Relationship: My Buddy Saw My Girlfriend on a Dating Site!

Relationship: My Buddy Saw My Girlfriend on a Dating Site!

Dear Sybersue answers Scott’s question about his girlfriend Sandra being seen on a dating site by one of his best friends! They have been living together for 2 years! He is in love with her and is very hurt about hearing this upsetting news today.

Scott thought everything was going great! WTF?

They do not have an open relationship and he is exclusively committed to Sandra. He hasn’t confronted her yet because he is trying to make sense of how this could happen.

Did he do something wrong? Is their sex life an issue? Were there some red flags that he ignored? She has shown no indication of being unhappy or discussed any problems with Scott.

Could the information be wrong?

What are your thoughts? How should he confront her? I think most of us would say he should he dump her sorry ass, but he at least needs to hear her side of the story beforehand.

Please leave your comments below & if this has happened to you or know someone this has happened to how did they handle the situation?

Susan McCord @ The Dearsybersue Talk Show
Dear Sybersue Facebook page
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I Married a Mountain Man but I’m a City Girl!

I Married a Mountain Man but I’m a City Girl!

Dear Sybersue does something a little out of the box today and talks about her own relationship.

How do you make a partnership work when you both enjoy different activities? When one of you is more extroverted than the other? Opposites attract but seldom stay together; so… can you compromise as a couple?

To maintain happiness in any relationship both people in the partnership need to make a continual effort and make each other a priority. That doesn’t mean you are together 24/7 or that you put your passions on the back burner; it means that your communication with them is reciprocated and respected.

You find a healthy way to be there for each other & make time for your own needs as well.

When we give up too much of ourselves while in a committed relationship that is the beginning of a downward spiral for many couples. Resentment then starts to play a big part in your everyday existence. This is one of the main reasons some people are opposed to being in a long term commitment! They feel trapped but it doesn’t have to be that way.

You don’t have to become another breakup statistic if you are really paying attention & listening to your partner. Do you really want to live with someone exactly like you??? Wouldn’t that be boring?

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You obviously don’t want to be at complete opposite ends of the spectrum but having a few interests that differ from your partner is a good thing. It’s healthy and gives you a freedom that many people lose when they become a couple.

When you grow together & keep trying new things, the diversity will be the key to a long & happy union. Embrace the differences that you both bring to the relationship! Who knows, you may try something new and actually enjoy it!

Susan McCord @ facebook/dearsybersue
Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column
Dear Sybersue Talk Show

#TBT Relationships: 10 Things Men Wish Women Wouldn’t Do

Talk Show Co-Host Steve discusses the 10 things men wish women wouldn’t do!

Some relationships can become mundane or repetitive and men complain that they can lose interest in their partner because of it. (The same goes for women too but this video is all about a man’s opinion. Susan has her turn later. 🙂 )

Both sexes need to be aware of the little things they do that can annoy their partner over time. Understanding and appreciating the gender characteristics can make a big difference in the dynamics of a long term relationship.

Men and women are not the same and once we learn how to give up trying to change each other and respect each others qualities, is when we will be very happy in our partnerships. ❤

Susan McCord @ facebook/DearSybersue

Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show

Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

 

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Couple leaning against wall.

Things are going along great in your relationship and then you get blindsided by your partner saying things are over and using the cheesy line “it’s not you it’s me!” What the F? You have invested almost 2 years together and without any warning you get the dreaded meeting with your girlfriend/boyfriend. You feel it in your gut that something is wrong, something feels different and your heart starts to thump loudly in your chest like it is ready to explode! The phone call beforehand is the first clue and the tone of their voice clearly states something is off.

In today’s world of technology I guess we should be thankful when someone takes the time to break our heart in person rather than text us the news, but it’s never a good thing when it is not a reciprocated decision!

Seriously though; “it’s not you it’s me!” Really? That’s the big send off after 2 years? That’s all they’ve got?

Is this line supposed to make the person being dumped feel better because their partner is putting the blame on themselves?  Well maybe there is some truth to this because they are the ones missing out on having you in their life so wouldn’t that make sense that theyare the problem?  Or at least that would be nice to believe when you are hurting and wanting the pain to go away.

It’s their loss right? So why does it feel the opposite?

Our egos are very powerful and do not take rejection lightly!  There are emotions and feelings attached to it as well which makes it even harder to just move on without showing any resentment or hurt. (Some people are pretty good at faking it though and seem to move on so fast; but rest assured that no one goes unscathed during any kind of break up!)  Remember that, when you are sitting at home in tears looking at old photos of your past relationship moments! Their turn will come in one way or another, especially if they end up in a new relationship right away! Taking unhealthy emotions into a new partnership when you haven’t spent time healing, will only cause repetitive patterns to emerge.

Denial can be a long life lesson. It is better to grieve a lost love than to pretend it meant nothing to you.

You were in each other’s lives for a reason and something good came out it in one way or another; it just may take some time to see that while you are picking up the pieces of your broken heart.  If someone says it’s not you, believe them!  Regardless of the reason your partnership has ended, you cannot make someone love you and that is the saddest part when you still have a strong love for them. You are in shock and reeling from the wounds of their final words!

If you take time to think about it and you are really being honest with yourself; did you not see some things had changed within your relationship in the past few months?  There are usually a few signs that show up but most of us would rather ignore them or chalk it up to our partner being in a bad mood or that they had a hard day at the office. “They’ll get over it.”

It is always a good idea to pay close attention to your partner and anything that seems a little out of sorts with them. Body language is a big give away and listening to what they say or don’t say is also important. When things are not right in a relationship, there are hints in one way or another.  Being aware of subtle changes within your daily routine together will keep you conscious and mindful of your partner’s feelings and any emotional shifting that may occur.

Seriously Though; “It’s Not You It’s Me!” Really? @susanmccord #BreakUps #Relationships

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 Please click on the blue link below to continue reading more:  10 Reasons they may say “it’s not you, it’s me!” 

http://www.theswexperts.com/relationship-breakup-excuse-its-not-you-its-me/

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Acceptance of Your Mate: The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins & Dear Sybersue

Acceptance of Your Mate: The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins & Dear Sybersue

The Love Channel Radio Show

The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins

Click Here to listen to the Full Radio Show 

Topic: “Acceptance of your Mate”

1) Pamela’s Question: What is causing the divorce rate to be so high and are we giving up too soon due to unrealistic expectations?

Susan’s Answer:

The divorce rate is high because people do not have to stay where they are not happy anymore. Divorce was severely shunned on back in the day. Women were expected to stay home and very few ladies had a career; therefore they were reliant on their husband’s finances regardless of how the relationship was progressing. They had no place to go if they were unhappy so many women made the best of their situation. Things have changed and women have more choices today which has changed the wifely duties of the past.

In answer to part 2 of your question; yes, I think there is truth to the fact that some people are giving up on their relationships too soon. They think the grass is greener on the other side when things aren’t perfect at home and the unrealistic checklists that many men and women have today are the big problem with this scenario. They want it all and their expectations are way over the top. They just take the same thing into their next relationship because they don’t understand they are the one that needs to change their behavior.

On the other side of the coin, I think there are just as many people who do everything they can to try to keep their marriages together.  There are also many more men willing to go to counselling now than in the past where it was predominantly women seeking outside help. Men were always told to keep their emotions “in check” but today things are different and the old school mentality is changing. Contrary to what many women think, they are a great number of guys who believe in marriage/commitment and want a loving partner to come home to every night.

2) Pamela’s Question: Why do so many men & women constantly complain about each other today?

Susan’s Answer:

I think there are a lot of men and women that very unhappy with themselves and where they are in their lives right now. There is a lot more financial pressure on people today. They feel beaten up trying to pay astronomical rents, buy a house, pay for expensive University fees and just dealing with the lack of people to people contact in today’s “hide behind the computer” world! They find the smallest reasons to sabotage any chance at a relationship because their self esteem needs some love and attention. They start to become pessimistic because everything is a fight to make happen. (Unless of course they have family support or they are a trust fund kid.) When people are always complaining or saying negative things, they are generally not happy with who they are! They point fingers at other people to avoid pointing it at themselves.

People give up too easily and blame everyone around them when things don’t work out!  The big problem is; the more they chose to be a negative person the longer they will be single, because no one wants to listen to the constant bantering of why they can’t meet someone! Painting each sex with the same negative brush will not get you closer to meeting someone of substance because you are repelling your chance of happiness right back out into the black wall of loneliness. We all need to look in the mirror and own our crap.

Both sexes are in denial these days because we are all so much pickier and judgmental than we have ever been. One quick swipe on the tinder app we are onto the next person without taking the time to see anything else about who they might be. Looks are everything these days!

3) Pamela’s Question: What does acceptance really entail in a relationship?

Susan’s Answer:

You love them for who they are in all capacities ~ even their quirks. You get excited for them when they accomplish their goals. You are happy to be by their side and show your support even at boring business dinners or cheer them on at whatever they are doing. You encourage them at every step and want them to be even more of who they are. You don’t try to squash them. This must be a reciprocated acceptance for the longevity of a healthy and loving relationship.

4) Pamela’s Question: How do we keep appreciating each other as the years go by and how do we deal with those little things that are starting to annoy us?

Susan’s Answer:

You must work hard to keep your relationship fresh and not allow the small things to take over your relationship! When you respect each other and remember the good things in your partnership; this will always outweigh the little aggravations that nip at you annoyingly.

  • Start each day on a positive note. Say something nice to one another every day.
  • Leave thoughtful notes or texts throughout the day.
  • Have one hobby or sport you do separately from each other to have time away by yourself which will give you time to miss each other. When you are always in each other’s face it can be too much sometimes.
  • Communicate! The little things build up because we are not listening to our partners!! Don’t ignore them.
  • Respect your partner & your surroundings. Pick your wet towels & dirty laundry up from the floor, don’t dry your underwear on the shower rail for days on end, don’t put the milk back in the fridge empty and always replace the toilet paper roll! You must have heard of the divorce term “Irreconcilable Differences? For the most part they are repetitive things that keep happening in your relationship. Just because you have been together for a long time is not a reason to stop being a good roommate. If you started slacking off at work you could get fired; same thing at home!

5) Pamela’s Question: What are some great ways to remind ourselves of how special our partner is even when we are very frustrated with them?

Susan’s Answer:

Look at some old photos of happy times together or take an evening away from them to reflect about the good things in your relationship. Watch other couples interact and remind yourself how lucky you are.  Keep a little diary of all the special things you have shared and re-read it every so often. Memories are a wonderful tool to help remind you of the reason you & your partner chose to be together.  Never let the frustration get too big without talking to them about it. Some couples break up with one person never knowing what the Hell happened! I cannot stress it enough how important it is to communicate before it’s too late to salvage your partnership.

6) Pamela’s Question: When do we know that something is not acceptable anymore and is causing us to put our own life on a lower priority?

Susan’s Answer:

It’s a good thing to put your partner first but not at a huge expense of your own happiness. It must be reciprocated for the relationship to keep growing or it will become very unbalanced.  If one person is doing all the compromising it is not a loving partnership, it is a selfish one. When something is too easy many people get bored and move on to something else. If you are a constant doormat and doing everything for your significant other and putting your own needs on hold, you will never get the respect you are looking for with them. Little challenges in life are what keep us motivated but when it is too available we take it for granted.

7) Pamela’s Question: How do we know that we are in a healthy relationship?

Susan’s Answer:

Because when you are in a great relationship it isn’t a lot of work and very little drama occurs. It flows. To make a partnership work, acceptance and appreciation of each other’s choices must be discussed with compromises in place. It is not about just loving them regardless of how they live their life.  It is a partnership that brings love and respect on an equal footing. There is no sarcasm, no jealousy, no snarky or abusive comments and you’re excited to be together regardless of how many years have gone by. It just feels right and there aren’t any questions.

Check out Susan’s Videos at Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show                                                                                Pamela Cummins @ The Love Channel Show