dating patterns

How Do I Change up My Relationship Drama Patterns?
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How Do I Change up My Relationship Drama Patterns?

In today’s video Dear Sybersue discusses relationship patterns that aren’t working for many people.

  • Is there too much drama in all of your partnerships?
  • Are you attracting the same types over and over again and not understanding that there is a problem and that you just go onto the next person without too much thought?
  • Are you continually wondering why you are single once again?
  • Have your past relationships been one sided in many aspects of the partnership?
  • Is it a constant struggle to communicate or to be understood in most of your relationships?

If your partnerships are always ending in the same manner, you have a repetitive problem that isn’t being addressed.  Could it be that maybe you are a little stubborn and in denial about the part you play in your relationships?

The old cliche that it takes two people to be in a great relationship still holds true today, so once you take a good hard look at yourself and analyse your actions, you will start to see a destructive pattern.

We spend so much time going after what is on the “top” of our high maintenance checklist that we overlook the fundamentals of what makes the foundation of a strong and loving relationship! We get lost in the trivial and superficial traits that we think are important!

The good news is; it can be fixed! 

It’s time to investigate why you are choosing the wrong people. You need to revise your priorities and step away from that quick sand that you keep having to dig yourself out of.  Relationships shouldn’t have to be a constant struggle, nor should you have to give up “who you are” to be in one.

When a relationship is right, it flows and you work side by side to keep the communication lines open. It is not a drama filled scenario, it is a loving and safe place to be. ❤

The Dear Sybersue Talk Show YouTube

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Is Your Online Dating Profile Turning People Off?

Would you like to have a relationship but never seem to find the right person on any dating site that you have a connection with?

Online dating can be really frustrating and take a toll on your self esteem! It might be time to tweak your profile description & your photo selection to show who you really are; not someone you think they want!

No one wants a fake person and how long can you play that game for after they meet you in person? Stop the BS and be genuine! Do you want to meet someone who is phoney and embellishing who they are? I don’t think you do…so don’t be that person then.

Attracting love in your life starts with being true to who you are.

If you are playing a different persona you will also attract that towards you. If you want a partnership that has substance and longevity, being authentic with who you are is extremely important.

You are not looking for an opposite love interest, you are looking for unconditional compatibility in a committed relationship, right?

So then it is imperative to be honest and sincere if you want the same thing in return. It’s never too late to change up dating patterns that aren’t working and it’s never too late to have love in your life.

Change your attitude, change your thinking and allow your heart to be truthfully open. You are fabulous just the way you are!  ❤

What have you experienced with online dating? Has it worked for you?

Please leave your comments below to help others have a better dating experience.

Susan McCord @ facebook.com/dearsybersue
Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel

 

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A Big Dating Problem:Stop Chasing People Who Don’t Want to Get Caught!

Today Dear Sybersue (Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord) discusses The Dating Chase! Why do so many men and women date people that aren’t interested in them?

Why do we have an attraction to what we can’t have in life? Why do we want this type of challenge in a relationship and is it worth it? It is difficult enough to meet someone that you have things in common with and that you are also attracted to; but add a whole lot of complication into the mix and you end up spending so much wasted time with the wrong people!

Have you ever asked yourself why you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Is the challenge of winning them over more important to you than actually having a reciprocated loving relationship? Is the game or the hunt all that you are really interested in?

Do you think that maybe your EGO is just a little bit bigger than your happiness?

What happens if your charm ends up getting you what you want? Do you really want this person in the end once the chase is finally over, or will you get bored and move on to your next conquest? It’s not just your life that you are playing with here. As much fun as you may be having with the challenge of getting their attention, it is not really a fair scenario to put them in.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com
http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

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Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People & How do I Change this Dating Pattern?

Dear Sybersue is a Funny & Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord discusses The question: Why do I keep Attracting The Wrong People and How do I Change this Dating pattern?

How often do you hear people say how frustrated they are with trying to meet someone and that they have basically given up on the whole dating thing? It takes two people to be in a relationship and two people to make it work. This means that each person is responsible for “their part” in the whole process in the building of a future partnership.

It’s not always the other person’s fault when a relationship fizzles or has trouble getting past the first few dates; but most of us like to think it is, so we don’t have to take any ownership of another failed scenario. Some people really do not see or understand that they are in a repetitive pattern going around and round in circles. They just keep getting annoyed that things never work out for them in the love department. They start to make excuses about why things aren’t working and even become jaded in some cases. There are a lot of sad, hurt and lonely single men and women that could fix this situation if they just took the time to think about how they may be contributing to this problem.

Watch this video to see how to get the Love you want in your life!

Susan McCord @ http/www.facebook.com/Dating RelationshipTalkShow

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Relationship Advice: Right Person, Wrong Time? Maybe Not!

FullSizeRender (11)Was your vision impaired years ago when you let the love of your life get away??

Meeting an amazing person at the wrong time has probably happened to most people at one time in their lives. How often do we hear of couples reuniting at a high school reunion 20 -30 years later? That lost love that got away because the timing wasn’t right?

Was it really bad timing or was it really just the wrong person? Understanding the difference is really important here because you can spend years pining over someone whom you thought was the right person that got away, only to see them again and apart from a physical attraction, there really wasn’t much else.  Knowing when it is purely a physical lust or true love, is the answer to your haunting question. When love is wonderful, it doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated.  It just feels right and the relationship adjustments are not obstacles but reciprocated compromises.

In our younger years many people are focusing on their career path or University schooling and meeting someone at that stage in your life is usually more of a casual relationship. This time is for “you to grow” so that you make wise choices for your future.  But…what if you met someone then that was perfect for you and you let them get away because the timing just wasn’t right?  You can’t stop thinking about them! Should you contact them? Absolutely; but find out as much as you can beforehand in case they are happily married with children.  Do not cause an upset in their life just because you made a mistake years ago by letting them go.  If they are single then jump in with both feet! What have you got to lose?

We all make choices for what we think the better path, but is it?

Are we just too busy, stubborn or self absorbed to see what an incredible relationship we have at the time?  Timing is everything and sometimes we don’t pay attention to what is obvious and right in front of us. How many people have let the right person get away due to other priorities & then choose the wrong person later on out of desperation because they don’t want to end up alone?

Age can play an important factor in your choices;  especially if you are a woman whose biological clock is ticking like a time bomb.  Some women will forfeit love to get pregnant at that stage. Dating checklists can also be relationship killers due to the picky or shallow demands some people prioritize.  Sometimes we do not know they are the right person until they are gone from our lives because we let our blinders dictate our decisions!

People talk about their soul mate that got away.  Is there such a person for everyone? Maybe, but if we let them get away were they really your soul mate? Shouldn’t you be joined at the hip and nothing can tear you apart? 

Many men and women who were overly critical and ultra non-committal until their late 30’s, eventually settle with a partner they may not even love.  This is sad and everyone needs to look in the mirror as a reminder that we all have good qualities and we all have flaws.  No one is immune to this so being particular and snobby in your single years is really not worth it in the end. I can’t tell you how many very lonely people ( in relationships or out of them) I have met over the years that have screwed up potential happiness with their judgmental attitudes.

It is never too late to change and if you do feel like you are repeating a pattern due to your unreasonable checklists, it could be your own commitment issues sabotaging any potential relationship.  Take the time to rediscover yourself and own your part in why things haven’t worked out for you to be in a loving partnership. Hire a dating coach and put yourself around friends that have a healthy relationship. Being in a warm environment like this can help alleviate these long term fears by seeing how wonderful a great relationship can be.

I do believe that timing is everything & when you are ready you will allow that “right” person in.” Don’t ever be afraid to rekindle a lost love if the opportunity arises as it will either open or close a door that has been stagnant for way too long.

❤ Love can happen anywhere, anytime and at any age! ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Finding Love: 10 Tips to Help Change Your Dating Patterns
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Finding Love: 10 Tips to Help Change Your Dating Patterns

Two Hearts Become One

Two Hearts Become One

I have have received quite a few  emails from men writing my advice column lately with the same dating question. It seems that many men are perturbed with women & their mixed signals. The women seem to be very interested in the beginning but then start to act disinterested or start playing hard to get by being unavailable or too busy!  There has been 8 men corresponding with me regularly from different parts of the world asking me to help them figure out why their dating life is such a problem. They are meeting women online for the most part but two of them are in toxic relationships with women they met through a friend’s introduction.

The common scenario and why these men are all having a similar dating problem is because they are choosing very high maintenance women who have a sense of entitlement attitude. They are so attracted to their physical appearance that they can’t see anything else.  So how’s that working for them?  It’s not!!  I have to say though, they have all been very receptive to my colorful comments and I am impressed at how open they are when I give them honest feedback. They were really listening and trying to get past this shallow place of choosing women strictly for their beauty. They admitted it was like an addiction and hard not to repeat the same scenario.

Without going into detail about their personal issues here are a few of the things the men have shared with me about their experiences with the women they have dated.

  • The women walk all over the men and take advantage of their nice guy persona.
  • Their expectations are way over the top with regards to the men paying for everything.
  • The women are evasive about seeing them again or setting up a future date, but seem really interested!
  • They act hot and cold. One day they are super affection the next day they are almost dismissive.
  • Use sex as a manipulating tool!

So what is the problem here and isn’t this the same thing that women complain about with regards to dating men?

Both men & women want the same things but they don’t often realize that. It is very interesting how alike we are when it comes to love. Here are some of the checklist priorities that you should adhere too when dating someone.

Advice To Both Sexes:

  1. Always leave a little bit of mystery about who you are. You don’t need to put your heart, body & soul on the table with every potential partner on the first few dates. Being too accommodating and overly available can be a big turn off in the early stages!
  2. Do not ever put yourself as number two (taking a backseat to another person etc. If they are too busy or still getting out of a past relationship, move on.)
  3. Respect their time;  being late or canceling last minute is rude and should not be tolerated!
  4. Do not lead anyone on if you are not interested in them. Seeing someone because you do not want to be alone is selfish and insecure.
  5. Putting yourself out there too early sexually can send out a different signal than you may want. Sex changes expectations.
  6. Watch how picky your checklist is! Would you want to meet someone with your outrageous demands?”
  7. Go out on at least 2 dates before you make your decision. Many people are shy, nervous or reserved when first meeting someone. Give them a chance!
  8. Being too clingy or overly affectionate is a sign of control or insecurity, so be careful how touchy/feely you are in the beginning. Don’t bombard them with texts either!!
  9. Both sexes should offer to pay or at least contribute every few dates. Women should not assume it is always the man’s duty. And guys…don’t complain about high maintenance women if you keep choosing them. They aren’t hiding anything so it is your choice to be there. Go with it or get out but don’t paint all women with the same brush.
  10. If something is uncomfortable or bothering either sex during the date, it should be discussed & not left to fester. Communication is the key to a good relationship.

It is very important to always respect yourself first. How you act on those first few dates is setting a precedent on how things will be expected each time you see them. If you try too hard, come across needy or you are willing to pull out your wallet at every given chance; you are setting yourself up for a repetitive dating pattern. Own your part in why things are not working out the way you would like and  things will start to change for you and your dating life. If you are constantly exasperated with either meeting the wrong people or not dating at all, there is something within yourself that you are doing to sabotage your happiness.  It is never too late to change what isn’t working and find the love you deserve. ❤

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue Talk Show  http://www.youtube.com/tc/susanmccord

How to Get Over an Abrupt Relationship Breakup
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How to Get Over an Abrupt Relationship Breakup

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How to Get Over an Abrupt Breakup? Blow them a kiss goodbye and thank them!

This topic came to me in an e-mail from a young guy who watches my show on YouTube.  He recently got the Dear John Text from his girlfriend of 6 months with no warning but his positive attitude surprised me!!  He said yes I am sad that it is over as I really enjoyed my time with her but “what choice do I have but to just move on? ‘No’ means ‘NEXT’,” were his words.  While this is much easier said than done for most people,  it is always better to be realistic about why it ended abruptly.  When a relationship ends it can be very painful but some breakups really do only warrant a small acknowledgment of hurt, resentment, rejection or hibernation.  In other words, why spend too much time pining over someone who is disrespectful enough to send you a breakup text and simply doesn’t want to be with you?

Most of the hurt that occurs from a breakup is due to our own egos, and not always our actual love for the person that left us.  Especially if it was a short-lived relationship.

Why harbor sadness or anger with someone who didn’t have the decency to say goodbye to you in person? Be thankful they are gone. Of course if you were in a two-year-plus relationship, your heart is more invested and it is not as easy to let go. You shouldn’t be able to say goodbye that easily but if you can, then you need to re-evaluate how you spend your time and your relationship choices. Staying in a long term partnership when you are not really into it, is not fair to them or yourself.

I have one male friend who went into a depression with every break-up, even if it was only a very short time spent with them. It has caused a lot of heartache over the years for him. He was in a dating pattern of constantly choosing the wrong women because he was blinded by one thing; their beauty!  He was looking for a commitment or so he said but all his actions spoke the opposite!  He had so much emotional baggage due to the fact that he was not dealing with why the breakups were happening or the repetitive choices he was making. With each new woman he dated, it  became harder to clean up the demons he was accumulating.  He finally discovered that he had a problem with rejection stemming from his childhood with a very unemotional mother who never showed him love of any kind. After much heartbreak and finally receiving some counselling, he came to understand why he made the shallow choices that he did, but it took him 20 years to get it!

Learning how to respect yourself first will make you move on faster or not allow you to be there in the first place.

Feeling like “the victim” in a breakup will only prolong your pain and make you angry. You can’t make someone love you! The hardest thing to grasp is that they are over you . You were dismissed, so to speak. We all think that we will never have another perfect relationship like the one that has just ended, but if it were so wonderful you would still be together. Know that you will have another relationship and it will be a better one down the road. You just can’t see it now because your ego is hurt.

Things don’t just fall apart for no reason.

It wasn’t meant to be and The Universe is trying to help you, probably because you weren’t taking the subtle hints it was throwing at you for the last 3 months. (Like when she/he took that 2nd vacation without you or they still haven’t given you a set of house keys after 2 years together.)

Moving on in other areas of your life will help with your relationships too.  Remember that job that was so difficult to go to everyday and then all of sudden they gave your pink slip, due to so-called downsizing (or some other term companies use today to protect themselves from a wrongful-dismissal suit) but in the end they actually did you a favor because you are now in a job that you really love. How many times has it NOT worked for the better? Change is always fearful, even if it is something we are ready for.  Many people become creatures of habit as they get older. Reminds me of the movie GROUNDHOG DAY! Let’s not become this routine-obvious boring person. Life needs some stability and normalcy but it doesn’t have to be a bad movie.  Keep your mind fresh and free. People will always gravitate towards energy.

The word “NEXT” should have excitement written all over it and should be embraced into your everyday life with optimism.  It is meant to make you grow and become more of who you are at the time. You should never stop growing with each approaching birthday. Complacency and boredom are the real killers, not old age~

Sometimes life becomes more of a struggle when we don’t register that something is too much work and all-consuming. The reason being it is not meant to be.  Your intuition will always lead you in the right direction in a relationship. When you are sad, depressed or insecure in a partnership these are red flags that should not be ignored.  When you have a reciprocated love it isn’t a lot of work, it just feels right. There is no drama or questions!  So the next time someone says an abrupt goodbye to you, use this experience to move on out of that negative roadway and onto the next amazing path life has in store for you. Breakups can be a good thing and cause you to look deeper into who you are and what is really important to you long term. Cry a little, wave them goodbye and get ready for a better place without them in it.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube/com/c/susanmccord