Is Your Online Dating Profile Turning People Off?

Would you like to have a relationship but never seem to find the right person on any dating site that you have a connection with?

Online dating can be really frustrating and take a toll on your self esteem! It might be time to tweak your profile description & your photo selection to show who you really are; not someone you think they want!

No one wants a fake person and how long can you play that game for after they meet you in person? Stop the BS and be genuine! Do you want to meet someone who is phoney and embellishing who they are? I don’t think you do…so don’t be that person then.

Attracting love in your life starts with being true to who you are.

If you are playing a different persona you will also attract that towards you. If you want a partnership that has substance and longevity, being authentic with who you are is extremely important.

You are not looking for an opposite love interest, you are looking for unconditional compatibility in a committed relationship, right?

So then it is imperative to be honest and sincere if you want the same thing in return. It’s never too late to change up dating patterns that aren’t working and it’s never too late to have love in your life.

Change your attitude, change your thinking and allow your heart to be truthfully open. You are fabulous just the way you are!  ❤

What have you experienced with online dating? Has it worked for you?

Please leave your comments below to help others have a better dating experience.

Susan McCord @ facebook.com/dearsybersue
Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel

 

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Millennial’s & Dating

Talk Show Host Dear Sybersue and Guest Co-host Andrea Wesley discuss how difficult dating is for Millennials these days! What’s going on? Do people have too big a checklist and are they too picky? Why is sex & hooking up expected on the first date and who made up that rule?

Is online dating and social media the main issue? What do you think the biggest problems are for the millennial age group?

Please leave your comments below.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com    facebook.com/DearSybersue
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.thebolde.com/author/andrea-wesley/

 

Why Dating isn’t a “Game” & How Men Should Really be “Playing”it.

Why Dating isn’t a “Game” & How Men Should Really be “Playing”it.

pixabay loving couple-498484_960_720

“Both sexes constantly rant that dating is all one big game! “He only wants sex” and “she is a materialistic gold digger!” How often have you said these exact lines to your friends complaining about the lack of potential partner availability?”

Dating doesn’t have to suck!

Guys; you need to be your authentic self and show women how amazing you are. You are not a stereotypical man lumped into the category: “All men are the same!”

Saying that; all women are not the same either and if you want to meet that special lady to eventually share your life with; you have to be ready and open, to allow her to come into your life.

I know you’ve tried over and over again and nothing, nada, zilch has happened to make you stand up, take notice and believe that there is a woman out there for you. Have you ever thought that you could be stuck in a dating pattern?

Is it possible that you may be a little guilty of choosing the same type of woman that doesn’t work for you? Or are you too quick to make assumptions about a woman and who you think she is before you talk to her? (I have definitely had some of my own judgemental moments in that department during my past dating experiences!)

I have had many exasperated men reach out to my advice column with their frustration towards women. “I can’t find any quality women to date!”

Do you really believe that there are no good women out there or is it a two-sided situation with both sexes contributing equally? You may not even be aware of how often your own words or thoughts may have put you into the “game zone” of dating.

  • Do you like the chase or challenge with a woman?
  • Do you find yourself waiting for over a week before you text or call a woman for a second date?
  • Are you playing the bad boy routine because you think nice guys always finish last?
  • Are you sexually active on the first few dates and then ghost women (run away) when you lose interest?

Be aware of the type of woman you are attracting.

Do you have a similar type? Is she trophy wife good looking and takes 2 hours to get ready? Is she high maintenance, a game player or evasive towards you? If your love life is in a lull at the moment, it may be time to start analyzing your choices. You may not realize you are dating the same type of woman that doesn’t work out for you.

Switch it up! You like to fix broken things right? So do it in your personal life too.

Are you a very visual man and “looks” are the highest priority on your dating checklist? This can eliminate some amazing women that may not be a perfect 10 but who could be very compatible with you.

I am not saying you should overlook having a chemistry with someone you just met but don’t write a woman off because she is not “super model” beautiful or doesn’t reek of sexual pheromones.

Learn to stand out by not playing games:

  1. When you are serious and ready to meet a wonderful woman, get yourself out to as many activities or events as possible. While online dating is a great resource, there is nothing that teaches you how to interact with women better than talking to them in person.
  2. It can be a scary and intimidating place at first so take baby steps by just smiling or saying hi to women you see in a coffee shop, event or at a restaurant. They don’t have to be someone you are interested in. Just be friendly and slowly get used to communicating with others.
  3. Practice makes perfect!
  4. Stay away from the women that haven’t worked for you in the past and put your attention towards someone you might not normally date.  You don’t have to ask every girl out that you have a conversation with.
  5. You may be surprised how much you will enjoy chatting with women that are not your usual checklist type.
  6. Get used to being friendly with both men and women everywhere you go. Really try not to make early judgements and look at each person individually. If your gut screams out “NO” to you then listen to it and move on. You don’t have to spend time with people who you don’t feel safe with or have any connection to.
  7. When you do ask a woman out; be yourself.
  8. Be honest with what you say to her and not what you think she wants to hear. Be a gentleman. Be real. Follow through with date plans, don’t be late or reschedule, put any first date sexual expectations on hold, show confidence and make sure the conversation is reciprocated and interesting.
  9. Humor always adds a relaxed vibe to the date and ensures a comfort zone early on.
  10. If you want to see her again, tell her that. No games! Call her the next day and thank her for the great evening. It shows strength to a woman when you respond without worrying about all the archaic dating rules of when you should or shouldn’t call.

Dating can be a lot of fun! Men who understand that all women have something unique to offer and are beautiful in their own way are the ones that end up the happiest down the long road of romance.  Don’t let that incredible lady get away because you categorized her into the “no date” zone too quickly.

We all have flaws and insecurities and no one is better than anyone else.

Try not to sabotage your love-life due to fear, games or stifling thoughts and get yourself out there to meet the woman you deserve to have in your world.

You are worthy of love and all you have to do is to gradually let down your guard and shake off those cobwebs of past thinking to bring it towards you.  No one said relationships were easy but by adding new beliefs and removing old patterns will definitely put you on a brighter path of optimism in all aspects of your life.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com

Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

The Dear Sybersue Talk Show YouTube @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Are you Addicted to Online Dating?

Many people only date through online resources. This is mainly due to age, time and busy careers. (You don’t even have to dress for the occasion unless you’re socializing with them through a Web cam.) It is almost too easy and this is what causes the addiction. It can be very exciting for some people who have always had a minimal personal life. All of a sudden they are getting 5 to 10 e-mails a day from prospective dates! Hello! What’s not to like??

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Online Dating Can be Frustrating but it Isn’t the Only Dating Platform

Remain Positive & Love Can Happen

Remain Positive & Love Can Happen

Meeting a potential life partner seems to be a big dilemma these days especially in Vancouver.  So many things have changed in the dating world leaving men & women questioning what they are supposed to do!

There is always a new dating app or online website to join so how is anyone supposed to know what to do with so many options?  To top it all off dating may have become even more confusing with the recent release of the Movie 50 Shades of Grey. Seriously, now what?  Are there new rules and is “romantic love making vanilla sex” something women are not interested in at all anymore? Should men all be renovating their bedrooms with new apparatuses and painting it red?

I have had many men write my advice column asking me why women are sending out so many mixed signals?  They come across tough like they don’t need a man in their life, yet they say are looking for a committed relationship!  Women say the same thing about men, so how will finding a loving partner, ever work with this jaded outlook from both sexes?  Is everyone pretending to be someone they aren’t just to fit in to whatever is trending at the moment?  So where do you find a compatible partner and who do you trust?

Some people are frustrated with online dating sites due to the superficial responses or lack of responses they receive.  They complain about the fees of certain websites but also argue that the free dating sites bring in members from other planets.  I have also heard many men and women discussing how much time they spend online and how hard it is just to find someone that is somewhat normal & doesn’t have an eye in the middle of their forehead.

Personally I think the big problem is that many people also pick apart the smallest things wrong with someone which alienates just about everyone online.  This is becoming a very sad scenario and just like the Tinder App, each person is only one swipe away from being eliminated but could have been very nice & possibly a wonderful match.

What person is flawless? Are you?

Hey, I have an idea…let’s all be less judgmental and think positive! Read between the lines, literally!  Human etiquette should be the top priority when you are on any dating platform and respecting yourself first is the only way you will truly meet someone wonderful to be a part of your life.

Do not allow emails or texting to go on forever before you actually meet them in person.  Make sure your profile and photos are not attracting the wrong people. No boob, butt selfies (Kardashian wannabees) or Speedo photos should be displayed unless you are looking for sex on the first date! Remember the old cliché; “pictures are worth a thousand words!”  (If you really want to get noticed and be known for nothing but your body you are much better off making a sex tape ~ much faster exposure!)

Saying that; do you really know how you come across to others?

Body language is a big problem and can be a huge turnoff without you even being aware of your actions. I have met people who said they were shy but they looked pretty angry or just plain stuck up to me. You know what I am talking about. 😉 Reputations are out in Cyberland more than ever now and a hard thing to shake once it is out there! It might be a good idea to be smart & think before you act or post anything.

Common sense goes a long way in the dating world, naivety does not.  I am a big advocate for online dating especially for people over 40.  I also think executive dating sites and “one on one” matchmaking are a good choice but they don’t come cheap.  Online dating isn’t the only platform out there, so if you find it frustrating right now take a break from it and try these other two options.

The Dinner Party is a great way to meet a potential date in Vancouver. Andrea Hill started this great dating idea on Valentine’s Day 2014 and already has success stories of couples meeting at her events that are now in a commitment relationship!  It is membership driven and has an extensive data base for the over 30 crowd!  Yes, it is open to men and women in their later years as well.  Finally!  People at every age are looking for love after all and everyone deserves love in their lives.

The dinner party concept is a good one as everyone attending is there for the same reciprocated purpose of meeting a suitable connection.  Each person has an interview with Andrea once becoming a DP member which enables her to put together like-minded people with similar profiles, goals and mutual attraction possibilities.  Andrea is there to host the evening ensuring conversation is flowing.  She checks in with all her guests within the next few days to see if anyone wants to exchange contact information with someone they may have had chemistry with.  There is no pressure at the dinner party because the rule is not to ask anyone out at the actual event.  It is all done through Andrea.

Check out the website to become a member and see further details on what Join The Dinner Party is all about.  It will get you off your couch, help you to meet new people with similar interests, eat some great food and actually talk to people “Face to Face!”  This has become a lost art and if we all don’t smarten up and start looking up from our computers and phones, there will be a new generation of human robots walking through the streets.

Speed dating can be another wonderful event to participate in where you actually talk to people in the flesh without texting each other for a month first!  There does seem to be an age restriction for women over 40 and men over 45 on one speed dating site at 25dates.com. Hmmm ~ curious as to why men are allowed to be 5 years older than women??

The Rendezvous Club offers separate speed dating evenings for ages 25-35, 30-45 & 40-55 for $50.  There are some of these events happening in March at the Lickerish venue downtown Vancouver.

What to Expect:

  • Arrive promptly dressed to impress!
  • Your Host will hand you a date card and name tag.
  • There will be a 20 minute mingle to have a drink & relax.
  • Women take their seats while men rotate around the table.
  • Each “date” encounter is 5 minutes.
  • There is an intermission where everyone enjoys appies & drinks.
  • At the end of the dating section everyone hands in their date card but can stay and mingle!
  • Within 48 hours you will receive an email with any matches on your date card.

In summary I would like to add that as difficult & lonely single life can be to many men and women in cities everywhere, don’t give up, get frustrated & become an negative person.  If something isn’t working try something else. You are in charge of how you are perceived, how much you allow in your life and how pessimistic or optimistic you are with everything that crosses your path.

Remove negative dating patterns and stop saying how hard it is to meet someone!  Put a spring in your step, a smile on your face and a sparkle in your eye.  I promise if you do that on a daily basis people will be drawn towards your infectious nature. It’s hard not to be attracted to happiness.

Happy Dating!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue I met this guy on POF One Year Ago & Haven’t Met Yet

Dear Sybersue,

I just watched your video: Dating Advice for Men & Women: If They’re too Busy They are Just not That Into You!

I met this guy on the POF (Plenty of Fish) online dating site one year ago. We talk on the phone and “Cam text” daily. He is a graphic designer and always tooooo busy to meet! We still haven’t met. I had checked him out on Spokeo etc. He said he loves me although we haven’t met in person? Help!

I.M.
Hi I.M 🙂

I am glad you watched this video and the fact that you did shows me you already know the answer to this scenario. You have a cyber relationship! If this man is too busy to see you, he is too busy to date and shouldn’t be out there doing so. You didn’t tell me where you both live or other information, but in any situation a year is way over the top! He is either hiding something from you or is just having fun with you a few times a day. I am not saying his feelings aren’t “somewhat” legitimate, but you may want to ask yourself why this is enough for you?

It is very easy for someone to hide behind a computer screen and say all the right things, but you as the recipient have to know when to read behind the lines very early on. We know in our hearts if it’s real or not but sometimes we choose to let certain things slide because we are lonely or blinded by the initial charm.

We are all worthy of a loving reciprocated relationship, don’t ever settle. You should have a rule that you must meet your potential dates in the first few weeks of contact to see if there is a “real” connection. There are a lot of great actors out there that know how to “talk the talk!” Be smarter than them. Thanks for writing ❤

Sybersue xo

Follow up answer from I.M.

Dear Sybersue,

I just want to be treated as a lady, like we all deserve, my ex husband was mentally and verbal abusive….. So I guess just want to be held and feel safe. I’m a romantic at heart. I have been divorced for 30 years, and haven’t dated much. He has never been married at 51 and neither have his brothers. Weird right?
Thank you, hugs I.M.

Hi again,

I think he sees that you are vulnerable because of what you have been through in the past and that is why this works for him. Some men look for that type of woman because she is less high maintenance and won’t ask so many questions. You want to be “held” by this man but he is not giving you that and hasn’t in a year. I don’t believe in ultimatums but in this case, this guy needs to step up and meet you in person or move on. The fact that he has never married (or his brothers) could have something to do with how he was raised. He may have abandonment or commitment issues but that is not your issue to work on.

The question I have for you which you may not like…”Are you really afraid of the truth that he may not be invested in this relationship and you don’t want to pressure him for fear that he will stop contact with you? This is better than nothing in your mind?” When you settle for something other than what you really want, you shortchange yourself and your happiness takes a back seat.

When you remove yourself from negative patterns and hold onto your self respect you will meet someone who can love you the right way. The hardest step is the first one and then the others come easier. It’s time for you to go for what really matters to you and to stop allowing yourself to be a low priority. Love happens at any age so don’t let that stop you from believing in it. If this guy won’t see you in the next few weeks you will have your answer.

xo hugs back, Sybersue

Dear Sybersue ~ How Do You Feel About Online Dating Vrs The Traditional Way?

online dating girl

Dear Sybersue,

How do you feel about online dating vs. the traditional way?  Do you think social media sites have changed the way people date and is it a helpful thing or hurtful?

MMG YouTube

Dear MMG,

That is a much more complicated a question than you know & it is not a one sentence answer that’s for sure. While I am an advocate for online dating, I am saddened by the demise of old fashioned hookups & by meeting each other out in a public environment or event. Technology has made us lazy & we don’t even have to leave our homes to “flirt” with someone anymore. The trouble is we don’t know who these potential dates really are until we meet them in person & literally watch their actions & behaviors.

People can waste a lot of time online with someone who has no intention of having a relationship ~ they’re just enjoying playing the game & seeing how many admirers they can get on their profile. (Of course I am generalizing as there are many people on dating sites for the right reasons as well.)

As much as social media has connected us world wide it has also slowed communications in the old fashioned natural way.  People are forgetting how to talk to each other. How often does your phone ring these days & don’t even talk about a residential phone! The only people calling your home are telemarketers or your grandparents!  Even I am guilty about not wanting to talk on the phone and prefer to text much of the time! It’s not about being lazy in my case but more about time management. This is not a good thing as we become much more reclusive talking to our computers & smart phones instead of real people connections.

If you use online sites in the right way to meet up with people or groups & are serious about finding a long term partner, it can be an amazing tool. I think it is especially wonderful for singles over 40 who have less venues to go to and have left the bar scene behind. There are many seniors who have been able to date again after losing a partner or a divorce which was difficult in the past. Where were they supposed to meet~ there are only so many seniors events. Online keyboard dating heart

In answer to your question MMG, it is always best to meet someone in a “face to face” environment and the most preferable method. Social media had made it possible to connect the easy way but it doesn’t show you the whole dimension of someone. “The eyes are the window to your soul” and tell a lot about a person which you can’t see from a computer dating profile. Don’t forget how to talk to people you come in contact with on a daily basis & keep the art of personal communication alive. We have the best of both worlds right now and need to use them both wisely!

Thanks for your Question ❤

Sybersue