HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

Dear Sybersue:

I live a very full & pretty decent life for the most part. I have two children, a dog and a great partner whom I still love after 10 years. His job is demanding & I work 5 days a week myself. I am also putting in the time to develop my own business on the side to help with our heavy mortgage.

Needless to say, juggling it all and still having a busy social schedule is a challenge as I am sure it is for many people out there. My sex-life is non-existent at the moment & my passion for it is a little depleted due to the lack of physical connection with my husband and I share.

Even though I seem to be managing my crazy life, I have to admit I feel tired & stressed out all the time these days!

I do not take care of myself in the way I should due to time restrictions with work, & the children’s activities. I do not feel nearly as sexy or attractive as I used to in my single days. I don’t have time to be the feminine hot woman of my past existence anymore.

I don’t even know what a girl’s night out is these days! My friends seem to have given up on me because I have so little time for them. I don’t blame them.

Every so often I get very depressed and do not want to see or talk to anyone which makes it even worse. I feel overwhelmed ~ Any ideas to help??

From The Suburban Housewife


Hi S.H. & thanks for writing,

First of all I truly do suggest that you talk to a professional therapist. The minute there is depression involved, you should have a qualified resource to get the best help available.

In the meantime here are a few things to think about.

Like many working mothers today, we are all doing too much for everyone else and giving ourselves the leftovers! This pretty much amounts to 15 minutes of quality “Me” time in a 24 hour period.

  1. I would advise you to write out a strict weekly schedule that allows time for you away from any responsibilities.
  2. This needs to include at least one hour per day that is solely for you. No one can bother you with anything, no exceptions.
  3. Whether it is sitting in a bubble bath, going to a counseling session, a yoga class, having a friend over, or reading a sexy novel, it is all about “YOU” for that time frame.
  4. You need to let go of the guilt of not doing something constructive at every moment of your day.
  5. Lighten up the kids’ activity load. Parents sign up their children for so many things today which isn’t healthy for anyone.
  6. Hire an intern to help you with your future business plan or limit yourself to a few hours per week to focus on this project.
  7. Be particular about which social events you attend. You can’t do it all!

You didn’t say how much your husband helped out around the home but be honest with yourself on whether you feel there is equality in that respect. If you are both working, you both should be participating 50/50 in your partnership in every area. More often than not, women do take on more at home because they are nurturers from birth. (Thanks to being given the womb!) Ask for help.

The children need to have daily chores, or if they are too young right now, hire a neighborhood kid to walk the dog after you get home from work, to mow the lawn, or get your groceries, dry cleaning or light housework. It will be worth the money for the time and stress you save.

Now, how to feel sexy again:

Your man should help out with this one until you get back those sexual urges. He has to desire you and tell you he does. Soft kisses and hugs outside bedroom will slowly get you both back on a sensual path. You need a gentle push to get you in the mood after a long day and it is important to communicate this to each other before too many months go by and you are living in a platonic relationship.

Does your husband want sex regularly or has he also lost interest? If he is too aggressive this can turn you off or if he is not pursuing an intimate relationship with you, this could be why you don’t feel as sexual these days.

Sometimes women don’t see that and think it is always just their problem. It usually is a two-way street, because both people are too busy to make sex a priority. Sex can be the biggest deal breaker in a relationship so it is imperative to get a handle on it ASAP. (Never give each other an excuse to go out and find it somewhere else.)

Making yourself feel sexy with lingerie, a little makeup or having a pedicure can help put a spring back in your step. When you look good you really do feel good. Make an effort on a daily basis to spruce yourself up. It takes 10 sec to apply lipstick or brush your hair into a nice style. <3

Have sex once per week to start out. No excuses! You both need to make this happen regardless of how busy you are. Date nights are important! It doesn’t have to be a 2-hour session; sometimes 20 minutes of intimacy is all you need to feel close again.

Put any social life on hold until you get the sex back into your relationship. Sometimes all it takes is a few romantic orgasmic sessions to get you back to being the tigress you once were!

Let me know you make out…literally.

xo Sybersue


  1. Hi Joann,
    You said you talked to him about this so what did he say? It doesn’t sound like he heard you because he hasn’t made any changes to make you feel good sexually. This is not a reciprocated relationship and it must make you feel quite lonely at times. It is not OK that he bruises you and you must show him what he does to you!

    I think it is time to ask him why he doesn’t respect you in the bedroom. Making love is a huge part of your relationship but he is making it only about a “sexual release” on his side. How does he think that is OK? He needs to understand that you are not just a warm body that he can take advantage of.

    Please talk to him again and I would also advise you to tell him that you would like to see a counselor about it as well. Maybe a third party will help him see things more clearly and that you can salvage your partnership. You deserve more. <3
    sybersue xo

    1. Hi Sue thanks for replying to my message n yes Im not that into him to go seek help like my heart is not fluttering and one night I didn’t meet up with him coz I was happier at home and when we met up another night he never stopped talking about the great night that he had n didn’t go home ta five in the morning n that he was jiving with some girl and everyone said that he was a great dancer n I couldn’t get a word in edgeways with his bragging.A week later we wer out again and we h a d abit of a rift the following day and said that I didn’t know how to dance n that he’d show me the proper way bollocks.Im thinking of breaking it off coz I deserve ta be treated better than this.Hes 73 ,but looks sixty n yes hes a busy work schedule that does come first sometimes.Like im going on my fifth year on a separation I have had a few relationships but its hard ta come across a nice person like I really thought that I had met the ” ,ONE” but now I’m not so sure,Like I’ve a bubbly personality and when I’ve a few drinks he triuta curb me in case that I show him up in some weird meeting him later tonight but Im going to go with my heart this time.

      1. Hi,
        Yes, I think you know the answer with regards to moving on from this man. Your heart isn’t fluttering, he is only concerned with his own sexual enjoyment, he squashes your
        achievements and your bubbly personality and talks about how much fun he has with other women. You are right you do deserve to be treated better!

        Maybe you should find a singles group in your city that offers dance night and go without him. I am sure you are a great dancer! <3

        Sybersue 🙂

  2. Im in a relationship that doesn’t satisfy me in bed !!!! All my bf wants is to satisfy his own urges He never touches me or does any form of foreplay with me and yes I have discussed it with him.He is much older than me n yes hes fairly fit n dosent need vigara etc Hes grand in every other way but We may as well be sleeping apart and its very frustrating for me n he can be quite rough but not realizing that he actually leaves bruises on my body and I just want to curl up in the Foetel position after he satisfies himself.

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