many men & women constantly complain about each other today?

Susan’s Answer:

I think there are a lot of men and women that very unhappy with themselves and where they are in their lives right now. There is a lot more financial pressure on people today. They feel beaten up trying to pay astronomical rents, buy a house, pay for expensive University fees and just dealing with the lack of people to people contact in today’s “hide behind the computer” world! They find the smallest reasons to sabotage any chance at a relationship because their self esteem needs some love and attention. They start to become pessimistic because everything is a fight to make happen. (Unless of course they have family support or they are a trust fund kid.) When people are always complaining or saying negative things, they are generally not happy with who they are! They point fingers at other people to avoid pointing it at themselves.

People give up too easily and blame everyone around them when things don’t work out!  The big problem is; the more they chose to be a negative person the longer they will be single, because no one wants to listen to the constant bantering of why they can’t meet someone! Painting each sex with the same negative brush will not get you closer to meeting someone of substance because you are repelling your chance of happiness right back out into the black wall of loneliness. We all need to look in the mirror and own our crap.

Both sexes are in denial these days because we are all so much pickier and judgmental than we have ever been. One quick swipe on the tinder app we are onto the next person without taking the time to see anything else about who they might be. Looks are everything these days!

3) Pamela’s Question: What does acceptance really entail in a relationship?

Susan’s Answer:

You love them for who they are in all capacities ~ even their quirks. You get excited for them when they accomplish their goals. You are happy to be by their side and show your support even at boring business dinners or cheer them on at whatever they are doing. You encourage them at every step and want them to be even more of who they are. You don’t try to squash them. This must be a reciprocated acceptance for the longevity of a healthy and loving relationship.

4) Pamela’s Question: How do we keep appreciating each other as the years go by and how do we deal with those little things that are starting to annoy us?

Susan’s Answer:

You must work hard to keep your relationship fresh and not allow the small things to take over your relationship! When you respect each other and remember the good things in your partnership; this will always outweigh the little aggravations that nip at you annoyingly.

  • Start each day on a positive note. Say something nice to one another every day.
  • Leave thoughtful notes or texts throughout the day.
  • Have one hobby or sport you do separately from each other to have time away by yourself which will give you time to miss each other. When you are always in each other’s face it can be too much sometimes.
  • Communicate! The little things build up because we are not listening to our partners!! Don’t ignore them.
  • Respect your partner & your surroundings. Pick your wet towels & dirty laundry up from the floor, don’t dry your underwear on the shower rail for days on end, don’t put the milk back in the fridge empty and always replace the toilet paper roll! You must have heard of the divorce term “Irreconcilable Differences? For the most part they are repetitive things that keep happening in your relationship. Just because you have been together for a long time is not a reason to stop being a good roommate. If you started slacking off at work you could get fired; same thing at home!

5) Pamela’s Question: What are some great ways to remind ourselves of how special our partner is even when we are very frustrated with them?

Susan’s Answer:

Look at some old photos of happy times together or take an evening away from them to reflect about the good things in your relationship. Watch other couples interact and remind yourself how lucky you are.  Keep a little diary of all the special things you have shared and re-read it every so often. Memories are a wonderful tool to help remind you of the reason you & your partner chose to be together.  Never let the frustration get too big without talking to them about it. Some couples break up with one person never knowing what the Hell happened! I cannot stress it enough how important it is to communicate before it’s too late to salvage your partnership.

6) Pamela’s Question: When do we know that something is not acceptable anymore and is causing us to put our own life on a lower priority?

Susan’s Answer:

It’s a good thing to put your partner first but not at a huge expense of your own happiness. It must be reciprocated for the relationship to keep growing or it will become very unbalanced.  If one person is doing all the compromising it is not a loving partnership, it is a selfish one. When something is too easy many people get bored and move on to something else. If you are a constant doormat and doing everything for your significant other and putting your own needs on hold, you will never get the respect you are looking for with them. Little challenges in life are what keep us motivated but when it is too available we take it for granted.

7) Pamela’s Question: How do we know that we are in a healthy relationship?

Susan’s Answer:

Because when you are in a great relationship it isn’t a lot of work and very little drama occurs. It flows. To make a partnership work, acceptance and appreciation of each other’s choices must be discussed with compromises in place. It is not about just loving them regardless of how they live their life.  It is a partnership that brings love and respect on an equal footing. There is no sarcasm, no jealousy, no snarky or abusive comments and you’re excited to be together regardless of how many years have gone by. It just feels right and there aren’t any questions.

Check out Susan’s Videos at Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show                                                                                Pamela Cummins @ The Love Channel Show