Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL dating and relationship advice columnist for men & women of all Ages!
In today’s video I discuss the topic: “Have you been cheated on in many of your relationships?” “Why does it keep happening?” This can be very hurtful and leave you feeling unworthy and very deflated.
Each scenario compounds a deep sadness into your soul.
There is something going on that makes you choose this same type of partnership which needs to addressed. We choose who we allow into our lives and if the pattern is disturbingly repetitive, you need to get some answers!
Your self esteem plays a big part in who you end up with in a relationship. When you’re not comfortable with who you are as a person it can become a big problem with many choices or decisions you make in any part of your life.
Learning how to build your self confidence is a big necessity when it comes to removing damaging patterns that you can’t seem to let go of.
If drama seems to continually follow you in your love-life; it is time to seek some outside coaching or counseling. It is not healthy to live this way because it is all you know and is familiar to you!
This is not a “good” familiar it is an “unhealthy” familiar. Just because you are used to feeling a certain way doesn’t make it the right way. Love isn’t painful and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice who you are to be in a partnership.
A reciprocated love is the only way a partnership really works in a long term commitment. There is equal respect for each other and you are each other’s priority. You know in your heart whether someone is really there for you so don’t pretend or make excuses for someone just so you can be in a relationship.
Your morals and values are a big part of who you are, don’t put them on the back burner and ignore them. They are your guide to having all things positive in your life. ❤
* Susan loves to hear from her viewers & often answers their relationship and dating questions on her show as a topic choice. Please leave your comments below the video!
In today’s video above Dear Sybersue discusses your dating life and your attitude that goes along with it.
Are you happy with how you come across to others? Do you make a great first impression or are you too rigid, stuck up or way too picky about who you will date?
It might be time to take a good hard look in the mirror if your dating life sucks.
Ask a trusted friend or a family member how you come across to others.
Are you friendly and open to others when you initially meet them or does it take you numerous meetings before you warm up to people?
Are you shy? Many people claim they are shy but actually appear removed or uninterested.
Do you have a happy persona or is your “resting bitch face” what people see first? (There is a reason that term is hanging around!)
Are you more interested in your phone than the people in the room?
When introduced to someone do you give them a smile and direct eye contact? That first hello is the most important part of any interaction with someone you just met.
Do you like who you are and are you proud of your accomplishments?
Do you regularly use sarcasm as a form of humor?
Do you openly talk about your flaws or insecurities right away, as if getting this “over with” will show your honesty and endear them to you? (Isn’t it more of an optimistic approach to show them your best qualities first?)
Is your checklist long and unreasonable? Would you be OK if someone you met had one just as long or would you think they were high maintenance?
Do you cut yourself down in front of others because you don’t feel you have much to offer?
Are you a good communicator and able to express yourself with your words and your body language?
Are you sure you are ready to date and not holding onto to past relationship drama or scars? Some people sabotage their dating scenarios because of this reason and do not even realize it.
It’s never too late to make changes to be a better person but first you have to understand what needs changing. If things are constantly back-firing from what you are truly looking for, there is a reason.
It’s not because “there isn’t anyone out there to date,” it is because of something happening within “you” that is blocking a potential partner from entering your life.
It might be time to hire a dating coach or counselor to see what is really going on. Self esteem plays a big role in how you respond to everything in your life; especially when it comes to love and relationships. Don’t be the last to know.
*Today Sybersue’s shirt is from brunettethelabel clothing line. Check out their online store! ♥
In the video above Dear Sybersue discusses; “Are you Constantly being pressured by your friends to be in a relationship?”
Do people think they know what is best for you? Are they always trying to set you up with someone but you just want to be left alone?
Does your family also put in their opinions about your relationship status?
It might to be time to tell everyone to butt out if you enjoy being single right now! It’s not their business to be telling you what they think you should or shouldn’t be doing in your life even if they they think they have your best interest at heart. ❤
We all need time to get over a relationship breakup and allow love back into our lives. Sometimes the scars of heartbreak run deep and we need more time to rediscover ourselves without any pressure from others.
It also could be the scenario of putting your career first and you don’t want to complicate your life having to deal with both. Sometimes you just can’t do it all and you know that about yourself. It’s better than juggling too much and giving your partner the dregs of what you have left! No one wants to be that low on the priority list.
This is a good thing because you are respecting and honoring your boundaries at this particular time in your life.
But on the opposite side of the fence; make sure you aren’t sending out mixed signals to your friends about not wanting to get back out in the dating market again. You might not be aware that you are confiding to them that you are actually missing being in a relationship, how difficult it is being the 3rd wheel or that you feel so alone going solo to a wedding or other events.
It is a great thing that your friends and family care about you so don’t be mad at them for wanting you to find happiness. It is OK to gently communicate that you are very appreciative of their support but you would rather meet someone on your own when the time is right.
Have you had to deal with this scenario? How did you handle it?
In the video above Dear Sybersue discusses the importance of keeping your relationship love alive. The number one priority in any relationship is communication. It is the glue of any successful long term partnership.
If you can’t talk to each other openly and honestly it could eventually lead to the demise of you as a couple. Parents have to work especially hard at this due to their own busy schedules and also managing the children with their daily routine and activities.
The important thing to remember here is that you need to nurture your relationship first and let the kids take a back seat once in awhile. Without the fiery love that you both shared in the earlier stages of your romance, there wouldn’t be any little ones running around.
Many people forget that and over time relationships become a platonic environment. This is not what you signed up for so be aware of how to keep things fresh between you and your partner all year long!
Ten Top Tips to Keep Your Love Strong:
Talk, talk,talk!
This can’t be emphasized enough! This goes for all subjects in both of your lives. Understand and be interested in what each other does in your careers and your personal hobbies or passions. If something is bothering you, do not dismiss having a conversation about it.
The reason it is called a partnership is because you are supposed to share things with one another. Give each other your full attention when one of you is talking. Listen to each other and really hear what they are saying.
Money is a big relationship Stress.
Sadly, money is one of the top reasons for the uprising in the divorce statistics. Set a budget that is adhered to and respected between you both. You don’t have to spend a ton of money on the kids. They would much rather have parents that are happy together than the latest gadget that goes out of date the following year.
Schedule in weekly date nights!
You need to make time for each other on a regular basis especially during stressful times of the year. You should never be too busy for each other. If you fall apart so does your family. Get a sitter in and go out for dinner or swap child minding time with a neighbor or relative that also has children. Don’t ever forget to love each other and show each other how you feel.
Make an effort to look good for yourself and your partner.
A little sex appeal is important! Be that person you were when you first met each other. They fell in love with you for a reason, so always remember that and keep the attraction alive.
It only takes a few minutes to put in a little personal effort which will add miles to your relationship because it shows you care. Share a half an hour every day before dinner to chat about your day unwinding over a glass of wine or cup of tea without any distractions.
Sex is another very big priority in a relationship.
Sex doesn’t have to consist of an hour of foreplay. A quick visit behind a locked door when the kids are out or watching their favorite TV show, puts a brand new refreshing spring in your step and keeps you close as a couple. Regular sex can make so many other family issues seem less problematic. Making love is very therapeutic!
Thanksgiving, Christmas & other Holidays bring family stresses that are enhanced during those times of the year.
As a couple you need to discuss where you will be spending the holidays and figure out a system that works for your own family and also for your in-laws. There will need to be a lot of compromising on this subject due to the expectations some family members have around these festive occasions.
You need to be on the same page as your partner and supportive of each other with any family drama that occurs.
Having each others back is very important throughout your years together as a couple.
Be communicative & selective with your social activities.
Trying to do it all puts a lot of tension on you as a couple. You don’t have to do everything! Annual work events/ parties should be attended by you both together but you might want to compromise by doing alternate years. It is very meaningful and appreciated when you support each others careers.
“Couples who play together stay together!”
Having things in common is another important factor to maintaining a flourishing partnership. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a hobby or activity that you do separately, but spending time doing fun things together keeps you connected.
Make sure you allot some time at least once a week where you can get out of the house together and away from the everyday routine in the home.
The little things count.
Anytime you can be romantic with each other will help you get through many other pressures life offers. Leaving your partner a loving ”post it note” or sending sweet text messages every so often, is a beautiful way to show you are thinking about them throughout the hectic days.
Words are very powerful so communicating your feelings in these simple ways can keep your love alive for many years to come!
Be kind to one another.
Your partner is your number one priority and should be treated as so. You fell in love for a reason and that should be always be cherished. Take time to love one another and have those special romantic moments.
By being aware and continually communicating with each other with a reciprocated respect, it is possible to create never-ending love filled memories with your partner.
Are you having trouble maintaining a relationship?
We are the ones who are responsible for choosing the people we allow in our lives but when a relationship doesn’t work out we still want to put the blame on the other person. Why is that? Because then we don’t have to look too deep into what is really going on!
Life lessons can be difficult but they are much easier to move past when you take ownership of your actions and personal choices. It allows you to grow as an individual and become a better person with each “aha moment.”
Staying in denial and continually playing the victim, does not help you find happiness. It keeps you in a stagnant and negative alignment with everything around you.
If you find that you are becoming jaded or angry about believing in love, then it might be time to take a long hard look in the mirror. Are you sabotaging your happiness because of a deep rooted belief or hurt?
Any prolonged emotion that you “take on” is something that you really need to deal with. It can be all consuming and can lead you into the wrong direction over and over again. Don’t ignore your feelings; work through them.
Watch the video above to help you deal with another broken partnership. There may be something that you can change to help you meet the right person and have a long term commitment.
It’s never too late to be an even better version of who you already are. ❤
Please leave your comments below to let others know how you handled this situation .
My girlfriend of 2 months is starting to pull away from me with no reason that I can think of. She just started not returning my texts and saying she was busy all the time. We started out so well and everything just clicked between us!
She is 38 ( I am 35) and has dated a lot over the years but has never really had a long term boyfriend. I did see a few things early on that made me question her commitment to me but I didn’t pressure her with questions and just kept things going in a non-aggressive way so that she had some space.
Unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be working and I feel her moving further and further away from me.
I have fallen pretty hard for her! What should I do?
Cory B.
Hi Cory B,
Thanks for your question and I can tell you that you are not alone with this inquiry! I have had 5 similar emails in the last few months from both men & women.
It is a confusing time in the land of dating & relationships and there are more mixed signals than ever before! Part of the reason for this is the lack of real communication skills many people have from spending so much time online, rather that in a face to face scenario.
When we finally meet someone that excites us we go “all in” like a Texas holdem poker game betting on something we don’t know the outcome of but looks really good at the time!
Taking a chance on love is a good thing but we have to be smart and listen to our instincts before we invest our heart fully into this person we don’t know yet.
You said there were a few red flags that you noticed early on but you chose to sweep them aside. You also said she hasn’t had any real committed partnerships. Do you know why this is? Have you actually asked her why she is pulling back?
When love is real there aren’t a lot of questions or any game playing. That is because there is a reciprocated respect for each other.
It is not your place to try to fix her or spend years trying to figure out why may be commitment phobic. All you can do is be honest with how you feel and if she is not into a relationship she needs to tell you.
The 3-6 month mark in a relationship is usually when things either start to improve or dissolve between a couple. If you are questioning everything between the two of you after 2 months together, you may already have your answer with which direction you are headed towards.
My Pregnancy Memories Many Years Later: The Whole Truth & Nothing but the Truth.
When I talk to other women about their pregnancy days I often hear how precious and wonderful they were. Seriously??? I wish I knew how to glamorize those barf filled days of morning sickness, the painful nipples, emotional mood swings and the hours of labor pains! I have to say that my memories are as vivid today as they were many years ago. OK; not everyone experienced my special moments of early motherhood but I am here to tell you the real truth about what actually happens in those 9 months for some of us.
I got pregnant when most women cannot conceive but I will spare you the details. I knew instantly when my size 36 A (if I pulled the straps really tight) boobs turned into 38 C’s in a short amount of time! I could actually crack walnuts and open a beer with my cleavage! This was incredible and I made damn good use of my new talent. (My husband had fun playing motor boat with them too!) Tight t-shirts were my wardrobe staple until my tummy started to take over in the latest body bump department. This is when I had to wear the large sweatshirts that said “No I have not eaten my way through the Oreo cookie factory, there is a baby on board!”
At the 4 month mark of my pregnancy I ended up moving to Texas from Vancouver, Canada for my husband’s job. I was on a leave from my flight attendant career so we decided to venture out on this new path for 1 year. We knew no one in Dallas and I spent most days alone in our apartment trying to keep my food down, watching The Price is Right and fighting off the crickets that seemed to come in through the chimney! There are some big ass bugs down in Texas!
As a very social woman it was such a big transition for me that I tried to have conversations with anyone who called the wrong number, the produce guy at Safeway and our poor mailman that obviously felt sorry for me. I even befriended a guy at our communal pool area that had just got out of jail for armed robbery! Sadly I’m not kidding but I can tell you I wasn’t bored on those afternoons!
After the barfing ceased, I got back into my gym routine. Most people had no idea I was pregnant but one guy did mention that I seemed to work out so hard but kept getting bigger and maybe I should change my diet. Yup, that’s what he actually said. It was really funny when I came back to the gym after I gave birth and he said “Wow that diet really worked, you’ve lost a lot of weight!” I just smiled.
I went to Lamaze class every Thursday and learned all sorts of things to be aware of during delivery. It’s not scary at all to learn that I could have my “Who Ha” sliced and stitched, a forceps delivery, an upside down baby (instead of sunny side up), a very long labor, a transitional phase that turns women into Linda Blair from the Exorcist movie, an epidural with a foot long needle, an emergency C section and a poop accident on the delivery table in front of the entire hospital staff. Dr. Pickle, yes that was my doctor’s name, said not to worry and that everything looked fine. (Looking back now I know why I really did crave dill pickles for those 9 months that I saw him!) I swear if they showed those Lamaze videos before women got pregnant the population wouldn’t be anywhere near as high in the world today. Just saying!!
So guess what?
All those things I mentioned above pretty much happened to me on delivery day with the exception of the C-section. Oh and the poop part didn’t happen either because when the doctor asked me if I had eaten anything before I got to the hospital I had to own up that I had eaten an entire loaf of bread to try to calm down my stomach labor pains. (You know; the whole comfort food kind of thing.) Nothing like doing an enema with 10 interns looking on! I did end up doing the Linda Blair thing on my husband when he decided to put his feet up and take an hour nap while I was doing that breathing thing that didn’t work.
28 hours later after I got to the hospital I had the pain epidural and let me tell you they were not kidding in Lamaze class when they said it was a foot long needle! 9 hours later, yes count em 9 more hours, I delivered an upside down baby boy with the help of forceps after my “Who Ha” was cut and my not so funny husband telling the doctor to put a few extra stitches in there. (Which I am pretty sure he had never heard before!) Our baby was healthy and we were all amazed he didn’t have a cone head trying to get out of my love canal for 37 hours. He was pretty cute actually!
Children are Happy When Their Parents are Happy too.
We moved back home a few months later and I resumed by job at the airline. My husband & I divorced when my son was 18 months old and I became a single mom until he moved out at 19. There are many stories in those years that I could tell you about; like the one about my son growing marijuana in his toy box for 2 years and how I met the neighbors due to a party he had and all the barf (I do seem to love this word but my life was full of it all those years ago) dripping down their windows! Yes, it will become my next book one day and I will probably title it something like “Teenagers are shitheads!”
Today my son is a head chef and doing very well. We are super close and always have been with the exception of ages 15-19 Lol. He is my sun, moon and universe and I am very proud of him and who he has become as a young man today. He came into my life for a reason and it was a powerful one. He has taught me a lot about who I am. ❤
I remarried 8 years ago to an amazing man; I quit my job as a flight attendant, started a Lifestyle talk show, published a book, became a certified dating coach and an advice columnist/blogger! I love my new life in my 50’s! Ohhhh and to top it all off, my boobs are back to an almost perky 36A and my “Who Ha” is just fine thanks to Dr. Pickle and keeping up my Kegel exercises! (Sorry that’s probably too much information just as this whole article probably is too!)
All this bitching aside would I do it all over again?
Of friggen course I would! Pregnancy and motherhood is not easy but it is the best gift life has to offer. Although I now understand why God gave women the Uterus, because I don’t know any man that could get through one menstrual cycle let alone 9 months of pregnancy. We really are one strong group of amazing women and our children better kiss our slowly drooping ass for the rest of our lives. They owe us big time!
