dating patterns

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?
by

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

What is wrong with me and why do I keep repeating these same dating patterns?

casual-fashion-fine-looking-594610 (1)

Social media and computer dating is becoming the norm with how people interact these days. Mingle meet up groups are trying to make a comeback but people still seem to be stuck to their smart phones rather than being open to meeting in person!

People are lonelier than ever because of how some of these dating websites seem to attract superficial men and women who are just out to play games.

There are some happy endings that eventually transpire but why are there so many more stories that don’t work out?  Why do some people keep enticing a certain negative “type” into their existence,  which continually puts them back out into the dating pool?

If you have met a lot of these unfavorable types, you are doing something to attract them towards you.

Regardless of whether you believe in “The Law of Attraction” there is something to it. Negativity attracts negativity.  Everyone is entitled to finding love, but if you are always repeating the same unfulfilling scenario, how is it beneficial in the long run?

There are many women who only meet “Bad Boys” because they are allowing them to keep coming into their life. For some reason they think it is exciting to be treated like crap.

There are also men that only meet pretentious, materialistic hot women, because they are choosing “her looks” as the top priority.  The end result is both sexes are constantly complaining about each other!

Going for the same brand of person which keeps backfiring into a non-existent love life takes years for some people to figure out. “Changing the pattern will change who you meet.” As simple as that sounds it seems to be the biggest mistake men and women repeatedly make.

Why is that?

Many people react out of anger when something happens that is repetitive and unrewarding in their life. This annoying cycle continues because they don’t understand that they are in denial of their own actions!

When a person becomes jaded or angry about the same thing over and over again, wouldn’t it make sense to investigate why it is affecting them to that level?

I see it all the time on the comment section under some YouTube videos.  So many men and women continually vent their frustrations about the same subject, rather than learning how to deal with why it bothers them so much.

This is especially true regarding both sexes in the dating market. If something isn’t working, isn’t it a good idea to fix it rather than bitching about it to anyone who will listen?

No one wants to hear it except for a few others who are also angry about the same thing.  Misery loves company and saying that, I rest my case…negativity attracts more negativity.

Is it really easier to constantly complain about some things that cause drama in your life than to find a solution that betters your world?

We are all guilty of sounding like a broken record at some point in our lives but the people who quickly understand how dangerously repetitive this is, are the ones who move on to find happiness.

If your love-life sucks, be honest about the part you play in it.

I can’t stress enough that we are all in charge of how our lives evolve and that ultimately the choices we make are ours. Yes, we all land in the school of hard knocks while finding out who we are, but the sooner we learn and own the lesson, the faster we move on to a healthier foundation.

So stop repeating the same old story and quit talking about what you don’t want in your life. Talk about a future relationship like you won a lottery!  Think about all those wonderful things you would be able to do and how positive you would feel with less stress and more love in your life.

Thinking happy thoughts and keeping hope alive helps put out positive vibrations that eventually boomerang back towards you.

There is enough love out there for everyone and you deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You don’t ever have to settle for an unhealthy situation so quit allowing yourself to choose them. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

dear_sybersue__caricature01-2

by

Is Your Online Dating Profile Turning People Off?

Would you like to have a relationship but never seem to find the right person on any dating site that you have a connection with?

Online dating can be really frustrating and take a toll on your self esteem! It might be time to tweak your profile description & your photo selection to show who you really are; not someone you think they want!

No one wants a fake person and how long can you play that game for after they meet you in person? Stop the BS and be genuine! Do you want to meet someone who is phoney and embellishing who they are? I don’t think you do…so don’t be that person then.

Attracting love in your life starts with being true to who you are.

If you are playing a different persona you will also attract that towards you. If you want a partnership that has substance and longevity, being authentic with who you are is extremely important.

You are not looking for an opposite love interest, you are looking for unconditional compatibility in a committed relationship, right?

So then it is imperative to be honest and sincere if you want the same thing in return. It’s never too late to change up dating patterns that aren’t working and it’s never too late to have love in your life.

Change your attitude, change your thinking and allow your heart to be truthfully open. You are fabulous just the way you are!  ❤

What have you experienced with online dating? Has it worked for you?

Please leave your comments below to help others have a better dating experience.

Susan McCord @ facebook.com/dearsybersue
Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel

 

by

A Big Dating Problem:Stop Chasing People Who Don’t Want to Get Caught!

Today Dear Sybersue (Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord) discusses The Dating Chase! Why do so many men and women date people that aren’t interested in them?

Why do we have an attraction to what we can’t have in life? Why do we want this type of challenge in a relationship and is it worth it? It is difficult enough to meet someone that you have things in common with and that you are also attracted to; but add a whole lot of complication into the mix and you end up spending so much wasted time with the wrong people!

Have you ever asked yourself why you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Is the challenge of winning them over more important to you than actually having a reciprocated loving relationship? Is the game or the hunt all that you are really interested in?

Do you think that maybe your EGO is just a little bit bigger than your happiness?

What happens if your charm ends up getting you what you want? Do you really want this person in the end once the chase is finally over, or will you get bored and move on to your next conquest? It’s not just your life that you are playing with here. As much fun as you may be having with the challenge of getting their attention, it is not really a fair scenario to put them in.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com
http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

by

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People & How do I Change this Dating Pattern?

Dear Sybersue is a Funny & Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord discusses The question: Why do I keep Attracting The Wrong People and How do I Change this Dating pattern?

How often do you hear people say how frustrated they are with trying to meet someone and that they have basically given up on the whole dating thing? It takes two people to be in a relationship and two people to make it work. This means that each person is responsible for “their part” in the whole process in the building of a future partnership.

It’s not always the other person’s fault when a relationship fizzles or has trouble getting past the first few dates; but most of us like to think it is, so we don’t have to take any ownership of another failed scenario. Some people really do not see or understand that they are in a repetitive pattern going around and round in circles. They just keep getting annoyed that things never work out for them in the love department. They start to make excuses about why things aren’t working and even become jaded in some cases. There are a lot of sad, hurt and lonely single men and women that could fix this situation if they just took the time to think about how they may be contributing to this problem.

Watch this video to see how to get the Love you want in your life!

Susan McCord @ http/www.facebook.com/Dating RelationshipTalkShow

by

Relationship Advice: Right Person, Wrong Time? Maybe Not!

FullSizeRender (11)Was your vision impaired years ago when you let the love of your life get away??

Meeting an amazing person at the wrong time has probably happened to most people at one time in their lives. How often do we hear of couples reuniting at a high school reunion 20 -30 years later? That lost love that got away because the timing wasn’t right?

Was it really bad timing or was it really just the wrong person? Understanding the difference is really important here because you can spend years pining over someone whom you thought was the right person that got away, only to see them again and apart from a physical attraction, there really wasn’t much else.  Knowing when it is purely a physical lust or true love, is the answer to your haunting question. When love is wonderful, it doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated.  It just feels right and the relationship adjustments are not obstacles but reciprocated compromises.

In our younger years many people are focusing on their career path or University schooling and meeting someone at that stage in your life is usually more of a casual relationship. This time is for “you to grow” so that you make wise choices for your future.  But…what if you met someone then that was perfect for you and you let them get away because the timing just wasn’t right?  You can’t stop thinking about them! Should you contact them? Absolutely; but find out as much as you can beforehand in case they are happily married with children.  Do not cause an upset in their life just because you made a mistake years ago by letting them go.  If they are single then jump in with both feet! What have you got to lose?

We all make choices for what we think the better path, but is it?

Are we just too busy, stubborn or self absorbed to see what an incredible relationship we have at the time?  Timing is everything and sometimes we don’t pay attention to what is obvious and right in front of us. How many people have let the right person get away due to other priorities & then choose the wrong person later on out of desperation because they don’t want to end up alone?

Age can play an important factor in your choices;  especially if you are a woman whose biological clock is ticking like a time bomb.  Some women will forfeit love to get pregnant at that stage. Dating checklists can also be relationship killers due to the picky or shallow demands some people prioritize.  Sometimes we do not know they are the right person until they are gone from our lives because we let our blinders dictate our decisions!

People talk about their soul mate that got away.  Is there such a person for everyone? Maybe, but if we let them get away were they really your soul mate? Shouldn’t you be joined at the hip and nothing can tear you apart? 

Many men and women who were overly critical and ultra non-committal until their late 30’s, eventually settle with a partner they may not even love.  This is sad and everyone needs to look in the mirror as a reminder that we all have good qualities and we all have flaws.  No one is immune to this so being particular and snobby in your single years is really not worth it in the end. I can’t tell you how many very lonely people ( in relationships or out of them) I have met over the years that have screwed up potential happiness with their judgmental attitudes.

It is never too late to change and if you do feel like you are repeating a pattern due to your unreasonable checklists, it could be your own commitment issues sabotaging any potential relationship.  Take the time to rediscover yourself and own your part in why things haven’t worked out for you to be in a loving partnership. Hire a dating coach and put yourself around friends that have a healthy relationship. Being in a warm environment like this can help alleviate these long term fears by seeing how wonderful a great relationship can be.

I do believe that timing is everything & when you are ready you will allow that “right” person in.” Don’t ever be afraid to rekindle a lost love if the opportunity arises as it will either open or close a door that has been stagnant for way too long.

❤ Love can happen anywhere, anytime and at any age! ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Finding Love: 10 Tips to Help Change Your Dating Patterns
by

Finding Love: 10 Tips to Help Change Your Dating Patterns

Two Hearts Become One

Two Hearts Become One

I have have received quite a few  emails from men writing my advice column lately with the same dating question. It seems that many men are perturbed with women & their mixed signals. The women seem to be very interested in the beginning but then start to act disinterested or start playing hard to get by being unavailable or too busy!  There has been 8 men corresponding with me regularly from different parts of the world asking me to help them figure out why their dating life is such a problem. They are meeting women online for the most part but two of them are in toxic relationships with women they met through a friend’s introduction.

The common scenario and why these men are all having a similar dating problem is because they are choosing very high maintenance women who have a sense of entitlement attitude. They are so attracted to their physical appearance that they can’t see anything else.  So how’s that working for them?  It’s not!!  I have to say though, they have all been very receptive to my colorful comments and I am impressed at how open they are when I give them honest feedback. They were really listening and trying to get past this shallow place of choosing women strictly for their beauty. They admitted it was like an addiction and hard not to repeat the same scenario.

Without going into detail about their personal issues here are a few of the things the men have shared with me about their experiences with the women they have dated.

  • The women walk all over the men and take advantage of their nice guy persona.
  • Their expectations are way over the top with regards to the men paying for everything.
  • The women are evasive about seeing them again or setting up a future date, but seem really interested!
  • They act hot and cold. One day they are super affection the next day they are almost dismissive.
  • Use sex as a manipulating tool!

So what is the problem here and isn’t this the same thing that women complain about with regards to dating men?

Both men & women want the same things but they don’t often realize that. It is very interesting how alike we are when it comes to love. Here are some of the checklist priorities that you should adhere too when dating someone.

Advice To Both Sexes:

  1. Always leave a little bit of mystery about who you are. You don’t need to put your heart, body & soul on the table with every potential partner on the first few dates. Being too accommodating and overly available can be a big turn off in the early stages!
  2. Do not ever put yourself as number two (taking a backseat to another person etc. If they are too busy or still getting out of a past relationship, move on.)
  3. Respect their time;  being late or canceling last minute is rude and should not be tolerated!
  4. Do not lead anyone on if you are not interested in them. Seeing someone because you do not want to be alone is selfish and insecure.
  5. Putting yourself out there too early sexually can send out a different signal than you may want. Sex changes expectations.
  6. Watch how picky your checklist is! Would you want to meet someone with your outrageous demands?”
  7. Go out on at least 2 dates before you make your decision. Many people are shy, nervous or reserved when first meeting someone. Give them a chance!
  8. Being too clingy or overly affectionate is a sign of control or insecurity, so be careful how touchy/feely you are in the beginning. Don’t bombard them with texts either!!
  9. Both sexes should offer to pay or at least contribute every few dates. Women should not assume it is always the man’s duty. And guys…don’t complain about high maintenance women if you keep choosing them. They aren’t hiding anything so it is your choice to be there. Go with it or get out but don’t paint all women with the same brush.
  10. If something is uncomfortable or bothering either sex during the date, it should be discussed & not left to fester. Communication is the key to a good relationship.

It is very important to always respect yourself first. How you act on those first few dates is setting a precedent on how things will be expected each time you see them. If you try too hard, come across needy or you are willing to pull out your wallet at every given chance; you are setting yourself up for a repetitive dating pattern. Own your part in why things are not working out the way you would like and  things will start to change for you and your dating life. If you are constantly exasperated with either meeting the wrong people or not dating at all, there is something within yourself that you are doing to sabotage your happiness.  It is never too late to change what isn’t working and find the love you deserve. ❤

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue Talk Show  http://www.youtube.com/tc/susanmccord

by

Believe! Using The Law Of Attraction to Find Love & Better Your Relationships

I am sure by now you have heard this term a few times and may even be getting fed up with how much exposure it is receiving and what does it mean anyway?

In simpler terms: law of attraction means: like attracts like.

Behavior breeds behavior, so when you appear optimistic you will attract others of the same towards you or if you are pessimistic you will keep bringing negative people into your circle. The Law of Attraction helps you learn how to receive & believe you can change your life to attract what you want.  It doesn’t just have to be a dream!

For example: If you are really unhappy in your current job  it may be time to seriously consider leaving it. Your quality of life is more important than staying somewhere that you have outgrown and you are only there because it is easy and safe. Pursuing your life passion should become your focus so that you don’t waste anymore time doing something that is making you very unhappy.  Think about it; If you are constantly putting yourself in a negative environment, how can you possibly be sending out good thoughts?  You just get more of the same repetitive negativity coming back on a daily basis. Putting yourself in a happy place demolishes the demons that keep harboring your regular thoughts.  Just try to be miserable when you are happy!

Don’t look at it as a dream; actually visualize your new path. It is easier to achieve something when you can see it clearly.

Most people are fearful of change especially in their later years. Fear is the biggest obstacle in the average person’s achievements.  Inviting change keeps a person young and removes complacency.

Many individuals do not know how to be alone. They are not comfortable in their own skin. They go from one relationship to the next without any time between the two. In fact many people already have a new relationship lined up before they end the first one. How can you possibly find a new partner when you are still emotionally connected with someone else? Of course it is scary with the thought of being alone again but it is still better to take your time after a breakup than to pull someone into your broken heart.

Pursuing your passion is always the right path. Listen to your intuition, it is never wrong.

If you keep attracting the wrong people into your life, it is happening because of the images you are seeing in your mind. Ask yourself honestly what type of relationship you truly want. Are you looking for love or friendship? How well do you communicate? What does your body language say to others? What do you think of yourself?

By changing your thoughts you can change your life.

Contrary to what many people think attraction may mean, it is not necessarily always a good thing.  Being “attracted or having something or someone attracted to you” can be also be a negative if not used correctly. It is what your thoughts project that comes back into your life.  The energy or vibration that you put out is exactly what the Universe gives back. If you keep meeting abusive people, you are sending out something that is allowing this pattern to happen.  Do not ignore these signs as it may be time to talk to a therapist about this reoccurring scenario. On the other side of the coin, learning how to use this “attraction technique” to bring loving people into your life is what this discussion is all about! The more you practice it, more of the same great things will appear on your path.

Don’t believe me? Look back at your relationships over the years; is there a pattern?  When you say negative comments like:”I never meet anyone”, or “everyone is taken”, “who would want me”, that is what you are projecting! Try saying;  I am going to meet a wonderful partner and believe I deserve a great relationship.  That is what you will achieve if you say it with conviction. Letting those negative thoughts creep in continually will slow the process down immensely.

Send out powerful thoughts on what you really want to receive. Try it for a month and be aware of the positive changes that occur in your life.  (I met my husband using this method!)  There are many articles on this subject and some have been over publicized, but there are some great messages that should not be ignored.

Make a list of what you want and what you are grateful for in your life. Read it back on a regular basis and say it out loud.

People that believe they can have it all are successful because they believed. For all of you non believers, it might be time to open yourself up to trying a new approach to life.  It can’t hurt and who knows, you may actually become a better person and enjoy your own company which will project onto others.  New doors will open and life will only get better.

Susan McCord  http://www.sybersue.com  &   http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord