In this weeks blog post and video, I discuss the topic: Relationship Advice: It’s Not Your Job to Fix Your Partner!
Is this a problem in your relationship? Do you think that you are just being kind and nurturing but your partner thinks that they are being micromanaged all the time? Or are you the one who is being commanded to comply with who your partner wants you to be?
This type of control is a big problem with many couples and the end result isn’t usually a good thing.
I often get emails from both men and women asking me how to deal with their partners who are constantly trying to change who they are. “Why do they say they love me but they want me to alter everything about who I am?” “They weren’t like this in the first 6 months of our relationship, what happened?”
Why is this a common problem with some couples today?
- When you first meet someone and feel a connection with them you both put out your best traits! You want them to like you and come back for more, so your natural instinct is to be charming, fun and easy going. Eventually, reality sets in when the honeymoon stage wears off and this can change the dynamics of this blissful scenario.
- You also may ignore the initial red flags because there is an intense sexual chemistry or you’re simply tired of being alone and want to be in a relationship. These flags become a problem as the partnership progresses and now you want to fix them!
- There were a few problems in the beginning but you let them go temporarily because there were other things you liked about them. As time goes on you need to fix those problems because they bother you more and more every day.
- You aren’t growing together as a couple but you want them to stay on your chosen path. They must either change and follow your desires or get left behind.
Why do we choose people who aren’t right for us? We are attracted to people for many reasons! Here are a few of those:
- We sometimes settle in a relationship due to our age, family pressure or our biological clocks.
- We go for someone who is our opposite. Opposites attract but don’t often survive the test of time due to the numerous differences the couple has to deal with. They are initially drawn towards each other because of what may be missing within their own life/personality and find it mysterious and intriguing. This type of relationship often ends when the couple is constantly trying to fix each other to be more like themselves. It becomes a continual struggle.
- We choose the wrong partner due to our childhood troubles. We choose a familiar scenario even if it is not necessarily a healthy choice.
- We choose people who we can mold and manipulate due to past hurts or controlling behavioral issues we have always had.
Sometimes we think our partner is trying to change us when all they are really doing is asking for a little compromise.
- They may ask you to join them at an event or to watch a sport they are regularly involved in. They are asking you to support them in the things they enjoy and take an interest in their life once in a while; which should also be reciprocated with your interests as well. “Couples who play together stay together!”
- Your partner may want you to dress nicely or take care of your appearance when going out for a special occasion but you’re not the dress-up type. Do you want your partner to stay attracted to you? Make the effort without fighting them on it every time. (Make an effort at home too.)
- Assist them with things around the house without them having to ask you for help. You live there too!
- Sex is a big deal in a relationship so find a way to keep it flourishing. Talk to each other about your needs and come to a reciprocated compromise. It’s not just a once a year Birthday treat.
- Enjoy some time away from each other to be with your friends. Give each other plenty of notice when you are planning an outing and do not decide last minute and leave them hanging. Always respect their time.
Thanks for visiting my page here at Sybersue. Please watch the video to see how you can handle this situation that may be happening in your partnership.
Please leave your comments below! Let’s talk more about this.
sybersue xo
Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Show YouTube Dear Sybersue Facebook Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column Dear Sybersue Instagram
